The Long and Short Of It – New Avengers #27

New Avengers #27

Writer: Brian Michael Bendis
Artist: Leinil Yu
Colours: Dave McCaig
Letters: RS & Comicraft’s Albert Deschesne

The Long of It

And so the end begins. Finally, we are starting to see the first signs of what the Marvel Universe will look like after the Civil War has ended. The New New Avengers have arrived, and the World will never be the same again. Or rather, the word “Avengers” will never be the same again. Cos let’s face it kids, this ain’t yer daddy’s Avengers. Mr. Bendis and co. have finally got rid of the rest of those characters that they consider superfluous to the Avengers. Like, you know, Captain America and Iron Man. Hmmmmm……… This is going to take some a lot of tolerance on my part, isn’t it?

Now for those of you who think that I hate the work of Brian Michael Bendis, let me rid you of that illusory notion. I don’t. Nor do I think he is the messiah.

Now for those of you who think from my missives here; or in the forums; or scrawled across the walls of a toilet cubicle somewhere (I refuse to say “bathroom” if it doesn’t have a bath in it); that I hate the work of Brian Michael Bendis, let me rid you of that illusory notion. I don’t. Nor do I think he is the messiah of comics, come to save us all from the evil that is too much action in comics at the expense of dialogue. I hated Avengers Disembowelled, but I gave New Avengers a chance. And I found I quite liked it. I thought House of M was a two-issue story stretched beyond breaking point into a seven-issue limited series of extreme torpidity (look it up, please). I loved Daredevil and Alias; although less so when they toned down the latter and turned it into The Pulse; but I find his interest in Spider-Woman, who bores me to tears, to be completely baffling. And I can honestly say I’ve never read an issue of Powers or Ultimate Spider-Man, but feedback from others has always been good. So my views are mixed.

This book however, is something that I am really going to have to fight to in any way accept. Because this is not an Avengers team. It’s just not. When New Avengers first came out, I ignored most of the bile and venom that was being spewed by Avengers fans about Spidey and Wolverine not being “Avengers-types”, because as far as I was concerned if you have a team with Cap, Shellhead and a group of others (preferably with another heavy-hitter, like Sentry), it can still be the Avengers. But this? If you discount Spidey’s ridiculously brief prior tenure on the old team, we now have a team full of people who had never been in The Avengers prior to BMB’s relaunch. Well, that may not be entirely true, but we’ll get to that later. It’s ALMOST entirely true, and don’t go throwing Cap’s Kooky Quartet at me. Different time, different situation. Entirely.

Yes, that Doctor Strange. The most powerful sorcerer in the universe. Someone who has taken down The Dread Dormammu, Nightmare and Mephisto. And we now have him fighting ninjas.

So who is on this team-that-shall-not-be-called-Avengers? Well, firstly we have the carry-overs from the first two years of this book. Spider-Man, Spider-Woman, Spider-Wolverine, Spider-Cage and the Artist-Formerly-Known-As-Spider-Ronin (now Spider-Echo). Next we have Cage’s best buddy, Iron Fist, who for some reason got forgotten last time Luke got asked out to play. Then we have the new mystery member, the NEW Ronin. Oh, great. This old game again. Guess who’s under the mask. Yawn. And finally, Doctor Strange. Yes, that Doctor Strange. The most powerful sorcerer in the universe. Someone who has taken down The Dread Dormammu, Nightmare and Mephisto. And we now have him fighting ninjas. Because that’s the level of the rest of the team’s powers. I had to choke back a giggle for fear of spewing a McDonalds fry out my nose when I read that the end-of-issue cliffhanger was Elektra saying to her team of ninjas that “You know what to do. They do not leave Japan.” Lady, this is a guy who can take his team to the Dark Dimension for lunch. You’re not going to find them queueing up at Passport Control in Tokyo Airport. They’re gone. Face it. And Stevie being on this team is like watching two gangs of pre-school children fighting where one of the gangs includes a 24-year-old Mike Tyson.

And that’s why it’s even more stupid. Because the Avengers are supposed to be Earth’s Mightiest Heroes. The clue is in the word “Mightiest”. This team should not be called Avengers. They’re a perfectly good team; as an urban strike-force, or covert ops squad; but not as Avengers. Doc Strange should be on the other team, The Mighty Avengers. That’s the one that’ll be saving the planet from intergalactic threats. The one with Iron Man, Sentry, and oh… you don’t know yet, do you? It isn’t out yet, is it? Well suffice to say that it’s a powerful team. Some might say Earth’s Mightiest.

It was like reading a comic version of From Dusk Til Dawn. And I f*cking hated From Dusk Til Dawn.

Anyway, if we fight past the ridiculous choice of characters, how does the book read? Well, it’s difficult to say. It’s a book of two parts. Both parts are definitively Bendis, but each is a different Bendis. The first part, about Maya Lopez (Echo), is the Bendis of Daredevil. Thoughtful, carefully-paced and moody. The second part, when the rest of the team arrive to save her from the clutches of The Hand, is the Bendis of the first couple of years of New Avengers. Quicker, with action and non-stop jokes from the team. Individually, they both worked. Both were very well written, well-voiced and achieved what they were supposed to achieve. But. The two didn’t work together. It was like reading a comic version of From Dusk Til Dawn. And I f*cking hated From Dusk Til Dawn. Two stories cobbled together into a shambles of utter bollocks. Not one of either Quentin’s or Brian’s better efforts, in my humble opinion.

I don’t want my Avengers to look like an army of the undead, thank you very much Leinil.

And I can’t even say I liked the artwork. Leinil Yu just seems to make everyone look like they’re auditioning for the Thriller video. I don’t want my Avengers to look like an army of the undead, thank you very much Leinil. He captures the action very fluidly, but the facial expressions are almost entirely blank and the eyes are as hollow as zombies’ eyes. I know. I’ve seen zombies up close. I know people who work in call-centres.

Oh and, just in case you’re interested, the big mystery? Who’s behind the Ronin mask? I think I figured it out straight away on reading this issue. In a snap. But you know what? If I’m wrong, I don’t care. Because it bored me the first time. I’m not interested in the slightest, second time around.