The SmarK 24/7 Rant for World Championship Wrestling – July 6 1985

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The SmarK 24/7 Rant for World Championship Wrestling – July 6 1985

– Hosted by David Crockett.

– Tully Blanchard joins us to start, letting us know that Dusty Rhodes is jealous of his title and talent.

– Buzz & Brett Sawyer v. Larry Clark & Vern Deaton. Buzz keeps the jobbers on the mat to start, and Brett clears the ring with dropkicks. Buzz works the arm, as they’re still sending messages to the Andersons. Buzz shows some sadism, picking up Deaton after a suplex and then going back to the arm again before Brett finishes with a flying splash at 4:15.

– Dusty is out to give an epic rambling interview where he threatens Tully, as well as the Andersons. Sadly, OpenOffice doesn’t have a Dusty-to-English translation, so that’s the best I can glean from it.

– David Crockett stops to wag the FINGER OF SHAME at Black Bart and his cheating ways. His uppance will come!

– Ron Garvin v. Arthur Pritz. That’s like, the worst wrestling name I’ve ever heard. Counting X-Pac. Seriously, it’s like an accountant name or something. Garvin overpowers him and gets a hiptoss, then gets a crucifix on the mat for two. Three-quarter nelson gets two. The poor jobber tries getting into a slugfest and gets killed as a result. Garvin continues toying with him, getting an abdominal stretch into a rollup for two. The hands of stone finish at 4:43.

– The Midnight Express v. some jobbers. The Express are wearing gauntlets this week, which is a fashion statement that didn’t last long. Eaton elbows the crap out of both guys and David insists on calling Dennis Condrey “Luscious Dennis” despite “Loverboy” clearly shown on his boots. Did he get those things custom-made for nothing? Quick tags from the Express and Eaton goes up with the Alabama Jam for two. The guy is dead meat, but Condrey comes in for fun and hits him with an STO to finish at 3:11 anyway.

– The Nature Boy is out to run down the list of challengers again.

– Kevin Sullivan v. Jason Walker. Sullivan is in a bad mood again, pounding Walker down and tossing him, then stopping to yell for Dick Slater. Back in, he gives him some chops in the corner and gets two, then picks him up, pounds him down again, and picks him up at two again. Back out the jobber goes, and Sullivan posts him before bringing him back in for a samoan drop to finish at 4:21. And then it’s over to the podium for a promo. Slater has to pay because his face showed up in the River of the Dead. Oh, and he’s friends with Dusty Rhodes. Good enough reason for me. Sullivan, despite speaking in tongues and talking about swimming up the River of the Dead to the TV studio, still makes more sense than Dusty’s interview did.

– Magnum TA v. Ron Rossie. 10 seconds and out, as usual. If I’m ever in a fight for my life, I’m gonna give the guy a belly-to-belly suplex, because apparently it’s deadly.

– Dick Slater is out to give his side of the Sullivan story. Eh, Sullivan’s is more interesting.

– Jim Cornette comes out for a quick rant, nearly cracking David up with “You’re so slow it takes you an hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes” before again asking for better competition for his team.

– The Russians v. Mike Davis, Black Cat and Tommy Lane. Davis and Lane went on to minor success as the RPMs later on. Krusher Khruschev starts with Davis and whips him around the ring, but Tommy Lane gets in and hammers on Ivan, into a cross body for two. Lane misses another one, but brings in the Black Cat, who gets a slam for two. Ivan brings Nikita in, and that ends the Cat’s offense, as Nikita murders him, tosses him, and won’t let him back in. Finally, when he’s ready, he brings the Cat back in and Krusher pounds on him. Isn’t it kind of ironic that a Communist sympathizer would go on to become a repo man? More exciting clubbing forearms as we take a break and return with the Cat getting a pathetic sunset flip on Krusher and making the tag to Lane. Lane whiffs on a dropkick, however, and it’s back to Nikita for the cleanup. Russian Hammer sets up Ivan’s backbreaker for two and bearhug, but Lane comes back with a Thesz Press for two. The Russians bring him back to the corner and choke him out in turn, and Nikita elbows him down for two. He gets his own bearhug, and so does Krusher. Black Cat manages to get a tag and tries slugging it out with the Russians, and that goes as well as you’d expect. They finish him with the Russian Sickle at 11:40. Well, that one just kept going. It wouldn’t have been so dull if they had given the RPMs any significant offense. The Russians were about a week away from dropping the World tag titles to the Rock N Roll Express, thus becoming the first casualties of the Great American Bash that year.

– Jimmy Valiant is out to talk about how his dogs live better than he does, and Paul Jones will be ugly when he’s done with him.

– Magnum TA and Dusty Rhodes continue challenging the Andersons to a National tag title match.

– Arn Anderson v. Gene Ligon. Ligon takes him down with a headscissors to start, but Arn responds with a snapmare and pounds on the arm. He hammerlocks him on the mat and Ligon submits at 3:06.

– Black Bart cuts a dag gum promo about that dag gum Ron Garvin, and he’s YELLING A LOT.

– Jimmy Valiant v. Randy Barber. Valiant has actually sunk to advertising on his tights for a local radio station. That sounds like a Glen Gilberti gimmick. Valiant with the elbows to finish at 2:00, in his usual squash.

– The Andersons note that although Dusty & Magnum might be America’s team, they’re America’s champions because they have the belts, and they’re wrestlers and not tie-dyed freaks. I’m assuming that was a shot at the WWF, but after a Jimmy Valiant match it’s hardly a valid point.

– Sam Houston v. Jobbie McGhee. OK, I missed the guy’s name and didn’t feel like rewinding, so sue me. Dusty is at ringside, just to get himself THAT much more TV time, although the kayfabe reason is to protect against another attack from Blanchard like last week. Houston works an eternal hammerlock, but finishes with a bulldog at 4:39.

– Tully is back to lay some disdain on Dusty’s homeless-chic wardrobe.

– Denny Brown v. Mike Simiani. Denny controls with suplexes and a gut-wrench for two. Chinlock and the crowd gets tired of the match pretty quickly. Simiani fights back, but Brown backdrops him and forearms him into an Oklahoma Roll to finish at 3:00.

– Back to Slater again, as he complains that the feud with Kevin Sullivan is holding his career back. That seems to happen a lot. They must have needed some time filled.

– Black Bart v. Rocky King. Bart pounds on the arm and clotheslines him down. Kneedrop and he pounds away, then goes back to the arm again with an armbar. King keeps trying to fight out, but Bart keeps headbutting the arm and taking him down with the armbar. The main problem with these super-lengthy squashes is that they never book the jobbers to get any significant offense, and the result are incredibly boring matches like this one. The appeal of wrestling is the back-and-forth nature. You either need to do short matches or competitive ones. King finally mounts his comeback, but misses a dropkick and Bart finishes with a middle rope legdrop at 6:51. Finally some action, however, as Ron Garvin charges the ring and exacts his revenge, but WE’RE OUTTA TIME!

– Man, even Flair didn’t have anything interesting to say this week. Always a bad sign.