The SmarK 24/7 Rant for The Monday Night Wars – December 2 1996
– This is actually a brilliant idea for a show on 24/7, although I’ve been hesitant to review it before now due to time issues and the fact that I never watched Nitro on the original run and thus couldn’t add much from a historical perspective. But hey, it’s a Tuesday afternoon and I’ve got nothing to do for a couple of hours, so let’s give it a go.
– Further note: My experience watching these shows thus far is that RAW was an incredibly stale show at that point, and had I been given the choice back in 1996, I would have been watching Nitro, which felt fresh and was better produced, plus had a more immediate feel to it, contrasted with the post-produced and homogenized RAW.
Part one: Monday Nitro – Live from Dayton, OH.
HOUR #1!
– Hosted by Tony Schiavone & Larry Zbyszko
– The shows were focusing on the upcoming Hogan v. Piper match at Starrcade 96 at this point (a match that brought new meaning to “stinking up the joint”) and Sting’s increasing divide from WCW, and attacks on Jeff Jarrett which were never explained or paid off.
Glacier v. Hardbody Harris
Glacier was actually a pretty decent worker and the gimmick might have worked if it hadn’t been a combination of the wrong gimmick at the wrong time, and frankly I’m surprised that they managed to salvage a decent angle out of it with Mortis and Wrath. Harris attacks before the bell, but Glacier fires off kicks in the corner to show his martial arts prowess. Spinkick finishes quickly.
(Glacier d. Hardbody Harris, spinkick — pin, 1:00, DUD) Most martial arts experts aren’t southern hicks, but I guess that’s another reason why the gimmick failed.
The Renegade & Joe Gomez v. The Amazing French Canadians
This is a much more squashtastic open to the show than I generally remember Nitro having. Renegade is of course one of the more sad and tragic stories of wrestling, as he got shoehorned into being a replacement for Ultimate Warrior and couldn’t possibly live up to the hype put on him, and it destroyed his life until he finally committed suicide. Gomez and Renegade show some fire to start, but Gomez gets dumped behind the ref’s back and Robert Parker adds some abuse on the floor. Back in, Pierre gets a clothesline and they hotshot Gomez on the top rope. Pierre goes up for a double-team, but Renegade breaks it up and gets the tag as a result. Tony calls it a “hot tag”, but that’s a pretty generous description of the crowd reaction. Powerslam for Pierre and handspring elbow for Jacques, but he walks into a clothesline and Jacques piledrives him. Cannonball finishes him.
(The Amazing French Canadians d. Gomez & Renegade, Pierre senton — pin Renegade, 3:14, *) Without the Quebecer gimmick and Johnny Polo, Pierre & Jacques were nothing.
– Arn Anderson joins us to show his support to Roddy Piper and let us know that next week, Nitro is in Horsemen country.
The Faces of Fear v. Scotty Riggs & Robert Gibson
I’m surprised that Riggs & Gibson didn’t use a duet by Garfunkel & Oates as their entrance music. Riggs actually upgraded his partner by about 2000% by going with Gibson, but that probably didn’t make him feel better. Beginning is hard to follow, as they show a beatdown by the nWo on split screen, but go back to the action with the Castoffs working on Barbarian in the corner. Meng comes in and Riggs hits him with a cross body for two. Double clothesline gets two. Riggs grabs a headlock on Meng, but gets powered down, and Barbarian powerbombs him off a Meng backdrop for two. Nice double-team there. Backbreaker gets two. Meng chokes away in the corner and adds a piledriver for two. Barbarian comes in, but misses an elbow, so he drops another one to make up for it. Riggs tries a sunset flip, and dodges Barbarian’s attempt to counter, then makes the hot tag to Gibson. Robert with a neckbreaker for two on Barbarian. Enzuigiri, but Barbarian casually no-sells and finishes him.
(Faces of Fear d. Riggs & Gibson, Barbarian big boot — pin Gibson, 7:42, **) Riggs & Gibson were game, but really they were only there to job. Quick story about Riggs: He went to ECW in 2000, long after the writing was on the wall about where they were headed, and started writing me e-mails complaining about my abuse of him based on his eye-patch gimmick in WCW. I noted that being in ECW as cannon fodder for RVD wasn’t really anything to brag about, and he responded by bragging about his hot angle with Rob and how much money he was making off Paul Heyman. After he lost the blowoff and disappeared with the death of ECW, I didn’t hear from him anymore. His whole act was basically the same as most wrestlers who corresponded with me in the heydays of the Monday Night Wars — guys acting like jerks to carry on their character to ridiculous degrees.
Kevin Sullivan v. Jobber McGhee
Super-organized WCW doesn’t even tell the announcers the name of the long-haired jobber, which kind of leaves me at a disadvantage. Sullivan beats the hell out of him on the floor and finishes with the double-stomp at 2:00. DUD
– Sullivan cuts a promo afterwards, accusing Benoit of being the same as him. Height-wise, maybe.
WCW Cruiserweight title: Dean Malenko v. Billy Kidman
This was long before Kidman meant anything more than a quick match for the bigger star. They trade wristlocks to start and Malenko takes him down for two, but Kidman comes back with a rana for two. He grabs a headlock and they do a flippy-floppy sequence that leads to Malenko bailing, but powerbombing Kidman on the floor. Apparently you CAN powerbomb Kidman. Back in, backdrop driver stays on the neck, and Malenko hits the chinlock. He grabs an arm submission and rolls him over for two, then kills him dead with a brainbuster. It only gets two. Malenko misses a charge and Kidman dropkicks him for two, and then reverses a powerbomb to a backslide for one. Small package gets two, and they reverse that twice for near-falls. Kidman dropkicks him and goes up, but Dean catches him and it’s a superplex as a result. Dean’s turn to go up, but Sonny Onoo flashes his camera to blind him, and Kidman tries a shooting star press. Dean lifts the knee and finishes with the Texas Cloverleaf.
(Dean Malenko d. Billy Kidman, Texas Cloverleaf — submission, 5:51, **1/4) Kidman was such a jobber that he couldn’t even get a near-fall off managerial interference. Good little match, but little more than a workout for Malenko leading up to Ultimo Dragon at Starrcade.
HOUR #2!
– Hosted by Mike Tenay & Bobby Heenan
Big Bubba v. Jeff Jarrett
Don’t even get me started on how lame Jarrett was at this point, getting shoved down our throats as Ric Flair’s heir apparent, based on actually getting over in the WWF for the first time in his career and little else. Fans completely turned on his induction into the Horsemen, and he retreated back to the WWF again as a result. Bubba overpowers him to start and works the arm, but Jarrett evades him and struts. JJ slugs away and gets a DDT for two, but Bubba catches him from behind and chokes him out on the ropes. That goes on for a while with the help of Jimmy Hart, so Jarrett slides out and goes after the Mouth. Bubba tries to save and hits his own manager, and they head back in for a JJ high cross that gets two. Figure-four is blocked by Bubba and he grabs the megaphone, but screws up again and Jarrett rolls him up for one. Bubba gets the megaphone again, but Jarrett dropkicks it back in his face and gets the pin.
(Jeff Jarrett d. Big Bubba, dropkick — pin, 4:09, 1/2*) How is using a megaphone against someone not a DQ? Match went nowhere and they have no chemistry, but Bubba’s run in WCW at this point was pretty uninspired stuff anyway.
– The Steiner Brothers come out to call out Sting, with Scott Steiner looking more like a leather fetishist every day. I have to say, whatever you may feel about the Big Poppa Pump gimmick, there was no one more desperately in need of an image makeover than Scott was at that point. Sting appears to accept Rick’s challenge, and it’s Sting v. Rick Steiner TONIGHT! Stay tuned, because this is WCW and we wouldn’t ever advertise a main event and then not deliver! That’s what the other guys do! Not us! It’ll happen! Honest!
– At this point, Eric Bischoff and the nWo take over the announce position, giving us Hall and Nash on color commentary. They show footage of Hogan beating on Vader to rub it into the WWF.
Eddie Guerrero v. Dave Taylor
Taylor attacks and throws forearms to start, and Eddie gets a backslide for two. Taylor takes him down with a headscissors while all three announcers sound absolutely wasted, although that might have been intentional. Guerrero comes back with a rana and they slug it out, but Taylor misses a cross body and Eddie finishes with the frog splash.
(Eddie Guerrero d. Dave Taylor, frog splash — pin, 2:00, *) Never had time to build to anything.
– Lee Marshall is on the road for a 1-800-COLLECT road report. What the hell is there to report on? Every week he just calls in to say that people are excited about Nitro next week. Wow, that’s some hard-hitting journalism there, Lee. Really earning your pay there.
Arn Anderson v. Jim Powers
Yes, WCW was so desperate to look like WWF-lite at this point that they were even signing their former jobbers. And then putting them with Teddy Long. Just another reason why they eventually failed, among millions of them. Anderson pounds him down and chokes him out on the ropes, then takes him down and works the arm. Hall and Nash start clicking a little better now, making inside jokes about Brutus Beefcake’s shameless devotion to Hulk Hogan while Powers makes a comeback with kneelifts. Dropkick gets two as his comeback gets over like a fart in church. Clothesline gets two. Arn has had enough crap and DDTs him.
(Arn Anderson d. Jim Powers, DDT — pin, 3:04, 1/2*) Dunno why they bothered giving Powers a manager.
US title tournament, round one: Chris Benoit v. Lord Steven Regal
They fight for a lockup to start, and I mean FIGHT for it because Regal smacks Benoit away when he tries to go in for it. Regal takes him down with a knucklelock and brutalizes him with palm strikes off an armbar, and Benoit returns fire and BUSTS HIM OPEN. Oh, SHIT, son, it’s on. Regal takes him down with a headlock and they fight over a top wristlock while trading stiff shots, and Benoit tackles him down. Regal grabs a wristlock and starts working on the arm with an armbar, but Benoit fires back with chops in the corner, so Regal hits him with a knee to the head and stretches him on the mat. Hall and Nash get even more incomprehensible on commentary, making Beatles references and sounding like stoners, while Benoit goes up with the diving headbutt for two. The camera has cut back to an extreme wide angle, which makes it look like handheld footage of a house show or something and is really distracting. Benoit escapes a tombstone attempt and Regal bails, but Benoit follows with a pescado and misses. Back in, Regal puts him on top and follows with a butterfly superplex for two. Benoit comes back with a vicious german suplex and follows with a dragon suplex for the pin.
(Chris Benoit d. Steven Regal, dragon suplex — pin, 6:28, **1/2) Just vicious and stiff as hell, but they didn’t get the kind of time to really develop the match. Plus the camera work was annoying as all hell.
– The Horsemen come out for a standard interview segment to show their solidarity, but things fall apart as Nancy isn’t there and Debra starts bitching about how Benoit cares more about Nancy than Horsemen business.
Lex Luger v. Rocco Rock
Not sure why they had the Public Enemy doing singles matches here. Rock gets a cheapshot and drops Luger on the top rope, which allows Grunge to get some choking from the floor. This gives Hall and Nash a chance to mock ECW (“You got three bucks on you?” Eric notes, which probably would have been enough to buy them out, plus you can play bingo too!) while Rock continues his punching and kicking offense. To the floor and Grunge adds another shot, but Luger comes back with a press slam and clotheslines Rock. Grunge trips up Luger, however, setting up the inevitable heel miscommunication before Lex finishes.
(Lex Luger d. Rocco Rock, torture rack — submission, 3:55, DUD) Might as well have been a cardboard cutout of Luger wrestling out there for all he appeared to care.
Rick Steiner v. Sting
It’ll totally happen. Trust me. Just because Sting wouldn’t return to the ring for another year after this, don’t think WCW wouldn’t put him in the ring before then. Sting actually gets into the ring and offers Rick a free shot at him, but then absorbs his burst of offense and hits the Scorpion Deathdrop. The “match” then grinds to a halt and they just stop wrestling, as Sting gives him his bat and offers another free shot. Scott stops his brother, and Sting walks away for the Sportz Entertainment Finish. Yeah, some match that was.
– The nWo wrap things up.
The Pulse: Despite the abundance of squashes and the lame finish, Nitro really had a pacing and feel to it that made RAW look like a relic of the 80s, and given a choice I would have totally been watching Nitro every week at that point. And this wasn’t even a good episode for them.
Later tonight: RAW!
