Oh, God, out of lead material again. Not to mention the fact that this is three pieces in twenty-four hours for me, so I’m a little trashed and thus not thinking straight. Well, being mentally deranged is the best way to watch Smackdown, so…
Match Results:
The Boogeyman over Dave Fuckin’ Finlay (Pinfall, Greco-Roman staff shot): Oh, just go to Angle Developments if you want to read about the main point of this idiocy.
Finlay really looked where he shouldn’t have
Douche over Brian Kendrick (Pinfall, kick to face): I’m already seriously bored with this program. Saw the same progression of build-up, in the exact same way, with MNM and Team Twink Porn. And they’re going to be doing this for the titles on Sunday. Right now, I have no clue as to who I’m picking in the Round Table. Do I want a title switch to end this program? I’m definitely going to have to sleep on it.
Give Kendrick points for trying
Special Guest Legend Shawn Michaels and Special Guest Wigger John Cena over FudgePacker and Montel Vontavious Porter, Non-Title Match (Pinfall, Cena pins Porter, F-U): Since this match was “meh” at best and features three guys I actively loathe, I’ll just fill in space here by saying that anyone who uses the terms “HBK”, “MVP”, and “King Booker” are retards. Thus, your mail to me will be actively ignored, and any columnists who use them won’t get pimps, or if I do give them pimps, they will be insulting. That is all.
How can Scooter still keep hate in his heart for Michaels when he does wonderful things like this?
Scotty Go Potty over Novocaine Helms, Non-Title Match (DQ, Daivari-ference): I have nearly two decades’ worth of apathy invested in Taylor and Helms. Like I’m going to start caring now. Okay, the apres was cute, and it did set up a clusterf*ck cruiserweight match for No Way Out, which is always fun.
Will you please stop trying to make this interesting?
The Undertaker and DAVE over Special Guest Villains Edge and Randy Orton (Pinfall, UT pins Edge, Tombstone): Ten minutes of entrances, ten minutes of match. Yeah, that sounds about right for this thing. PPV Pimp that will lead to absolutely nothing in the future. At least the transition match led to an ECW title match at No Way Out.
We could have seen this on Raw, but, no, UT had to do it to FudgePacker then
Angle Developments:
You Little Bastards: I’d like to relate a particularly scarring memory from childhood, something that turned me off for years. I remember watching wrestling on a UHF station here in Chicago when the voice of the late Bob Luce was pimping one of his Ampitheater cards. The only phrase I remember from that pimp was “And the midgets will be here!”, said as if this were the Second Coming. You can easily understand how that would scare the hell out of a kid, and why I react negatively to midget wrestlers.
So far, they’ve played Little Bastard perfectly, something they’ve consistently done right. And it’s worked. He’s helped Finlay get more over than he should have, and his actions haven’t been too critical in determining the outcome of matches. All that effort, all that balancing, came down upon everyone’s heads the moment Little Boogey showed up. No, no, no. Little Bastard should be unique. He should not have an opposing force of similar stature, regardless of whether his opponent’s larger form is the personification of nightmares or not. He should remain just as he is. Okay, so he can get a bit more smutty, coming out of the ring to cop a feel of Kristal Marshall’s ass or something like that, but there’s a limit to how far they can go on network television. But the last thing he should have is a counterpart under the control of Finlay’s feud partner. Big, big mistake here.
I think we’ve finally found a kink that doesn’t have a website
After his match at No Way Out, Booker will be spending his time until Wrestlemania as guest lecturer in Epistemology at Harvard
And he’ll be doing a little guest lecturing in Abnormal Psychology as well
Given the field for Best Supporting Actor this year, Booker would have been a heavy favorite had he been nominated
You should have heard him just around midnight
And that closes this edition. Stay tuned for the No Way Out Round Table (yes, we’re actually doing it; I’ll be doing my entries after some much-needed sleep), and next week, maybe I’ll start caring about Wrestlemania. And maybe I’ll bring some passion to it, Aaron.
