Mystery Osbourne Handed Lemons, Made LemonAIDS

The latest from Blabbermouth:

According to The New York Post, Kelly Osbourne — daughter of Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne — made a stunning declaration at a London charity gig last night (Sunday, February 18) when she revealed that a member of her family has the AIDS virus.

The singer and actress, best known for her part in “The Osbournes”, the reality show about her dysfunctional musical family, spoke at a benefit for the HIV-related charity Body & Soul.

Introducing a performance by the pop band SCISSOR SISTERS, Kelly fought back tears as she said the cause was special to her because a member of her family had been diagnosed with the disease. Photographers said Osbourne sobbed before leaving the stage.

Besides her 58-year-old dad, Ozzy, the frontman for BLACK SABBATH, her family includes mom Sharon, 54, sister Aimee, 23, brother Jack, 21, half-sister Jessica, 35, and half-brother Louis, 32.

If I was a bookie, I think the odds would play out something like…

OZZY: 50 to 1
SHARON: 20 to 1
JACK: 2 to 1
AIMEE, JESSICA or LOUIS: 500 to 1

With Kelly making the announcement, it would have to be rather convoluted for her to be referring to herself. Not impossible, and if someone other than Kelly had made the announcement I’d put her at 1 to 1 odds, but alas.

Aside from the tragedy of the situation, it’s amazing how much Kelly is like her mother. By leaving a mystery, it’s got people talking and wondering. Now all eyes will be on them until someone lets the cat out of the bag. That’s a Sharon trademark. Kelly learned from the master.

Not that there’s anything amusing, funny, or cute about HIV. And really, it’s a terrible shame for whomever is carrying the ugly thing. But most of us saw the behavior of the children on The Osbournes and can’t possibly be blindingly shocked by this news. Unless one of the non-televised siblings is a heroin addict or prostitute, who wouldn’t be staring squarely at Jack? The kid has problems, liked drugs, enjoyed fame-whoring. Kelly may have been a troubled kid as well, but Jack was considerably more screwed up.

The mystery will be solved sooner or later; until then, best wishes to the Osbournes, and I bow down to their continued manipulation of the spotlight.