Okay, so I kind of forgot Raw was on Thursday last week. It didn’t sound like it was much of a show to miss though. I’m here tonight though, and I’ll be here all night. I’m Tom Pandich by the way. Wrestlemania is soon! A Smackdown PPV was last night.
We’re more live this week then last week from Bakersfield CA. Last week, Trump and Vince set up a hair vs hair match. There’s a barber’s pole in the ring as Vince comes out with a microphone. Battle of the Billionaires and what not. Tea kettle boils and Vince is talking about Ms. Spears and her shaved head. Bad photoshops follow with Trump with different hair cuts. Trump with dreadlocks is pretty funny and Trump with Hogan hair makes me snicker too.
Vince finally gets to his representative. Trump’s guy is coming next week. It’s Umaga meaning the match will be slightly better then if it were with Khali. Hopefully it’ll be a hardcore match so we can watch something mildly entertaining.
Huge you suck chants break out. Umaga’s got an IC title match…. right now.
Intercontinental Title Match: Jeff Hardy vs Umaga
Err…. next. Commercials.
We’re back and Hardy is running from Umaga. Umaga goes outside, Hardy goes inside. Two baseball slides don’t knock Umaga over. Hardy gets caught going over the top, but Hardy slips out of Umaga’s grasp as he runs into the steel pole. Hardy hops up on the guard rail, but he eats a shot to the throat coming down. Umaga rolls Hardy in and proceeds to beat down Jeffykins.
Hardy does the fight up, get knocked down again thing a few times. Umaga goes up to the middle rope and misses the headbutt. Umaga isn’t down for long though, but he misses the splash in the corner. Hardy hits the Whispers in the Wind for two, but he gets squished with a Samoan drop. Umaga does is corner squish thing and hits the thumb of doom for the win.
Winner and New Intercontinental Champion: Umaga
So Umaga has the belt and the IC title is probably going to not be defended at Wrestlemania for three years running. Then again, I’d rather see Jeff in the Money in the Bank match anyways.
RVD/Edge Money in the Bank Qualifying Match is later tonight. John Cena/Orton is also tonight!
Mick pimps a book that criticizes the WWE! The Hardcore Diaries by Mick Foley out March 6th.
The Eviling of Ric Flair: Ric Flair/Carlito vs Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch
Flair starts out with Cade. Shoulder block followed by a hip toss and a quick tag to Carlito. He hits a clubbing blow which Cade retaliates with an equally clubbing blow. That doesn’t keep Carlito down as he hits a springboard elbow followed by a rising knee. Murdoch hits Carlito from behind which slows Carlito down long enough to make him our face in peril.
A few quick tags from the Cade/Murdoch team. Carlito fights up, but he gets dropped. Murdoch goes to the second rope and catches the foot Carlito leaves out for him, but he misses the elbow. Tag to Flair who works over Murdoch. Flair hits the chopblock and works over the leg. Cade gets caught coming off the top by Flair and Carlito clotheslines him out with Flair. The ref turns his back and Flair hits the low blow. Tag to Carlito and the backcracker finishes it.
Winner: Carlito and Ric Flair
John Cena and Shawn Michaels give an interview…. NEXT!
Shawn and Cena are being interviewed about their win. Shawn Michaels pimps the new DX DVD. Cena does a better job pimping the Marine. The fat stripper comes out and tries to get the sexy on. Michaels hits a superkick.
Meanwhile, Orton and Edge cut promos. Orton flubs a few words.
Edge/RVD is next!
A quick recap of the Money in the Bank Ladder Match happens.
Money in the Bank Qualifier: Edge vs RVD
I’m really hoping Edge loses here because Edge has a better shot of winning a singles match against Orton then Money in the Bank again, and I’d like to see his streak continue. Bell rings, and they lock up to start. RVD starts with a arm bar, but Edge rolls him up as a big RVD chant starts up. Rob comes out hot forcing Edge into the corner. Rob monkey flips Edge out of it and then misses the jumping spin kick as Edge bails. Commercials.
We’re back and RVD has Edge down with an arm bar transitioning it to a hammer lock and then an Indian Death lock for two. RVD continues to dominate as Edge charges and gets dumped for it. RVD drops Edge over the security barrier followed by a spinning leg drop. RVD rolls Edge back in, but Edge kicks Rob as he pops in following it with a swinging neck breaker.
Edge takes some time recovering, but he eventually hits another neckbreaker for two. Edge hooks a chinlock, but Rob gets the crowd behind him to fight his way out of the hold with a kick to Edge’s forehead. The two men get up and exchange blows. Edge tries to Irish whip RVD into the corner, but Rob reverses it and follows with a spinning roundhouse. RVD is first to his feet and he blasts Edge with kick after kick. RVD goes for Rolling Thunder, but Edge pops up and power slams RVD in mid flip. Awesome little spot.
RVD gets set up by Edge on the top. Edge tries for the superplex, but gets knocked off. Rob hits another spin kick and Edge falls outside. Rob sends himself over the top dropping Edge again. Rob rolls him in and tries for a side kick off the top, but Edge hits a drop kick for two. Edge tries for the spear, but is leapfrogged by Rob. Rob sends Edge into the opposite corner who floats over the charging RVD. Rob gets a kick in and drops Edge. He follows it with a split legged moonsault for two. Rob then hits the leg catch enziguri, and he heads up top. Here comes Randy who catches a side kick off the top from RVD. That’s all Edge needs. Spear and that’s it.
Winner: Edge
Mickey James/Melina for the Women’s Title is next.
Slam of the Week has Nitro and Melina beating Super Crazy and Mickey James.
Women’s Title Match: Melina vs Mickey James
Hair pulling, headlocks, and what not. The match goes back and forth, but it’s pretty boring. Punching and rolling. Mickey James head hits the canvas in a non-move. Melina wins the title off of that.
Winner and New Champion: Melina
Mickey doesn’t want to talk to Todd. Todd gets a slap.
Ugh: The Great Khali vs The Highlanders
Why can’t we go back to the days of ignoring Umaga matches? Khali wins of course.
Winner: Khali
Recap of shenanigans. Kenny is in the back talking to the Coach. Here comes Khali to shout. Here comes Ron Simmons.
Ashley’s in Playboy.
Someone is interviewing Melina. No clue who though.
Dusty Rhodes is going to Hall of Fame. The next inductee……… CURT HENNIG!!! Hurrah. Awesome. He had the best video package ever, no exceptions. Nice video package putting over Curt too.
Orton/Cena next.
Boredom Sets In: Randy Orton vs John Cena
Orton hammers Cena down to start things off. Cena takes over for a bit and hits standard Cena offense followed by rather standard Orton offense. Bulldog sends Orton rolling to the outside. Cena gives chase, and its a double clothesline. Orton grabs a chair and we go to commercial.
We’re back and Cena is hurting. John is down in a headlock. Cena fights up, but he misses the shoulder block. Orton hangs Cena up on the rope and spikes him with a DDT. Orton does general rest holds after that. Cena powers out of the headlock, but not for long. Cena does the Hogan thing and destroys Orton. Five Knuckle Shuffle goes to the FU. Orton rakes the eyes and gets out. Orton goes up top and hits the cross body. Cena rolls through for two. Orton hits the reverse back breaker and signals for the RKO. Orton goes for it, but it gets blocked. Here comes Edge.
Winner: John Cena (by DQ)
Edge grabs a chair and Michaels makes the save with a chair. Cena gets scared for a second and Michaels drops the chair. Aww, how nice. Michaels gives Cena the super kick look, but nothing happens. See you guys next week.
The Inside Pulse
— Match Results:
-Umaga defeats Jeff Hardy for the IC Title via pinfall
-Ric Flair and Carlito defeat Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch via pinfall
-Edge defeats Rob Van Dam for a spot in Money in the Bank via pinfall
-Melina defeats Mickey James for the Women’s Title via pinfall
-The Great Khali defeats The Highlanders via pinfall
-John Cena defeats Randy Orton via DQ
