MGF Presents The SMonday Swindle Sheet #145

Columns

Welcome back to The SMonday Swindle Sheet.

I saw Suge Knight on Saturday night, eating dinner at Nicky’s, the hot dog joint down the street from my house. He had the shrimp basket with a fruit punch. Then again, it may not have Suge Knight, since he was not beating the shit out of anyone, though I was the only other person in the place, and I made sure to keep my distance just in case.

This will be shorter column than usual, as I’ve been feeling like shit over the weekend, and also have two reviews that need to be done in the next 24 hours.

OPENING SHOT…


Pharrell should be shot in the sack, not just for thinking it acceptable to wear something like this, but also for thinking it prolifically fashionable (as evidenced by that smug look), and going as far as to think that other people would want to wear it as well.

BLURBS OF THE WEEK

Audioslave singer Chris Cornell announced last week that he would be leaving that band after having released three albums over the past six years, citing “irresolvable personality conflicts, presumably with Tom Morello and his wacky politics. “I wish the other three members nothing but the best in all of their future endeavors.” He also said that he would be releasing his second solo album, titled Carry On, on May 1. The rest of the band, which is essentially Rage Against the Machine sans Zack de la Rocha, will be welcoming de la Rocha back for what Tom Morello says will be a “one-shot” performance at this summer’s Coachella Valley Arts and Music Festival. … In other Tom Morello-related news, he will be releasing an album on April 24 under the name of The Nightwatchman, and will singing, along with playing acoustic guitar and harmonica. Early warning system: While fans are interested in what Morello’s singing voice will be like, he has declared himself as the “black Woody Guthrie.”

Singer Ian Astbury decided last week that he was sick and tired of singing Doors songs, and will be “relaunching” The Cult, his own band that saw a decent amount of fame during the ’80s but still has a strong… er… cult following. The band released an album titled Beyond Good and Evil in 2001, and it blew.

Just let it be known that the following story broke after I had posted last week’s “Most Ridiculous Item…”, otherwise it would have certainly trumped the story about the dishonest Vibe Records employee. … Universal Pictures and Catch Me If You Can writer Jeff Nathanson are developing a feature film based on the career of the German lip-syncing pop/dance duo Milli Vanilli, reports the Daily Variety. “I’ve always been fascinated by the notion of fakes and frauds,” Nathanson told the entertainment outlet. “And in this case, you had guys who pulled off the ultimate con, selling 30 million singles and 11 million albums and then becoming the biggest laughing-stocks of pop entertainment.” Nathanson has acquired the cooperation of the estate of the group: the late Rob Pilatus, who died of a drug overdose in 1998, and Fabrice Morvan, who has been pursuing a comeback for several years while working at a Frankfurt-area KFC. Fellow employees say that he is really good at making cole slaw.

The Police have been added to the list of headlining acts for this summer’s incarnation of the Bonnaroo Music Festival, which also includes The White Stripes, Tool and Wilco. Organizers of the event, which takes place annually in Manchester, Tenn., and attracts a shitload of filthy hippies as well as non-hippie music fans, will be releasing a more complete lineup this Wednesday, although they have already confirmed that The Roots, Franz Ferdinand, The Flaming Lips, Manu Chao, The Decemberists, Regina Spektor and Spoon will be performing, along with Widespread Panic and The String Cheese Incident, in order to keep the hippies at bay. Yeah, you don’t want anyone getting mad and throwing hackysacks around in an angry manner.

The Killers and Arctic Monkeys each snagged two awards at last week’s Brit Awards, the UK’s music-industry awards similar to the Grammys. The Killers were named International Group of the Year, and alsotook the prize for International Album of the Year for 2006’s Sam’s Town, while Arctic Monkeys won Best British Band and Best British Album for Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not. Other winners included Nelly Furtado for Best Female International Act, Justin Timberlake for Best International Male Act, Amy Winehouse for Best Female British Act, James Morrison for Best Male British Act, Muse for Best Live Act and Oasis with a special lifetime achievement award. While Kanye West was not in attendance to storm the stage in protest of not winning Best British Male Act, we did yell at a concierge in Los Angeles on Friday after one of his pillows was not fluffed enough.

In other Timberlake-related news, he spoke out against friend and former flame Britney Spears during his acceptance speech for the aforementioned Brit Awards, saying, “Stop drinking. You know who you are. I’m speaking to you. You are going to get sloppy. OK! magazine is going to say something bad about you.” Although it’s probably too late for that, Spears management has attempted to squash rumors that she entered rehab last week, and the singer was seen leaving a Sherman Oaks, Calif., tattoo parlor on Friday with a shaved head. So she wanted the drapes to match the carpet; you can’t really blame her for that, I guess.

After being sentenced to probation last October and being required to attend anger-management classes, rapper Foxy Brown is at again, apparently this time spitting on and throwing a box of hair glue at beauty supply store employee. Hayssam Ghoneim told authorities that she had asked Brown to leave when the store, in Pembroke Pines, Fla., as it was closing on Thursday night. Though Brown had left the premises by the time police arrived, she was tracked down shortly thereafter and arrested after she struggled with an officer and refused to return to the store for investigation.

Record producer Lou Perlman is being sued by the state of Florida for having launched the careers of boy bands including ‘N Sync and The Backstreet Boys and therefore exposing the general public to years of shitty music. Also included in the suit are charges of alleged securities fraud involving the employee investment programs linked to his Trans Continental businesses.

Ricky Martin raised his middle finger to President Bush during a concert in San Juan, Puerto Rico, on Friday. “My convictions of peace and life go beyond any government and political agenda, and as long as I have a voice onstage and offstage, I will always condemn war and those who promulgate it.” Interesting to note, however, that the former Menudo singer actually performed at Bush’s inaugural ball back in 2001. Hrmmm… looks like Hillary’s got a running mate!

Cheers
-JF2k7!