Romney? No, because the Religious Reichists aren’t sure that Mormons are Christians, and that’ll scare them off. – me, just a few weeks ago in Moodspins.
Thank you, Margaret Heckler, for proving me right yet again. Although this one, I have to admit, was a pretty easy call.
Oh, God, I’m not going to have the chance to do something on the Accenture like I thought (it didn’t help that I forgot that it started on Wednesday; hey, when virtually every other tournament starts on Thursday…). That doctor’s appointment on Tuesday really screwed up my schedule (which will be nothing compared to the way my dentist’s appointment next Tuesday will screw things up). However, I did get a prescription for Protonix out of it, which I’ve wanted to try for my acid reflux. Quite frankly, given the way Rumblemania’s going, I really needed something for that. Ditto the tramadol I’m trying for my knee pain (it is making me drowsy, though, which doesn’t mean good things for attempting to keep this column coherent).
(There’s also the little fact that, just as I got caught up on DVD reviews, I now have three more to get done. Well, at least two of them are good…)
And that brings us to ECW for this week. Obviously, the show was dedicated to Mike Awesome. Let’s see how they dishonored his memory…
Rob Van Dam over Kevin Fertig (Pinfall, Five-Star Frog Splash): If you’ve been wondering why I’ve been complimenting Kevin Fertig since his return to action, this match is a perfect demonstration. Put aside the fact that I credit him (and Ariel’s pneumatic tits) for getting a very dubious gimmick over. Let’s concentrate on the wrestling. As has been seen numerous times over the past five years, Van Dam needs a cooperative partner to make his five-to-ten-minute spot-fests work (when in there for longer than that, Van Dam has no problem getting the story of the match to click). The total formula of Van Dam matches over this period is what turned me against him. Fertig helped to give this match an organic flow that most of Van Dam’s shorter efforts don’t have anymore. Fertig made this match work. That’s why I compliment him.
The acid test will be whether or not Van Dam can make this work with the X Division guys when he goes to TNA. I seriously have my doubts over whether he’ll be able to get it to work with most of them, especially the spot machines like Sonjay Dutt.
He’s got legs; he knows how to use them
CM Fuckin’ Punk over Johnny Nitro, Money In The Bank Qualifying Match (Pinfall, tilt-a-whirl knee to skull): Well, according to Milord, Punk is officially out of the doghouse and will be the recipient of a push. I’ve speculated in the Super-Secret Writers’ Forum that Trip went to bat for him. That means that I owe Trip one, which really pains me. The thing is, will they let Punk win MITB? Right now, that’s doubtful, but we still have a month and a half to Wrestlemania, and anything can happen during that time. However, it’d be a good way to bring Punk to Raw or Smackdown and clear the decks for Lashley (who will be Trump’s representative against Jamalga at WM). Ah, Rumblemania, the time of year when uninformed, misguided speculation runs rampant…
Okay, Nitro, I’m impressed
Rene Dupree and Sylvain Grenier over Victor Camille (hey, that’s what Tazz said) and Will Flores (Pinfall, double-team neckbreaker): Hey, it’s La Res Classic, no Conway in sight. But why on ECW, where there’s only one viable tag team other than them? Okay, so the FBI are faces, at least. But, really, if they’re not going to pull the trigger on the Blue Bloods getting the tag straps over on Smackdown, why not just put La Res there? Okay, there’s Douche and Dildo, but, really, does anyone take them seriously? Yeah, no one takes La Res seriously either, but I think you get my point. Raw’s not an option. They already have their own version of La Res in Cade and Murdoch. So, I guess that ECW really is the best place for them.
Oh, these new pills are really doing a number on me…
Insert “Canada’s really suffered due to NAFTA” joke here
Bob Lashley over Bob Holly and Bob FudgePacker, ECW Title Extreme Rules Triple Threat Match (Pinfall, Lashley pins FudgePacker, running powerslam): The match didn’t annoy me, despite the descent into Triple Threat formula. It was the announcing. Yes, we all know that Lashley’s become Vince’s number one project. Yes, we all know that it’s incumbent upon Joey and Tazz to assist Vince in this matter. But there’s a limit to that, and they definitely crossed that limit in the call of this match. The fact that this was done, I blame on the audience. Thanks to certain groups’ reactions to Cena, they believe that good old-fashioned hype can still work. There’s some substance to that hype with Lashley, of course, but it’s certainly not at the level it’s being projected at. Tone it down a couple of notches, guys, please, before we all turn on Lashley like we turned on Cena.
Even though I just saw it Sunday, I can never get enough of Lashley beating the piss out of FudgePacker
Between Blatt’s hatred for Holly and mine for FudgePacker, we’re pretty much covered here
Another Care Package For Slayer:
Well, that’s enough of that show. Next week, ECW will be joining WSX in a Double-Team. I want to see how well it works. Until Impact, I bid you a fond farewell.