As usual, we get a run down of the entire Undertaker and Batista situation. Michael Cole, whose voice seems to be almost fully back (any reason why it buggered up during No Way Out, was it a cold or was it just bad luck for him?) is in the ring and introduces Batista for your standard interview segment. Cole gives Batista the microphone; Batista hypes The Undertaker and says he has nothing but respect for him, but he won’t apologize for what he did at No Way Out. He got his revenge for the chokeslam on RAW a few weeks ago, and after No Way Out he feels that they’re even and can go to WrestleMania. Batista says he isn’t intimidated by Undertaker or anyone, and he thinks that if he was intimidated by Undertaker then no one would respect him as champion. Good point.
Tonight: Rey Mysterio makes a special appearance, which leads us to a video for Rey Mysterio – covering Mysterio and Eddie Guerrero as a tag team.
Commercials.
Maryse welcomes us back. Bleh.
Tonight: Money in the Bank qualifying match! King Booker versus Kane in a Falls Count Anywhere Match. Oh, I love those crazy Money in the Bank matches.
Opening Contest: Matt Hardy, Paul London, and Brian Kendrick w/ Ashley Massaro vs. Joey Mercury, Deuce ‘n Domino w/ Cherry
Hardy and Mercury start; lock up and Mercury takes Hardy to his corner, where DnD get some weak offence in and Hardy eventually makes a bland comeback only to be stopped by DnD, who in turn are stopped by London and Kendrick. Kendrick tagged in, and then London tagged in and I’m not even too sure if Kendrick did anything. The usual tag in and tag out offence off the top rope to Mercury’s arm by the twinks. Kendrick goes to climb the turnbuckles but Domino drops Kendrick throat first on the top rope. Deuce in with clubs to Kendrick. There’s a whole heap of tags between the heels here, and the only interesting bit is DnD getting Kendrick with a fall forward suplex on Kendrick.
Commercials.
Mercury and Kendrick are the legal men. Mercury with a rib breaker for a two. Mercury cheap shots London but Hardy punches him, and Hardy gets tagged in. Hardy with a side effect to Mercury for a two count. Hardy with a bulldog on Mercury along with a dropkick to Domino; yodel legdrop on Mercury for a pinfall attempt broken by Deuce. London and Kendrick get a pair of suicide dives on DnD. Mercury goes to hit Hardy with his mask but Hardy hits a Twist of Fate for the victory.
Winner: Matt Hardy, Paul London, and Brian Kendrick
Wow. That really, really f*cking sucked for these guy’s standards. -Two out of Ten. Bland, boring, dragging, and I had no idea Michael Cole actually did help the matches so much as he did. I always considered him more annoying, but his borderline dull tone during this match was a reminder to me of how he actually is a credible announcer. Kind of absurd of me to not enjoy a Kendrick and London match, maybe I should see a doctor or something.
Soft filter time: Kristal Marshall interviews Vickie Guerrero.
Recap of Edge vs. RVD from RAW. I have to admit, I was really wanting for this year’s MITB to be nine men (hey, if they can make six men work, then nine men shouldn’t be impossible), but with Edge and CM Punk in the match already I don’t have any complaints. I’ll have more on the MITB later after the Qualifying Match.
Commercials.
Another video for Rey Mysterio – this time, him winning the Royal Rumble.
Second Contest: Chavo Guerrero vs. Scotty Too Hotty
Stupid idea for Chavo Guerrero to win the championship. Guerrero attacks Hotty right away and takes him to the corner for a mudhole stomping. Hotty gets some rights in, and shortly gets Guerrero with some hip tosses before he headscissors Guerrero outside. Guerrero back into the ring only to run into a dropkick by Hotty. Hotty with an attempt for the ten punches, but Guerrero sends him outside. Hotty takes his time getting back in, and Guerrero continues with the stomps and an uppercut. Guerrero with a back drop for a two. Guerrero with a series of submission moves, including a Muta Lock amongst others. Guerrero with an abdominal stretch on Hotty and he follows up with a backbreaker. Hotty gets in some rights and gets some elbows to Guerrero. Hotty hits Guerrero with a shoulder body toss, and Hotty goes for the bulldog but Guerrero stops Hotty and goes for the Three Amigos – Hotty escapes the third and hits the bulldog! Hotty connects with the Worm, and Guerrero rolls outside after it connects. Hotty gets a flipping senton to Guerrero from the apron. Back in the ring, Hotty goes for a Sunset Flip but Guerrero rolls through and comes off the ropes and pins Hotty, with his feet on the ropes!
Winner: Chavo Guerrero
The first half of the match was boring, I enjoyed the second half, but the crowd was dead for most of this as well. Two out of Ten. I don’t see why they put the title on Guerrero, unless of course they don’t want to tease the idea of there being four champions who are cruiser weights anymore, which spells bad news for my favorite tag team. Helms vs. Yang vs. Guerrero should be good; at least, if that’s the direction they’re heading which I hope it is. Also, this was probably the first match of Hotty’s in a long time that I enjoyed, since 2000.
Commercials.
Rey Mysterio winning the World Heavy Weight Championship at WrestleMania 22. I’ve been watching that PPV a lot lately, actually.
Third Contest: MITB Qualifying Match: Falls Count Anywhere: King Booker w/ Queen Sharmell vs. Kane
Why isn’t this inter brand like the other matches were, or main eventing the show? Booker gets elbows to Kane in the corner and follows with knees to the head. Booker runs into a big boot by Kane, and Kane gets shots in the corner before throwing Booker outside. Kane drops Booker chest first on the security barricade for a two count. Back in the ring Kane chokes Booker on the second rope. Booker gets in forearms to Kane and beats Kane down in the corner. Booker kicks Kane directly in the chest, but Kane follows up with throat thrusts. Kane chokes Booker in the corner, takes Booker into the middle of the ring for a shot to the head. Kane runs into an elbow by Booker and Booker follows with a superkick to Kane. Booker sends Kane outside and then face first into the steel steps, then the announcer’s table before Booker rolls Kane back inside the ring and picks up the ring bell… Kane ducks the bell shot and Booker turns into a right hand by Kane!
Kane begins taking the fight up the aisle way, sending Booker into the guard rail along the way. At the entrance way Booker gets the upperhand with kicks to the gut of Kane and a DDT on the steel floor, Booker gets a two count pinfall. Booker stomps on Kane and covers again for another failed pinfall. Booker misses the Scissor Kick and Kane begins fighting Booker up the aisle way again. Kane irish whips Booker into the steel steps and covers for a two count. Kane sends Booker face first into the steel steps, before he takes Booker spine first into the ring post. Kane rolls Booker back in the ring and scares Sharmell; Kane gets up on the apron only to get hit with the ring bell by Booker!
Commercials.
We’re back and Kane hits Booker with a Samoan drop, but Booker has an arm bar locked. Kane turns the arm hold into an arm drag but Booker is right back up with a clothesline. Booker with an axe kick for a two count. Booker sends Kane outside again and grabs a steel chair to hit Kane with but Kane big boots it into the face of Booker for a two count. Back in the ring Kane gets a flying clothesline for a two count. Kane with rights and lefts to Booker in the corner before he hits Booker with running clotheslines and a sidewalk slam follows, getting Kane a two count. Booker sends Kane outside and jumps off the apron only to land into a Chokeslam attempt by Kane – but the Great Khali attacks Kane! Khali headbutts Kane and sends him through the security barricade, and Booker covers for the three count.
Winner and MITB Qualifier: King Booker
I’ll have forgotten about this match by this time tomorrow; I felt under whelmed by this match considering some of the matches these two have had, maybe it was too slow for my tastes? Three out of Ten. On a side note: I’m totally looking forward to this MITB, fantastic to see that they’re going to make a tradition out of it, and while everyone wants Mr. Kennedy to be a part of the action I’d much rather see Chris Benoit join King Booker in the action as opposed to Kennedy. Certainly do not want to see MVP or Kenny Dykstra in this match; however I’m sort of entertained by the idea of Snitsky or Test representing ECW along with CM Punk.
Commercials.
WrestleMania is only 37 days away, and I’m already over that Saliva song.
Recap of Khali costing Kane the previous match.
King Booker and Queen Sharmell are backstage celebrating, but Khali comes up from behind them and shakes Booker’s hand after an extended silence.
Recap of Ashley revealing her Playboy cover. I’m surprised that they pulled out that old Sable from Fully Loaded 98 trick with Ashley at No Way Out, but not annoyed because it was one of the few results that I actually picked on the roundtable. JR’s recent comments about earning your spot at WrestleMania seriously makes me wonder just how much hard work goes in showing your privates in a magazine.
Another video, this time of the Little Bastard and Little Boogeyman shenanigans, and Boogeyman pinning Finlay last week … and we’ve got a No Way Out rematch between the four next. Oh, gee, yay.
Commercials.
Another video recap of Mysterio – this time, him retiring JBL.
Finlay and the Boogeyman make their entrances.
Commercials.
Fourth Contest: Finlay and Lil Bastard vs. The Boogeyman and Little Boogeyman
This is karma for not bothering to watch No Way Out or something like that. Boogeyman clotheslines Finlay down and gets a shoulder body toss before he locks Finlay in a bear hug, before we get some odd editing and it ends up showing Finlay send Boogeyman shoulder first into the apron. Finlay steals Boogeyman’s satchel and makes the worms’ lives hell, and Little Boogeyman low blows Finlay only for Little Bastard to make his way out. Little Boogeyman spits worms in the face of Little Bastard and, ugh, the entire thing ends up with Finlay hitting Boogeyman with the shillelagh, Little Bastard gets in a DDT on Boogeyman for the three count.
Winners: Finlay and Little Bastard
That’s something I never thought I’d write. Like you even need to ask what I thought of this match. -Five out of Ten. On the upside, however, this was one time where blatantly editing out the majority of the match is a welcome change.
Video for Mr. Perfect Curt Hennig. I never was around for Curt Hennig’s original run; I only got to see his 2002 comeback. But it’s still good.
Rey Mysterio’s up next.
Commercials.
Maryse welcomes us back to SmackDown. She’s not even that pretty.
Next week: we will hear from The Undertaker. Surely he’ll say something that will rival William Shakespeare.
Rey Mysterio makes his way out sporting a very nice suit and a cane. It doesn’t even look too stupid with the mask. Mysterio says it feels great to be in the ring again, but even better to be in his home town. Mysterio says he is way ahead of schedule, so he’ll be back sooner and be better than ever before. Vince McMahon makes his way out, appearing on SmackDown for the second time in a month, and brings a whole tirade of security with him, who surround the ring. McMahon cuts the obligatory height insults before bringing up WrestleMania. McMahon assures Trump that he will be humiliated, humbled, and shaved bald when McMahon’s wrestler defeats Trump’s. McMahon rants about removing Trump’s hair and asks Mysterio who he thinks will win the match. Mysterio doesn’t reply until McMahon makes more fun of his height, so Mysterio calls McMahon a loser. McMahon says that this is America, so everyone’s allowed to their own opinions, but then McMahon introduces everyone to Umaga. McMahon asks Mysterio if his opinion has changed and hands Mysterio the microphone – only to cheap shot Mysterio with his own cane! McMahon throws Mysterio to Umaga. Umaga takes care of Mysterio, and then McMahon demands the assault continue, so Umaga comes off the top rope with a splash to the knees of Mysterio. And that’s the end of this show. What purpose did this segment fulfill? The temptation to embarrass wrestlers in their own hometown, the need to remind SmackDown fans that Donald Trump isn’t on this show, or a desire to build up to a future Umaga vs. Mysterio in what could have been a rather good underdog match? I’m thinking none of the above, and instead of actually serving any sort of purpose, it’s just a way to end the show. What a dull way to end a dull show.
The Inside Pulse
London, Kendrick. Hardy vs. Deuce ‘n Domino and Mercury: -2/10
Chavo Guerrero vs. Scotty Too Hotty: 2/10
King Booker vs. Kane: 3/10
Finlay / Little Bastard vs. Boogeymen: -5/10
SmackDown 23/02/07: -2/40
I’d much rather give birth than experience this hellish two hours again. Until next week, don’t watch this show if you’re a sane person.
Summary –Match Results
Paul London, Brian Kendrick, and Matt Hardy defeated Deuce ‘n Domino and Joey Mercury (Hardy pins Mercury)
Chavo Guerrero defeated Scotty Too Hotty via pinfall
King Booker defeated Kane via pinfall (Great Khali interference leads to pinfall)
Finlay and Little Bastard defeated Boogeyman and Little Boogeyman (Little Bastard pins Boogeyman)
