The Smackdown Short Form, 02.23.07

Columns, Reviews, Shows, TV Shows

Beavers back in NYC after 200 years – cnn.com headline

As Christopher Street goes into complete panic.

Yeah, nothing’s happening since I did the Impact Short Form. No big news, no deaths, no anything (other than Tigger jobbing again to Nick O’Hern, who’s really got his number at the Accenture). Not even anything here at the site. Oh, yeah, you can go try to outpick Mike in regard to the Oscars, but that’s just about it. We staff here aren’t eligible for the prizes anyway.

I do want to address one issue. Pulse Glazer thinks that I’ve lost the “passion” for wrestling and that I seem not to care that much. This isn’t true. I learned a long time ago exactly what type of person I am. If I become extremely passionate about something, I eventually burn out and totally lose interest. By keeping my passion at a controlled level, I can keep enjoying something for much longer periods of time. I display that passion in ways that Aaron might not be able to understand. Besides, excessive passion tends to lead people toward mood swings. I’m already bipolar. I don’t need any more of those. So, Aaron, if you think that I’m not passionate enough, think of the positives that come from it. For instance, I can remain more objective and give the audience an informed, intelligent, well-reasoned opinion, which is something very rare in the IWC. Dispassionate attitudes have their benefits.

Besides, if I were that passionate, I’d probably watch Smackdown and want to put my head through a wall. So, with walls intact, I bring you to the show…

Match Results:

Mattsy-Poo and Team Twink Porn over Joey Maskury, Douche, and Dildo, TEH GHEY Versus TEH SUXXORS Match (Pinfall, Hardy pins Mercury, Twit of Fate): People think that there’s simply a fine line dividing apathy from hostility. Actually, they’re totally separate. Each of them leads to a separate, infinite abyss. You can go into one or the other, and the only way from one to the other is to re-enter the common cavern that leads to both. With all of these guys, I blazed a trail long ago into Apathy Gap and I’ve kept exploring. Someday, I will reach bottom, I’m certain of it, and this match was impetus enough to send me further along the trail.

No, not contrived at all

Chavito over Scotty Go Potty, Non-Title Match (Pinfall, rope-assisted rollup): You know that trip into Apathy Gap? The next pathway’s just been lit, and I’m a-headin’ down it.

Scotty’s still jazzed about actually getting a pinfall with the Worm on Sunday

Booker T over Kane, Falls Count Anywhere Money In The Bank Qualifying Match (Pinfall, Khali-ference): Now why exactly couldn’t they have done this match at No Way Out? Put in the FCA stip, hell, put in the MITB stip as well. Instead, they had a straight wrestling match at a PPV and left the good stuff for a free TV match. They wouldn’t have even had to change the shitty ending because there were Raw guys all over the f*cking place at No Way Out, so Khali’s appearance wouldn’t have been inexplicable. Gee, give me something I actually care about, but not book it in an intelligent fashion. I can’t win, can I?

Well, it is Falls Count Anywhere…

Dave Fuckin’ Finlay and Little Fuckin’ Bastard over the Boogeyman and his Mini-Me (Pinfall, Little Bastard pins Boogeyman (!), DDT (!!)): I’m going to pretend this didn’t happen, just like I pretended that it didn’t happen on Sunday. I think that all of you would be better to join me here in Denial Corner, if only for the sake of your collective sanity. Believe me, I know what a high dose of Batshit can do to you, and I don’t want you to suffer like I do.

Marty Wright’s best offensive move

Angle Developments:

Well, hip, hip, f*cking hooray

Looks like Jamalga’s got a taste for Mexican tonight

And that covers my end of this little Faustian bargain. I’ll be back this weekend with a DVD review, then I’ll decide if I’ll do something for Tuesday.