I’m Tom Pandich. This… is Raw.
Intro package shows the Donald and Vince. Tonight we find out who the Donald’s guy is going to be. World tag titles to start though!
World Tag Team Championship Match: John Cena and Shawn Michaels vs Randy Orton and Edge
Cena is out first. Here comes Shawn. Let me take a moment to tell you how crappy the 3-Disc DX DVD set is. Why is it crappy? Well because it covers the amazing period of about six months between May 2006 and November 2006.
Uh oh. Edge and Randy aren’t coming to the ring. They’re on the Titantron though. MIND GAMES! Orton talks. It’s awful. Orton says HBK is going to betray Cena in about 40 times as many words. Orton can’t get a sentence out. We see a video package of every tag team Shawn Michaels has been on.
-Rockers. Dead. Marty gets tossed through a barber shop window.
-Diesel. Super kicked.
-X-Pac. Chair shot. Right decision.
-Booker T. He got kicked out of the NWO. Remember Booker in the NWO? Me neither.
-Hulk Hogan. VH1ed!
Shawn and Cena stare at each other. Shawn says sweet nothings to Cena.
Mick Foley drops names for his new book. It’s out next Tuesday.
Money in the Bank Qualifier: Jeff Hardy vs Shelton Benjamin
Watching Jeff smush himself in ladder matches is fun. Bell rings and Lilian tells us what Money in the Bank is all about. Introductions done in the ring. Neat.
Benji starts it off with a side headlock for one followed by a fireman’s carry for one. Shelton busts out all of the “wrestling” wrestling moves. Hardy eventually connects with a punch and lands the double leg drop to the “bread basket”. Back and forth action. Hardy hits a few punches and then gets a kick caught for a reverse heel kick. Benji heads outside and Jeff follows.
Jeff pops up on the guard rail and takes out Shelton with a clothesline. Hardy rolls Shelton back in and lands a Whispers in the Wind. Hardy signals for the end as he heads up top. Before he can jump though, Shelton pops up top and lands a belly to belly suplex off the top. Hardy is dead. Commercials.
We’re back and Shelton has Hardy down with a rear naked choke. Hardy fights up but gets back dropped down to the canvas for two. Shelton slaps on a chinlock. Hardy fights up and hits a weak looking jawbreaker. Hardy hits a few clotheslines and then lands a spinning neckbreaker. Hardy tries to dump Benjamin, but he holds on. Benjamin tries to springboard off the top rope, but he slips. The ref counts three but the match goes on regardless. Hardy hits the Twists of Fate and a Swanton to finish it.
Winner: Jeff Hardy
Apparently there are eight slots, yes eight, in Money in the Bank this time around. Uh oh.
Vince pops on the Titantron to run down Trump. Um, okay? Commercials.
Ashley comes to shoot porn. Insert your own boob explosion joke.
Melina is pissy in the back. She’s angry at Melina. She’s angry at Mick Foley. She’s angry at Mickey James (who’s got a falls count anywhere match next week). Nitro yells at Melina because he’s off of Wrestlemania. Nitro heads out alone.
Pissy McAngrypants: Johnny Nitro vs Super Crazy
He’s Super. He’s Crazy! Nitro doesn’t care as he flips out. Match doesn’t start as Nitro attacks Crazy on the outside. Nitro takes off.
Poor Mexican 🙁 Commercials.
Not a Title Match: Melina vs Maria
Girls fight. Whee. Melina slaps on a Camel Clutch and Maria pulls hair to get out of it. Eh, awful awful match. Lots of hair pulling. Maria hits a bulldog though. And a clothesline. And a… nope, Bronco Buster is countered. Melina wins by roll up.
Trump reveal is next.
Here comes Vince. He shows the video package of Umaga beating up Mysterio on Smackdown for no particular reason (the beating, not the package). Here comes Trump via the Titantron. Trump calls Umaga an animal, so Trump got a bigger and stronger animal in Bobby Lashley………..
The two men brawl through security.
The Great Khali is taking the Masterlock Challenge. Hillarious. Kane comes out and destroys Khali and Masters. Masters gets ultra destroyed. It’s hillarious.
Vince is in the back, and he’s rather upset. He gets a call from the Board of Directors. They need a guest ref for the match to maintain the integrity of the match. Vince says he’s not going to wind up like some bald headed freak. The Coach has a very sad look on his face.
Hall of Fame Announcement is next!
JR freaks out about Skittles. The next inductee to the WWE Hall of Fame is….. JEERY “THE KING” LAWLER.
An awesome video package with Kaufman, AWA highlights, and the King as an announcer. Pretty cool.
Edge and Orton are in the back conspiring. We see the Shawn betrays everyone package. Carlito is wrestling next.
For Ricky’s Love: Carlito vs Kenny
Joined in progress. Carlito spit in Kenny’s face. Calito flips over Kenny and drops him. Scoop slam to Kenny. Springboard corkscrew for two. Carlito and Kenny trade moves until Carlito misses a springboard splash which puts Kenny firmly in control.
Kenny rams a few fists and shoulders into Carlito. They ram each other, but Kenny has the advantage. A few more shoulder blocks gets two. Kenny takes Carlito up for a standing suplex and drops him face down for two. Dykstra stretches Kenny and works over the torso and ribs of Carlito. Carlito fights Kenny off and tries to hip toss Kenny over the top. Kenny holds on though, but he still gets flipped over. Springboard elbow by Carlito gets two. Carlito tries for a huricanerana, but it’s blocked for a powerbomb for two. Kenny tosses Carlito into the corner, but Kenny misses the something leaving him hung up on the second rope. Backcracker finshes it.
Vince is going to ECW on Tuesday. Vince is going there to make Lashley’s life a living hell. Tag titles are next.
Man…. Grindhouse looks so freaking cool.
Let’s Try This Again: John Cena and Shawn Michaels vs Randy Orton and Edge
Shawn starts out with Edge. Shawn chops Edge good! Edge tags out and Orton misses with the elbow drop. Cena gets the tag and comes in only to quickly become the face in peril! Cena is worked over in boring fashion. Cena hits a bulldog on Orton to change things up a bit. He makes the tag and Shawn runs over Orton. Inverted atomic drop! Big elbow! Edge gets dumped. Superkick misses and nearly hits Cena. Cena catches it though. They have a moment as we go to commercial.
We’re back and Michaels is the face in peril. Randy and Edge trade quick tags working over Michaels. It’s boring as hell. Michaels fights up only to get dropped by Ortons back breaker. Tag to Edge. SLEEPER!!!!!! Shawn fights up and crotches Edge on the top. Cena gets the tag.
He runs over Orton. Throwback. You can’t see him. Five Knuckle Shuffle. Edge stops the FU and the ref is out. We’re down to Edge and Cena. Edge measures for a spear but gets caught in an FU. Orton comes in with a belt. Shawn steals it and nails Edge with it in perhaps the least sold belt shot of all time. Shawn gives the belt to Orton and that causes Edge to bail. Super kick to Orton. FU to Orton that’s it.
Winners: John Cena and Shawn Michaels
The two have a brief staredown, but it’s all good. Decent show.
The Inside Pulse
-Jeff Hardy defeated Shelton Benjamin with a Swanton Bomb and qualifies for Money in the Bank.
-Johnny Nitro and Super Crazy had a No Contest as Nitro took out Super Crazy before the bell.
-Melina defeated Maria with a roll up.
-Carlito defeated Kenny with a back cracker.
-John Cena and Shawn Michaels retained the World Tag Team Titles over Randy Orton and Edge via Superkick and FU to Orton.
Tags: Raw, WWE