IT’S THE SPORT OF CHAMPIONS..
OR THE BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS..
L I T T L E
C H O C O L A T E
D O N U T S
So welcome once again to the show to end shows. The primary function of Monday nights. (Mainly because I DVR Heroes). It is the Monday Night Rabble – the show that talks back to it’s audience.
We’re all living high off of the results of No Way Out two weeks ago… that’s really a lie. I have nothin. So let’s introduce the Rabbletiers:
JEFFREY – Since he was here when I got here.
ERIC – Because he got here first.
KAT – Because she drove him.
BILL – Then he showed up!
RANDOM BAR DUDE – Who hasn’t stopped talking since I got here.
DANI – And she brought a calzone.
MIKE – Because then he showed up with..
BEANZ – and..
KYLE – and…
MARK – Who left shortly thereafter
HERNANDEZ – Finally decided to show up a half hour in.
JENNA – was the last to arrive…
And to add to this cacophony is Me, James Hatton – oh, and the Forum Insyders!
Tonight – Team Cena-Bee-Kid vs. Rated RKO.
What else, no idea. Oh yeah, tonight Trump picks his opponent, and we are all speculating that it’s Khali.
“Please no, it will be Brock Goldberg all over again! It will be LT vs. Bam Bam, and he killed himself over that!” – Eric
We get a Trump graphic with the Bob Holly sillouette. God no.
Starting the show is… John Cena match? Straaaange.
Also here comes Shawn!
Oh wait, Orton and Edge are on the Titantron. Randy seems to think there is a misunderstanding. Edge and he aren’t ready to compete, but they will be a bit later. Randy seems to think HBK was robbed at the Oscars, as he has been acting since he teamed up with Cena.
“He is indeed, Heartbreaking… sorry it was there.” – Bill
So Randy continues to spew rhetoric about Micheals being a liar. They made a video package.
“Why aren’t they letting Edge talk?” – Eric
January 11, 1992 – Somebody got superkicked through a plate glass window.
“That is a beautiful thing… montaaage” – Jeffrey
“Montaaaage…” – All of us
November 23, 1994 – Shawn superkicking Diesal.
“The Outsiders?” – Eric
November 23 1998 – Shawn slams X-Pac with a chair.
June 10, 2002 – Shawn in an NWO show superkicking Booker T.
July 4, 2005 – Shawn superkicks Hogan.
“They didn’t show the screwjob!” – Eric
“Laahaaame” – Me
“Shawn Michaels. The man who has turned on people almost as often as people have turned on Sting.” – Insyder Kromadas
“Or…Shawn Michaels: The man who has turned on people almost as many times as Sting has fake turned on people!” – Insyder Captain Spaulding
Back to Shawn and Cena staring at each other…
“Shawn’s got his ‘sorry bout that’ face.” – Me
Edge finally talks about how Edge will stab him in the back.
We end with them face to face.
COMMERCIAL ONE – 9:10
Mick Foley is on screen talking about Katie Couric.
“Katie before I met you, I was never a name dropper.” – Mick
Funny.
Now it’s time for Jeff Hardy in a Money In The Bank Qualifier.
JEFF HARDY vs. SHELTON BENJAMIN
A great match?!
Lillian explains the rules to Money In The Bank… and she’s looking quite ok in leopard print.
Start with a takeover by Shelton and a fireman’s carry. Belly to back takedown with a roll-up from Shelty. Shelton then grabs Jeff’s legs with a rollover bridge for two.
Kick to Jeff’s gut and throws him to the ropes – Jeff catches Shelton with a double legdrop for two.
They get to their feet and Jeff throws Shelty to the corner, begins the beatings with a bad snapmare for two. Back to their feet knee to Jeff’s gut and Shelty is back on top. Punchy beatings now from Shelton for two.
Chinlock spot now.
“Think they are going to give it to Shelton?” – Dani
“Nah, they filled their black man quotient.” – Bill
There is a rope spot, reversal from Shelton and he eats a heel kick to send him over the top. Jeff follows suit and runs the rail with a top rope clothesline. Throws him back in the ring and continues to dominate – finally heads up to the top rope for the whisper, but Shelton leaps to the top rope and a super belly to belly!
Jeff rolls outside and weeee’rrrreeee out.
“What are these awesome products goin to be!” – Bill
COMMERCIAL TWO – 9:20
We come back and Shelty’s got him in a tazzmission-ish. Jeffrey gets out and gets to his feet quickly. Hits the ropes – but eats a back bodydrop.
Shelton picks up Jeff now, and throws him down. Chinlock spot. Jeff fights it out again and Jeff tries for the jawbreaker, but Shelty doesn’t know how to take it. Clothesline city from Jeff – finally Jeff throws Shelty out – Shelty goes for the top rope leap.. but he TRIPS and falls!
Jeff covers that with the pin! TWO COUNT! Shelty misses a Shelty splash, Jeff catches him in the Twist of Fate. Senton. Done.
WINNER: JEFF HARDY
Wait, Vince is on screan ‘Whoa Whao Woah..’
“Woo?” – Me
“Wrong old man.” – Eric
Vince lets us know that Umaga has beaten Jeff, his choice for the Millionaire match. He then rags on Trump for no reason during Jeff’s exit of the match.
COMMERCIAL THREE – 9:29
Ashley is at her Playboy Shoot. Fishnet. Skirt. Airbrushing. Piercings. Star tattoos. Purple gloves. Boobies. The end.
“The symmetrical lip things are stupid.” – Dani
“I like em” – Me
Melina in the back bibbling. We are all yelling about videogames and Nitro has to come out, but he seems upset.
NITRO vs. SUPER CRAZY
He’s Super Crazy!
“Yo soy Crazy” – Bill
So Crazy runs on down and eats a baseball slide to the face to start the match. They fight out on the ramp.
“This isn’t assault, this is called discipline in most states” – Hernandez
“Are you saying Crazy is owned by Nitro” – Me
“I like how NItro acts like a veteren” – Mike
“I guess Crazy’s push is over” – Bill
And Nitro hits the sitdown faceplant outside the ring before the match has even begun. Nitro now bails to the ramp. Smiles broadly and leaves.
COMMERCIAL FOUR – 9:39
Now it’s Melina’s time. Here rolls the Paparazzi and
“I remember this chick.” – Kat
“From the Nam?” – Me
“And Melina has on Max Moon’s ring gear again. Betcha Konnan is pissed.” – Insyder CaptainSpaulding
“Konnan probably sold it for vicadin.” – Insyder Kromadas
“Well isn’t he raising money for a new pancrea or something?” Insyder Captain Spaulding
“He is now. Too much vicadin.” – Insyder Kromadas
MELINA vs. MARIA!!!!!!!!!
SCREENSHOTS NOW!
“What is she wearing?” – Dani
“Little.” – Me
Fuck CM Punk. – Me
Fuck CM Punk. – Me
Fuck CM Punk. – Me
So Melina drops onto Maria and Maria rolls over over for a pin of her own, and Melina kicks her in the face. Maria hits a drop toe hold and goes for a dropkick only to fall flat on her ass. Her outfit is SO SHINY!
Melina then headslams her down.
“She is one knot away from being nekkid” – Me
“We know Jamie” – Eric
“All too well” – Bill
Melina now chokes Maria out against the corner and the ropes. She then locks her in the Walls of Jerich on the second rope? Interesting. Melina goes for a pin and gets two.
Hairpull throw from Melina. Poor Maria. Melina goes for the sitdown chinlock. Melina snapmares her out, but ends up getting kicked..
“In the uterus” – Bill
Maria now kicks her in the gut and does her own hair pull throw. Headslams her to the ropes and a running bulldog. For two! Throws Melina to the corner and a sickle clothesline – sets Melina up for the bronco buster… and gets kicked in the cunt.
“And old-fashioned kick in the cunt.” – Bill
Melina rolls her up. The end.
WINNER: MELINA
“How did Melina’s hair stay that way the whole match.” – Dani
“It has a natural bounce.” – Me
COMMERCIAL FIVE – 9:50
Hey and the Barberpole is here.
“CUTTIN & STRUTTIN!” – Me
Here comes Vince. Dani would like to inform you all that she feels the haircut ending to this match is dumb. Really dumb. She isn’t sure if they realize that it’s dumb, but she knows it’s dumb. Dumb.
Vince makes fun of Trump for a bit. He stutters a bit.
“Taking tips from Randy?” – Eric
“Hair… barberpole… Trump….?” – Bill
Vince isn’t sure if Trump is going to be embarrassed during the haircut or..
“When I give him a texas titty twister.” – Me
“The buttf*cking of a lifetime.” – Bill
“An Asschel!” – Hernandez
We get a montage of Umaga. Somehow.
“MONTAAAAGE” – All of us
Now Vince introduces the 300lb Samoan Bulldozer.
“HERNANDEZ” – Me
He now has ‘Samoa’ tattooed on his belly.
“That’s stupid” – Eric
“Rey has Mexican tatooed on his stomach.” – Mike
“But if he looks in the mirror it only says Aomas.” – Me
“Hernandez has ‘Native American’ tattooed on his belly” – Bill
“His stomach looks like it should have a sign for a park” – Bill
“Welcome to Wilderness Land” – Me
“Samoa… Camp here.” – Bill
Vince continues to smacktalk against Trump.
“I want to see Umaga on the Apprentice.” – Dani
Trump finally appears on the Titantron. He gets ready for his announcement. It’s Bobby Lashley.
“Lashley arrives and RAW just turned as interesting as table tennis between amputees.” – Insyder Captain Spaulding
And here comes Lashley.
“Hernandez, if you were to eat a candy now, what would it be?” – Me
“Milkdud!” – Hernandez
“A snowcap?!” – Eric
“Baby Roooff!” – Bill
Unagi sticks his tongue out at Lashley. So Vince calls down Security to keep them seperate.
“MIKE ROTUNDO IS HERE!” – Me
“”BRING ME SOME SECURITY!!! AND I.R.S.! BRING HIM TOO!” – Insyder Captain Spaulding
“They should have I.R.S. hang up the briefcase before the MitB match.” – Insyder Renfield
Clusterf*ck spot. Lashley clears through the security.
“BLACK RAGE!” – Me
Then Umaga attacks Lashley.
COMMERCIAL SIX – 10:07
Hey, it’s Chris Masters and it’s time for a Masters challenge with Khali!?!?
“This might be the downfall of the greatest wrestler of our time.” – Bill
“Khali.” – Me
“NO!” – Bill
“Apparently Triple H is in the back just spitting water on Khali.” – Eric
So Khali sits down… and lifts his arm.
KHALI vs. MASTERS
Masterlock Silliness
Masters gets there and can’t get his arms around Khali.
“Must not cheer Khali… must not cheer Khali” – Insyder soak1313
So before it can begin.. BOOM! Kane is here.
“Kane hit Khali last week on Smackdown” – Mike
“Oh.” – Me
“Hey look, Lashley’s pyro is set-up!” – Me
(Eric leaves)
Kane chokeslams Masters. Clotheslines Khali over the top rope. Hits Chris square with a chair.. Ouchie!
Kane shoots off his pyro and Khali raises his hands too.. wheee….
In the back – Vince & Coach get off a phonecall and there needs to be a special guest ref.
“Mick Foley” – Mike
“Enter Stone Cold as guest ref and now we have Goldberg vs. Lesnar 2” – Insyder soak1313
COMMERCIAL SEVEN – 10:16
It’s time for the Hall of Fame induction:
DUSTY RHODES & CURT HENNING
So far
Now: JERRY THE KING LAWLER
“WHAT?!” – Eric
“They’re inducting JR?!” – Bill
“I was hoping it would be the Samoans.” – Me
“Me too, but we argue too much” – Hernandez
We get a montage of Lawler. And of course Andy f*ckin Kaufman!
In the back Orton & Edge prepare. We get a flashback interview segment with Orton & Edge… eh… whatever.
We do get the replay of the montage though.
It’s Carlito time! Spitting in the face of not-cool things.
“Didn’t he have new music?” – Bill
COMMERCIAL EIGHT – 10:26
We’re back with Kenny putting Carlito in a chinlock.
CARLITO vs. KENNY
Already begun.
Carlito thumbs the eye of Kenny – follows him up in the corner, but gets a hit to the gut. Kenny brings Carlito to another corner, but Carlito slams his head to the ropes. Carlito hits a second rope moonsault and a back elbow. Bodyslam. Top rope 180 corkscrew for two.
Carlito now chokes Kenny against the second rope. Shoulderchecks from Carlito. Kenny tries to fight out of it and they go fist to fist. Carlito then hits a flapjack for two. He misses the 2nd rope flying cross and rolls outside as Kenny gathers himself.
They fight back in the middleof the ring. Kenny beats the hell out of Carlito for awhile. Gets a couple close pins. Methodically boring match really. Not bad.. just expected.
Kenny puts Carlito into the abdominal stretch. Carlito fights out of it eats a clothesline, a couple elbows, a few stomps. More holdspots.
Dani would now like to interrupt the match to inform us that she thinks Kenny has Comic Sans on his tights as a font choice. She feels that is bad. Thank you.
Carlito finally gets a fight into him. Hits the high end back elbow. Two count only though.
Carlito goes for a hurricanrana, falls on his ass and is rolled up for two. Good spot. Anyway, Carlito is in the corner, Kenny tries to splash – Carlito moves – Kenny gets caught on the ropes.. BACKCRACKER.. Hard.
WINNER: CARLITO
Flair comes on down and claps for Carlito at the top of the key. Claps for Carlito and heads out. Carlito appreciates the shared moment.
Now in the back Vince and Coach are talking and Vince announces he’ll be at ECW tomorrow. He’s going to, of course, make fun of Lashley.
COMMERCIAL NINE – 10:38 – As a note –
Grindhouse will rule.
TEAM HB-CENA vs. RKO
Main event of doomness…
Here comes Edge & RKO.
“HEY!” – Bill
“SAY!” – Hernandez
“yay!” – Dani
“HEY! That wasn’t the song.. Hernandez just stuck a finger up my butt.” – Mike
It’s Cena/HBK time..
“Hustle Loyalty Respect Orton Destiny Champ” – Me
“Hustle Loyalty Legend Champ Orton Destiny.” – Bill
“Annnnd. Scene.” – Me
Start up with HBK and Edge, hammerlocks get elbowed out by Edge. He hits the ropes but Shawn hits a huge chop. HBK throws him to the ropes. Shawn DOESN’T run in but Edge acts as if he should have… and eats a chop in the chest instead.
Shawn hits him with an armwringer. Edge throws an elbow and slams him down. Tag to Orton. Goes for a kneedrop, and missed. Shawn now tags in Cena.
Throws Orton to the corner and begins to beat the hell out of him. Throws him to the counter corner and a solid suplex for two.
Orton gets tossed to the ropes, forearms to Cena’s back and a solid dropkick. Tag to Edge and the double kickings begin. Edge continues the beatdown.
“The kids love the Cena.” – Dani
“They think he’s a righteous doood.” – Me
There are standard tag team beatdowns. This lasts roughly five minutes. Finally Cena hits a bulldog on Orton to crawl for the hottag.
In comes Shawn and he crossbody’s Orton. Kicks up. Atomic drop. Slams. Top rope elbow. Atomic drop on Edge. Cena throws him out.
Superkick set-up with Cena standing in the other corner. He doesn’t even stomp! He goes for the kick to Orton. Orton ducks and Cena CATCHES THE FOOT!
COMMERCIAL TEN – 10:53
We’re back!
“And we have no idea what happened with Cena & HBK.. but it seems ok” – Bill
So Edge has the surfboard kicking. Holdspots. Tags to Orton. Shawn is now in peril… GARVIN STOMP!
“The only thing he’s doing right with his career” – Mike
Orton has him in a chinlock. wow. shock. HBK begins to Jesus-Up. Punchies… fighties… OHH! The 3.0 from Orton stops that. Tag to Edge. Throws Shawn to the ropes and now Edge hits a sleeper!? Seems a bit of an over set-up… oh well.
Shawn begins to Jesus-Up again. Edge gets balled on the top rope and now the hot tag to Cena and Orton.
“The power of Christ compells you” – Bill
Flying crossbody – Blue thunder – You Can’t See Me
“PUMPING THE SHOES!” – Hernandez & Bill
Set up for the FU… Orton grabs Edge, but the ref gets kicked. He’s out. Now Shawn runs in to throw Orton – Edge reverses to throw Cena.
“a ref bump?!?!? you never see those!” – Insyder soak1313
They shoulder to Shoulder. Shawn out of nowhere hits Edge with the tag title… Shawn throws him the belt! HA! Edge bails pissed off. SUPERKICK TO ORTON! FU TO ORTON!
WINNER: SHAWN & CENA
In the middle of the ring they do their nose to nose with the belt in the middle. Cena raises it in the end to show he’s badass.
That is that. What did the Rabble think.
“Not the best I’ve seen. Alright slobberknocker” – Kyle
“It was good.” – Beanz
“Montage was awesome.” – Mike
“Monnntaaage” – All of us
“It was f*cking awesome… I’m drunk” – Bill
“BLAH!” – Eric
“As the bartender, I didn’t see much, but I’m so glad there are lots of opinions, they spent money.” – Jeffrey
“Bill’s drunk” – Simon
“It was alright – I’m not drunk” – Hernandez
“I wasn’t here for the good part, it sucked my theoretical balls.” – Jenna
“I stayed through the whole thing, isn’t that enough?” – Dani
And I say it was a strong show except for the Kenny/Carlito and main event kind of dragging in obviousness.. otherwise. Solid show.
Thanks again, we’ll see you next week on the Rabble.
