Anyone else getting the feeling that ECW is all about one guy and one guy only, and that guy is Vince? He’s the one that initiated the New Breed vs. ECW Originals angle and he’s the one behind the Lashley vs. Umaga feud. It’s like Vince said that ECW shouldn’t exist without Vince being the driving force behind it, because his feud with DX headlining everything about RAW was so helpful to RAW for the last few months on RAW.
The show opens with Vince strutting out the ring with his usual shit eating grin slapped on his face. Vince has a mic to start. To get some cheap heat he name drops Steve Austin to get the crowd hot, and the crowd gets hotter when he talks about Stone Cold being there tonight.
Because Stone Cold is there tonight, we’re gonna lots and lots of “WHAT” chants when people are talking. Great. My rant about what the “WHAT” chants really mean is for another day. Vince continues talking shit to Trump, talking about how he bitch slapped Lashley and he’s gonna bitch slap Trump at Mania 23. Vince, being Vince shows him slapping Lashley a few times, and then claims that Lashley was crying and “humbly” apologized to him earlier backstage, but Vince didn’t accept the apology unless it was public.
Lashley’s music hits and I doubt he’s giving an apology. I’ll say this about the guy, it’s about time we had a champion that carried the belt on his waist everywhere he goes. Lashley wants to apologize to everyone in the crowd and worldwide, but also Vince. He gives the hand for a shake and Vince slowly accepts the hand. Lashley wants to apologize cause he didn’t beat the hell out of him. He does the strong grip in a handshake thing and throws a threat at Vince.
That was about as cookie cutter as it gets. It’s like a middle school dance in ECW, everyone’s awkward and no one leaves content.
We get an Ashley in Playboy recap and it’s time for our first match of the night.
Hardcore Holly over Balls Mahoney by Alabama Slam
Nice to see Balls any time he’s in an ECW ring, even neutered ECW. Holly goes to the punch, punch, punch well to star the match… surprisingly? Tazz sings “deck the hals with Balls and Holly” to show how exciting this match started off.
Balls boots Holly in a reversal to a corner clothesline, which goes immediately to the Balls punches. Balls misses a top rope leg drop and Holly hits the Alabama Slam to end the match.
Post match, SNITSKY happens on Holly.
We cut quick to backstage and Rebecca is with CM Punk. They talk Money in the Bank. CM Punk forgets to mention his slump. He does mention what happens when you win the match and that he’s fighting Kennedy on Smackdown this week. elijah Burke interrupts to say that Punk’s gotta make a choice to join the New Breed. This brings out RVD to try to bring CM Punk to the Original side. He says Burke can’t even spell ECW. Ha.
Rob Van Dam w/Sandman, Dreamer and Sabu vs. Elijah Burke w/Kevin Thorn, Ariel, Matt Striker and Marcus Cor Von
Big RVD chant to start and Burke and RVD start with some mat wrestling. RVD gets a head scissors and reverses into a pin, reversed into a bridge, RVD can’t get a backslide and we go to some kicks. Burke takes a rough kick to the jaw and hides in the corner to lure RVD in to take control.
RVD cross bodies Burke against the ropes out to the ring and that draws everyone to stare down as we…
go to commercials.
We’re back and it looks like the ref has completely diffused the situation. Burke has control and eventually hits a dropkick which plants RVD firm on the back of his head. That only gets a two. TWO! Burke hits a running double knee on RVD’s back in the corner.
RVD powers out of a stretch and blows being thrown into the corner, or Burke didn’t understand what was gonna happen. Looks like they were going to go for the spot where RVD kicks over his head to get out of the corner. RVD hits his monkey flip followed by a spinning kick in the corner. RVD hits the split legged moonsault for a two. TWO!
RVD hits a five star as the originals protect the corner he’s jumping for and he gets the three count. Dreamer says that the Originals aren’t gonna back down yet. He finally lets it out that it’s gonna be a four on four match at Wrestlemania. The Originals celebrate and the New Breed looks pissed.
AJ Pierzynski is in the crowd tonight, followed by the Hall of Fame recap of Nick Bockwinkle and then my favorite! The Nitro Girls! I think they have guns this week. No kidding. They’ve got hand guns. Maybe they’ll all play russian roulette. THAT’S entertaining TV. This is followed by a recap of the opening segment. Holy crap, what a worthless segment this is.
Next week ECW is Mick Foley! Woo hoo! Something for me to watch next week.
Here’s some trivia for you courtesy of the news posting machine Matthew Michaels: This will be Steve Austin’s first ECW TV appearance since 1995.
Austin hits the ring and celebrates good times, come on. Austin’s got a new shirt to attempt to milk every last dollar from the austin fans. Austin’s lookin pretty good for Austin. Stone Cold plays to the crowd’s “WHAT” chants. Austin calls the WWE ring home. Austin connects the dry heat of Arizona to him being thirsty. Brilliant!
He talks about the match he’s gonna referee. Austin says he’s an expert in bald matters because he has no hair. Again… BRILLIANT! Austin’s gonna call the match down the middle… and that’s the way it’s gonna be. Austin goes down to ringside to talk to a guy in a referee shirt and gets no real answers. He talks to a few more people in the crowd who they want to see get their heads shaved.
Austin goes around the ring talking to fans and talking to the audience. It’s really of no importance, but Austin’s still good on the mic and entertaining, even within the constraints of a feud between Donald Trump and Vince McMahon.
The show unsurprisingly ends with a beer bash.
The Inside Pulse
When someone asks me about ECW this week, I’m going to respond with “ECW was on this week?” Two matches that didn’t matter and a whole lot of Vince McMahon. You know what? I’m not calling Hardcore Holly vs. Balls Mahoney a match.
I didn’t think that Austin would be able to be the highlight of the show, but there it was. Austin was entertaining, unlike the rest of the program tonight. I suppose that I can look forward to Mick Foley next week and little else now that the two ECW matches have been cemented for Wrestlemania. Although I guess we can look forward to seeing what side of the fence CM Punk is gonna sit on.
- Hardcore Holly over Balls Mahoney by Alabama Slam
- Rob Van Dam over Eliah Burke by Five Star Frog Splash
