The Chrononaut Chronicles – WWE 24/7: WWF WrestleMania V – Sunday, April 2, 1989
– Completing the Road To WrestleMania V trilogy, here is the big show itself (subtitled “The Mega-Powers EXPLODE!”) and when I say big I mean big, as it is nearly four hours long like the WrestleManias of today. The crowd in Atlantic City’s Trump Plaza is infamously dead for most of the show, so I have decided to pretend they’re like a Japanese crowd and are respectfully silent in appreciation of the work. The corrupt businessmen in the audience help enhance that illusion.
– The WWE 24/7 Rewind is a look at the unique setup at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas for WrestleMania IX, featuring the WWF debut of Jim Ross in a toga. One day in and Good Ol’ JR had to be questioning if this was the place for him. 14 years later and you damn right he’s glad he wore that toga.
– YES! The boss saxophone riff kicks us off as Vince McMahon in voiceover form reminds us that tonight, “The Mega-Powers EXPLODE!”, before WWF Women’s Champion Rockin’ Robin butchers “America The Beautiful”. To be fair, her voice isn’t that bad but she seems really nervous.
– Gorilla Monsoon & Jesse “The Body” Ventura are on commentary from their perch high above the crowd. It might be just me, but I’d like to see someone use that announce position again to give the show more of a sports-like feel.
– King Haku vs. Hercules
Bobby Heenan accompanies Haku and requests that everybody bow to the King, but nobody does and Hercules gets a good reaction as he clears the ring by swinging his chain. Hercules goes to discard the chain and Haku blindsides him to start, but Herc comes back and clotheslines Haku over the top rope. Herc suplexes Haku back in and drops some elbows, but decides to go out after Heenan for no reason and Haku levels him with a clothesline. Haku rams Herc’s back against the apron and focuses on the back in the ring with a backbreaker for a two-count and a bearhug, but the Mighty One hits a crossbody for a near-fall and unloads on the King. Powerslam gets two and Hercules goes to the top turnbuckle, but Haku catches him coming down with a superkick to “OOOHH” the crowd. It didn’t look quite as graceful as Shelton Benjamin springboarding into the Sweet Chin Music from Shawn Michaels, but it was still cool to see from bigger guys like this. However, the King misses a headbutt off the middle turnbuckle and Hercules pins Haku with a bridging back suplex. *¾ – solid power match to open the biggest show of the year and I appreciated Jesse giving some background by noting that Herc was a former Heenan Family member and referring to him as “slave”.
– Mean Gene Okerlund interviews the Rockers as they plan to run circles around the Twin Towers.
– The Twin Towers vs. The Rockers
Slick seconds the Big Boss Man & Akeem while “Jive Soul Bro” is edited out since this show is taken from the WrestleMania Anthology DVD box, although if you really listen you can hear it during Howard Finkel’s introductions. The Rockers employ their strategy right off the bat as they bait the Twin Towers into chasing them around the ring before Shawn Michaels locks up with the Boss Man, who powers Shawn into a corner and slaps him across the face. However, Marty Jannetty slaps Boss Man from the apron to attract his attention and Shawn leaps off the turnbuckles with a missile dropkick to the back of the head. Michaels peppers Boss Man with punches and hits Akeem on the apron, but the African Dream tags in and the Rockers work over his arm until Akeem tags Boss Man and the Towers sandwich Jannetty between them. The Towers tag in-and-out as they slow the pace and punish Marty using their extreme weight advantage, but Marty finally manages to avoid a double-team and tags Shawn after Akeem crashes into Boss Man. Shawn slingshots in with a dropkick and the Rockers level Akeem with a double flying shoulderblock off the middle turnbuckle for a two-count, but Akeem clobbers Michaels with a clothesline and tags Boss Man, who misses a splash off the top and Shawn covers him for two. Michaels hops up for a huracanrana(?) but Boss Man catches him and Michaels punches away until Jannetty trips Boss Man from behind and Shawn lands on top of the big guy while Jesse complains about the illegal double-teaming. The Rockers nail the Boss Man with mistimed missile dropkicks off the top for a near-fall as Akeem makes the save and dumps Jannetty to the floor. Shawn dives off the top with another huracanrana attempt, but Boss Man plants him with a powerbomb and tags out as Akeem flattens Michaels with the Air Africa splash off the ropes. *** – this is the perfect template for the “big guys vs. little guys” match, as the Towers gave the Rockers a lot of credible offense rather than it just being a total squash, which is what you might expect. Great stuff that the crowd silently enjoyed for the most part and it gave the Towers a big win as they would go on to feud with Demolition throughout the spring and summer of ’89.
– Tony Schiavone interviews Ted DiBiase, who notes that elite businessmen such as Donald Trump are in attendance this afternoon, so he can’t let Brutus Beefcake get his “grubby paws” on his finely-groomed hair in front of them.
– “Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase vs. Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake
Virgil accompanies the Million Dollar Man, who shakes hands with Donald Trump at ringside and demands to be introduced as the “Million Dollar Champion”. DiBiase shows off his Million Dollar Championship belt and trashtalks Brutus, who responds with punches and back-bodydrops as DiBiase bails out to regroup and Jesse notes that it’s like a quarterback running out of bounds to avoid taking a hit since there are no official timeouts in wrestling. It’s little sports-like touches like that I miss. Back inside, Beefcake unloads on DiBiase and clotheslines him over the top rope so the Million Dollar Man calls for a timeout and stalls at ringside, but he comes back in and they slug it out until Virgil grabs Beefcake’s leg and DiBiase cheapshots the Barber to take control. Fistdrop gets a two-count and DiBiase lands a double-axhandle off the middle turnbuckle followed by a stomp to the face for a near-fall, but Brutus small-packages him for two and Ted stomps away. Brutus reverses a vertical suplex and they deck each other with simultaneous clotheslines, but the Million Dollar Man gets up first and suplexes the Barber before hooking in the Million Dollar Dream. Beefcake makes it to the ropes to force a break and mounts a comeback as he slaps on the sleeperhold, but Virgil hops up on the apron and Brutus foolishly releases the sleeper to go after the bodyguard. DiBiase knocks Beefcake through the ropes with a knee to the back and Brutus goes after Virgil on the floor, but DiBiase strikes from behind and they slug it out as the referee calls for the bell and rules it a double-countout. Afterwards, Beefcake posts DiBiase and locks the sleeper on Virgil in the ring until DiBiase returns and Brutus decks him too. The Barber plans to do some struttin’ and cuttin’ as he retrieves his cartoonishly-oversized shears, but the heels retreat while Monsoon declares that Bruti earned the moral victory. *¾ – never really got going and I hate that copout finish, but I understand why they did it since neither guy could really afford to lose.
– Earlier This Morning, Lord Alfred Hayes was on-hand at the WrestleMania Brunch to observe the Bushwhackers eating like slobs and speaking with their mouths full when His Lordship asks them about the Fabulous Rougeaus.
– The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers vs. The Bushwhackers
The “All American Boys” are billed from Memphis, TN, and managed by Jimmy Hart as the Bushwhackers march out and steal the Mouth Of The South’s jacket. Luke & Butch prepare to rip it apart, but the Rougeaus make the save and Jimmy comes in to retrieve his jacket. However, the New Zealanders whip the amazing French Canadians into their manager and the heels bail out. Monsoon suddenly goes all Lou Dobbs on us and condemns immigration while the Bushwhackers level Raymond with the Battering Ram and Luke covers him, but moves out of the way when Jacques tries to make the save and accidentally kneedrops his own brother. Luke is ready to lock up with Jacques, but Raymond blindsides Luke and the referee stops Butch from helping his cousin while Ray applies a Boston crab on Luke and Jacques stomps away. The Rougeaus control Luke with frequent tags and double-teams, but they start celebrating too early and the Bushwhackers nail Ray with the Battering Ram while the ref is busy with Jacques. The Bushwhackers drop Raymond with a double stomachbreaker and Luke scores the pin to upset the Rougeaus. ** – short ‘n’ sweet comedy match, although the MSG match was much better.
– Sean Mooney is in the aisleway, ostensibly to interview some fans, but the Bushwhackers come up from behind and vigorously lick his head. I wonder if that was a rib.
– Mr. Perfect vs. The Blue Blazer
This is the debut of the Perfect singlet, as Curt Hennig had been wearing plain trunks since his arrival and the commentators make a big deal out of his new look. Mr. Perfect goes the humiliation route by powering the Blue Blazer into a corner and slapping him, but the Blazer blocks the next slap and responds with a slap of his own. The Blazer flips out of a hiptoss and knocks Perfect to the floor with a dropkick before following out with a sliding dropkick under the bottom rope and working over the arm back in the ring. Blazer shows off his agility and drops Perfect with a backbreaker for a one-count, but Perfect gets the knees up to block a splash off the top turnbuckle and pounds the Blazer’s back while Jesse sends a shoutout to his “four biggest fans in Minneapolis”, which I believe are his kids/family. The Blazer comes back with a powerslam and a snap belly-to-belly suplex for two before catching Perfect in a crucifix for another near-fall, but the masked man stops to argue with the referee and Perfect traps Blazer in the Perfectplex for the 1-2-3 to maintain his “perfect” record. ** – definitely needed a lot more time, but it was good while it lasted. I feel like I’m recapping TNA Impact again.
– Now it’s time for Ventura’s surprise, as Howard Finkel introduces him to the audience as a “self-professed Major Hollywood Star” and the Body flexes and poses from the broadcast table while we get a “Jesse” chant.
– Yesterday Morning, Lord Alfred was on-hand for the WrestleMania 5K run as Mr. Fuji jogs in wearing a tuxedo as a late entrant and cheats (via rickshaw, although it wasn’t shown here) to complete the race in good time. The Devious One brags that the handicap match will be no problem and his Powers Of Pain will become World Tag Team Champions.
– Run DMC perform the WrestleMania Rap. I’ve already wasted enough space on this horrible abomination. -****************
– We get a recap of the Demolition/Powers Of Pain feud beginning with the double-turn at the 1988 Survivor Series.
– Mean Gene interviews WWF Tag Team Champions Demolition, who plan to demolish their opponents. That’s kind of redundant.
– WWF Tag Team Title – Handicap Match: Powers Of Pain & Mr. Fuji vs. Demolition [champions]
I’m just going to copy-and-paste from my recap of the Demolition video. Jesse hilariously brags about Fuji completing the WrestleMania 5K marathon in good time while wearing a tuxedo, but Gorilla points out that Fuji rode a rickshaw to get to the finish line. Monsoon states that this is the first time the Tag Team Title has been decided in a handicap match as Ax pounds Warlord to start and tags Smash, who rains down double-axhandles with Ax. Demolition tag in-and-out to control Warlord until he powers Smash into the heel corner and tags Barbarian, but Smash boots him in the face and tags Ax as Demolition isolate Barbarian and work him over with quick tags. Barbarian finally chops Smash down and tags Warlord, but Smash drags Warlord back to the Demo corner and tags Ax. They mow down Warlord with a double clothesline and Ax goes after Fuji on the apron, but Barbarian catches him with a kick and the Powers pound Ax in their corner as Fuji stands on his throat. Fuji tags in and throws a chop before dropping a headbutt to the lower midsection and tagging Barbarian, who levels Ax with a big boot and a leaping shoulderblock off the ropes. Warlord gets the tag and pounds Ax down for a two-count, then tags out. Barbarian tags Fuji and slams Ax, but when Fuji dives off the top turnbuckle Ax rolls out of the way and crawls toward his corner. However, Fuji tags Warlord and he knocks Smash off the apron. Warlord and Ax both go down after simultaneous clotheslines, but Ax makes the hot tag and Smash cleans house on the Powers while Fuji remains parked on the apron. Smash drops Warlord’s throat across the top rope with some help from Ax on the apron and covers him for a two-count, but Barbarian makes the save and Ax clotheslines him over the top. Warlord holds Smash as Fuji throws salt, but Smash ducks and Warlord is blinded by the salt as he disappears from the ring, leaving Fuji alone with his former proteges. Demolition destroy Fuji with the Decapitation and Ax pins him to retain the WWF Tag Team Championship. I guess I just have a thing for power teams with facepaint, but I always thought the Powers Of Pain had potential with Fuji as their manager. **½ – good power stuff here and it was pretty much the blowoff to the feud as Warlord & Barbarian competed in mostly singles matches until the 1989 Survivor Series, where Demolition and the Powers were on opposing teams.
– Schiavone tries to invade Randy Savage’s dressing room, but the Macho Man shoves the cameraman down and threatens Tony before running off like an escaped mental patient.
– “Rugged” Ronnie Garvin vs. Dino Bravo
Frenchy Martin is managing Dino Bravo here while Rugged Ronnie is already in the ring without an entrance, which is certainly an ominous sign for the only former NWA World Heavyweight Champion on the card. After the introductions, Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka makes his return to the WWF to pose in the ring and greet the crowd before leaving. That was pretty random. Garvin can’t decide which side of the crowd to throw his towel, so Bravo blindsides him and completely dominates him until Ronnie knocks Dino down for a two-count. The Rugged One slugs away on the Canadian Strongman and applies a sleeperhold, but Bravo makes it to the ropes. Bravo back-bodydrops out of a piledriver attempt, but Garvin sunset-flips him for a near-fall and throws chops as Jesse notes that Garvin is a notorious slow-starter. After drilling Rugged Ronnie with an inverted atomic drop out of the corner, Bravo side-suplexes Garvin for the un-deux-trois. Afterwards, Garvin blindsides Bravo and lays out Frenchy with his Hands of Stone before executing the Garvin Stomp, even though Martin didn’t even interfere. What a sore loser. *¼ – basically a squash, with the extra ¼ for the clean finish.
– The Brain Busters vs. Strike Force
Bobby Heenan accompanies Tully Blanchard & Arn Anderson, while this is Strike Force’s first match back as a tag team since Rick Martel suffered his injury a few months earlier. Blanchard goes through some chain-wrestling with Martel to start and the Brain Busters try to trap him in their corner, but Martel fights out and Tito Santana comes in as all four men are in the ring until Strike Force clean house with dropkicks. Back inside, Anderson squeezes Martel in a bodyscissors and he counters with the Boston Crab, but Tully thumbs the eyes to break it and tags in. Tully grabs a headlock, but Martel makes the blind tag and Santana bulldogs Blanchard before applying the figure-four. Anderson comes in to help his partner, but Martel takes him down in a figure-four too as the crowd surprisingly pops for that old NWA chestnut. Tito bridges out of a pin and backslides Tully for a near-fall, but Arn makes the save and the Busters prepare a double back-bodydrop. However, Tito kicks Arn and small-packages Tully as the referee ushers Arn out. Meanwhile, Tito makes the tag and aims a flying forearm at Tully, but Blanchard ducks and Santana accidentally nails Martel. Martel rolls out and holds his head on the apron while the Busters take over on Santana, who springs off the turnbuckles with a crossbody on Blanchard for a two-count. Arn tags in and punishes Tito, but he goes to the top turnbuckle and Tito slams him off before crawling toward his corner looking for a tag. Martel ignores Santana and walks off, abandoning his former WWF Tag Team Championship partner while the Busters double-team Santana and Jesse declares it a handicap match now. Arn stomping Tito in his empty corner while yelling at him to tag and asking where his partner went is classic. Anderson plants Santana with the spinebuster and tags Blanchard, but Tito fires back until Tully blocks a monkeyflip and tags Arn. The Brain Busters drill Santana with the spike piledriver and Anderson scores the pin to end Tito’s hopes. **½ – it’s too bad there wasn’t a series between these teams before Martel’s heel turn, because they had a great little match going until the angle kicked in.
– Mean Gene interviews Rick Martel, who cements his heel turn by complaining about Tito Santana hijacking his successful singles run and riding his coattails in Strike Force.
– Gorilla promises us “plenty more excitement” as we go to the return of Piper’s Pit, but it’s Brother Love who walks out in a kilt to Rowdy Roddy’s bagpipe theme. After doing his best Piper imitation while interviewing himself, Love is joined by chain-smoking trash-TV host Morton Downey Jr. and they bicker until the Rowdy One himself is finally introduced and makes his first WWF appearance since WrestleMania III, I believe. Piper berates Love, but there’s a huge edit as we are deprived of the sight of Piper de-kilting Love and go straight to Downey blowing smoke in Piper’s face until Hot Rod blasts him with a fire extinguisher. Even as a kid I thought the insults thrown around were lame and this whole segment can be summed up in the words of a random fan that can be heard yelling “THIS IS STUPID!” at one point. God, what a massive waste of time.
– The trailer for No Holds Barred premieres as Mean Gene hypes it up. I saw it in the theater and liked it as a kid, but I can only imagine how horrible my adult eyes and brain would find it now.
– Mooney is as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs as he trips over his own words a few times while interviewing Donald Trump at ringside.
– Jesse freaks out over the No Holds Barred trailer and cuts a frothing-at-the-mouth promo accusing Hulk Hogan of trying to muscle in on his Hollywood territory. I know Jesse was an invaluable commentator, but it would have been cool if he became a manager and started sending guys after the Hulkster. If they had to bring in Zeus and do that feud, it would have been more interesting if Ventura was the one who brought him in and managed Zeus & Savage against Hogan & Beefcake. Oh well.
– We get a recap of the Mega-Powers saga from WrestleMania IV to The Main Event of February ’89 (man, what an epic storyline, probably the last of its kind, not counting the Sting/nWo angle in WCW) before Mean Gene interviews Hulk Hogan, who explains that the Macho Man couldn’t be the man his Hulkamaniacs expected him to be and claims that Donald Trump had a team of seismologists inspect Trump Plaza to make sure it could withstand the explosion of the Mega-Powers.
– Andre The Giant vs. Jake “The Snake” Roberts
Big John Studd is introduced first as the Special Guest Referee, which always seemed like a really biased choice since I don’t recall him having any heat with the Snake. I realize it was intended to set up another Studd/Andre feud, but it seemed unfair from my markish perspective at the time. Bobby Heenan accompanies the Giant and Roberts brings his sack as Andre jumps him as soon as he enters the ring and rams his head against the turnbuckle bolt, which was somehow exposed when the pad was removed during the entrances. Studd is already a failure as Andre ragdolls Jake until he fights back and heads for his snake bag, but the Giant yanks the Snake back into a standing chinlock and squashes him in the corner while Big John issues warnings. Andre procedes to choke and crush Jake, but Roberts fires back with a clothesline and Andre gets tied in the ropes (Andre-style, naturally) while Jake chokes and pounds him. Jake considers grabbing Damian from his sack while the Brain helps free the Giant, who grips the Snake by the throat and levels him with a headbutt. Andre chokes and chops Jake in the corner, but Jake catches him with a kneelift and punches away before ramming Andre’s head against the exposed turnbuckle bolt to finally take him down. However, the Giant knocks the Snake out to the floor and keeps preventing him from returning to the ring as Studd warns him to stop interrupting the count. Andre & Studd shove each other while Jake grabs his bag, but Ted DiBiase & Virgil run out to blindside Jake and steal the sack. We get a split-screen as the Snake attacks the Million Dollar Man to retrieve his sack while Andre hammers Studd with headbutts and chokes him until Jake unleashes Damian and Andre bails out. The bell rings and Studd declares Roberts the winner via disqualification while the commentators argue over the decision and Monsoon neglects to point out that ANDRE ATTACKED THE REFEREE, which I assumed was the main reason for the DQ. *½ – I know it’s been said countless times over the years, but it was really sad to see Andre in such awful condition as he could barely move and he looked like he was in pain with each step. Obviously, it didn’t result in a very good match at all, but this bout did lead to the DiBiase/Roberts feud which in turn led to the Big Boss Man’s face turn almost a year later.
– Mooney is in the cheap seats to interview a couple of planted “fans” (I think these are the same “superfan” guys who appeared in those retarded Royal Rumble commercials in the mid ’90s) before we go backstage to Tony Schiavone interviewing Sensational Sherri, who rips into Rockin’ Robin’s singing performance earlier and compares herself to Elizabeth. FORESHADOWING!
– Greg “The Hammer” Valentine & Honky Tonk Man vs. The Hart Foundation
Jimmy Hart is with the Hammer & Honky Tonk as the commentators point out the similarity between the two teams since they each have contrasting styles. Bret Hart rolls up Honky for an early two-count and drills him with both versions of the atomic drop, but he tags out and Valentine receives an inverted atomic drop and a dropkick. The Hit Man tags the Anvil and whips the Hammer to the ropes before slingshotting Neidhart in with a great shoulderblock for a near-fall, but Hart tags back in and misses an elbowdrop as the future Rhythm ‘N’ Blues isolate Bret and work him over in their half of the ring. Honky Tonk plants Bret with the Shake Rattle & Roll and tags out as Hart counters Valentine’s figure-four, but Greg drops him with a stomachbreaker for two and the heels maintain control until Bret slips out and makes the hot tag. The Anvil cleans house with dropkicks and shoulderblocks until the Hammer thumbs his eye and tags the Honk, who misses a fistdrop and Bret tags back in to unleash an elbowdrop off the middle turnbuckle and a vertical suplex for two as Valentine makes the save and knocks Neidhart off the apron. Valentine has the referee distracted while Jimmy Hart leaves the megaphone on the apron and baits Neidhart into chasing him, but the Anvil outsmarts him by stopping the chase and throwing the megaphone to the Hit Man. Hart clocks Honky with the megaphone and covers him for the three-count as Valentine is a split-second late in making the save. *** – as a big fan of the Honky/Valentine team as well as the Foundation, I’ve always really liked this match with both squads working like well-oiled machines, if you will, and I loved the finish since it showed that the Foundation knew all of Jimmy’s tricks and beat his boys with a taste of their own medicine.
– Let’s take you back to the 1989 Royal Rumble as Rick Rude attacked the Ultimate Warrior during their posedown. An unidentified Nick Bockwinkel appears as one of the road agents coming out to help and gets chopped by the blinded Warrior, so I guess Wikipedia is right and Nick did work for the WWF.
– WWF Intercontinental Title: “Ravishing” Rick Rude vs. The Ultimate Warrior [champion]
Bobby Heenan seconds Ravishing Rick and removes his robe after Rude asks the “high-rollin’ Atlantic City sweathogs” to keep the noise down while he gives us a look at the “sexiest man alive”. For those of you keeping track, Rude’s tights depict the Intercontinental belt on the front and the Warrior’s face on the back. Warrior charges his challenger right away and Rude knees him in the gut, but Warrior is still wearing the belt so Rude hurts himself and the Warrior punishes his back as he effortlessly ragdolls him. A bearhug slows things down, but Rude eyepokes Warrior to escape and nails the Ultimate One with a beautiful missile dropkick off the top turnbuckle for not even a one-count as Warrior does a power-kickout and Rude clutches his back. The Warrior bodyslams Rude twice and applies the bearhug again as we get a “Weasel” chant to annoy the Brain, but Rude bites his way out and Warrior responds in kind by gnawing on Rude’s forehead. Warrior back-bodydrops Rude and goes for a splash off the ropes, but Rude gets the knees up and stomps the midsection before piledriving Warrior for a near-fall. Jawbreaker and Rude decides to swivel his hips, but it aggravates his damaged back and he clotheslines Warrior for two. Sloppy Russian legsweep (so bad that Monsoon thinks it’s a neckbreaker) earns another near-fall and Rude applies the surfboard we all know and hate, but Warrior makes it to the ropes and unloads on Rude as Jesse feels sorry for Heenan because he came so close to getting the gold he’s never had in his Family.
The Warrior executes a backbreaker and almost kills Rude when he holds on for another one and loses his balance, stumbling toward the ropes and accidentally dumping Rude on his head. What a f*cking moron. Warrior continues to manhandle Rude until missing a Stinger Splash in the corner, but he powers out of the Rude Awakening and the Ravishing One bails out after a clothesline. Back inside, the Warrior clotheslines Ravishing Rick over the top rope and tries to suplex him back in, but Heenan hooks Warrior’s leg and Rude crashes down on top of him to score the pin and steal the WWF Intercontinental Championship. Afterwards, Rude flees the scene while Warrior lifts Heenan in the Gorilla Press and nearly kills him by losing his grip and dropping him. **** – another match I’ve always really liked, despite the near-death experiences, as Rude bumped like a madman and never stopped selling the back. It was the biggest upset ever and the first time a member of the Heenan Family won a title, so it was a pretty big deal as Jesse mentions that Monsoon will never hear the end of it from the Brain. Also, I believe this was the first time Warrior had been pinned in the WWF as far as I know.
– Bad News Brown vs. “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan
It’s kind of weird, because I’ve been working on this recap over a period of several days and within those few days Bad News passed away, so this one’s for all the beer-bellied sharecroppers out there. Bad News attacks Hacksaw as soon as he steps through the ropes, but Duggan avoids a charge in the corner and clotheslines Brown, who bails out. Duggan slingshots Brown back inside and slugs away, but he sets for a back-bodydrop and the Harlem streetfighter clubs him across the back before foolishly working over Hacksaw’s thick skull. Bad News pounds Hacksaw and rams him into the ringpost at ringside, but they go back in the ring and Duggan ducks the Ghetto Blaster. Duggan knocks Brown through the ropes with the three-point clothesline and Brown returns with a chair, but Duggan counters with his 2×4 and the referee calls for a double-disqualification as they continue to brawl until Hacksaw clotheslines Bad News to the floor with the 2×4. Jesse making fun of Duggan for having snot hanging out of his nose afterwards (ewww, you know if that happened today Vince would probably make it his gimmick) is an absolute instant classic. * – sloppy filler brawl with no storyline. I don’t think they ever blew off the issue set up by the finish, but an all-out no-DQ Street Fight between these two could have kicked ass if it happened anywhere other than the WWF. Pretty sad that Bad News went from feuding with Savage & Hogan to a double-DQ with Hacksaw in like a month.
– Mean Gene interviews the Red Rooster, who claims it will be “a great day in the barnyard” when he beats Bobby Heenan and crows like a rooster before strutting away. What else can one say but, MAN WHAT A STUPID GIMMICK!
– Bobby “The Brain” Heenan vs. The Red Rooster
The Brain is clutching his ribs as he comes out with the Brooklyn Brawler and wrestles in his traditional Andre-style singlet. He and Andre would have looked cute as a tag team! Heenan cowers in the corner and covers up, but the Red Rooster has NO MERCY and pounds away. The Brain reverses an Irish-whip, but he misses a charge in the corner and posts his shoulder before Rooster rolls up Heenan for the quick 1-2-3 in less than a minute. The Rooster runs off the Brawler & Heenan after a brief postmatch assault. *½ – exactly what it needed to be, thus earning the extra ½.
– Mean Gene interviews Elizabeth, who claims that she’ll be supporting both men from her neutral corner and hopes that neither man will be seriously injured. Typical woman… MAKE UP YOUR DAMN MIND.
– Schiavone is in the empty locker room to inform us that all the wrestlers have headed to the arena to watch THE MEGA-POWERS EXPLODE!
– Mooney is in the crowd for an informal poll of who’s going to win: the kids around him choose Hogan while the adults choose Savage. I guess Cena really is the new Hulkster.
– WWF Title: “Macho Man” Randy Savage [champion] vs. Hulk Hogan
Miss Elizabeth gets her own entrance (still using “Pomp And Circumstance” though) after the Macho Man and before the Hulkster, as I get a chuckle out of Pat Patterson being the one to escort her down the aisle with Trump Plaza Security; I guess he was the only guy Randy could trust not to cop a feel on his wife. Jesse is spot-on with his heel commentary as he suggests that Liz is a “gold-digger” who will leave with the winner and questions why the WWF Champion entered the ring first, rather than the challenger, back in the days when that was an unusual occurance. Lots of stalling from Savage to start until Hogan chases him around ringside and Randy uses Elizabeth as a shield to stop Hulk. That never gets old. Back inside, we get some CHAIN-WRESTLING from Hogan as he grabs a headlock, switches to a drop-toehold, and applies a front-facelock. And the crowd POPS. Savage back-suplexes out of a headlock, but misses an elbowdrop and Hogan throws punches. The Hulkster twists the arm, but the Macho Man gouges the eyes to escape and lands the flying double-axhandle off the top turnbuckle for a two-count before applying an armbar on the mat and using the hair to keep him there. We get a “Hogan” chant as Hogan finally powers to his feet and Savage tries the hairpull again, but the Hulkster uses the trunks to dump Savage through the ropes.
Back inside, Hogan clotheslines Savage and drops a pair of elbows, but instead of dropping a third he decides to heelishly rake Savage’s face with his boot. Hogan sets for a back-bodydrop, but Savage kicks him and clotheslines him down for two as Hulk is bleeding slightly above the left eye and Macho grabs a chinlock. Jesse wonders if the match should be stopped due to the cut and Monsoon indignantly responds that they don’t stop championship matches for a cut over the eye; was that a thinly-veiled shot at the NWA? Hogan mounts a comeback and hits an atomic drop, but misses an elbowdrop and Savage runs his head into the turnbuckle with a knee to the back before rolling him up with a handful of trunks for a near-fall. Savage continues to work over the wound until Hogan pops up and unloads on the WWF Champion as he clotheslines him in the corner, but Hulk sells the arm work from earlier and shakes his arm like he hurt it. VERY NICE. Hogan scoops up Savage and bodyslams him over the top rope as Elizabeth comes over to help Randy, but he shoves her away and drags Hogan out to the floor to rake the cut. Being the merciless bastard he is, Hogan scoops up Savage and prepares to ram him into the ringpost, but Elizabeth won’t let him so Savage slips out the back door and posts Hogan as Liz dodges out of the way and attends to the Hulkster. However, Savage doesn’t appreciate it and physically intimidates her until referee Earl Hebner separates them and ejects Elizabeth from ringside.
Savage drops the double-axhandle off the top to the floor, crushing Hogan’s throat on the guardrail, and brings him back inside to snap Hogan’s throat across the top rope and focus his attack on the throat area. Kneedrop gets two and Savage chokes Hogan with the tape from his wrist before choking him down with his bare hands and landing the big flying elbow off the top, but Hogan kicks out and begins to hulk-up as the crowd goes banana. The finish is academic as Hogan levels Savage with the big boot and adds the legdrop to capture his second WWF Heavyweight Championship. The Hulkster’s brief postmatch pandering to Donald Trump is a bit sickening, while the Macho Man can’t believe what happened and storms off. Jesse threatens to come out of retirement and take Hogan down as we are treated to the old posedown routine. ***** – to paraphrase Ventura, this was the textbook definition of “Main Event” with an epic storyline, a hot crowd, and great work from both of these iconic legends. I loved Savage’s work on the cut, the throat, and the arm early on, which all factored into the story of the match, and Hogan’s comebacks are second-to-none. Put it all together and I don’t care what ANYBODY says, that’s a ***** WrestleMania main event.
Afterthoughts: I’ve read a lot of comments about how long and boring this uncut edition of WrestleMania V is, but to me that’s what makes it the epic show it is and gives it that Super Bowl feel, if that makes any sense. I love the show, as it was the first WrestleMania where I was becoming a huge fan and I like pretty much everything on the card, other than the embarrassingly lame Piper’s Pit and the awful WrestleMania Rap from Run DMC. Although the two non-wrestling segments really sucked, I’ll give credit to the WWF for being on the cutting-edge for once as both rap and shock-jocks (Morton Downey Jr.) proved to be immensely popular in the years to come. For me, watching this PPV is like stepping into a time machine and becoming that 10-year-old mark again. Awesome stuff, but your mileage may vary.
