The ECW Short Form, 03.13.07

To make up for lost time, let’s do a combined Belated In Memoriam to Ernie Ladd, Brad Delp, Richard Jeni, and Betty Hutton, all of whom deserve additional consideration if not for the circumstances.

Okay, so why was I “gone”? Simple. The wonderful folks at our local gas company decided to do some digging behind my apartment building last Wednesday. Naturally, they cut the cable line. So, I was without TV and Internet access. They should have had this fixed on Saturday afternoon. However, the intelligent people that Comcast employs…well, it’s Comcast. It took until Tuesday morning for a tech to come out and figure out that they accidentally mistagged the line running to my apartment, thus giving me a Denial Of Service. Brilliant bunch of people there. However, I’m now back. If only I could get some sleep. At the same time, I’d like to figure out a way to stop the projectile vomiting I’m experiencing from reading Weavil’s column this week. Any suggestions (and murder is acceptable) are welcome.

Oh, yeah, Memo to General Peter Pace: considering that I’ve never known a Marine that doesn’t take it up the ass, you’re not only a bigot, you’re a hypocrite as well.

Well, maybe ECW will do the trick in regard to sleep…

Match Results:

Rob Van Dam, Sabu, Tommy Dreamer, and Sandman over Elijah Burke, Matt Striker, Kevin Fertig, and Monty Brown, Bastard Child Of Survivor Series and Royal Rumble Match (Sole Survivor: Tommy Dreamer): Please, don’t read anything into this as to the result of the WM match. We still have a couple more weeks to set that up.

It’s been said that the only reason why ECW is being propped up right now is because of Bobby Lashley. Hopefully, someone’s watching and can see another reason to have ECW survive as long as possible: Elijah Burke has really started to come into his own. After the transfer and the elimination of the dead weight of Terkay, Burke has begun to blossom and show what he’s really capable of. He can go technical if need be, he can do a credible brawl with a high-class brawler like Dreamer. Essentially, he’s their opportunity to learn from where they f*cked up with Shelton Benjamin. If booked correctly, he could be a world champion in about three years. He’s already close to there with the promo skills. He just needs someone to work with who can bring him to that next level. That person is on Smackdown right now. He’s holding the US title. And after having to work with that no-talent piece of shit Porter, he’ll be happy to go against someone with actual in-ring talent. So, let’s do a transfer in about three months or so, okay?

Monty hasn’t been around long enough to know that Sabu has absolutely no feeling anywhere in his body

Gene Snitsky over Michael Deaks and Danny Jacks, Handicrap Match (Pinfall, Snitsky pins one of them, kick to face): Too short and too stupid to get a screen cap. That’s all you need to know.

Bobby Lashley over Randy Orton, Non-Title Match (Pinfall, running powerslam): Oh, yeesh. You know, there are certain reasons why I sometimes blow off Raw. This week, I had more than enough reason considering who made guest appearances. However, Orton is a constant. Orton is the equivalent of the low-carb, no-sugar ice cream that I’ve had to switch to: no discernible flavor, and no joy from what’s supposed to be a pleasurable experience. It’s got to the point where Edge has pretty much thrown his hands in the air in the universal “I’ve tried everything and it hasn’t worked, so I give up” gesture. In fact, I feel sorry for Edge right now. He’s stuck with this dead weight until Trip comes back and they can blow off being a team once and for all.

If that’s too complex for you to understand, I’ll simplify it: Orton was in the Marines. Therefore, he takes it up the ass.

Lashley doesn’t mind being put in a Boston Crab. It’s just that…well, it’s Randy Orton.

Angle Developments:

Now I’m confused as to whether I really missed Raw this week

You ever wonder why I stick to prescription drugs? Because this is where street drugs get you.

“Hey, if Umaga can get away with using it as a finisher, so can I!”

Well, that’s a nice way to work my way back into this. It’s time for a shower and off to physical therapy for me, then beddy-bye for a bit. Until Impact, I’ll be hoping to avoid you.

Tags: ,