This week we’re dedicating the show to Mr. Skaaland.
Okay, we’re starting the show with the Master Lock Challenge from last night with Lashley challenging Masters in the Master Lock challenge. This Master Lock Challenge has been building for YEARS at this point and finally we’re given someone that can break a full f*cking nelson. Masters is PISSED and he’s got a BEARD! He’s gonna pay for braking the Master Lock tonight. Masters says he’s gonna break Lashley in half. After Lashley out maneuvered Masters last night, Masters out charismalesses Lashley.
Yes. Charismalesses. It’s what happens when you have less charisma than someone else in a sort of one-upsmanship type way.
Kevin Thorn with Ariel & Marcus Cor Von over Rob Van Dam and Sabu by the Pounce. Period.
Ariel’s hair is green and her outfit is black and red for those of you keeping sore. I swear her breasts get bigger each week. This week they’re HUGE.
RVD and Thorn start it off. thorn takes early control but a back body drop gives RVD a way to reverse control. Sabu’s in and RVD and Sabu get in some good old fashioned double team action in. Sabu’s too quick for Thorn (he’s too quick for someone) and he and RVD keep up with some quick tags. RVD goes for a spinning kick but thorn ducks low and RVD gets a knee full of rope. Cor Von hits a clothesline on the apron and the heels have control once more as Cor Von is tagged in.
This eight man feud has pretty much decimated the roster of ECW. If you’re not involved in this, then you’re nothing unless you are CM Punk or Bobby Lashley. They don’t even have anyone on the outskirts with anything that resembles a feud. SNITSKY happens each week, the Nitro Girls come out each week, but outside of that, we’ve got the four on four match, CM Punk and Lashley on a weekly basis. This is a slightly wider version of what TNA did to the X Division when it was only Samoa Joe, AJ Styles and Christopher Daniels fighting for the belt.
Anyway, in the match Sabu and RVD keep most of the control until Thorn can distract Sabu long enough for Cor Von to hit the POOOOUUUUUNNNNNCCCCEEEEEE-UH. Wait, I mean the shoulder block.
We were promised SNITSKY happening before the break and SNITSKY happening is what we’re gonna get.
SNITSKY happens to Mike Kolar (sp?)
What else do you need to know? This one lasted a few moments at the most.
Styles gives us an intro to the Hall of Fame inductee of the week. This week’s inductee is The Sheik. The sheik is the guy Sabu points to when he points to the sky.
And next, they’ve got no one else for Holly or CM Punk to fight, so they’re gonna fight one more time. Eh.
CM Punk over Hardcore Holly by Go to Sleep
I guess Punk’s been off TV long enough that Styles feels like he needs to re-introduce us to Punk.
Back and forth to start, but don’t think we’re getting a straight match, here comes Elijah Burke. Before too long, Holly’s got Punk in a rear chin lock for the crowd to chant his name a few times before he’s knocked down once he powers out. As Punk gets control Burke comes down to ringside to “get a better look”. Holly gets Punk in the corner and can’t get the Alabama Slam on Punk cause he’s holding on to the ropes. Holly tries for a superplex, but Punk battles out and knocks Holly down. Punk follows up with a top rope leg drop.
Burke distracts the ref as Thorn pulls holly across his back against the ropes. Punk hits the Go to Sleep after seeing Thorn do this and picks up the win. A win’s a win I suppose. Right?
Punks’ backstage telling Burke he doesn’t need anyone[‘s help winning matches. Burke does some weird homo-erotic wiping of Punk’s face with a towel and runs his finger down Punk’s chest.
Quick. Do something manly!
The Nitro Girls are dancing to “Pour Some Sugar on Me”.
Elijah Burke with Matt Striker over Tommy Dreamer with Sandman by Elijah Experience
Burke takes early control, but an irish whip reversed into an arm drag changes that. Tommy follows Burke out of the ring but fails in an attempt to suplex him to the outside. Burke throws Dreamer into the ring post and brings him in the ring for a two count. TWO!
Burke goes to a rest hold so the crowd can cheer for Dreamer to break out. Dreamer grabs a neck braker after Burke messed up the spot and Dreamer hits some punches. Burke goes for a cross body, but Dreamer reverses into a fall away slam. Dreamer gets Burke in the tree of woe and Dreamer hits a drop kick on Burke. Dreamer goes for a DDT, but Burke holds the rope and Dreamer goes to the mat. Dreamer pulls himself into the corner with his back to Burke and Burke hits the “Elijah Experience”, which is a double running knee into a guy with his check in the corner.
We’re shown the video from the beginning of the show once more to pump the main event of Masters vs. Lashley. Blah.
There are two shots of the crowd when Lashley’s music hits. The first shot the people stand up and cheer. The second one the people in the front row look bored. I don’t blame them with this show. I’m sick and tired of saying that the show wasn’t too bad because it moved things along. This show’s starting a holding pattern until SNITSKY goes after Lashley’s title after Wrestlemania. They might even drop the belt if he can’t keep his shine in the spotlight at Wrestlemania.
Bobby Lashley over Chris Masters by Dominator
Don’t you think that Masters’ name would have been mentioned in that Sports illustrated pro wrestling article. Way to go Ohio, chant “boring” before the match even starts. This is a lot of Masters being mad and Lashley knocking him down.
They go out of the ring and Masters throws Lashley into the post a bit. Back in the ring Masters hits a suplex and calls for the Master Lock. Lashley reverses it into a half nelson slam. Lashley hits a power slam followed by a hanging suplex. Lashley throws Masters into the corner and clotheslines him in the corner. Lashey hits the Dominator and that’s the match and the show.
The Inside Pulse
Every week this show is looking the same. Once Wrestlemania passes by we might see some motion in this show again, but until then we’re going to see the same ol’ crap.
- Kevin Thorn with Ariel & Marcus Cor Von over Rob Van Dam and Sabu by the Pounce. Period.
- SNITSKY happens to Mike Kolar (sp?)
- CM Punk over Hardcore Holly by Go to Sleep
- Elijah Burke with Matt Striker over Tommy Dreamer with Sandman by Elijah Experience
- Bobby Lashley over Chris Masters by Dominator