Tila Tequila – “I Love U”
No label (3/14/07)
(available on iTunes and Indie911.com)
Video on YouTube
I just don’t see what the big deal is about Tila Tequila. Maybe it’s because I’m not really big on Asian girls. Yeah, she’s nice to look at, I guess, but Gong Li is leaps and bounds above her in the respective sexiness and talent departments. Aside from being nice to look at, she’s really got no discernable talents whatsoever. She’s got something like 30 million friends on MySpace, and somehow that means she’s going to be a hit in the music industry? Shouldn’t Tom cut a record then?
I was skeptical from the get-go on this one, and after hearing this song (as well as a few songs from her former band, Jealousy), I can safely say that Paris Hilton is more talented than her. I feel dirty making that statement; it’s not to say Paris Hilton is talented, but like Paris Hilton, Tila Tequila has built herself up with a cult of personality that Stalin would be jealous of, despite the fact that there’s really nothing there aside from a pretty face and set of tits.
While Tila’s background is in rock music, this song falls somewhere in the crunk rap/Southern rap territoryâ€”territory which I would liken to walking through a minefield while wearing snowshoes… while having one’s scrotum covered in fire ants. The chorus is more or less Tila shouting, with hints of a Hispanic accent (despite the fact that she’s Vietnamese/French, she apparently did used to hang out with cholos while growing up in Houston) about how the objection of her affection had better not f*ck with her shit, or else she’ll kill him. Ouch. Aside from the chorus, she raps in a flow that’s reminiscent of Trina if she inhaled some helium. This mess includes shouts out to MySpace (as well she f*cking should, like it or not) with, “Who the f*ck is this bitch on your page?”, and rhymes “my nookie” with “those hoochies”. Yikes. This song is so incredibly angry; calling it “I Love U” makes it even more of a joke than it already is. It should be called “I Kill U” or “Super Sucky Song of Suck”.
The video itself is basically three minutes of Tila Tequila writhing around, getting water dumped on her, and writhing around some more while lip-synching to the lyrics. If she were actually hotter, it might be decent, but the song being terrible combined with the video being useless makes for a truly torturous experience.
I guess in the end a pretty face and pair of tits are always going to be marketable, but trying to market shitty music under the guise of softcore pornography should be punishable by death. Tila Tequila should be stripping somewhere in Atlantic City and not polluting the music industry with this shit. I would rather watch Girls Gone Wild: Sri Lanka on mute with Creed playing in the background than have to see or hear this ever again.