Wrestlemania Feature: Pulse Wrestling Writers Pick Their Dream Matches

So I asked the Pulse Wrestling staff to come up with their “Wrestlemania dream matches (that will likely never happen)” and here’s what six of them came up with….

Sibling Rivalry Cage Match: Randy Savage, Jake Roberts, and Barry Windham versus Lanny Poffo, Sam Houston, and Kendall Windham

It started during an episode of Saturday Night’s Main Event. As “Pomp And Circumstance” played and Savage came to the ring for a match, he was Pearl Harbored. The camera focused on an enraged Lanny Poffo, not dressed as the Genius, as he proceeded to beat down Savage. Elizabeth attempted to reason with him, but Poffo said nothing and continued the beating. After a good two minutes, Poffo turned and walked back up the ramp, leaving Savage prone on the floor with Elizabeth over him. Gorilla and Jesse attempted to figure out for the audience exactly what happened and why.

Later that night, Barry Windham was facing up against Tito Santana when the match was rudely interrupted by a run-in from, of all people, Kendall Windham…and Lanny Poffo. Windham was left laying in the ring, and Santana even caught a kick in the teeth from Poffo for his troubles when he tried to stop them.

The fun continued later that night. Jake Roberts had just hit the DDT on King Kong Bundy and was about to bring out Damien when well-known jobber Sam Houston came out. He wasn’t alone, though. Windham and Poffo were with him. Between the three, they easily took care of the Snake, leaving him lying in a bloody heap after Jake took a shot to the ringpost. The trio then took to the ring, and Poffo asked for a mic.

“You know me as the Genius,” Poffo began. “I’m not. My name’s Lanny Poffo. The truth is, Randy Savage is my brother. Our dad was a famous wrestler in his time. Randy and I grew up wrestling together. We both learned the same things about wrestling. We can both do the same things in the ring. So why is Randy fighting for world titles while I have to dress up in a gown and look at the lights every night as someone pins me?” Poffo pointed to Houston. “Sam Houston here is in the same boat. He’s a talented wrestler from a good wrestling family. But why does he never get on television except when he loses, while his brother Jake the Snake…the guy who’s now laying outside the ring unconscious, by the way…gets all the glory? And Kendall here…”, as he points to Windham, “…is just as good, if not better, than his brother Barry, yet Barry is a thousand times more famous than him?”

The crowd starts to boo, intensely, but Poffo continues. “While we were backstage, we started comparing notes. Our brothers are rich and famous. They have action figures, T-shirts, and always get their matches on TV. Meanwhile, we’re regarded by you as a bunch of losers who can’t carry their jocks. We’re sick and tired of that. It’s long past time that we got a little piece of the spotlight, and we’re taking it by any means necessary. That means taking it from the people who took it from us, our brothers. If they don’t like it, too bad. It’s long past time for us.” With that, Poffo threw the mic to the mat and the trio left the ring.

The attacks continued through the house show circuit and on the syndicated shows. It got to the point where Savage, Roberts, and Windham started coming out to the ring as a group if one of them had a match. They didn’t know where or when their brothers would strike. Yet, somehow, they always ended up getting an advantage on the stars. However, despite Poffo’s demands, the WWF wouldn’t book a match between any of the brothers, in whatever combination, out of fear of things getting totally out of control. That was Jack Tunney’s excuse, anyway. But the crowd was loving it. Every time one of the three stars stepped out of the curtain, the audience began looking for the beatdown. Poffo even interrupted other wrestlers’ promos to make demands for matches. They even started winning matches, including a superb tag match between Poffo and Houston on one side and the Hart Foundation on the other.

Then things came to a head on the last SNME before Wrestlemania. Savage, Roberts, and Windham were all out at ringside for Savage’s match when Poffo came on the big screen. He, Houston, and Kendall were backstage in a dressing room. And they had Elizabeth with them. Her terrified look said everything.

“Lanny, let her go, brother” Savage said as he grabbed a mic. “This doesn’t involve her. It’s between me and you, not her.”

“It involves her now, Randy,” Poffo said. “We’ll let her go on one condition. You know what we want. We want the spotlight for once. Now we want the biggest spotlight of all. Six-man tag. Us three versus you three. At Wrestlemania.” The crowd cheered like mad. They wanted to see this. “Oh, yeah, one more thing,” Houston said. “We put our heads together and realized that you might want to weasel out of this. So how about we put this thing in a steel cage?” “No way out for anybody,” Kendall said, emphasizing the point.

Savage, Roberts, and Windham began talking. Within a few seconds, they broke apart. “It’s on,” Savage said as the crowd erupted again. “I’ll get Tunney to sanction it if it’s the last thing I do. Now let Elizabeth go.” Poffo took Elizabeth and escorted her out of the room. “I kept my word,” Poffo said, “now you keep yours.”

And Tunney did indeed sanction the match. It became one of the most anticipated matches in Wrestlemania history. The moment the cage door shut…ah, but you already know about this match. Keith to this day still uses it as his benchmark for giving a match five snowflakes, and anyone who doesn’t include it on his “Best Wrestlemania Match Ever” list is scoffed at. Poffo’s commentary on the angle and match on the Wrestlemania DVD Box Set has caused a number of columnists to do a complete reevaluation of his career in regard to him being underestimated. But the final judgment is this: for once, the neglected brothers were indeed able to get the spotlight, if only for one night. And we’re all the better for it.

Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit vs. Bret Hart in at elimination match

I don’t think I need to say why this would be awesome. We’ve seen Benoit vs. Hart, granted it was brief, but we saw it anyway. We’ve seen Kurt Angle vs. Chris Benoit, hell we’ve even see it at Wrestlemania, but this three way would wind up being some of the best wrestling we’ve ever seen. Period.

Eddie Guerrero Vs Shawn Michaels

This is the match we never got to see. I’m sure that these two would have locked up together at some point had Eddie not tragically passed away. This match would surely have it all, Drama, big moves, selling, everything you’d want and more. Two of the best workers of the past 15 years, facing off in a battle to see who really is the best. Have Shawn play plucky face with a body part to sell and have Eddie go MEGA RUDO and you have the stuff dreams are made of. We can only imagine how great a match between these two would have been and now sadly we will never truly know. I think this is without a vdoubt one of the best matches we will never see

Chris Benoit Vs Ricky Steamboat

Come on what more do you want me to say? It’s Chris Fucking Benoit Vs Ricky Fucking Steamboat!!!!!!!!. The word awesome was invented for an epic collision of this magnitude! Two of the greatest wrestlers in the history of pro wrestling, chopping the living custard and beans out of one another for the crowds enjoyment. It would be worth it alone to see Steamboat going into a seizure from taking the headbutt from the top. Imagine the unlimited number of painful looking holds and moves that Benoit could inflict on Steamboat, who would sell them with his usual awesomeness. Ah I have dreams of these two destroying each other for my own edification. Definitely a dream match without question. Those who question the brilliance shall be murdered, that will be all.

British Bulldog Vs John Cena

Now that will no doubt roll some eyes but let me explain why I’ve picked this match. I’m of course British and thus I love all things Bulldog, except the Matilda angle because that was awful, and I was sitting here thinking what Mania dream match could he take part in? I mean we’ve seen him wrestle Owen Hart, Bret Hart, Steve Austin, Shawn Michaels and Dynamite Kid so who is there left for Bulldog to wrestle that we have never seen before, and indeed will never see? Cena is that guy and I’ll explain to you why I think this. Bulldog was always an average to good worker who had a number of solid matches with a variety of opponents. Granted, his best matches were against the Bret’s and Owen’s of this world but he still had very good matches with Vader, Ahmed Johnson and The Rock. I’m very biased of course but I still think that Bulldog/Cena would be more than a match. If done right, it could be a spectacle, something you would always remember. Two strong guys who can go locking up at the biggest stage of all time. If there was ever to be a Wrestlemania in Britain, and I doubt we’ll ever get one despite being one of the WWE’s largest foreign fan bases, then this would be the Dream Main Event. Hogan Vs Bulldog? Sure that would have it’s moments but Cena Vs Bulldog is the superior match in my eyes. Other contenders would be Edge, Roddy Piper or Rick Rude, all of which would be fine matches. Still, I can Dream of seeing the Bulldog headline a Wrestlemania in his home country. He’s the only British guy who ever had, or probably will ever, have had the chance to earn that honour. Regal is never going to be a main event guy; neither is Burchill and most likely neither will Harry Smith. So, for a jaded Brit who wants to see one of his own reach the pinnacle of WWE, this is my Wrestlemania Dream Main Event. We’ve had Canadians and Mexicans in the big match, isn’t it fair that a Brit gets a crack at Mania glory?

Well those are my Wrestlemania Dream Matches, and that’s all they’ll ever be, dreams.

Kurt Angle versus Bret The Hitman Hart

In order for this match to work, we’ll have to use the old flux capacitor. Let’s go back to 1996 to grab The Hitman, then swing around to 2002 to get Angle before his neck gets any worse.

The build for this epic feud would begin with the simple yet effective issues of “who’s the best”, and “earning your opponent’s respect”. That is, of course, until their tempers flare. Next thing you know this is the great Canadian-American War.

Hart and Angle are two hard-hitting grapplers who share an extensive knowledge of mat technique and the ability to make their offense appear realistic, while selling their opponents’ moves properly. The battle between these two legends would be fierce, featuring counter holds, chain wrestling, intensity, aggression, and submission attempt after submission attempt.

The two technicians would batter each other with violence, break each other down with skill and expertise, and attempt to outlast each other with stamina, endurance, desire, and pure will to win. I’ll leave it to your imagination to determine who would win such a contest, but the obvious winners would be the fans of the product – this would be a tremendous contest to watch.

On RAW the night after WrestleMania, picture Hart and Angle hobbling out to the ring on crutches due to the many times each endured the other’s Sharpshooters, Ankle Locks, and Figure Fours. Imagine the intense stare-down followed by a firm handshake. The two warriors had indeed earned each other’s respect in the ring last night.

I don’t know why but it’s very hard for me to pick just one WrestleMania Dream Match, it just is. Maybe it’s because I’m always changing my mind so much thanks to my crap attention span. That’s my excuse, and I’m sticking to it. However, that’s not stopping me from putting out a few of my own personal picks …

Samoa Joe vs. Shawn Michaels – an easy four star match, and maybe a five star match depending on how long it goes for.

AJ Styles vs. Chris Jericho – yet another four star plus match. I’ve been fans of both of these guys since I saw them both peform, and would love to see two of the best wrestlers of my generation wrestle at WrestleMania.

JBL vs. The Rock – or hell, even just an interview segment between these two. Either would suffice, but if they’re going to do an interview I’d go ahead and throw Kevin Nash in too if I could.

Edge and Christian vs. The Hardy Boys vs. The Dudley Boys vs. Paul London and Brian Kendrick – TLC match, of course.

But there’s one dream match of mine which I have had for the last few years: Edge vs. The Undertaker. The problem with that dream match, though, is that it’s only a dream match so long as both of them have undefeated streaks. Although, right now, Edge’s streak really does look very tame in comparison to Undertaker’s. I was going to say that this match was on tie with an old dream match of mine, Samoa Joe vs. The Undertaker (would be a good match), but now that Joe’s undefeated streak has ended it doesn’t interest me as much as a possible Edge against Undertaker match. The quality of the match itself might not be to everyone’s liking, but it’s undeniable that the crowd would be hot for the match. And I’d just love to see everyone ranting about which undefeated streak should never be ended.

My Wrestlemania dream match is a common one but a good one. It’s an Ironman match. I think it would be best at 2 hours, but I’d be willing to shorten it to 1. The first participant is one of the greatest workers of all time, Chris Benoit. The second participant is also great. We know he is great, it says so right in his name. He is The Great Khali.

Within 30 seconds, The Great Khali hits his signature chop and pins Chris Benoit. Khali spends the next 59 minutes and 30 seconds no-selling every Benoit offensive move, hitting a chop and pinning him. When the bell finally rings, the final score is 45-0. Chris Benoit slowly gets to his feet as Khali raises his arms in victory to surely a huge cheer from the fans. Chris Benoit slowly claps his hands for the winner, then offers to shake Khali’s massive paw. Khali responds by chopping him. Suddenly, “THE FINAL COUNTDOWN” begins to play, and OHMYGOD! It’s Bryan Danielson! He runs to the ring and is instantly met with a chop by Khali. Danielson falls on top of Benoit in the 69 position.

Remember, my favorite Wrestlemania moment is Bill Goldberg vs. Brock Lesnar. I hope this makes a bit more sense.

What’s YOUR Wrestlemania dream match? Click “comment” below and share your best fantasy booking now!