Contradicting Popular Opinion:
An Enquiry Concerning MAILBAG!
Intro
I took vacation last week; part of me is still there.
CPO Nomination
Colin P was underwhelmed by The Deaprted:
I don’t know if you’ve watched it yet, but it has sooo many problems.
The most glaring, how does Jack not ferret out Leo as the rat?he’s a former cadet
he’s the new guy
he didn’t stay in the bar when they were giving their info
why didn’t Drake from Aliens rat the rat when he gave him the wrong address?Okay, so Jason Bourne can’t get it up so his broad has to bang Leo. Why Leo? He basically bullied her into giving him tranqs, and what kind of shrink is she that she looked like such a deer in the headlights during that whole sequence?
Where’s the payoff of Bourne finding out Leo’s banging his woman (and is the baby Leo’s?)?
When his woman was all heated about him being the rat, why doesn’t Bourne just say “I realised my mistake. After all, I’m the one who shot the guy! I could have let him go!”
I think there’s more, but my lack of caffeine today is crushing my skull.
Well, since I already did the Ghost Rider comparison, I’ll leave The Departed Alone for now.
Okay maybe a Haiku:
The Departed
So overrated
Scorsese’s Oscar picture
Ev’rybody dies.
Badass Backlash
The following messages are in response to the Popcorn Junkies List of the Ultimate Badasses in film.
Mattie P. says:
This list has a noticeable lack of Swayze … And where is Action Jackson.
Action Jackson is the man, but sadly couldn’t even break the top 400. As for the Swayze, well, the Popcorn Junkies successfully put baby in a corner.
The head bouncer of the Double Deuce probably should’ve been in the top 100.
Colin P. is back, writing:
My Chicagoan friend,
1. I know you’ll be receiving tonnes of emails from know-it-alls, so I’m sorry for being one of them.
Firstly, I commend the balls to put Ripley at #1. Courageous, true, and forward-thinking. My masculine, not-purposefully-misogynistic ideals reel at there being broads in both #s 1 & 2, but I can get over that.
Your CPO supplement of 61-100 got me seething, however. Now, I realise that these list are subjective, blah blah blah. I believe that Doc Holliday ought to be in the Top Ten, but grudgingly accept that not everyone thinks thusly (not really, but I’m in a Freudian denial state). But then, to see Mia Wallace beat him out?!?!
This I cannot accept!
What the F did she ever do other than whine about wanting to dance and have a $5 shake that didn’t even have any bourbon in it? She’s a badass for saying “Something” with a shot of adrenalin hanging out of her boob?
Doc was badder than bad while having a pair of lungs full of his own blood (which sucks; recalling my own bout of pneumonia, if not tuberculosis), and killed Johnny Ringo so quick that it was like nothing. Before, he thought nothing of ridiculing the “deeeeadliest pistoleer since Wild Bill (they say)” in front of everybody. He told Wyatt Earp he wasn’t bad enough to beat Ringo. He challenged Ike Clanton to a spelling contest. He’s so bad that he’s got to be given a shotgun to seem less bad!
And this dude got beaten by a trophy wife who may or may not have gotten a foot massage from a fat Samoan?
For shame.
Hey, I didn’t vote for her.
Retrograding’s Matt Reed has an opus entitled: Why GoGo Yubari should have been in the Top 60, or at least the Top 100. He’s also got clips and pictures and such:
Ignore the awesome weapon, sexy insanity, painful foreplay issues, downright
frightening voice for such a young woman (And a Japanese woman at that…Ithought they all had high pitched, squeaky voices until I saw this
movie…), and the schoolgirl outfit.The real reason I think she deserves a spot on this list?
She defeated The Bride (#2 on your list, mind you.)
Think about it.
She did what about 100 different guys and gals far older and (supposedly)
wiser than herself could not. She brought Beatrix Kiddo to her knees in a
fair, one-on-one duel. Had that been anyone but the main character, their
neck would have been snapped like a twig, and Gogo would have went on her
merry way. Stupid Deus Ex Machinas.Oh, and the “Bloody Tears” thing?
Her idea.
100% serious and honest.
Looking cool while dying is the mark of a real badass.
Oh, and it doesn’t hurt that Chiaki Kuriyama is amazingly attractive-
http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d134/Mjcool/f84f7193.jpg
-or that she is well known in Japan for doing crazy shit like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2rCRAX4TBBc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYUgk89L4Pw
-or that she’s still acting, and still coming up with new ways to be all hot
and crazy. (She plays a friggin’ Military Academy Drill Sergeant in a more
recent film. I’ve seen some stills. She’s got a damned wooden sword.)
Gogo is a fairly memorable top henchwoman, but doesn’t really do anything memorable or important enough to merit top 100 status. This comes from a fella who had Oddjob in his personal top 60.
Godzilla has his defenders out there on the interwebs. The first one is IP freelancer, Matt Y:
Godzilla is 10x the badass Kong is.
In fact Don Frye should be somewhere on that list for Godzilla: Final Battle.
Tony Montanta should be higher.
And Dash? Dash?! I thought this was a list of badasses not punk kids.
That Godzilla thing is infuriating.
Don Frye is pretty damn badass in Final Battle; it’s true.
Trevor M. joins in on the Godzilla love:
Wow, Godzilla didn’t stack up too well compared to King Kong. I’m guessing that his image is still somewhat tainted from all those movies in the 70s where he was doing flying dropkicks and teaming up with the likes of Jet Jaguar. The fairly recent American Godzilla movie probably didn’t do him many favours either (he runs away from a couple of freaking helicopters in that one!)
While he’s still probably not Top Ten material, the modern day Godzilla (the last 10 years or so) is much more of a bad-ass. Especially in Final Wars where he goes over about a third of the Godzilla monster roster gauntlet style (and in a particularly cathartic moment has a very brief squash match against the CG Godzilla from the American movie).
We get another pimp for Godzilla: Final Wars, which may be the oddest film of this millennium. For those who haven’t seen the film imagine a classic Godzilla flick, with a bit of mini-Godzilla throw in, some Invasion of the Body Snatchers, add a Neo, some motorcycle dueling, and mix in all sorts of weird. But truly, the movie belongs to Don Frye, scary UFC badass, wrestler, actor and occasional advice columnist. Frye is so badass in the picture that he refuses to speak Japanese, resulting in a series of “Wookie conversations.”
That’s all for now; we’ll be back next time with a proper column.
