Team Cage (Christian Cage, AJ Styles, Tomko, Scott Steiner, and Abyss) vs. Team Angle (Kurt Angle, Samoa Joe, Rhino, Sting, and Jeff Jarrett)
Pulse Glazer: The switch of focus from Cage vs. Joe to Cage vs. Angle for this annoys me. It seems like Joe has been given little to do but stand around in the background and be menacing. Angle is a big name, but quickly deteriorating and it makes little storyline sense for the jump from Joe to Angle. I mention this as an example of how haphazardly this is all being put together. With luck they begin the match with Joe and Styles, and since it’s a War Games it’ll be great either way. Unfortunately, all the big names and the booker being on the face side predict the winner.
Winner – Team Angle
Andy Wheeler: Wow. Just wow. You know, when I wrote my column this past week about TNA’s possible bump to a 2 hour format and I said that their main event situation was looking poor, I might have made the understatement of the year. Look at this. This is their big 10-man tag? If this was Survivor Series, this match would go on between Team MVP v. Team Hardy and a woman’s title match. And could they have made them seem more imbalanced? Poor Christian. Poor, poor Christian. Does anyone seriously think that Jeff Jarrett came back to job in his first outing as a face? Didn’t think so.
Winner – Team WWE MidCard and Samoa Joe
Widro: this is one of the best hyped matches in TNA in a long time with such a huge amount of TV devoted to it. With so many great wrestlers it could be great or an overbooked mess, and I’m counting on the latter.
Winners – Team Angle (Jarrett gets the pin)
Eric Szulczewski: The buildup on this one redefines the word “obvious”, even for Vinny Ru. Angle’s team is being made out to be such serious underdogs that it’s almost ridiculous. Therefore, they’re going to take it. The only question now is who gets the pinfall. Okay, time to think like Vinny here (either Russo or Trunicello)…we know that Joe’s going to get the title soon. That’s why they forced him to cut and run on ROH. So, does a title match at Sacrifice, ending with hinkiness from the Christian Coalition, followed up by a victory in King of the Mountain at Slammiversary sound like something they’d do (I hesitate to call it “logic”)? Yeah, it would. Sounds just about right, in fact.
Winners – Team Angle
Kace Evers: To give you an idea just how sad TNA is right now, I didn’t even stop to consider this PPV taking place this week while going through my podcast.
Winners – Team Cage
Danny Cox: I still don’t like Jarrett being a face. It’s just weird seeing him smile and hearing cheers at the same time. But you knew it was only a matter of time before he was back on the scene. Too many problems on Christian’s team lead to a victory for the faces that have been getting destroyed week in and week out since they were constantly outnumbered. Joe gets the pin and goes on to win the title shortly before Jarrett turns heel again and gets it back.
Winner – Team Angle
Vinny Truncellito: Many ways they can go here, now that the stip is that whoever gets the pinfall earns a title shot at the next month’s show. I’d like to see Christian himself score the win, then there’d be no #1 contender, causing some interesting storyline activity. They’ll probably have Team Cage win it one way or another, but they’ll do something to turn JJ face during the match.
Winners – Team Cage
David Brashear: Just when I think that TNA can’t work a miracle, they go and successfully (at least for now) turn Jarrett face. Does that as well as making Kevin Nash interesting and making me want to see Konnan on my TV qualify them for sainthood? That said, no way Team Angle goes down after the way Team Cage has been getting victory over victory. I’ll go with Joe getting the pinfall to put him right back in line for title contention.
Winners – Team Angle
Electrified Steel Cage Match
LAX (c) vs. Team 3-D
Andy Wheeler: Are they going to surround the ring with dogs? No. Then screw it. Fried Mexican does taste pretty good though. Please let this feud end. Please.
Winner – Big Dick and Dances With Dudley
Widro: This feud has been well done. I think the Dudleyz will win the match and the titles.
Winners: Team 3-D
Eric Szulczewski: Oh, just give the goddamn titles to the Dudleys and end this farce already. They already have the perfect match to “protect” Sheremetyevo, with the rest of the Latin Kings or whatever they’re calling themselves unable to interfere. You know what would be nice? A little break-up in the ranks of Sheremetyevo. Have Homicide turn on them and put him in the X Title chase and put Machete back in there. It doesn’t matter who’s wrestling for Sheremetyevo at this point. Konnan’s promos are carrying them.
Winners and New Champions – the ex-Dudleys
Kace Evers: The Former Dudleys finally get their belts and end this madness.
Winners – Team 3D
Danny Cox: Set, Match, GAY!
Winners and NEW Champs – Team 3-D
Vinny Truncellito: Between the length of the feud and the impending loss of the “NWA lineage†from the titles, 3-D almost HAS to win now
Winners – Team 3-D
David Brashear: All right. This thing has gone on seriously way too long. Give the belts to the Duds so this will end. The one question I have – will this be how TNA moves the NWA belts out? Maybe having the Duds copy Shane Douglas’s actions after he got the NWA title back in ECW?
Winners – Team 3D
Pulse Glazer: This seems a bizarre experiment with a type of match that does not look to produce much more interesting than one spot and since that spot is guaranteed to be gimmicked; my interest here is next to none. If the NWA is really pulling their belts, and all indications are that they will be, then LAX will lose the belts here so that Team 3-D can lay claim to the WWE, WCW, ECW, TNA, and NWA tag belts.
Winner – The Dudleys
X-Scape Match
Chris Sabin (c) vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. Jay Lethal vs. Alex Shelley vs. Shark Boy
Widro – Another multi-guy X division match, hooray! I could see them giving the title to Black Machismo.
Winner: Jay Lethal
Eric Szulczewski: A match featuring the Forgotten Men. Does anyone really care about this when the four major contenders for the strap are all involved in something else? Does that mean that Sabin retains? Not if the results of Impact and the immediate audience acceptance of Jay Lethal has anything to do with it. They have to strike while the iron’s hot with Lethal. Give him the strap for two months, then do an Ultimate X at Slammiversary where one of the more-respected wrestlers can get it back.
Winner and New Champion – Jay Lethal
Kace Evers: Shark Boy shocks the World…just ’cause.
Winner: Shark Boy
Danny Cox: Wow, the X-Division is usually quite hard to call but this one is even harder to call because I like every single wrestler in the match. Ok except for Sonjay Dutt. And I can eliminate Dutt and Shark Boy right off the bat, and that upsets me about Shark Boy. But Macho Lethal, Shelley, and Sabin?? Aww why must and how can I possibly choose? Sabin has held the title for quite a while now and I’ve thought that Lethal deserved it long before the Savage thing, but I think its Shelley’s time.
Winner and NEW Champ – Alex Shelley
Vinny Truncellito: A lengthy title reign for Sabin ensures what’s left of the X title’s credibility, and allows for more storylines.
Winner – Chris Sabin
David Brashear: I’ll admit, at first I wanted to say that Lethal won the belt. Then I realized that it would have the potential to turn the belt into a sight gag for Lethal, and had to rethink it. Sabin’s been underwhelming as champion, which means that the door’s open for Shelley. Plus, Lethal needs a Miss Elizabeth or Sensational Sherri before he gets the belt.
Winner – Alex Shelley
Pulse Glazer: This was basically given away for free a few weeks ago, but what they hell, let’s try again since it sucked so badly on TV. The high speed these guys work at is not conducive to good matches and there is no top notch Jerry Lynn level worker here to hold it together. This will be a mess and there is no reason at all for a title change. They’ve completely wasted Shelley’s overness from the Nash segments though, in typical TNA planning. The X-Title here would be nice, but since he was recently pinned by Shark Boy, not likely.
Winner – Sabin
Andy Wheeler: An X-Scape Match? Russo, you’re killing me. Was Judy Bagwell not available? I’m pretty sure X-Scape was a Wilson Phillips song from the early ‘90s. I’m also pretty sure that we saw all these guys in pretty much the exact same match on free television a short time ago. Let’s look at the contestants: Shark Boy isn’t going to win because he’s the Iron Mike Sharpe of the X-Division minus the cast and over-exaggerated grunts, Sonjay Dutt isn’t going to win because there would be no point in Dutt winning and Alex Shelley’s becoming TNA’s Carlito except he can wrestle. That leaves us with Sabin and Jay Brutal Savage Rip-off. Yeah, the Savage thing was kinda amusing the first time Jay did it, like when Big Show did his Hogan impersonation. Remember that? Remember how well that worked? Now imagine the same premise but slapped on a 20-something black guy from Tough Enough. No, not Linda Miles. In the end, I don’t see any reason to take the belt off Sabin.
Winner- Sabin, Minnesota, who in 2000 had a population of 421 people.
Eric Szulczewski: Probably Match of the Night here, if this card is anything to go by. We’re going to see some great wrestling. However, the winner’s obvious. Daniels needs the victory to advance the Angry Chris stuff. Lynn can get away with being portrayed as the Plucky Old Guy Who’s Going To Give Everything He Has. Give this thing 20, and it’s going to be magnificent.
Winner – Christopher Daniels
Kace Evers: Either way, it should be a good match.
Winner: Christopher Daniels
Danny Cox: Could very well be the match of the entire evening. I still don’t think that Lynn is there for anything more then to elevate the younger guys. Sure Daniels doesn’t need to be elevated whatsoever by anyone but a win over Jerry Lynn would surely bring up anyone in the X-Title rankings.
Winner – Christopher Daniels
Vinny Truncellito: Daniels needs a big win to make his new gimmick as strong as possible, and Lynn’s not going to be hurt by a good performance and a loss to Daniels
Winner – Christopher Daniels
David Brashear: No way Daniels can afford to lose a big match like after his re-debut. If they really want to go for maximum effect, they’ll have Lynn stretchered out afterward.
Winner – Christopher Daniels
Pulse Glazer: This could be great. The story behind the match is lacking, but the story in the ring will be great with two masters in there. Lynn always brings it, although he occasionally has pacing issues, that doesn’t figure to be the case with a worker of Daniels caliber. Daniels matches are usually well paced, but he sometimes doesn’t establish a clear role for himself in the match. That will be taken care of by his new character. With the new character comes a new push and the victory.
Winner – Christopher Daniels
Andy Wheeler: So what if Jerry Lynn is old and kinda looks like a goat? So what if Christopher Daniels used to wrestle with an Indian delicacy on his head? They both know what they’re doing in the ring and they will both make good use of their surroundings to give the fans a decent match. I’m not expecting Lynn/Van Dam, but then again I’m not expecting Lynn/Credible.
Winner – Christopher “Fallen Angel/Reject from TRON†Daniels
Widro – A nicely built grudge match with X division guys, I think Daniels takes the pin en route to a future feud with Sting.
Winner: Daniels
Chris Harris vs. James Storm
Kace Evers: I’ve seen some blindfold matches way in the past. From that one on POWW, which may or may not have had anything to do with David McLane having a strange fetish to the one at WrestleMania involving Jake Roberts and Rick Martel…which may or may not have had anything to do with Vince McMahon having a strange fetish (not involving big guys in overalls).
Winner: James Storm
Danny Cox: WrestleMania VII. Jake Roberts. Rick Martel. Blindfold Match. In a cage? Dear God!
Winner – Chris Harris
Vinny Truncellito: Harris is entitled to his revenge in the storyline, and the blindfolds should “even the oddsâ€Â.
Winner – Wildcat Chris Harris
David Brashear: Has this stipulation ever produced a halfway watchable match? However, I will give Russo credit for not involving a pole in the match
Winner – Chris Harris
Pulse Glazer: I’m supposed to care, but these guys are a lot less interesting apart than together. I’m sorry, this will be terrible and I can’t work up any enthusiasm for it.
Winner – Chris Harris
Andy Wheeler: As I sit here, staring at my computer screen, trying to figure out which one is the heel and which one is the face, it just dawned on me that this is a blindfold match. What I’ve taken this to mean is that the good people at Panda Energy are going to mail a blindfold to everyone who orders this PPV so that they may shield their eyes from this. Then, when the match is over, a low beep will emit from the television (not unlike an all-clear siren after a nuclear bomb drill), informing the viewer that it is safe to look at the television again.
Winner – James Harris or Chris Storm
Widro – You’d think after many months Harris would pull out the victory but I could also see a Russo-rific swerve of some sort
Winner: Harris
Eric Szulczewski: Vinny Ru may have given his soul over to Christ, but his ego remains just where it’s always been: overriding everything in his head. Does he honestly think he can get away with booking a Blindfold Match, one of the most dubious concepts in the history of wrestling? Look, if Jake Roberts and Rick Martel couldn’t handle it, do you honestly think Storm and Harris, wrestlers who are inferior to them, can do it? Ugly, ugly, ugly.
Winner – Chris Harris, because he has to get some back.
Danny Cox: This is original. The Bashams isn’t it?
Winner – Hemme’s Team
Vinny Truncellito: I really don’t understand this arc. While they’re allowing Hemme to say things that make sense, they’re portraying her as a whiny bitch, and VKM as the sane ones. She’s due a victory here, but I’m not sure if they’re gonna give it to her. If they are bringing in a new tag team for keeps (Bashams you say?) the way to do it is to give them a high profile win over an established TNA team. So here’s to taking a chance
Winner – Hemme’s Hellraisers (whoever they might be)
David Brashear: And here’s another feud that’s been going on forever. The only difference is that this one isn’t going away anytime soon. Let’s give Christy her win so we can move this on into the next stage.
Winners – Team Hemme
Pulse Glazer: VKM, who should be the heels, will continue to be the dominant faces and run through another one of Hemme’s teams in a bad match. Why these two are being pushed is beyond me. They should have legitimized LAX then went away for awhile to freshen up. They’re not a deep enough act to survive as more than a side attraction at this point. It doesn’t matter who Hemme’s team is; they’re cannon fodder for VKM’s egos.
Winner – VKM
Andy Wheeler: Poor Doug and Danny Basham. They really weren’t that bad in their role as the enforcers for JBL. They really weren’t that bad in their roles as Heyman’s security force. This, however, is a different story. The New Age Outlaws (with Lance Hoyt–Pac), a team that used to represent the standard for tag team wrestling, are continuing a feud with Christy Hemme that should never have happened in the first place. This is just bad. All this match is missing is a blindfold or hopefully something on a pole (gotta make Christy feel at home).
Winner – Vincent Kennedy McMahon, because he was smart enough to fire everyone in this damn match
Widro – this feud and these people are eating up valuable TV time. the mystery team should win to move this story along.
Winners: Mystery team (my prediction: Bashams)
Eric Szulczewski: “Mystery team”, my ass. It’s the Bashams and we all know it. If it really is the Bashams, though, I’m going to give them the win. Christy’s been behind the eight-ball throughout this entire angle, and she has to get some back. However, I have to give credit to Billy Bitchcakes. He’s done a great job as Designated Misogynist.
Winners – the Mystery Team
Kace Evers: The mystery team turns out to be someone I don’t care about, only for the Voodoo Kin Mafia to win anyway…only for all involved (Christy included) to be beaten down by a suddenly emerging Nora Greenwald. What can I say, I miss her.
Winners: Voodoo Kin Mafia
Mr. Backlund Special Guest Referee
Vinny Truncellito: Even with Backlund trying to assist Senshi, Starr finds a way to get the duke.
Winner – Austin Starr
David Brashear: TNA appears to be bound and determined to get Backlund back in the ring. Senshi wins by DQ and Starr attacks Backlund to set the match up for Slammiversary.
Winner – Senshi
Pulse Glazer: This was an awesome match in Ring of Honor for those wondering and if I thought it would be given time and not marred by Backlund weirdness, it might even get me to order the Pay Per View. As is, if given time, this could and should steal the show. Daniels and Lynn might be better workers, but at this point in Lynn’s career, probably not. These are the two best athletes and wrestlers closest to their prime on this show. They should put on a phenomenal match until the Backlund nonsense ruins it all.
Winner – Low Ki
Andy Wheeler: Ah, to remember the good old days when Bob’s protégé was the Sultan. If I call Senshi or Starr by their respective names then I’m pretty sure I’ll face the wrath of Eric. If I call them Low-Ki or Aries then I’ll be reminded that these guys could put on a hell of a match if it wasn’t for the fact that they’re going to be trapped in these ridiculous gimmicks and I’ll be sad. For the sake of sanity, I will just call them S and A. TNA made a big deal about A but never did anything substantial with him so I want him to get the win and move on. On the other hand, S is more the mold that Bob Backlund would like, since S is less about Sports Entertainment and more about in-ring action.
Winner: Slow-key
Widro – another nicely built X division grudge, the addition of Backlund has been suspect but at least served a purpose
Winner: Starr
Eric Szulczewski: At least I still use Bob Backlund’s name. This shall be hinky. This shall involve Backlund making a difference in the decision. And this shall involve me having to take a whole mess of tranquilizers to curb the violent feelings I’ll be engendering by hearing West say “The Austin Starr”.
Winner – Low Ki
Kace Evers: Low Ki Vs Austin Aries! Too bad this ain’t ROH, eh?
Winner – Austin
Danny Cox: I hate Bob Backlund and think he is not funny and pointless. Austin Starr annoys the hell out of me. Your name is Low Ki. LOOOWWW KI!
Winner – Low Ki
David Brashear: And Team Canada explodes! Williams wins to try and get Eric Young free from his Roode contract.
Winner – Petey Williams
Pulse Glazer: Welcome to the pre-show Petey. At least he can pop the crowd with the Destroyer before the PPV.
Winner – Petey Williams
Andy Wheeler: If I refer to this as Canadian Violence, there’s a pretty good chance that like 9 other writers will say the exact same thing, so instead I’ll just refer to this as when “botched mid-card pushes†collide. Roode could use the win and so could Petey. So could most of the roster. My head hurts. I used to like the saying that Petey should win so we could see the Canadian Destroyer, but even that isn’t worth it.
Winner – Bobby “Never will be Rick†Roode
Widro – probably just a backdrop for more Eric Young zany-ness.
Winner: Roode
Eric Szulczewski: It’s finally time for EY to grow some stones and become a man. You’re going to hear one of the loudest pops in Impact Zone history when he punches out Roode and plants one right on the lips of Traci. Do you really want to know what an Angle Advancement Match is? It’s this. The match takes a complete back seat to the Angle, and Williams is the backseat driver.
Winner – Petey Williams
Kace Evers: Somehow, someway, Roode wins after Williams teases victory.
Winner: Robert Roode
Danny Cox: Point? If Petey loses to that Rick Rude wannabe, I’m done!
Winner – Petey Williams
Vinny Truncellito: Williams should be allowed to score a big win to cheer up his little buddy Showtime Eric Young, but I have a feeling Roode will find a way.
Winner – Robert Roode
Gail Kim vs. Jackie Moore
Pulse Glazer: Who’s a what now? Why?
Winner – Gail Kim
Andy Wheeler: Tarantino’s wet dream. Girls of mixed races behind bars in a catfight. If only this was Christy and SoCal Val instead of Gail and Jackie. Now that would be a hell of a match.
Winner – Coin toss. Uh Jackie.
Widro – whatever!
Winner: Kim
Eric Szulczewski: Two former multiple-time WWE women’s champions in a cage. No nude dancing or simulated acts of lesbian LUV, though, which is a shame, as that might have made this a little interesting. The winner here is determined by when this match goes on (I’ll bet you odds it’s second after XCape). It’s a proxy fight to set some balance in the whole AMW feud. Since I have Harris winning the Blindfold Match, I’ll have his surrogate Gail Kim doing the job here.
Winner – Jacqueline
Kace Evers: Women in a cage? Y’sure this isn’t an episode of Bad Girls on Logo or something? Anyway, Karla Bonoff runs in and aids the girl whose song she borrowed for her only Top 40 hit.
Winner: Jacquelyne Moore
Danny Cox: NEXT!
Winner – Gail Kim
Vinny Truncellito: if the Wildcat’s going over, then Gail isn’t. Kim’s gotten the better of Moore in each little scrap they’ve had along the way, so Moore gets a bit of revenge here.
Winner – Jackie Moore
David Brashear: TNA wants a women’s division. To do that, they need to get away from the whole “catfight†angle and have Kim and Moore put on an excellent match. Since I’m not sure how Jackie will do, it’s hard to say how this will turn out. In the end, I think Gail comes out on top.
Winner – Gail Kim
