Wrestling News, Opinions, Etc., 04.17.07

In Memoriam: Don Ho. Surprisingly, none of the obits have discussed his sex life. In that instance, he was Don Big Ol’ Ho.

Well, the recovery is going well. The stitches are hurting, of course, but it’s only the stitches. There’s no pain inside of my knee right now, which is a nice change from the last decade and a half. I’m finally able to remove the compression hose that I was forced to wear to keep circulation going and prevent excess swelling. Personally, I’m glad about this. They look like hooker hose. Personally, I’m not into looking like a tacky transvestite. Maybe if I were younger, I could get this to work, but not at my age, folks. Unfortunately, I have to drive on the knee sooner than I anticipated, because I have a job interview tomorrow morning and I have to brave rush hour traffic to get to it. Let’s see how that works out.

I also was contemplating why Google would buy DoubleDick. The most loved company on the Net buys the most hated. Is there anyone out there who isn’t blocking all DoubleDick content (and if you aren’t, you’re a complete moron)? How the hell is that company worth $3B? Is an “advertising monopoly” something that Google wants given Internet users’ hatred for advertising in the first place (not to mention the hatred that most people have for Google’s newest “strategic partner” ClearChannel)? I’m including the people who advertise on this site. There’s no way I’d browse IP without using Firefox with Adblock and Filterset.G. Our advertisers are getting my content gratis to promote their “clients”. That’s more than enough. They don’t deserve impressions money from me too. I can’t stand them, and I’ve called them out in the past for immoral behavior. The Net doesn’t need advertising. For those who say that people can’t afford server fees without something coming in, those server fees will go down without advertising based on what the market will bear. It’s simple economics. Time to get rid of the body lice inside of the clothing of the Net. Down with GoogleClick.

In the meantime, I’ll just sit here, ice the knee, pop my pills, and try to catch up on those DVD reviews. And cover wrestling PPVs as needed. Unfortunately, we need to discuss one this week. That’s the curse of being a wrestling columnist, I guess. Let me pimp everyone and I can get on to that…

THE PIMP SECTION

By the way, why does Wong’s MMA article from last week have a Pulse Wrestling main page graphic when it’s filed in Inside Fights and Reality Dish? Yeah, I spot things like this for some unknown reason.

Glazer goes over the two East Coast Bias ROH shows from the weekend, and gives full background info. One thing that I found weird, though: At the ROH show I attended last year, Hagadorn and Primeau jerked the curtain in a Top Of The Class Trophy Match. Eight months later, they’re still having matches between each other for that trophy? Isn’t that spinning your wheels a bit? And, oh, yeah, Andy covered the first of those shows in his inimitable fashion.

Wheeler‘s reasoning is very sound, but the argument can be boiled down to three words: familiarity breeds contempt. Also, look at the card for Backlash as it stands right now. There are currently five title matches scheduled, including all three primary belts. Add on an almost-definite IC title match and a probable US title match, and the World Tag Titles have to be defended on PPV sometime…this is ridiculous. There will be more title matches at Backlash than at any of the major PPVs over the last year. That’s what ending the Brand Split for PPVs means. And you know what? Great American Bash will still end up sucking, even with Raw and ECW involved.

Burnside answers a lot of questions, tabulates the Round Table results, and contemplates removing his penis for the sake of the site.

Don’t worry,Vinny. By the time you get back from the field, nothing will have changed.

Biscuiti defends Don Imus. No one outside of the East Coast Bias gives a shit.

Bambi criticizes Lockdown in a different way that I do.

S Squared doesn’t mention the difference between Broken Dial and Pulse Wrestling. While we both love to criticize anything and everything, Broken Dial does it tongue-in-cheek. Pulse Wrestling does it finger-down-throat.

If it’s any consolation to Paul, I think modern punk is a complete joke, but it’s still better than emo.

Wind is totally right about the Pretenders. Chrissy was pure punk. She was present at the creation, as an occasional writer for the NME, as a short-lived employee at Sex, and as a member of London SS. She can do anything and not have her credibility questioned.

Fernandez talks about raisins and discloses his favorite Tears For Fears song. Mine is off of the same album as his, by the way. Listed to “Year Of The Knife” and you may change your mind, bud.

Sutton puts forward a nice retrospect of a film that’s been unjustly overshadowed. He also ended up claiming a DVD set that I would have killed for, but that’s neither here nor there.

Desmarais is all over the place, but he doesn’t mention that Sony’s removal of the “inferior” PS3 model isn’t their worst mistake of the week. That would be the release of standard DVDs that can’t play in a huge number of DVD players thanks to their wonky new DRM. By the way, Guy doesn’t mention the real reason why the $499 PS3 was a huge mistake from Sony’s vantage point. It’s not the extra 40G of HD space that made the difference, it was the fact that the $499 model didn’t have HDMI Out, which cut their balls off in terms of pimping the PS3 as a cheap Blu-Ray player. It’s got to the point where we’re not sure if Sony is actively hostile to their customer base or just phenomenally stupid.

I agree with Morrison in regard to getting Mike Grell back on Green Arrow. He is the definitive GA artist. Personally, I’d also turn Ollie bisexual, but that’s just me.

Noyes is a very brave man. The ATHF fan contingent tends to be rather rabid.

Raffi put me in the summary of his latest E. R. review, and that’s always cool.

Rafter doesn’t seem to realize that there are a lot of politicians in Kansas who do take their cue from Fred Phelps. Topeka’s a pretty small town at heart, you know.

PUT THIS IN YOUR CAGE AND SMOKE IT

Ah, the abject torture of covering a TNA PPV these days. There’s nothing like it, really. Sometimes I just don’t know why I bother, really. I mean, I’ve downloaded a collection of Misawa/Kawada matches, I’ve got three DVDs to review, I want to check out The Tudors (and I won’t even mention the fact that there was Monday golf*), but I’m watching this because I have a wrestling column. Yay for me. Oh, well, might as well get into it. The pain lasts for less time that way. Thank God for those Vikes, though. Let’s start with the pre-show…

* – By the way, what kind of a world are we living in where the last two PGA Tour tournaments were won by guys named Zach and Boo? When did golf become a bad 80s sitcom?

Who knew that Borash was a member of the Crips?

The moment that Christy started talking to Raven, that was the cue for this PPV to start going downhill, during the pre-show. Are you really telling me that the Bashams are too busy not to accept a TNA offer? Or maybe Dixie low-balled them too much money-wise. Most of our predictions in the Round Table were based on the assumption that it would be the Bashams. I guess we were hoping that it would be, because that would have been the signal that this stupid angle was about to end. It’s situations like this that explain to everyone why I’m such a pessimist. Instead of getting the Bashams and a watchable tag match, we got Non-Specific Neurotransmitters, who now barely qualify as JTTSes. The whole competitive aspect of the match flew out the window when they became Christy’s Mystery Team.

(Actually, according to all the hard news sources, the Bashams’ no-compete hasn’t expired yet. Really? It seems like they were gone months ago. That’s one helluva no-compete.)

Also, didn’t Christy say that she already had a team to bring to Lockdown during one of those promos? Or was it merely implied that she did? You couldn’t really tell. If so, why not just throw in a line during that backstage promo saying that her plans had fell through? You know what? I’m thinking about this situation way more than it deserves to be contemplated. It’s NAO and Christy Hemme, after all. It doesn’t deserve even a modicum of thought.

Sometimes it’s just too easy

As I suspected, the XScape Match went on first. It was a good choice to get the crowd into the PPV, though. Not a classic, not even of its type, but the spots were solid and the match flow was very good. Innocuous and worthy of compliment, except for one thing: the winner. Like I said in the Round Table, Lethal has a very short shelf life with this gimmick. The audience has taken to it. They needed to take advantage of that as quickly as possible. A Lethal win made absolute sense here, and the crowd reaction would have been great for it. So why did Sabin, who is doing absolutely nothing with the X strap, retain? That’s a complete mystery to me. If someone can explain it, please do so.

Shark Boy justifies Kace’s belief in him

Hector looks so much like Eddy I did a double-take

And we traveled further down the road of Booking Stupidity when it came to the Williams/Roode match. This was the perfect chance to ditch the Roode/Young angle, which isn’t helping Roode one bit (and that’s its entire purpose, fanpoodles). The match booking didn’t help, either. Williams blew a highly-visible (and simple) spot which disrupted the match flow for minutes, and Hebner getting rid of the hockey stick made no sense at all (uh, Earl, did you get the memo that the stick was legal?). Fortunately, Williams and Roode know how to work together, and the match was, again, watchable but with no sign of any kind of transcendence over average. And we’re still stuck with the Roode/Young angle to boot. What’s the purpose of this PPV anyway?

Williams may be used to going horizontal, but not for Roode

The women’s match actually turned out to be one of the better matches of the night. Thanks to their long experience, Kim and Jacqueline have no fear about doing anything in the ring, especially when they know that the other will ride with it. That’s why Kim was able to do that high spot at the end. It was up to Jackie to make sure that Gail didn’t get hurt doing it, and Gail had enough trust in Jackie’s ability to make that happen to do it. Nice, vicious little match to boot. This demonstrates how WWE screwed the pooch in the post-Stratus era by concentrating on tits and ass and letting MickieLexis LaJames and Victoria go fallow. A well-executed women’s match can be entertaining as a wrestling match. WWE seems to have forgotten that. Well, let’s hope that TNA can get a few more cast-offs who can wrestle and do a real women’s division.

It’s Tenay’s facial expression that really gets me

Aries/Low Ki…yep, I called it in the Round Table. Low Ki wins, Backlund makes a difference, etc. And it was a very good match as well, as we all expected given these two with PPV time. The problem here was that it was just there, stuck in the middle of the show, signifying nothing. The fact that this would be an ROH Main Event Match is not a signifier of the fact that ROH is lower on the food chain than TNA. It’s a recognition that they can spot talent and give that talent the environment to flourish during a match. You wonder why we’re high on ROH? That’s a very, very big reason.

Backlund’s armpit hair fetish has really gone overboard

Ah, the “Boring”, “Fire Russo”, and “We Want Wrestling” chants ran frequent and hard during the Blindfold Match, which they should have. How did they think they could get away with doing something like this in a wrestling-savvy town like St. Louis? In the Impact Zone, maybe. They’re all dumb as a box of rocks there. But here? Oh, the Insane has taken over TNA, and it’s not all Vince Russo. I’ll just ignore this idiotic match and move on.

Unfortunately, this was no bluff

Again, just as with Aries/Low Ki, a good match was buried in the sheer boredom of this PPV in re Daniels/Lynn. Great flow, a definite display of the power of two true pros. What a shame that the Blindfold Match just killed everyone, both in the live audience and in the PPV audience. It’s not a hidden gem that’s worthy of MOTYC consideration, but it was a good effort. I didn’t mind watching it, but my wilingness to do so was destroyed by the Blindfold Match. Oh, well, let’s keep moving on.

Fly, Jerry. Fly!

Memo to Mike Tenay: You use the term “alternating current”. I do not believe it means what you think it means. Oh, the old physicist in me was dying when I heard him say that. I just wanted to reach through the monitor and slap his drunk ass from one end of St. Louis to another. What Tenay was describing could be more accurately described as “variable voltage” (since he stated that the voltage was variable; however, the current could be constant). It has absolutely jack shit to do with the amount of shock the participants would take due to contact with the cage. It just sounds scary to the idiots out there (which I have to admit comprises the majority of Americans) who have no science education. Considering the results of that recent survey that said that 48% of Americans don’t believe in evolution, I’m not surprised he could get away with it.

And I’m not surprised that they thought they could get away with this match. The only positive was that it featured the long-awaited title change. The problem was that it was so long-awaited that pretty much all of us knew who would win going into it. There’s only so much that Homicide can do in this type of situation, and he tried his best, but there was no way to get this sucker to work, period. It just dragged on and dragged on. Unfortunately, the only buffer zone left was the main event, which was another exercise in The Fucking Obvious, so there was no escape.

Jesus, even the presentation…why turn down the lighting? So it looks scarier? They really do think we’re f*cking idiots, don’t they? There’s a difference between me thinking you’re f*cking idiots and them doing it. I don’t produce a weekly wrestling show and twelve pay-per-views per year. Maybe I should. At least you would get a show that doesn’t pander to you or assume that you have a room-temperature IQ. I wouldn’t do that for your benefit. I’d do that for mine. I would at least take some pride in presenting something intelligent, and I also would make sure that it satisfied me in that regard (since I’m the only one I care about). So hire me and give me power, someone. Your audience deserves it.

As for what Buh Buh Ray told Hector Guerrero, I’ve always found that any Mexican’s comprehension of English increases when you use the adjective “f*cking”. So, I’m spiffy-neato with this.

You’d get more of a shock from licking a nine-volt battery

Lethal Lockdown was a complete and utter mess, just as expected. It was a perfect demonstration of how limiting raw talent and ability can get when the gimmick of the match works against that talent. Lethal Lockdown is one of TNA’s two “feature matches” of the year (the other being King of the Mountain). It should be booked with the utmost of care, like WWE always does for Royal Rumble. This one just seemed to be thrown together, seemingly at the last minute, and it showed from the match booking. It’s physically painful to watch two guys like Kurt Angle and A. J. Styles stall for time like they had to at the beginning of the match. For a match that’s trying to take the mantle of WarGames (and appropriate the memories of some of the better ones), it’s rather shabby treatment.

(And as for the ending…oh, not another world title match with Sting, for God’s sake. You’re supposed to be on the road to giving Joe the title. Now the obvious Joe victory at Slammiversary is going to come from nowhere instead of having a good build-up, something that Christian can still do. Bullshit.)

You know what I want to see? WWE has the right to the WarGames name. They have Dusty Rhodes on the creative staff. Dusty can book a WarGames in his sleep. How about actually setting one up for SummerSlam just to show everyone how it should be done? Yeah, that’s been a dream ever since the merger six years ago, but now more than ever, it’s needed. With WWE ignoring the Brand Restriction for PPVs, they could come up with two five-member teams from all three shows without a second’s thought. If Trip’s ready to go by SummerSlam, WarGames would be the perfect reintroduction match (and a vehicle for a heel turn to boot). Please, this year, do it.

So, what kind of a point is he proving with this?

Look, just because you caught a glimpse of A. J. in the shower is no reason to embarass him in public

Like most other TNA PPVs lately, Lockdown was inoffensive but dull. I definitely felt like this was more a requirement to do the column than a piece of entertainment. Oh, well, Slammiverary is in two months. Maybe by then they’ll get a goddamn clue.

AND SINCE THE YOUNGSTERS HERE ARE GOING AFTER ME…

Well, the youngsters and Steve, if you want to be precise.

I promised this one last week, and now’s a good time to address it. There are people here taking exception to my not using the so-called “official” names of certain performers. There are a number of misconceptions as to why I do so. I’d like to clear those up.

First of all, Steve seems to be under the impression that my rejection of certain names has everything to simple Rejection Of The New. That’s not true at all. It’s not that mindless, and it’s not an attempt to appear to be “cool”. Aaron and Andy seem to be insulted in regard to my attitude toward the use of certain names. In a sense, they should be, because I’m (unfairly) lumping them in with the Great Unwashed in the audience. If you know my attitude toward wrestling fans, you’re very close to making the final connection, but for those of lesser brainpower or greater ignorance, I’ll state it directly.

I don’t reject names because they’re new. I reject names, in the main part, because they’re f*cking stupid. By habit, I reject The Stupid. You should know that by now. Acceptance of those names is acceptance of The Stupid, a combination of sheep-like behavior and total mindless acceptance that is an indictment of those who are accepting. Let’s go through a case-by-case basis for some examples, and I’ll give you the reasons why I use certain names. Some of them do deviate from this general pattern, and I’d like to go into a bit of detail. I’m going to leave out the obviously insulting nicknames here, since that’s a different category altogether (Jeffykins, Mattsy-Poo, Team Twink Porn, Wife-Beater, Flex, etc.).

Monty Brown/Marcus Cor Von: A terrific example of The Stupid. First of all, remember back to his first couple of weeks in WWE. What was that first name? “Marquis”. What do you think of when you see “Marquis” (remember, they always pronounced it “Marcus”)? The Marquis De Sade, of course. A snooty, effeminate-acting French noble. A car driven only by people over 60. Is this the image you want attached to a wrestler? Now, combine this with the reason for the name change in the first place. WWE wanted something they could trademark, and “Monty Brown”, a perfect name for the guy, by the way, wasn’t trademarkable. So what do they do? Make a cute reference to Mirko Cro Cop, which goes over the head of the majority of the audience; despite Meltzer’s wishes, there’s not as much crossover between wrestling and MMA as people think (Gordi’s an exception moreso than the rule). And he’s still stuck with a name that’s, quite frankly, silly, a name that undercuts his in-ring image. Therefore, stupid. Hence, rejected.

Carly Colon/Carlito: A combination of The Stupid along with other reasons. A name like “Carlito Caribbean Cool” is prima facie Stupid. Ergo, the first two parts go into the shitter. But, what to do with the other third? I was in a bit of a bind. I’d been referring to the junior Chavo Guerrero as “Chavito” since WCW days. I didn’t want two guys with Spanish diminutives around, despite them being mostly on different shows during their WWE runs. Going to “Carly Colon” in this instance made sense. Plus, it emphasizes his status as second-generation, something that Ross doesn’t do very much.

Low Ki/Senshi: “Low Ki” is a fabulous name for a wrestler. It has a whiff of the Orient to it, combined with an ideal touch of Viking. It’s a totemic of Tough, and perfectly fits the guy. But when he came back to TNA, they decided not to use that name, despite the fact that he used it during his first run. Again, it’s a trademark thing. The name they chose was an attempt to come close to the evocations of his previous name. However, “Senshi” sounds like a bad anime character. His current run in TNA has been so bleh that there’s been major rejection by others of the name, especially by ROH fans, who prefer to think of him as Low Ki and have memories of better times.

Austin Aries/”The” Austin Starr: First of all, the “The” is flat-out Stupid. The use of it by Don West makes him come across as an even bigger moron than he actually is. TNA’s compounded the basic sin by never really attempting to create a context on why the “The” is so important. Like with Low Ki, we have a guy who wrestled under the previous name in TNA, and has created great memories in ROH under that name. Again, like with Low Ki, his booking since his return has been horrid. There’s a definite preference here for the old days, and it’s an act of respect for the guy’s talent to call him Austin Aries.

By the way, West showed what a complete ‘tard he is by slipping into this pattern with Jay Lethal during the Lockdown call. Yeah, I caught him saying “The Black Machismo” more than a couple of times.

Trip/the various identities of Paul Levesque: It’s pithy, easy to type, and sufficiently irreverent to take him down a peg or two when his ego consumes him. Plus, see below regarding initials.

Mister Regal/William Regal: An early case, and a special one. I got used to him as Steven Regal, a name that I thought flowed better. So, with that abandoned, I decided to substitute “Mister” as an act of rejection and respect. Why reject “William”? Think of how it fits into English history. There have been four kings named William. The first conquered England because he got pissy about a supposed broken promise (two of them, actually) that history can’t verify happened. The second was so gay that he made Jeffykins look like Finlay. The third was a phenomenally boring Dutchman who married his first cousin and only got the throne because she didn’t want to rule by herself. The fourth took the throne as a dyspeptic old curmudgeon who couldn’t stand anyone and hated the fact that he had to get married to try to produce an heir to the throne (he didn’t succeed in that, but he had enough illegitimate children to man a football team). There’s been only one king named Steven/Stephen, and he was actually a nice guy. He just got caught up in a civil war because the English barons didn’t want a woman to rule over them, and he was (virtually) next in line to the throne. Which one’s better for a proud Englishman?

General rejection of initials: I just don’t like them. They smack of laziness on one end, and trying way too hard to fit a name into the initials on the other (viz. Montel Vontavious Porter), combined with general markishness. So, I never use them, not even in passing. The biggest trouble I had in substitution in this instance was with John Layfield. “Bradshaw” fit him very well, actually, despite its dubious origin. When he went to initials, I had to find something that worked. I decided to use the initials to create a pun, and that was the birth of High-Quality Speaker Boy. Who knew that he’d actually become a high-quality speaker?

General rejection of extraneous nicknames: Also known as Alan Woj-Suck Syndrome. Using them makes you sound like a mark, especially if the nickname is rarely used anymore. How long has it been since Chris Sabin used an extraneous nickname? Yet Woj-Suck uses it. His material is physically painful to read because it’s permeated with The Stupid. I’ve been trying to get Fingers to reject the material when it comes in (especially since he’s an Attention Whore and sends his idiotic little TNA taping recaps to every single wrestling site out there). Use in passing and in limited quantities is acceptable, but attaching it to every single reference is a no-go. Using it in a sarcastic fashion is, of course, always acceptable. Using it as a substitute for the wrestler’s name, except when there’s been a period of transition and the wrestler in question is known only by the nickname (viz. Paul Wight), is definite markishness and gives me complete license to ignore you.

(By the way, in regard to tag teams, I always use the individual performers’ names in first reference. If the extraneous team name is stupid, then I ignore it or make fun of it (viz. Haas and Benjamin). And in the most prominent case where the extraneous nickname was turned into initials…I don’t care how long he’s been around, I don’t care how established it is, it’s f*cking stupid.)

I think that should be a sufficient explanation for my comrades-at-arms. As I said, I’ve been promising to explain this to them, and this was a great place to put it. Maybe you’ll have learned a lesson too and will alter your behavior in the future. If you want to write in to dispute this, please note that You’re A Moron is dying to come back.

SMACKDOWN AND ECW SOMEWHAT SPOILED

Obviously, with an overseas location, taping began on Tuesday afternoon US time, and 1bullshit Junior put them up. So, what’s going to happen tonight and Friday?

ECW

Snitsky gets fed Little Guido, but he’s back to being called Nunzio for the Italian audience. How wonderfully patronizing.

This week’s Originals/New Breed dick-around is Dreamer and Sandman versus Monty and Fertig. Flip a coin for the winner.

There’s some teasing between Punk and Burke about who the leader of the New Breed is. Advantage this week goes to Burke, who gets to face Van Dam in the main event. Amazingly, the Italian crowd starts up a “Boring” chant. Come on, guys, get real.

And, oh, yeah, a Lashley promo. Yay.

Yeah, that’s pretty much it for ECW.

Smackdown

It’s DAVE versus Dave to start off. Unfortunately, FudgePacker makes an appearance in this one.

Jillian Hall tries her damndest to start getting heel heat. Michelle McCool officially goes face in this one as she not only confronts Hall, but speaks some Itallian to boot.

Six-man action follows this, as Our Lord and Savior hooks up with the Hardly Men (but not in that way) to face their current foes, namely Porter, Chavito, and Novocaine.

Another match between Team Twink Porn and Douche and Dildo. Except the ending may surprise you.

Kane faces off against the Blue Bloods in actual in-ring action for a change. Well, for a little while, anyway.

And your main event is UT versus FudgePacker, but it’s non-title, no cashing in MITB or anything like that. This, of course, will not improve relations between the US and Italy one bit.

And that’s enough spoilage. Let’s go on to a show that’s been broadcast…

THE SHORT FORM

Match Results:

Santino Marella over Jamalga, No Holds Barred Intercontinental Title Match (Pinfall, Lashley-ference, New Intercontinental Champion): We’ve got the full skinny on the developmental talent who is our new IC champion elsewhere in the Wrestling section; he was the guy who triggered Corny’s departure from WWE, which is interesting. One thing that Fingers didn’t mention is the name. As usual, it’s up to me to explain. “Marella” was Gorilla Monsoon’s real last name, so obviously it’s a tribute to him (and to his equally late son Joey Marella, a WWE ref back in the day). That’s actually very sweet. I approve wholeheartedly.

The situation also adds to the “who won a championship in his first appearance on WWE TV” continuing thing that Burnside is doing in his column. I’m sure that he wanted this to happen. Of course, WWE always does something like this when they depart the US for overseas tours, or even when going to Canada. Remember Tajiri winning the tag straps with Regal in Japan? Or La Res winning a title in Montreal while playing faces for one night? So, this isn’t unexpected. Take a wrestler of Italian extraction who’s already on the payroll, give him a little rudimentary Italian, and play to the crowd. It’s only borderline cynical, and in this instance, it was done well. Sometimes Angle Advancement Matches do work, you know.

There’s better footwork here than on Dancing With The Stars

Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin over Ric Flair and Carly Colon (Pinfall, Benjamin pins Colon, T-Bone Suplex): Now this match points out a problem with certain types of Angle Advancement Matches. Very often, the angle pivots around the least-talented wrestler in the bunch, and the match is forced to service him, dragging down better wrestlers in the process. That was the case here. The match and the apres were dependent on Carly.

I’m impressed with the torque on the ring ropes

Johnny Nitro over the retard (Pinfall, inverted neckbreaker): It’s a match with the retard and Nitro. Like I care.

As usual, by any means necessary, Johnny

GarriLance Cade over Jeffykins (Pinfall, clothesline): Okay, linking into the discussion above, why “GarriLance Cade”? It’s one of the two portmanteau names I’m currently using (the other being MickieLexis LaJames). The reasons I’m using them are rather different, though. I just felt that “Alexis Laree” was a phenomenal wrestling name, and that it shouldn’t be forgotten. “GariLance Cade”, though, exists to make fun of WWE and its sometimes idiotic policies. Remember, when Lance Cade first came up, Lance Storm was still an active wrestler, and, obviously, they couldn’t have two wrestlers named Lance on the roster because the audience might get confused (if you think I have contempt for the wrestling audience, that’s nothing compared to WWE’s contempt for them). So, he became “Garrison Cade”. How Texan of them. So, consider the name half ridicule and half reminder that “creative” hates you.

If it only hurt as much as it looks like it hurts…

Gym Bunny over Super Crazy (Pinfall, wheelbarrow): Oh, poor Crazy. At least he didn’t submit to the MasterLock. Actually, it’s surprising that Masters didn’t pull out the MasterLock. After Lashley broke it, it needs to be reestablished as a finisher, and this was an ideal opponent to use it on, because you know that Crazy would sell it like a mofo.

You know what happens next

John Cena over Edge and Randy Orton, Handicrap Angle Advancement Match (Pinfall, Michaels Sweet Chimp Music): Boy, is this a whole big bunch of Who Gives A Shit or what? Done simply to set up next week’s main of Michaels/Cena. Big deal.

Okay, so Orton can do a decent dropkick

Angle Developments:

Actually, it looks good on him

I will leave the discussion of the inappropriateness of Milan having a Leonardo statue to others

Ho Couture

His name is Luca. He lives on the second floor. The building has a really hard time supporting him.

Well, I don’t have the opportunity to delay in order to get in the Impact spoilers for the next few weeks, as they’re taping tonight. So, I’ll see you later for ECW depending on my schedule. Have a good time.

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