The Impact Short Form, 04.19.07

Okay, that’s one DVD down, one DVD in the player with the standard “so much background that Travis keeps trying to figure out where to do edits” intro already finished, and one final one to go for the weekend. I’ve already got my DVD claims for May in, and I’ll probably be getting a couple of extras that Travis got in a Supplementary Studio Swag Package. Naturally, those two are going to be classic films, given my particular bent.

No, not that type of bent. I take pills for that. And speaking of that…

Memo To Murray: It’s perfectly fine using me as an analogy for that horrifying situation at VaTech. You’re doing it for the same reason I went public a long time ago about my bipolar disorder: to lessen the stigma of having it and to encourage others to seek help. If I can use my exposure to promote this kind of thing, I will. The first step here is the same as the first step in any twelve-step program: admit that you need help. That’s the hardest step of all.

If you think you might have a psychological problem, don’t try to “be a man” and fight against it. See a professional, get diagnosed, and have that person put together a program of treatment. It may be therapy, it may be medication, it may be a combination of both. Whatever it is, it doesn’t make you any less of a person, no matter what your cultural biases may be. Please, do it. Otherwise…well, VaTech and the subject of my next DVD review shows what can happen.

One group of people we know that need treatment and aren’t getting it is the TNA bookers. Let’s see what mind-bending stuff they put out this week…

Match Results:

Christopher Daniels over Samoa Joe, A. J. Styles, and Rhiyno, Moral Equivalent Of A Fatal Four-Way Match (Pinfall, Daniels pins Rhiyno, Doing What The Rangers Couldn’t Do Against Mark Buehrle): You knew I’d find some way of throwing in a reference to MB’s no-no, didn’t you? Daniels would be so proud of me.

Ah, but let us take our contemplations far from the Cell and to Orlando. What exactly were they doing by booking this match? First of all, we all know by now what’s going to happen when Joe, Styles, and Daniels are in the same ring. Add a reenergized and refreshed Rhiyno, and we’ve got the potential for an MOTYC yet again. And it’s essentially jerking the curtain on Impact. Oy vey. I seriously think that Russo’s gone on a one-way trip to Bizarro World and Mantell’s body hair has ingrown and is starting to block off the blood supply to his brain.

Honestly, would anyone have any complaints if it was these four guys and Christian in King of the Mountain at Slammiversary? Do we really need, or on some level really want, Angle and Sting (or any of the other yo-yos on Team Angle or the Christian Coalition) involved in King of the Mountain when we could have these guys? And yet that’s what the Triple Threat at Sacrifice is leading to. Dear God, that match is so nuts that Angle could kill himself out there.

And then there’s the booking toward the title in general. If Joe wins King of the Mountain, as I think everyone suspects he will, then it’d be out of nowhere, like Raven’s win. That’s why a lot of us were thinking as per the Round Table that Joe would get the winning pinfall in Lethal Lockdown. They could have used Sacrifice as a set-up to Joe “overcoming odds” and then winning King of the Mountain. It would have been a logical, intelligent progression.

You know, we used to say here that if me, Scooter, and Hevia were given complete control by Steph for two months, we’d turn WWE’s booking completely around. Let me modify that. If Dixie called me up today and offered me the book, even on a temporary basis, I’d get a hold of Blatt and Glazer, the perfect guys for this mission, and use Panda’s credit card to get them flights to Orlando. Then we’d use that credit card to book us some rooms at any convenient hotel in the area (like there aren’t enough of them) and make sure that we’d have the number to the nearest pizza delivery joint. We’d call up Flea, who’d bring the booze, then we’d all lock ourselves in until we came up with a concrete plan to book TNA, as a whole, with a helluva lot more sense. We’d probably not get through the third pizza.

Goddamn them.

When bitch meets slap

Bobby Roode over Chris Harris (Pinfall, Use of International Object): Has anyone figured out the various permutations of this angle yet? I know Russo loves multifaceted, complex angles, but this one’s just expanding into some very strange territory. We’ve got both halves of AMW, we’ve got three-quarters of Team Canada, two former WWE women’s champions, and we still have a mystery person to introduce. There are classic Russian novels with clearer interactions than this angle. I guess that’s why no one’s paying attention to it.

Nah, I can’t think of anything funny to say. Bobby Roode just sort of drives all the funny out of me.

The ex-Buh Buh Ray Dudley and the ex-D-Von Dudley over Christian and Abyss, Tag Title Match (Pinfall, D-Von pins Abyss, 3-D): How nice. The NWA Tag Titles are involved in an Angle Advancement Match, and the angle doesn’t even involve the champions. And the apres is used for an Abyss face turn and beatdown. Again, who’s booking this shit?

Unlike WWE monsters, Abyss sells finishers

Angle Developments:

I’d say something about Jarrett tapping into his wife’s medication, but that would be in bad taste, even for me

It’s Curry Mime!

I’ll get over to Smackdown and let you take a small break. Until later, ta.


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