MGF Presents The Wednesday Review Roundup #3

Rick Ross – “We All In” [Rmx f/Money Malc, Dre (from Cool & Dre) and DJ Khaled]

Stream: [Windows] :: [Real]

Hi, I’m Good Jeff, and the original version of this track is used in the commercial for the new Converse Wade 2.0 basketball shoe. The beat is essentially a more stripped down version of what The Neptunes did for “Drop It Like It’s Hot”, though the remix is definitely a bit meatier, while having the obligatory cameos by Money Malc and Dre (easy there, Mathan, it’s the guy from Cool & Dre). The track mixes Dirty South, Miami Bass and Crunk with drumline for something that actually is incredibly energetic and four-on-the-floor without coming off as repugnant as some of the aforementioned are known to do. Seriously. I’m usually all about calling out Southern rap as the shit that it is, but I actually dig this.

Hi, I’m Evil Jeff, and I honestly can’t believe that you like this song. Were you paid off, Good Jeff? Did the label send you a Hickory Farms gift basket or something? Because if they did, I got dibs on the strawberry bon-bon. As far as hip-hop goes, I’ve hated everything that’s come out after 1982, except for Sage Francis, Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy and “The Choice Is Yours” by Black Sheep. Everything else sucks. Everything.

Made Gold: Part One
Made Records (3/27/07)
Trance / Electronic

From the good folks that brought us iiO… comes iiO, and… Nymph, and… iiO, and… Jimmy James, and… more iiO! For those of you who wanted the maxi-single remixes of iiO’s “Is It Love” and “Smooth”, but rather than hunt down both of them separately you wanted them on one disc, this is the compilation for you! But seriously, both incarnations of the techno-heavy “Is It Love” are identical except one is two-and-a-half minutes longer, for when the DJ has to take a dump instead of just going pee. I actually liked the radio edit more just because after three minutes I just wanted a new song. I guess that’s what happens to me for going to so many clubs that refuse to play Dutch trance. Suffice to say that iiO had their big hit with “Rapture”, and it’s going to be tough to top. The Jimmy James tracks are pretty Euro-tastic, The Nymph remixes aren’t bad, either, but this seems like less of a compilation and more of a CliffsNotes for DJs.

And I will build upon Good Jeff’s statement by saying “FOR SHAME” to Made Records; unless you’re pressing this on vinyl, too, you’re killing the movement. Killing it. A DJ’s just not DJ if he doesn’t have to carry around crates. Anyone can carry around a CD booklet. My mother, Jeff’s Evil Mother, has one, and she as far from a DJ as you’ll get, unless you can show me a bar where they play John Mayer and Amy Grant. Once you show me that bar, I will proceed to throw myself into traffic, because at that point I’ll know that it just isn’t worth it anymore.

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club – Baby 81
RCA Records (5/1/07)

I’ve only heard one album by this band, and it was whichever one came out around 2000. Didn’t really do anything for me, in all honestly, though I am enjoying this new album. Songs like “Took Out a Loan” and “Not What You Wanted” combine Iggy Pop, Fu Manchu, several other stoner rock bands and a nice mix of Southern rock and blues to give us something that’s going to give those shag haircut motherf*ckers something new to be happy about. And yes, that’s with The Ponys running around playing three shows a day. “Weapon of Choice” and “Window” are faster, with a more filtered sound that is reminiscent of a more hard-edged Brit-pop. Sorry guys, had to. Not that that’s a bad thing. In all actuality, this a highly enjoyable album that gets fast and happy and slow and sad at all the right points. Highly recommended.

Who do these guys think they are? Iggy and the Stooges? Actually, this album was much more tolerable than that latest Stooges album, which I tried to return, but those f*ckers at Best Buy wouldn’t do it because it was opened and there’s some sort of copyright bullshit that prevents them from taking back shitty music. Fuck Best Buy. Seriously.

DJ Hardware/Marcelo Castelli – Tribalism 2.0
Regress / Made Records (4/24/07)
House / Electronic

DJ Hardware meets Uruguay’s Marcelo Castelli for a pretty good two-disc tribal house extravaganza, which makes me want to go climb a coconut tree and dance, though the risk of falling out of said tree would be too high. Combine that with the fact that I’ve already made fun of Keith Richards way too much for doing the same thing, and ergo, it wouldn’t be a good idea. I’ve not been to Brazil, though I’d wager a bet that this stuff is huge down there. If anyone out there is Brazilian, please write me and let me know if this presumption is correct. Also, if you are a Brazilian woman, Chicago is beautiful this time of the year, and I have a spare room. Most of the tracks on the mix use a good combination of organic and inorganic elements, and the result is fun and kept me moving; kind of like a kangaroo with a bazooka for an arm. While Castelli’s mix sticks mainly to tribal house, Hardware’s explores dark trance, acid and even big beat. Interesting. The Castelli disc is better in that it’s good for everywhere, while the Hardware disc would probably work much better in a club than on one’s computer.

Who booked this shit? Seriously. Kept you moving, Good Jeff? You could probably rub Ben-Gay on your ballbag, and that would get you moving, too, but that doesn’t make it a good idea. As if I didn’t need yet another thing to give me a headache, there’s this stuff. To think that people would pay money to see someone play this crap for hours on end just astounds me. I’d like to see just how popular these DJs would be if nightclubs didn’t serve alcohol. It’s kind of like beer goggles, but for your ears. Let’s call them beer headphones, though methinks you’d have to drink, snort and/or pop a whole lot more than beer to get into this stuff.