The SmackDown Report

Right away, all hell has apparently broken loose (though, this is Michael Cole’s version of hell -I wonder if he acts like this when he’s not commentating) in the back between Batista, Kennedy, and Finlay, with the heels getting the better at the top of the entrance aisleway. It makes it way out to the entrance way, the lights black out and Undertaker is in the ring. Kennedy and Finlay back off for some reason (he’s so far away in that ring, why the hell should they back off?!), the lights go out and Undertaker disappears. Batista goes backstage. Wow! What a segment! I’m in awe!

Commercials.

Finlay and Kennedy are backstage with Long; Kennedy suggests that they forget Backlash and have Undertaker vs. Batista tonight. Long likes the idea of them two in action, but puts them in a tag team match against Finlay and Kennedy. Now, who didn’t see that coming? It’s No Disqualification, by the way.

Opening Contest: Kane and The Boogeyman vs. William Regal and Dave Taylor
Regal with forearms to start, Kane gets a big boot and punches away at Regal in the corner. Kane runs into a high elbow by Regal, who promptly tags Taylor in, who promptly gets dominated by Kane. Regal back in with elbows. Boogeyman shows some emotional range by looking a bit upset when Regal has the upperhand over Kane. I feel it’s noteworthy for some reason. Regal rakes the face of Kane and the Regal chant returns, but Regal turns into a throat thrust by Kane. Kane with a sideslam before he goes up top and connects with the flying clothesline, Kane covers but gets distracted by Taylor. Regal tags out. Taylor rolls outside and gets clotheslined by Boogeyman.

Commercials.

We’re back and it’s still quite boring, with Kane hitting a (does Boogeyman look different tonight, somehow?) shoulder body toss on Regal. Kane on the apron and gets sent into the steel post by Taylor. Back in the ring, Taylor works the arm of Kane before pulling on the jaw as well. Regal in, and he continues the work on Kane’s arm. Kane temporarily fights Regal off, but Taylor is back in with more work on the arm but Kane turns it into a belly to belly. Double team suplex on Kane by the English, but Kane sends Taylor into the corner. Taylor jumps onto the second turnbuckle and goes for a crossbody but Kane ducks and gets the tag to Boogeyman. Boogeyman in with a scoop slam to Regal, thump in the corner, and a clothesline gets two. Double handed chokeslam by Boogeyman ends it.
Winners: Kane and The Boogeyman

If you’re into torture, this was your best match ever. Of course, Kane and The Boogeyman as a tag team could become quite the guilty pleasure team (yes, that’s stating the obvious isn’t it?). Regal and Taylor tried, Kane tried, but it’s just boring between these guys. On the upside, out of a match that was pushing almost twenty minutes, Boogeyman was in there for about forty seconds. One out of Ten. Just for effort. Should’ve been three minutes, tops.

The Condemned stuff.

Commercials.

Second Contest: Brian Kendrick w/ Paul London vs. Deuce w/ Domino and Cherry
Cole needs to remind us which one Deuce is, which makes me feel pretty good for having trouble remembering which is which. Kendrick avoids some attacks to start, headlock on Deuce and Kendrick gets a backslide on Deuce for a quick count. Deuce gets a hammerlock on Kendrick, Kendrick flips over and gets a headlock takedown, Deuce gets a headscissors on Kendrick which Kendrick flips out of. Kendrick with another headlock but Deuce reverses it with an arm lock; Kendrick flips out and gets the almighty headlock. Again. For a nice and welcome change of pace, Deuce gets a headlock on Kendrick. Cute how JBL says “you need to use everything in your arsenal” when the last few minutes have been a marathon of headlocks. Kendrick with a dropkick to Deuce, running elbow in the corner, but the crossbody off the second turnbuckle misses Deuce. Deuce with a high elbow drop for a two count. Kendrick goes for a sunset flip but Deuce counters it with a right hand and covers for a two count. Deuce with a full nelson variation on Kendrick, Deuce turns it into an armbar. Kendrick goes for the Sliced Bread No. 2 but Deuce stops it, Kendrick fights Deuce off and gets sent over the top rope by Deuce. Kendrick skins the cat and comes back in nicely with a headscissors takedown to Deuce. Enziguri by Kendrick, Sliced Bread No. 2 connects and Cherry distracts the referee while Domino attacks London. Deuce gets the jumping heel kick to Kendrick for the three count.
Winner: Deuce

The potential was there for a good match, but all those headlocks. Just, Ugh. One out of Ten.

Recap of this Finlay / Kennedy / Batista / Undertaker stuff.

Still to come: Batista and Undertaker vs. Finlay and Kennedy in a No Disqualification Match.

Commercials.

Kristal is backstage with the Tag Team Champions …Oh; by the way, nothing’s said really.

The Backlash card now has Chris Benoit vs. MVP for the United States Championship. MVP says that tonight’s opponent may even be able to shoot lighting from his eyes – that’s a pretty good one from MVP, I have to admit.

Third Contest: Montel Vontavious Porter vs. … Hamlet Macbeth
You know how these MVP gimmick squash matches have been going, but this time MVP looks better in the ring. Playmaker ends it.
Winner: Montel Vontavious Porter

-Five out of Ten. Still don’t like jobber matches. MVP goes to announce his next opponent – but Benoit’s music hits him off. Benoit makes his way out and suggests that MVP take on a real champion, and it looks like we’ve got a match.

Fourth Contest: Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Chris Benoit
What a way to build to their match at Backlash, huh? Benoit quickly gets the upperhand with a clothesline and snap suplex for a two count. Benoit with a backdrop, follows with an elbow drop. Benoit runs into the boots of MVP, getting MVP a two count. Benoit with chops and rights, irish whip to MVP but MVP kicks Benoit and boots him in the head, sending Benoit out of the ring.

Commercials.

We’re back and MVP has Benoit in a sleeper hold. Benoit with headlocks, ducks the clothesline but comes back into an overhead belly to belly by MVP. Suplex to Benoit gets MVP a one count. MVP reapplies the sleeper hold, Benoit turns it into an arm drag but MVP quickly kicks him down for a two count. Benoit ducks a kick and hits a German. Benoit locks the Crossface in, but MVP gets to the ropes. Benoit positions MVP on the top rope and gets a superplex, which gets Benoit a pair of two counts. Benoit locks in the Sharpshooter but MVP gets to the bottom rope. Benoit with elbows to MVP in the corner, MVP irish whips Benoit into the opposite corner and goes for a belly to belly but Benoit fights him off and locks in the Crossface, but MVP gets to the bottom rope. Five Germans in a row, Benoit goes for the Swandive Headbutt but MVP rolls out of the ring and begins making his way backstage and gets counted out.
Winner: Chris Benoit

Five out of Ten. I’m getting over all these Benoit and MVP matches, though. Suppose those two MVP matches cancel each other out, points wise.

Theodore Long and Kristal Marshall are backstage making out. Poor Kristal. Kristal says she loves Theodore and wants to spend more time together, so he says he might give someone else more responsibility in running SmackDown. I can’t believe people cheered for Kristal saying she loves Long. That’s pretty weird.

Recap of how SmackDown ended last week.

Still to come: that tag match between the SmackDown Backlash main event, and the guys who aren’t even booked on the show.

Commercials.

Hall wants to date Prince William. Aw. She sings for him.

Fifth Contest: Jillian Hall vs. Michelle McCool
Hall attacks Mc during her entrance and takes her down quickly with some snapmares. Hall covers for a quick count. Hall slams Mc’s face against the canvas and then into the turnbuckle. Hall with a running kick to Mc in the corner before hitting Mc with a scoop slam. Hall goes for a cartwheel drop on Mc but Mc gets her knees up. The two exchange punches, with Mc getting the better of the pair, and Hall comes off the ropes into an elbow. Suplex by Mc to Hall and a Russian leg sweep gets Mc a two count. Mc with uppercuts to Hall but Hall hits Mc with an X-Factor for the three count.
Winner: Jillian Hall

Hall grabs a microphone again and resumes singing, so Mc attacks and sends Hall into the steel steps. For a SmackDown Diva Match, this was quite good. Not great, but Hall might be coming back into form. Four out of Ten. Don’t forget; SmackDown Diva Standards.

More Condemned stuff.

Commercials.

Maryse is almost naked!

Recap of RAW, the McMahon / Umaga / Lashley stuff, leads us into a Backlash rundown. Very brief, too, just running down the main events.

Mr. Kennedy makes his entrance, Finlay then makes his entrance. This, of course, means it is commercial time.

Commercials.

Main Event: No Disqualifications: Mr. Kennedy and Finlay vs. Batista and The Undertaker
Taker and Batista attack the heels to begin with; Batista and Finlay are starting the match. Finlay quickly tags out to Kennedy, and Taker is quickly tagged in as well. Kennedy gets Taker in the corner and kicks and punches away. Taker clotheslines Kennedy down for a two count. Batista tagged in. Finlay tagged in. Finlay with forearms in the corner to Batista, Batista sends Finlay into the corner but runs into a high boot. Batista sends Kennedy into Finlay, with the two being sent outside.

Commercials.

We’re back and Batista hits Kennedy with a suplex. Taker tagged in. Taker goes for Old School but Finlay causes a distraction and Kennedy gets an arm drag, and Taker hits the Old School shortly after. Finlay in and gets hit with an Old School as well. STO to Kennedy by Taker for a one count. Batista sends Finlay into the steel steps and sends him spine first into the apron. Taker positions Kennedy on the apron but before Taker can do the usual offence, Finlay attacks. So, Taker sends Finlay into the announcer’s table. Taker no sells Kennedy’s punches. Batista tagged in and he sends Kennedy shoulder first into the steel post. Batista sends Kennedy into the corner and charges afterwards, but Kennedy gets a low dropkick to the weak knee of Batista. Shillelagh shots to the injured leg of Batista by Finlay. Taker fights off Kennedy, and Finlay comes in with a knee drop to the leg of Batista. Batista spears Kennedy down and signals for the Batista Bomb, Batista sends Kennedy up but Kennedy gets the weak knee and tags out to Finlay, who knocks Taker off the apron right away and goes after Batista’s knee with the shillelagh. Taker in with the corner clotheslines to the heels, double chokeslam attempt fails but Taker comes off the ropes with a double clothesline. Chokeslam to Finlay. Chokeslam to Kennedy. Spinebuster to Finlay by Batista for the three count.
Winners: Batista and The Undertaker

Odd match: why didn’t they just go all out with a tornado style match? At times, it seemed like that’s where they were headed, but then went back to tagging. Shouldn’t all No Disqualification tag matches have no need for tags? The ending seemed to come almost out of nowhere, too. Four out of Ten. Batista gets on the microphone afterwards and says that the belt belongs to him, and he’s taking it back at Backlash. Taker then gets on the microphone and says that he plans to take Batista’s soul. It’s not enough he beat him for the title? I wonder if Batista believes that photos steal souls? End show.

The Inside Pulse
Kane and The Boogeyman defeat William Regal and Dave Taylor (Boogeyman pins Regal): 1/10
Deuce defeats Brian Kendrick via pinfall: 1/10
Montel Vontavious Porter defeats Hamlet Macbeth via pinfall: -5/10
Chris Benoit defeats Montel Vontavious Porter via count out: 5/10
Jillian Hall defeats Michelle McCool via pinfall: 4/10
Undertaker and Batista defeat Finlay and Mr. Kennedy (Batista pins Finlay): 4/10
SmackDown 27/04/07: 10/60

The opening tag match was utter hell but they tried to make it good, which is the redeeming factor. The fact that they had Kane playing face in distress after how long he’s been dominating the Brits is very confusing, but I suppose it’s the beginning of one of the E’s worst guilty pleasure offences. Does this mean D’n’D are just transitional champions? I’ve completely forgotten that Backlash is a few days away, I won’t even be watching it, and I’ll be saving my money and buying Sacrifice live next month (we get TNA PPVs on a two week delay, so the fact that this show will be live sealed the deal). Until next time people, take care.

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