A Look on the Bright Side

Greetings everyone. Welcome back to your weekly installment of the Internet Wrestling Community’s only happy place, A Look on the Bright Side.

Okay, I’m going to make an admission that is really going to get Fingers upset with me: outside of the Black & White columns I write with Mathan on occasion, I don’t read Moodspins as often as I should. In fact, I probably haven’t paid serious attention to it since before my hiatus back in October. But, I’ve been catching up on it recently, and I just discovered this new writer John Carroll who claims to be a Libertarian, but who writes in the style of an obvious neoconservative, especially in this column.

Yes, I’m about to get political. Skip down to the YouTube clip if you have no interest.

So, let’s go through John’s points one by one, shall we?

“Sure, the Republicans spent a lot of money, but did they ever turn back time?” Yes, they did, actually. They managed to bring back the heyday of Sen. Joseph McCarthy – baseless accusations; if you’re not with us, you’re against us (and for the terrorists); if you’re not guilty, you have nothing to worry about — the repeal of habeus corpus, or illegal wiretaps ring a bell, John?

“that’s to be expected when comparisons of our twice-elected sitting President to Adolf Hitler are far too commonplace to shock or even offend anyone.” Gee, that’s funny – because the last three Hitler/Nazi comparisons I know about came from three conservatives: Tom DeLay, former Imus in the Morning producer Bernard McGuirk, and Glenn Beck. And guess what? None of those comparisons involved Bush.

“Phony deadlines is [sic] no excuse for this sort of blatant malarkey, and I hope the American people are smart enough to see through it, no matter where on the political spectrum they fall.” Wait – you mean those deadlines intended to bring the troops home and end the war? What exactly is “phony” about that, John? An immediate cut-off of funds would be completely disastrous, as there are simply too many troops and too much equipment in Iraq to deploy without proper time and preparation. That would indeed put the troops in harms way, as they’d be vulnerable to attack during the deployment. Plus, there is the simple fact that even a simple majority vote could never be reached for a total cut-off of funds – Reid knows this, I know this, and you know this, John. Your comments are naive at best, and intentionally deceptive at worst. If you’re trying to be our own little Bill O’Reilly, congratuations – Mission Accomplished.

“Hurricane Katrina” Okay, first off, what exactly does the Mayor of New Orleans have to do with the federal response to the hurricane? Nice non-sequitor there. The simple fact is, the federal response was woefully negligent, was led by a Bush appointee (“Brownie, you’re doing a heckuva job”), and Bush steadfastly refused to admit that anything was done wrong (a recurring theme throughout his tenure, btw). Oh, very ingenious of you to provide no link whatsoever to the full text of Emanuel’s speech. (Gee, too bad that some writer’s here actually know how to use HTML, eh?)

This way, you can avoid having to show this quote: “Now, the U.S. Attorney scandal will be to public corruption what Hurricane Katrina was to incompetence in the Bush Administration.” So, he said exactly the same thing you did – the response was horrible inept. Please show any evidence whatsoever where Emanual brought up racism.

Honestly – did you even read Emanual’s speech, or just take your talking points from Limbaugh and O’Reilly?

[NOTE: In my original version of this column, I included Michael Savage in the list of conservative commentators above. John took offense, and let me know both privately and in the reader’s forum. In retrospect, John’s right – Savage is a very special form of scumbag, and is way more vicious, bigoted and blatantly homophobic than either of the two above. His style is in no way is comparable to what John wrote, and I apologize for including his name here.}

“Iraq pre-war intelligence: I didn’t know President Clinton’s administration and the UN Security Council, among many others, participated in Republican conspiracies.” Again – a total non-sequitor, and a straw man to boot! Well played, Sir! Please find one single line in that speech that explains what in the hell you are talking about here.

“Attorney General Alberto Gonzales: A great case for “President Bush is inept.” is somehow turned into an example of his “corruptness”. […] But perhaps Mr. Emanuel would be better off waiting until an ounce of proof has floated to the service before he uses it to tie into his tale of corruption.” Simple question here, John: why were those eight U.S. Attorneys fired? Has anyone given a valid reason, that’s actually held up under scrutiny? Here’s your answer: no. Follow-up question: why is that? If there is a legimate reason, why haven’t we heard it yet? If there’s no corruption, if there’s no wrong doing, then why has everyone involved have early-onset Alzheimers, resigned, or taken the fifth? Are these the actions of people who are not doing anything illegal?

And lastly, it is entirely possible that evidence would have been found if Justice Department hadn’t refused to hand over thousands and thousands of pages of materials. Or, of course, if Karl Rove hadn’t deleted five million emails from the RNC server. (Again – not exactly the actions of people who aren’t engaging in blatant corruption.)

“[As] Henry Waxman issues subpoenas to Condoleezza Rice’s cats, eventually the center is going to get turned off by the Democrats. They voted the Democrats in to perform oversight, not to perform an exorcism.” Hey, John – what committee does Waxman sit on? Ohhhh, right – he’s the Chairman of the Committee on Oversight and Government Reform. Well, gosh – what exactly does he think he’s doing with all this testimony, and subpoenas, and silly “oversight” stuff.

Maybe the past 6 years of lapdop Republican Congress has made you forget, but this is what “oversight” is supposed to be. Bush is not simply “an inept leader who made mistakes”, as you so naively assert. He is a thoroughly deluded and immoral human being, who is convinced that his direction comes from God, and therefore he is infallible. He led us into an illegal war, by manipulating intelligence and lying to the American people about it. Clinton was impeached for lying about an extramarital affair, which injured no one. Bush’s lie has caused the deaths of over 3,300 Americans, and hundreds of thousands of Iraqis. And he now is refusing to even consider the concept of withdrawl, despite the fact that the great majority of the American people wish to do so.

Or do you just consider those deaths as part of his “mistakes”?

Still not convinced? Okay, then click here for a partial list of Bush administration scandals. And then, try to explain to me how these were all just “mistakes”.

YouTube Video of the Week

So, you might have heard that Philadelphia sports fans have a bit of a reputation. And yes, it’s well-deserved. But if you’d like to know how we got that way, take a gander:

Around the Pulse

Pulse Glazer writes up a monster column, including his rather excellent proposal for fixing TNA. Oh, and Aaron – I was certainly not “bad mouthing” Paul London. I have nothing but respect for his work, and “Please don’t die!” is one of my favorite crowd chants of all time. But c’mon – he really does look like Keanu Reeves with that facial hair. “I am an EFF-BEE-EYE Agent!”

Andy Wheeler presents a compelling case for keeping Vince in the ring.

Biscuiti mourns the burial of ECW. It really is difficult to grasp that “this ECW” is not “that ECW”, eh?

Danny covers the first round of the NFL draft. (He also covers the other rounds, but let’s face it – you’ve never heard of those guys.) He also has an excellent column summarizing the NFL Free agency situation.

And any column title with the phrase “Dumb Broads” is going to get pimped, so here ya go Olya.

The Week That Was

And now, we get to the meat of the column. The idea is fairly simple: I point out (at least) 5 things from each major show that should be getting more attention, but aren’t. (And occasionally, I just point out some absurdity just to tweak the rest of the IWC.) There’s way too much negativity infused into columnists who write about pro wrestling: this is just my little attempt to balance it out a bit.

Love the concept? Hate it? Think I missed something important from last week? See something this week that you think should be here? Email me by Tuesday evening.

And be sure to take part in the Inside Pulse Forum for A Look on the Bright Side thread too.

Monday Night Raw

1. Yes, my first reaction after reading the result of the ECW title match at Backlash last night was indeed, “Are you f*cking kidding me?” There are certain established rules in wrestling, and one of those is: the babyface going against overwhelming odds, especially when faced against the big corporate/boss badguy, always wins the big PPV match. I mean, how many times did we see this situation with Stone Cold and The Rock? So why is it different with Lashley? I don’t know, but be certain of this: 1) this is eventually going to end with Vince getting absolutely destroyed in the ring, most likely in an Extreme Rules match (and that should be fun), and 2) the ECW title is going to get more exposure over the next couple of weeks than it has since it was re-introduced.

2. It could be argued that the Edge/Orton feud hasn’t really been given enough build up time, in terms of working to an actual match. But hey – this is main event match, on free TV, between two of the top guys in the company. So, what’s to complain about? Plus, I’ll admit I’m curious to see who the audience sides with.

3. WOW. That was one truly nasty looking bump Orton took on the announcer’s table. That really, really looked painful. And did I just hear a “Randy” chant? Okay, I’ll admit – I’m actually shocked.

4. You have no idea how much flack I’m going to take for this on the Super-Secret Writer’s Forum, but that was my early nominee for Match of the Year. It just accomplished so much: they had two heels going into it that the audience does legitimately hate, and they pulled the crowd into that match purely through their own efforts. The highspot on the table, the old-school heel move of removing the turn-buckle, the psychology of knowing how and exactly when to counter the other’s finishing move, even a little blood – I truly enjoyed everything about it.

5. Then, Edge follows up my MOTY candidate by shoving the mic between Boobage McTahtah’s breasts? Oh, he is Da Man.

6. Okay, what’s up with the “sportsmanship” thing with Cade & Murdoch?

7. There have been 3 matches in the first hour, and I haven’t FF’ed through a single second of one of them. I cannot tell you the last time that happened.

8. I’ve watched… well, a lot of wrestling. I like to point out when somebody does a spot I’ve never seen before, and RVD’s “hold onto the sleeper even when we roll out of the ring” was new for me. Smart, too – when you figure his best bet to win is to wear down the big guy somehow. (Ah, okay – thanks to Forum Insyder soak1313 for reminding me where I have seen this before: The Princess Bride.)

9. Oh, Kennedy showing up reminds me of the one item in last night’s PPV that I really enjoyed: his promo on Edge about the “long, grueling match” Edge was about to go through. Just about perfect. And now, an announcement of an angle 11 months before it culminates? Genius.

10. The women’s match was inoffensive, but made up for it by the multiple shots of the top of Micki’s thong.

11. And then, there was the ending of Raw. Honestly, some of y’all need to chill out a bit. I mean, you actually thought that Khali would be built up as an unbeatable super-monster – and then stay out of the title picture forever?

ECW on Sci Fi

1. He just won the title 2 nights ago, and Vince appears on the opening montage 3 times tonight. Wow.

2. Well now… I believe we can end the discussion of whether CM Punk is somehow being held back by backstage politics, eh? Kevin Thorne has been a solid upper-mid-card player in ECW, and Punk squashed him in 2 minutes.

3. Speaking of Thorne: someone please remind him to remove the fangs before he tries to speak on camera, especially if he’s going to pronounce any words with the letter “s”. A vampire with a lisp is going to have a tough time being taken seriously. On the plus side, hearing him say, “I am the Mathter of your thoul!” would provide me with endless delight.

4. I don’t think anyone saw that particular outcome coming out of the tag match. However, there is something to say for a swerve that wasn’t done just for the sake of a swerve.

5. Bonus points to Vince for the Blazing Saddles reference.

6. That’s a whole lotta plunder right there. (Wait, did they just take a commercial break at 9:54? Huh.)

7. Wow, I watched that piledriver in slo-mo twice, and I’m still not sure how RVD bounced his head 3 feet off the mat.

8. You know, all they need is some random female being driven through a table, and this match could be subtitled, “The History of ECW in Five Minutes”.

See ya next week, folks.

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