THE RABBLE HAS ARRIVED….
THE RABBLE HA…
oh f*ck it, you get it.
T H E
M O N D A Y
N I G H T
R A B B L E
So here we are, live from O’Brien’s Tavern in Somerset, New Jersey. The troops are gathered around the tables to comment on what it is we choose to love. Trust me, it’s a choice.
Anyway, here are our Rabbleites tonight!
JEFFREY – The Bartender
MIKE – The Indy Sensation
HERNANDEZ – The Other Indy Sensation
ERIC – The Taste Sensation
BILL – The Art Sensation
JENNA – The Other Other Indy Sensation
DANIELLE – My Darling Sensation
TIMMY – The Independent Documentary Sensation
And me… the New Sensation, James Hatton
So last week, Khali killed everyone. Tonight… more stuff will happen! GUARANTEED!
“Why does the pyro still make JR say WHOA?” – Insyder Trigs
“Cuz it’s FRUITY FRUITY FRUITYFRUITYJEFFHARDY SKITTLES!!!” – Insyder Captain Barbossa
Starting off with the Coach introducing McMahon.
“Does he dress like this on purpose?” – Bill
“Why IS he wearing a wave cap?” – Eric
“I mean the spotted tie with the checkered jacket.” – Bill
Vince puts over Khali and we get a montage..
“o/“ Montaaaaage” – Me
“So he can FU Big Show, lift Khali, but drops Umaga?” – Eric
So at Judgement Day, Cena goes up again– wait!
Shawn Michaels wants to discuss some things at the top of the key. “Please do not finish that line.”
“HBK.. voice of the people.” – Bill
HBK says he is the number one contender.
“Khali vs. Shawn tonight..” – Me
Shawn says Vince has never done ANYTHING for Vince McMahon.
“He let him go over Bret Hart.” – Me
“That was really more for Vince..” – Eric
So Shawn wants Khali vs. Shawn. Vince explains that we might see Shawn’s guts and brains all over the arena, as he will..
“Be facing a cuisinart?” – Me
“Pastamania?” – Bill
“So Jesus Vs. Goliath? Fling that stone Jesus…FLING IT!” – Insyder CaptainBarbossa
Vince discusses ECW.. and here comes Lashley. Lashley isn’t allowed to raise a hand to Vince or Shane.
“Coach?” – Eric
Vince wants to know how that feels…
“Tingly?” – Hernandez
“Like Icy Hot on my balls.” – Eric
“Wait, he’s taunting me, it’s time to make the face.” – Bill
We now get a flashback to Backlash. Lashley gets squashfied. Vince wins the ECW title…
“OOOO TONIGHT WE SEE THE INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE!” – Mike
*Golf clap* – Everyone
So Vince now shows us the ‘Kings of the Ring’ WWE Magazine cover. It has Lashley, Taker, and Cena all holding their belts. He then shifts it so we see Vince’s face on Lashley’s body.
“He’s mighty tan..” – Eric
“He’s been working out hard.” – Mike
“He’s really hung.” – Me
So they finally give Lashley the mic after Vince makes the match at Judgement Day. He wants to put his hands on Vince. Vince taunts and mocks him for awhile…
The inevitable end of Lashley destroys Coach. Throws him through the steps.. chokes him with some mic wire..
Lashley points at Coach.. then at Vince.
“This is for our deaf audience.” – Bill
“Nah, Lashley wants to know how to get back to the turnpike.” – Me
“Actually, he just wants to know if he should start taking apart the ring.” – Eric
“We done now… now now?” – Bill
“I’m so tired of seeing black on black crime. Lashley and Coach should team up and beat Vince down. The they wold start hanging out with Crime Time. You know Gerwitz has thought of it.” – Insyder Kromadas
In the back, Mickey goes and helps Candice latch her bra. Mickie looks awesome and shiny. Tits next.
COMMERCIAL ONE – 9:20
Hey, it’s Mickie and Candice time!
“How Candice has fallen..” – Dani
“She’s looks peppy!” – Me
“She’s still coming to Mickie’s music..” – Dani
CANDICE & MICKIE vs. MELINA & VICTORIA
Eight tits…
Mickie starts in the ring with Candice. Vickie starts with a kick to Candice and a clubbing arm sends her down. Throws Candice to the ropes – but there is a hiptoss exchange. Candice slips and finally hits the armdrag and a tag to Melina.
Tag to Mickie! They have a slapfight. Mickie hits a low end dropkick solid. Wrings Melina and tags Candice. Hop down onto Melina’s arm, and continues to wring the arm til Melina scratches her eyes, and Vicktoria chokes her against the rope.
Pin for two.
Melina goes for an elbow and Candice gets a quick tag to Mickie who runs in with a couple of clotheslines. Thesz pressing Melina down… back elbows Victoria and a flying head scissors. She drops Melina and Victoria again. Mickie on the ropes and Candice hits the blind tag and a back heel kick —— FOR THE WIN!?!?! No shit.
“But she gets her music in the end.” – Dani
“It was the bet spinkick she’s ever done..” – Mike
WINNER: MICKIE & CANDICE
Quick flashback to Santino winning the IC title… so next… Santino!
COMMERCIAL TWO – 9:29
So who gets fed to Santino? Ahh.. Masthers..
“I want to hear his italian music.” – Mike
“Marella’s music would be so much better with subtitles and sparks shooting down from the ceiling…oh wait, that was Christian’s awesome entrance.” – Insyder Captain Barbossa
CHRIS MASTHERS vs. SANTINO MARELLA
“They’re going to job him out to Tits Magoo already?” – Timmy
“Lookit that back tat…did Lesnar shrink and get a tan?” – Insyder Captain Barbossa
Lock up to start and Masters throws him down. Santino runs right back in and eats a shouldercheck from Masters. As he charges Masters, he hits the ropes and stays there… Masters comes back out and slams him down, misses with a quick elbow and hits a bunch of chest slaps and a leaping elbow. Hits the ropes for a tight back elbow. Dropkick. Two!
Throws Masters to the ropes, but Masters holds onto the ropes and clotheslines him down. Now Masters knees him against the ropes. Running stomp. Elbows Santino off the apron. Goes for a pin for two.
Masters drops his knee pad…. misses with the knee drop.
“WRONG LEG!” – Hernandez
Santino now going with the snapkicks, ghetto blaster, reverse neckbreaker. Now has Masters in the corner for the ten punches that gets him shoved off at 5… then he eats a back elbow. Masters tosses him to the corner, he bails so Masters eats some corner post, quick roll-up and the win!
WINNER: SANTINO!
“I have the belt… RUNNING AWAY RUNNING AWAY!” – Bill
“A rollup? A rollup… A $$#^%@!$#%@^&#%%#!$#$^*!#! ROLLUP?” – Kerry B
Tonight – Cena vs. Orton & Khali vs. HBK
COMMERCIAL THREE – 9:39
Here comes Kennedy?
“KENNEDY?” – Bill
“KENNEDY” – Jeffrey
He has a mic. He wants to make a statement. He wants to remind us all…
“Every night until Wrestlemania..” – Bill
There are 328 days until Wrestlemania 24, he’s even got his own litle graphic banner.
“That is awesome.” – Mike
The champion at the end of the night will be “MISSSTERRR…… KENNEDY”
Hey Maria in the back, talking to Ran-dy Or-Ton.
“Can I shit in your bag?” – Mike
Orton requested his match with Cena tonight… he blathers on and they do not show Maria enough.
“You’ve got one of the finest things ever crafted by 2 humans in Maria, and who do you stick her with? Orton!
There is no God….” – Insyder bluelobster
COMMERCIAL FOUR – 9:46
In the ring.. the Highlanders are here!
“Hey it’s umm.. Rory and… ahh…” – Bill
“Eugene?” – Eric
“..the other guy…” – Bill
And here comes the drumbeats.
“The worst..” – Mike
“When are they gonna get Rosie to put on some facepaint and slap his tummy?” – Timmy
UMAGA vs. THE HIGHLANDERS
Oy…
Bell rings and Umaga elbows both of them down. Throws Rory into the corner and punches him down. Robbie gets a fieldgoal kick. Rory gets a butt squash. Robbie gets the samoan spike. Rory eats a samoan spike. He pies them on each other.
Splash. Double pin. The end.
“Did I see that right, were the Highlanders 69ing eachother?” – Insyder Led Floyd
WINNER: UMAGA
Here comes KHALI!
COMMERCIAL FIVE – 9:55
Edge is in the back and Kennedy meets up with him… Edge is sick of Kennedy showing up and ruining HIS show. He’s been where Kennedy was, and he won the title.
Edge then claims that Mister Kennedy is afraid to face him and put his Money In The Bank on the line. He does it.
So tonight… Kennedy vs. Edge for the MOTB.
“Edge / Kennedy? This could be the Most Awesomest Thing Evar!” – Insyder bluelobster
He then screams his name in Edge’s face. …. Twice. I mark a bit for Kennedy.
“We said you’d like him once he was on a show you watched” – Eric
Here now, comes HBK…
And Khaaaa-LI!
“Khali should kill everyone in the audience.” – Timmy
“In a way he really is…” – Bill
“I know it’s months early, but can Khali be Fezzik for the Halloween episode?” – Insyder Captain Barbossa
HBK vs. KHALI
*GRAAAARRRRR*
“Cena is going to die. They might as well just lower him from the ceiling and be done with it sooner. Saves a homicide case.” – Insyder JaguarPanther
Khali is getting into the ring and Shawn tries to punch on him… he gets shoved down. Shawn continues and his arms getwrapped in the ropes. Shawn runs and eats boot.
“How come only big guys get caught into the ropes like that.. maybe it’s genetic.” – Timmy
Khali slams Shawn down.
“That’s a high bodyslam…” – Hernandez
Khali goes for a legdrop. Misses. In runs Shawn with a chair.. KA-LANG!
“Why did Shawn throw the chair AWAY?!” – Eric
“He doesn’t want HIM to get it..” – Hernandez
Flying cross body to a sitting Khali. Nip up. Top rope. Elbow drop!
“Shawn just broke 3 of his ribs..” – Bill
“He’s got 35 more..” – Me
J E S U S – Superkick.. Caught. Knocked the SNOT out of him.
Now Khali chokes Shawn against the corner turnbuckle. Elbow to Shawn.
“Who is JR to call someone abnormally freakish?” – Timmy
Tosses Shawn to the ropes and he’s dropped with a clothesline. Shawn is fighting to leave the ring. He gets to the outer apron… top of the apron chokeslam… Shawn has his thumbs in Khali’s eyes. He tries to choke Khali off the ropes. Finally Khali slips to the outside of the ring and Shawn continues the beatdowns.
Grabs Shawn and HURLS him back in the ring. Shawn hits the ropes and baseball slide right into Khali. Khali begins ditching the monitors..
“I don’t think Shawn’s thought this through.” – Bill
He sets up the steps in front of the table… goes for a DDT…. doesn’t work – he throws Shawn down and now Khali has him for the double arm chokeslam THROUGH the table. The holy shit chant begins and the ref calls it… They show a girl crying.
“Is Sanjaya there” – Timmy
“Way to be topical” – Me
“They maced that kid.” – Bill
WINNER DUE TO DEATH: KHALI
“JR had the line of the night when he said,
“Shawn Michaels was thrown like a small child!”
Does he have a great deal of experience in this field?” – Outsyder Cash Kerouac
COMMERCIAL SIX – 10:10
In the back, Todd… with John Cena! Todd asks him about Khali.
“Ladies and Gentleman.. King of the stupid question.. TODD GRISHAM! I got a question for you. How would you feel if someone wanted to fight you? Right now. If that someone was 7’0 450 lbs and sounds like Charlie Brown’s teacher?” – Cena
“He doesn’t go WAH WAH WAH WAH.. he’s more RAWRRRRR” – Dani
HEY! IT’S CRYME TIME!?
“Highlanders AND Cryme Tyme?!” – Eric
“Who says the tag division is dead.” – Me
“Me.” – Hernandez
We get a funny bit. You watch it…
Ok.. so maybe your mom is a bit crazy, and they hold up a bag of pharmaceuticals… Eugene is freaking out. Ron’s car’s missing… DAMN!
Umm… and a fat Spider-Man shows up to stop crime. They introduce themselves as Bat Man.. and club the shit out of him. Ok.. funny. They then steal Spider-Man’s wallet.
I miss Cryme Time…
“Highlanders squashed by Umaga in like 2 minutes…Cryme Tyme in only a backstage skit…Tag-teams used the way they should be used on RAAAAWWWW!” – Insyder Captain Barbossa
COMMECIAL SEVEN – 10:22
Hey its the Hardyz! In tag team action!? Strange… sitting with the commentators is Cade & Murdoch.
THE HARDYZ vs. THE WORLD’S GREATEST TAG TEAM
“Yayyy Charlie!” – Eric
Matt starting in the ring with Shelty. A belly to back takedown spot. Shelton throws Matt to the ropes.. reversed and Matt hits an elbow. Shelty gets Matt to the corner and an elbow from him. Slam from Matt. Hits the second rope and…. Shelton runs up to hit him in the gut. Then Charlie wrings Matt’s arm on the top rope. Shelton hits a single arm DDT…
Tag to Charlie in the corner now and he is stomping all over Matt’s arm. Charlie hits a belly to belly with the bridge, with no count. Tags Shelty who leaps in and they are just solely working Matt’s arm.. it’s pretty solid. Matt fights to his feet… gets thrown tot he corner and Shelty hits a powerslaaa-reversed into a reverse DDT.
Tag to Jeff now – ducks a couple clotheslines. Hits the double leg drop on Charlie for two. Whisper off the top from Jeff and Shelton stops the count. Matt runs in and hits the Twist of Fate on Shelton. Jeff runs up to the top for the Swanton, but Charlie runs in for the blind tag. Sidesuplex to Charlie. Swanton for the win.
Solid solid tag match.
WINNER: THE HARDYZ
Now in come Cade & Murdoch…. they extend their hands in friendship.
“NEW BROOD!” – Hernandez
They shake hands.. and they leave.
“They now have Ebola.” – Hernandez
Carlito & Torrie are on their way to the ring…
COMMERCIAL EIGHT – 10:35
“SPOOOO…”
“Ow.. f*ck my eye.. stupid HDTV..” – Hernandez
“…I spit in the face of those who don’t want to be cool.” – Carlito
Here comes Carlito & Torrie. They give Carlito a mic.
“Let’s get one thing straight..” – Carlito
“Boobies.” – Hernandez
“These.. are mine..” – Bill
Carlito then goes and gives a heel promo I can’t hear. It involves Carlito showing passion. Carlito calls out Flair,, who is apparently not here…
“Torrie’s gonna peel off her face, and it’s going to be Flair.” – Me
“How much work has SHE had done?” – Hernandez
Carlito then calls her a bunch of mean spanish names.. pushes her out of the way…
“Are we expecting Torrie to understand him?” – Dani
“If they slept together, yeah..” – Hernandez
He curses some more in spanish.. and bails.
“This aint Miami bitch…WE DO NOT UNDERSTAND YOU!” – Insyder Captain Barbossa
“Anyone who had Torrie getting dumped, with Spanish rant, collect your winnings at the nearest pay-window.” – Insyder Kerry B
“Carlito speaks Spanish! Boo! USA! USA!” – Insyder DarkStar
COMMERCIAL NINE – 10:42
KENNEDDDYYY— Edge kicks him down from the back.
EDGE vs. MISTER KENNEDY
For the Money In The Bank!
Edge kicks him down the key. Throws him into the barricade and chokes him out with his shirt. Slams him into the corner turnbuckle. Edge now grabs one of the monitors and CLOCKS Kennedy with it. They haven’t even gotten in the ring yet.
Edge now lifts a dead weighted Kennedy and throws him in the ring. Ref pushes Edge into a corner so he can check on Kennedy…
Long pause while Kennedy gets to his feet. Finally, the bell rings.
Edge spears him.
WINNER: EDGE
“I’m pissed.” – Mike
“He’ll get it back at Judgement Day…” – Me
“He can use it anytime any belt anywhere?” – Timmy
“Yes.” – Me
“TNA! NEXT TUESDAY!” – Timmy
Edge now clobbers Kennedy with the briefcase three times. Edge bails, briefcase in tow.
COMMERCIAL TEN – 10:53
We start with Cena coming down to the ring… Orton’s already there!?!?
“HEY!” – Me
JOHN CENA vs. RANDY ORTON
Cena.. duh…
Bell rings and they circle. Lock up. Cena gets a quick roll-up from Cena. Lock up. Cena rolls up. Two count. Fights in the corner.
“Can we go home yet?” – Dani
Cena kicks Orton in the gut, suplex for two. Cena charges the corner and Randy ducks… Orton now on top.
“Seriously, can’t we go home?” – Dani
“We have to wait til Khali comes down.” – Me
“Khali is really interfereing with my sex life.” – Dani
Orton goes for a pin for two. Right into the headlock… shocker. Cena fights out of it…. Kick to the gut from Cena. Ducks a clothesline. Shouldercheck or two. Clothesline or two. Blue Thunder. You Can’t See Me.
Here comes Khali!
“DunnnnDUN… Dunnnn DUN.” – Bill
Khali grabs the belt.
“BREAK IT!” – Timmy
“He’s gonna eat the title! At least we’ll be rid of it.” – Insyder DarkStar
Sets Orton in the FU….. distracted. Orton charges Cena, hits the drop toe hold and the STFU, but Orton’s got the ropes. Cena now charges after Khali who has the title. He gets CLONKED with it.
“OOPS!” – Hernandez
And that’s the end of the show… umm… guess it’s a count out?
“Best Khali match ever.” – Insyder bluelobster
Hmmm…
Anyway:
“THat was gay” – Laura
“Eh.” – Hernandez
“Too much Khali.” – Eric
“You can NEVER have too much..” – Hernandez
“Sucked.” – Mike
“*sings Law & Order Theme song*” – Timmy
“Three wors: Mini-Van Moms.” – Bill
“I wasn’t really watching” – Dani, four glasses of wine in.
“It wasn’t that bad of a show.. they weren’t watching it.” – Me
We’ll see you next week kids….
