Wrestling News, Opinions, Etc., 05.08.07

Sarkozy sees France mandate – cnn.com headline

Better than seeing France date men. Although everyone always did have their suspicions…

Okay, here’s the deal. Starting Wednesday, I’m going to be working a second job in addition to my current job. It’s a temporary thing, only about four months, but it’s naturally going to eat up a lot of my time. I have no idea whether or not I’m going to be able to keep up my column schedule. The reasons I’m doing this are simple: I could use the money, it gets me back into food safety where I belong, I could use this temp position to leverage myself into other employment with this company (it’s a very large food company), etc. I’m going to be playing this by ear for right now, attempting to get as much stuff in as possible. This week should be reasonably cool. However, next week? I don’t know. So, if you don’t see me around as much, that’s why.

I’ve got an album review in the works right now, not to mention five DVDs in the pipeline, plus I’ve already done something for the Players’ Championship this week, so I’ll be getting some stuff out there. But on the wrestling front, we’re pretty well covered at this moment. So, that seems to be the place to cut down. As I said, I’m going to play this by ear. It’s either columns or sleep.

Now, as to what’s going on out there, it’s a weird world, as usual. The Royal Family is Decadent And Depraved, Tigger wins Wachovia (no surprise; it’s quickly become a high third-tier event, just below the WGCs, and he’d never won it before Sunday), no one outside of New England gives a shit about Clemens…hey, Scott Hoch won his first Senior Tour event. Good for him. I always thought the “choke” label was unfair; one missed putt totally altered his career and the media’s perception of him. Spidey rewrote all the box office records, setting a rather unfair bar for Shrek and Jack Sparrow. Mayweather defeated De La Hoya, but wasn’t able to revive boxing.

THE PIMP SECTION

Vin-Man‘s back from the field, and he missed wrestling. There are other things to miss out in the field that are more important than wrestling, like indoor toilets, reliable showers, and a nice private place to jack off, but, hey, if wrestling tugged his heartstrings, who am I to criticize?

Brashear again goes all Mistico, all the time.

Wheeler‘s column was overtaken by events, but it’s still a good analysis.

Bambi is disappointed about certain things. I hope she doesn’t get upset that I’m dancing in the streets about the same thing.

Wind reflects back on a pretty good period for indie-style rock.

Morrison‘s life changes seem to be geared toward Spider-Man movies. Well, it’s better than astrology.

Pusey summarizes the Fight of the Year.

Hey, I remember Ninty before Donkey Kong, Reed.

ROB VAN DAM’S FAREWELL TOUR

So, Van Dam’s last WWE match will be at One-Night Stand, then he gets a little time off until his contract formally expires, then he heads to…well, who knows, really? Will TNA want to pop the money for him? ROH can’t afford him, that’s for sure. Well, that bridge will be crossed when it happens.

This was one ugly situation. However, it could be seen in the cards the moment that Van Dam’s car got pulled over by the local yokels in Ohio last year. From that moment, WWE was going to play hardball with Van Dam’s contract because he “embarassed” them. Van Dam, though, didn’t recognize this fact and tried to get some perks out of it that he must have known were impossible. So, he’s now got one foot out the door, and the other’s stepped up.

Now, WWE is probably thanking God they got One-Night Stand out of the Hammerstein. The moment that Van Dam walked out for his match, that crowd would have gone into a “Please Don’t Go” chant that Joey and Tazz couldn’t have covered for. And the end of the match would certainly have been greeted with a “Thank You, Rob” chant. It still might be, but chances are less with the PPV being away from an old ECW stronghold.

And now we get to live with the sight of Van Dam jobbing to everyone on the way out. Despite the acrimonious negotiations, he still hasn’t burned bridges. If he can make some guys on the way out (especially Burke and Monty), it might give WWE a positive picture of him and leave the door open to his return eventually. Ah, but that’s still far in the future. We have to concentrate on the present, don’t we?

And Raw is still slightly in the present, so…

THE SHORT FORM

Match Results:

MickieLexis LaJames and Candice Michelle over Melina Perez and Victoria, again (Pinfall, Michelle pins Perez, spinning heel kick): Okay, now I understand. They seem to be, in their unique, primitive way, setting up Candice for a women’s title shot at Judgment Day. There’s no finesse to this, but I think at this point we’re beyond expecting any. Oh, well, let it happen and see what kind of match comes out of it.

Can you really call it a bitch-slap in this case?

Santino Marella over Gym Bunny, Intercontinental Title Match (Pinfall, rollup): Okay, it’s not really fair to judge Marella yet, especially being in the ring with Masters, who drags everyone down. However, I’m getting some good vibes off of him. He’s got a solid skill set, and he can wrestle WWE Main Event Style. The person he’s reminding me most of right now, in his style and his ability to communicate to the audience in the ring, is Tito Santana. That’s not a bad role model to have. He might just have a good career ahead of him. Let’s see how he does in an all-out program, though.

Aw, how cute, Masters is trying an actual wrestling move

Jamalga over Rory McAllister and Robbie McAllister, Handicrap Match (Pinfall, Jamalga pins both, top-rope splash): I object to Bambi characterizing the Highlanders as a “failed experiment”. The word “experiment” implies that you have a protocol and are following step-by-step plans usually worked out in advance. We all know that WWE booking is not like that. The proper term is something more like “failed improvisation”.

So what did the Highlanders do to deserve this?

The Great Ha-Ha Khali over Shawn Michaels, No-DQ Number One Contender’s Match (Ref’s Decision): Shawn…uh, just a word between me and you. Khali is not the Undertaker. This is no longer 1996. You don’t need to do shit like this. And, also, can you be a little bit less blatant when you call spots? Yeah, I know what you had to work with in there, but it was so obvious. There’s not much of the business that’s left to expose, but you managed it.

And we have the return of The Priz, who remarks concerning Khali: I think I know what Khali translates to… “Gonzalez”. So we have Giant Gonzalez with his fake muscle shirt and Great Gonzalez, with real muscles but uglier look, worse promo ability, and no manager. As for your other questions, get Spybot and a good BitTorrent client like Azureus.

“Yep, minty fresh!”

Jeffykins and Mattsy-Poo over Charlie Haas and Sheton Benjamin, Non-Title Match (Pinfall, Mattsy-Poo pins Haas, Jeffykins Swanton Bomb): Of course, the big development in this match is the fact that Cade and Murdoch are developing personalities, and they’re doing so in a face-like manner. The thing is, does Raw really need another face tag team. You not only have the Faerie Princes, but Cryme Tyme and the Highlanders. It’s getting to the point where Haas and Benjamin are going to be the only heel tag team on the show. The personalities are a good thing. I just question the timing and location.

No, the “recycle” setting on my Jeffykins gay jokes hasn’t completed yet

Edge over FudgePacker, Money In The Bank Match (Pinfall, spear): Well, that corrects one injustice done at Wrestlemania. Unfortunately, it required injury to do it, and not a return to sanity. Good for me in so many ways. Edge can do wonders with MITB, and FugdePacker will be off my screen while he’s recovering. I don’t see a single thing wrong with this, and it makes me happy.

Edge + briefcase = entertainment

Randy Orton over John Cena, Non-Title Match (COR, Khali-ference): Didn’t pay attention. Reseached other stories.

Orton’s demonstrating that he does have an IQ above room temperature

Angle Developments:

Tune in next time for another exciting episode of “Adam Copeland, DDS”…

Amateurs

Okay, that covers it. I need to take a nap before going to work, because I’ve got a very busy day tomorrow. See you whenever.

Tags: ,