Diary Of A Cannibal – DVD Review

Film, Reviews

Available at Amazon.com

Director

Ulli Lommel

Cast

Julian Swanson Noelle
Trevor Parsons Adam
Morris Michael Barbour
Derek Danielle Petty

DVD Release Date: April 24, 2007
Rating: R
Running Time: 82 Minutes

The Movie

Noelle is a beautiful woman in her early twenties who falls in love with Adam. They seem truly in love and you can tell by the way they look at one another. Adam touches Noelle’s cheek and runs his hands through her hair. She gives him the faintest of smiles and looks at him with her cute brown eyes. They are a couple that is totally in love and would be willing to do anything for one another, even make the ultimate sacrifice.

Adam posted an ad on the Internet looking for a young woman who would be willing to make the ultimate sacrifice. Noelle answered the ad and Adam sets off to meet her. The couple automatically fall for one another and go out to do things that all couples do like dates and playing on the beach. But Adam had other ideas in mind. He wanted them to share feelings so strong that Noelle would be willing to kill him and consume his body in an act of consensual love.

That is your entire story of Diary Of A Cannibal right there. The whole film actually jumps around from Noelle laying on a gurney with police questioning her to flashbacks of her with Adam during the good times, and then more flashbacks of her murdering and eating him. The detectives are trying to get a few words from Noelle who is all beat up and looks about two steps away from being in a coma. Noelle does nothing but lay there and then we jump to another flashback of their driving to the warehouse where the cannibalism took place. But then we jump back in time some more to see when they met. Then fast forward to more questioning, more driving, Noelle killing Adam, etc etc

Diary Of A Cannibal must have had an extremely low budget, because it shows in every aspect of the film. From the acting all the way to the set design – Adam has a plywood computer desk in four foot cubicle that is supposed to be his room. As interesting as it could be with a story based on true events, the film actually dissuades you from wanting to know what really happened. There are no redeeming qualities to this film at all and the only thing good about it was seeing Adam’s head just daintily sitting on a plate. I got a good giggle out of that.

The Video

The film is presented in 16×9 Widescreen format and looks alright. You can tell right off that the film is not going to win any awards for cinematography, but it’s not awful. Well, the opening credits are because they look as if they were created with a Speak N’ Spell. Other than that, the film has a bit of a dull tone to the whole thing, but I guess it’s supposed to.

The Audio

The film is has Dolby Digital 5.1 sound and is not good at all. The music is way too loud and overpowers everything, while the dialogue can barely be heard. Problem with that is you find yourself turning the volume way up to hear them talk and are quickly deafened by the loud banging of horribly played drums. Oh yes, and there’s an irritating static with all the dialogue as well that can’t be heard if the sound is down low but like I said, then you can’t hear a word anyway.

Special Features

Filmmaker’s Commentary – Director Ulli Lommel, production manager Trista Beard, and assistant director Christian Behm all sit around giving thoughts on their film. This is some of the most boring commentary I’ve ever heard in my entire life. Lommel is quite hard to understand at times with his thick accent and all he does is tell you exactly what is happening on screen. The most amazing part of the commentary though has to be Trista Beard’s insight. I honestly think she knows absolutely nothing about the film because all she does is ask questions and wonder what’s going on.

Trailer

Trailer GalleryThe Lost Room, Beneath Still Waters, Gamebox 1.0, Rancid, and Alien Invasion Arizona

The Inside Pulse

Don’t rent it. Don’t buy it. Don’t borrow it. Don’t bother. I cannot find a single reason to watch this film. Okay, wait, I take that back. If someone could please watch it and let me know why the hell Noelle was all beat up and on the gurney for the duration, I’d really appreciate it. Seriously, I watched the film twice – with commentary and without – and don’t know if I dozed off or something but I don’t recall them ever saying or showing how she got so damn beat up. If you want to help me out with that little query and feel like watching Hannibal as directed by what seems like a homeless person, then pick this up.

The DVD Lounge’s Ratings for Diary Of A Cannibal
CATEGORY
RATING
(OUT OF 10)
THE MOVIE

1
THE VIDEO

6
THE AUDIO

2
THE EXTRAS

1
REPLAY VALUE

0
OVERALL
1
(NOT AN AVERAGE)