Directors
Ana Clavell and James Glenn Dudelson
Cast
Roy Abramsohn Lewis Jacobs
Kris Allen Dr. Farwell
Magi Avila Nurse Jameson
A.J. Bowen Jerry
Elwood Carlisle Legless Homeless Man
Ed Dyer Homeless Man/Cliffie
Bo Kresic Kathy
Camille Lacey Rachael
Elina Madison Eva
Emmett McGuire Professor Dayton
Stephanie Pettee Alice
DVD Release Date: May 15, 2007
Rating: R
Running Time: 104 Minutes
The Movie
Creepshow hit the scene back in 1982, was based on a classic comic book series from the fifties. Scary short tales of mischief and trauma were all tied together by small animated sequences. Each tale told the story of someone who suffered a great misfortune and they either deserved it or were simply a poor victim of circumstance. In 1987, a sequel followed suit and the stories weren’t as scary or nicely done, but it still proved to be a fun film. It’s been close to twenty years and the success of the first two films combined with that of the famed Tales From The Crypt series have spawned a third installment to try and reclaim their horror glory.
Creepshow III brings five more tales of horror, with gore aimed at disturbing you, and telling a bit of a moral. That moral “seems” to be to watch your step at all times and always watch how you treat other people. The stories are all connected in some way or another, whether it’s a similar character appearing in each or an object or just a line of dialogue. The only problem is that the stories are told out of order so you can’t even figure out what goes first and what goes last.
Our first story is entitled “Alice” and tells the case of a teenage girl who just isn’t happy with her family or her neighborhood. She’s very cocky and arrives at home after school one day to find her dad has a new universal remote. The problem with the remote is that as soon as her dad hits a button, she finds herself with some sort of skin ailment and with a new family of a different race. Alice is a young white girl and first she ends up with a black family and a burnt arm. Second she ends up with a Spanish family and her foot is also now burnt. Third she just ends up out in the front yard and her face is now burnt. Nobody seems to notice her until the button is hit one last time and her real family is back; but her body is too grotesque for them to even look at her so they want to shoot her. Luckily, the crazy doctor from down the street shows up with a remote of his own that makes Alice into a nice rabbit.
Second we are taken inside a story called “The Radio.” Jerry is a lonely security guard living in a building full of graffiti, pimps, and hos. He keeps to himself, but always has had an eye for one of the prostitutes. One night while spending time with himself as always, his radio breaks; so he decides to get a cheap one from the bum selling stuff outside. Soon, though, the radio begins talking to him, telling him what to do, and even flirting with him. Jerry finds it weird for only a few minutes, but then accepts the fact that his radio can see what he is doing. The radio help Jerry steal some money, but it also makes him realize he’s got to kill anyone who comes in contact with him because they will rat him out. Greed shows its ugly head though, as Jerry just doesn’t listen to good advice.
“Rachael The Call Girl” introduces us to Rachael, a high-class hooker. She has a web site where clients can get her info to set up a date. A shy young man named Victor decides to give her a go, and she’s on her way. That is not before killing a homeless woman who bugs her. You see, Rachel is a hooker who waits for clients to call, shows up and teases them, kills them, and steals whatever she wants. It seems like the perfect crime until she meets up with Victor who ends up being more then she bargained for.
Slide right into a lovely story about the crazy professor from our first story and we get to meet “Professor Dayton’s Wife”, and of course their pet rabbit Alice. Two of his former students come for a visit, having been invited to the professor’s wedding. After sharing a few stories to catch up, the professor runs to the store while the men get to know his lovely young wife. Charles and John finally figure out that the professor had finally done his dream of creating the perfect robotic woman, but can’t figure out how since she looks so real. They are determined to find out by any means necessary.
Finally we dive into the story of “The Haunted Dog.” Dr. Farwell is a ruthless, uncaring, cocky jerk who also happens to work as the main doctor in the free clinic. Doesn’t care about anyone but himself and it shows right at the beginning of a segment as he accidentally drops his hot dog on the ground, gives it to the bum who was begging for money, and then mercilessly walks away as the bum croaks due to a “bad dog.” Parties, pill popping, and hanging out with our friend Victor from earlier are all activities Dr. Farwell used to enjoy until the ghostly apparition of the bum shows up wherever he is offering him a tainted hot dog.
If you hadn’t noticed by the description of the segments, the movie is incredibly lame. Not only are the stories just plain stupid, but the acting is some of the worst I have ever seen in my entire life. There is not a single scary moment in the film and the only segment that is even somewhat interesting is “The Radio”, but even that has its rather obvious flaws.
Plot holes and blatant stupidity are hard to ignore while watching this anthology. Alice has bloody boils all over her body and keeps getting worse with each touch of the button. Yet, she takes a moment to sit down and eat some wedding cake and drink some booze. Then there’s the bum who somehow drops dead from taking a bite of a hot dog that had some dirt on it. The stories are bad enough on their own; don’t chop them to shreds by leaving out details that would have made them at least bearable.
There are no animated sequences in between each segment and no sign of introduction to each one either. The ending scene of the segment simply goes to wild colors and then you go right into the next one. Not to mention one of the lamest openings to a film I have ever seen in my entire life makes you want to stop watching from minute one. The gore is barely there, the blood looks godawful (was pig’s blood to much to ask?), and I could care less if all the characters had ceased to exist. And like I said before, the stories are so incredibly out of order; you can’t even begin to wonder what goes where. They tried to connect each story with Alice the Bunny or the Professor, but then they jumbled them up so badly that their small moment of ingenuity failed miserably. Just like this movie.
The Video
The film is shown in 16:9 Widescreen format and looks fine. There is nothing really to complain about because my focus was on the timer of the DVD player watching the seconds tick away until it hit 104 minutes.
The Audio
The film is heard in Dolby Digital 2.0 sound and also sounds fine. Nothing really to complain about, but I am not sure what kind of era they were going for here. There were cheesy and corny sound effects right along with music that was just weird and not creepy in any sense. Everything sounds fine, but I’m not so sure it wouldn’t have been better had we not been able to hear it at all.
Special Features
Behind The Scenes – This is a close to thirty minute featurette that has the cast and crew talking about their parts involved with the making of the film. They talk about how much fun it was to make it and how good they all think it turned out. There are some looks at the camera crews filming and people shouting “cut!” and everything. It is incredibly boring and pains even more because you are seeing some of the horror (and I sue that term loosely) that you watched in the film itself. The two directors also talk at length about the film and Dudelson says how he is “so happy there were two directors on this film.”
Why? So you won’t take all the blame for how badly it sucks?
The Inside Pulse
Creepshow III is a horrible film that never should have been made. It’s been rumored to have been under production since the late nineties and it really should have stayed rumored. I cannot believe how awful the story, acting, and directing was executed. Oh, and there is a good explanation as to why you’ve never heard of any of the actors in it. Because they probably started throwing beanbags out into a crowded mall and whoever caught one got to be in it. There is no reason on God’s green Earth to ever purchase, rent, borrow, or receive this film. If you ever unwrap a gift and you see it is Creepshow III, cock your arm back and pitch it straight at the gift-giver’s head.
