Welcome ladies and germs to another rousing week that won’t be full of as much depression as last week’s gem of a column dished out. It’s still rather slow in the sports world because we are in the middle of the NHL and NBA playoffs, so not much to discuss there. The baseball doesn’t end for another 16 or 17 months so there isn’t much in the way of that. But we are PTP…we find things for ourselves to talk about.
Oh and right now I am watching what is supposed to be Bob Barker’s last appearance on The Price Is Right. Ya know, due to work and other things, I don’t think I’ve actually been able to watch the show in the past five years. But it’s kind of sad knowing this will be the end of his run since he took over the show from Jesus.
Enough zingers from me. If you don’t mind…I beg of you…please…
1.) Tank Johnson Suspension Length/Ricky Williams A Moron?
Paulie: Lessee here, Pac Man Jones: no convictions, full season. Chris Henry: A couple of minor convictions, half a season. So following this logic… Tank Johnson: Parole violation, conviction on a felony and served jail time: He’ll probably get four games. He probably should be gone for the season though. I mean, the man had an armory in his living room while he was on parole. Geez man.
Ricky Williams is a Mormon? Dude, when did that happen? So now he wants to smoke pot AND have a harem of wives? Oh… moron… I don’t know that I’d call him a moron. I’d just peg him as someone with a great lack of care. He was probably being coached with his lip service to say the right things, get reinstated, play for a year, pay off his debts and then finally move on with his life. The man obviously doesn’t care about football and knows that he can’t handle the notoriety that comes with being a top player. He’s like Randy Moss with severe social anxiety disorder… and a 10 spliff a day pot habit.
Charles Joseph: I really don’t think Johnson even needs to be suspended. He served jail time, and there is a little thing called double jeopardy. You can’t be charged with the same crime twice and you sure as shit shouldn’t be punished for the same crime twice. Everyone else is praising Goodell, but in his first year on the job he appears to me to be a worthless tool, which could very well ruin the game. Exciting time.
Paulie pretty much nailed the Ricky Williams thing. He just completely lacks caring. Someone probably was telling him exactly what to say so he could get rid of his debt and move on with his life and smoke the ganja. Shut him up, send him off, and let’s never talk about him again.
Danny: Paulie called it, Johnson had a frickin gun store in his home. He needs to lose 10 games to the whole season easy. I agree with the penalties for both Henry and Jones, but think Henry’s should have been a full season too. As for Jones, he may not have ever been convicted, but come on. Questioned by police ten or more times and then even gets busted for speeding right before his meeting concerning his future? Dude, I know it’s just speeding but show a little bit of concern for your career. Tank deserves a damn good suspension and I think Goodell will throw the hammer down again.
Ricky Williams. Oh Ricky Williams. You dumb shit! That is all I really should have to say about you because you’ve been a moron since you were here in New Orleans and gave all your interviews with your helmet on because you had a “social disorder.†Then two years ago you say how weed is a part of your life and always will be, so there is nothing that can be done to make you stop. Now all of a sudden you are clean again because you “care†about football? Bullshit, you care about the $8.6 million you smoked up and have to repay the Dolphins. Oh but you failed another test anyway…consider yourself in the same family as Rae Carruth, Cecil Collins, Maurice Clarett, and Lawrence Phillips.
2.) The Vick Family Name Brings Trouble
Danny: It should come as no surprise that I can’t stand the Vicks and well, I [b]am[/b] a diehard Saints’ fan. But still, they are just a bunch of morons. Let’s tackle them one by one shall we? First of all there is Marcus Vick who is just a complete and total idiot. From one problem to another in college culminating with the leg stomping of Elvis Dumerville’s leg; the shithead never should have gotten into the NFL. Talented? Yes, he is. But luckily his troubles didn’t take him far and he is now out of the NFL and probably for good.
Secondly is his cousin Aaron Brooks. Sure he never got into any off-field trouble but I watched the asshole play five seasons and continue to stink it up. Sure he had the talent too, but he never used it to its full potential and even worse…he didn’t care. Coming off the field smiling when you just purposely threw a backwards pass to a lineman?? Good job! And then blame it all on the Saints’ organization when you sucked. So you head to Oakland and stink up the joint worse then Ryan Leaf. Yeah I said it, so what wanna fight about it? And now he too is out of the NFL and probably for good.
Last but certainly not least is the most successful of the group, Michael. He has tons of talent and a great arm, but he is no quarterback. He has the worst accuracy I have ever seen and now Petrino says Vick will complete 65% of his passes next season? Not to mention he is giving his QB more freedom to call his own plays at the line which means Atlanta will have running plays 98.8% of the time next season. Well, that is if he makes it to next season. Since the last one ended he has been in the news, and not in good ways, about three times. A water bottle with a jewelry/weed hidden compartment. Undernourished dogs at a home owned by him, but he blames it on his family. And now friends and former teammates of his are saying he was big-time involved in illegal dog fighting. I can’t wait to see him come crashing down in flames and bring the Falcons with him. Awwww…bet you’ll wish Matt Schaub was still on that roster won’tcha dirty birds?
Paulie: Aaron Brooks is Vick’s cousin? So accuracy problems run through every side of the family? The Vick boys proper, though, seem to be the very definition of being spoiled by quick riches and letting your friends define you. You know it’s pretty bad when your mamma moves in with you after you first get drafted to make sure you get adjusted well and she gets so fed up with your friends that she moves back home. Before, the only issue I had with Mike Vick was that he was overrated as a quarter back and had no real desire to improve. But the man needs to grow up and own up to things he’s done. Ricky Williams may be a nutjob but at least he’s man enough to step up and say, “I smoke pot. I enjoy it. And until they start treating me like a regular person and put me in jail for it, I’m going to keep smoking it.†It was originally reported about Vick’s water bottle that it had some kind of organic residue in it. Jewelry does not leave a residue, I’m sorry Mike, but it doesn’t. And now several friends and teammates, under the ignominious moniker of anonymous, have come out and said that Vick does have ties to dog fighting. Just man up, admit what you’ve done, do your time, and get it over with. People are much more lenient when they don’t have to dig for the truth.
As far as Marcus, he just strikes me as a guy being an asshole for the sake of being an asshole. He’s gotten everything he deserved via his NFL “careerâ€. Hope he has fun in the AFL or CFL or PMITAFL or the HMBFL or wherever he ends up. Dude, we know you’re Mike Vick’s brother, the way it’s going, I don’t know if it’s something you’ll want to be bragging about much longer.
Charles Joseph: Michael Vick has yet to be charged with anything. So under the new league punishment rating that equals a year long suspension. Isn’t Shaun King a Vick cousin too? The “anonymous†ex-teammate that linking Vick to dog fighting was Ray Buchanon, who has since come out and said he never, said Vick was into dog fighting. Vick does appear to be an idiot at the moment, but he’s not been charged, so we can’t really throw him under the bus yet. Marcus is just a waste of human DNA. Alcohol to minors, stomping on Dumerville, pulling a gun at McDonalds. And the sad thing is…he doesn’t have to do anything the rest of his life, because big brother is already worth more than any court fees should wind up being.
3.) Dale Jr. Leaving DEI
Charles Joseph: This story has been brewing since last fall, and after months of negotiations he finally decided they weren’t going to be able to come to an agreement and is going to leave the only race team he’s ever known. And that his late father built.
I really think this is going to be good for Jr. He might finally make a name for himself rather than just going off his last name. DEI is more about preserving Dale Sr. legacy than it is about having a great racing organization. Don’t get me wrong, they’ve had good cars over the years, but not at the consistency he’ll get from Hendrick, or Childress. It doesn’t really matter where he goes, he’s going to be paid a King’s Ransom, and Bud will follow him wherever he goes, Bud would follow him if he went and made his own team. I’d love to see him go to Hendrick. But everyone already seems to complain about Hendrick dominance, throw Jr. in there they’d finish 1, 2, 3 every week with Busch winning or wrecking every week. The nostalgic choice would be for him to go to RCR and drive the number 3 car. But that’s not really a good way to get out of his dad’s shadow, so I’m not sure how likely that will be. It’ll be fun to see where he winds up, and how much he gets.
Danny: I don’t see the big deal about this whole thing. There has been nothing but talk about how Jr. is tarnishing his dad’s name by leaving DEI and should stay with them to keep his dad’s memory alive. Let the kid go out and do his own thing instead of having to live by what his name is as CJ already said.
He doesn’t need to drive the # 3 car either because that will do nothing but probably get people only thinking of his dad again. Or worse yet, it will get them more pissed at Jr. because had the disrespect of leaving DEI but still wanting to have a piece of his dad’s legacy. He’s always going to have his dad’s legacy with him because he is the man’s son you retards. Let him go out on his own and make his cash so he can begin to make a name, that’s already famous, for himself. And Dale Sr. will never die as long as there are pick-ups and impalas riding around with a huge ass white “3†on their back window or plastered along the side. Ugh.
Paulie: Good on Junior. The only thing Earnhardt about DEI at this point is the fact that Dale Sr. started it. Sorry, but step moms don’t count. If she gave a real damn about the company and the legacy she would have given Junior whatever he wanted. But instead, she gets to go down the crapper. So far, to me, it’s seemed like Dale Jr. was getting by on his name alone. He’s been out of or at the bottom of the Race for the Cup every year since it was instituted and he just hasn’t seemed that great. People just seemed to love him cuz they need an Earnhardt to love. Now it seems it may just be crappy equipment that’s been holding him down. Now he can go to Childress or Hendrick or his own team with Hendrick’s engines since Hendrick’s team is maxed out on drivers right now. He can get in a real car and see what he can do. The next couple of years will be make or break for Junior, he’ll either live up to his namesake by having competitive equipment, or he’ll be shown to just be famous because of his name. As far as getting into the black #3 car? I don’t think it should happen. That car should stay retired. People got pissed just because Gordon had the audacity to continue to try and win races and happened to pass a dead legend. I’d be more pissed at someone trying to blatantly replace that legend, even if it is the man’s old son. And I really don’t think Junior would want to do that anyway.
4.) Suns/Spurs – It’s Getting Dirty
Paulie: Hahahaha. I keep seeing all this stuff happening to Steve Nash and that’s what I do. I laugh. Cuz it’s funny. He looks like a little rag doll out there. But I do worry that the knee to the nads didn’t seem to keep him down very long. It was nice to see the San Antonio coach finally be the one to subscribe to my newsletter advocating the entry of a guy off the end of the bench, in this case octogenarian Robert Horry, to just go out and knock the crap out of the other team’s best player.
Charles Joseph: Sounds an awful lot to me that the Suns are just trying to make some excuses for why they are getting handled in this series. “Oh, they’re a dirty team, and they don’t play nice, I’m gonna go pout to daddy†Shut the f*ck up Suns…its called DEFENSE. I know you’re not aware of this idea, but that’s what it’s called when you attempt to stop the other team from scoring. The hip check might have been a bit of a reach, but all the suspensions are fair. Horry does deserve more than anyone else, but Stoudemire and Diaw both deserve suspensions too. You can’t leave the bench! That’s the rule! You break it, you pay for it. They broke the rule, and there are paying for it, and it will cost the Suns the series.
Danny: The only team I really like remaining in the playoffs is Phoenix so it pains me because the loss of Stoudemire and Diaw for game 5 could seriously cost them this series. Horry’s frickin shoulder tackle to Nash was uncalled for, but as CJ said…you can’t leave the bench. Those kinds of suspensions are the easiest and most deserved along with being the stupidest ones imaginable. Stay in your damn seat, you know it’s not going to end well! Someone besides Nash and Stoudemire need to do more for the Suns to win this series and their defense has got to improve as a whole. But with Stoudemire out for game 5, they really need Marion to step up his game big time. The Spurs have looked like a dirty team for a long time, but don’t use that as your excuse for losing. If you’re a good team, which you are Phoenix, then you can overcome dirty play and win dammitt.
5.) Indianapolis 500
Charles Joseph: Just like last year, this year will be Danica-mania, along with the two other females driving this year, even though none of them will win. The favorites have to be Castroneves and Franchitti and Kanaan and Weldon. I’m going with Kanaan…cuz I feel like it. It’s quite weird, I love NASCAR, but I’ve never really gotten into Indy or even the Indy 500, I’ll probably pop in for a couple laps here and there, but it won’t be an all day thing for me.
Danny: Hmmm weird that you love NASCAR and can’t really get into the Indy 500. I guess it is even weirder then that I can’t stand NASCAR yet actually kind of have always been semi-interested in IRL. I just think it’s a bit cooler with the cars and see it as a tad more enjoyable because you also don’t “always†have a frickin circle track but actually get some curves and over-unders. Sure none of the female drivers will win, but you have to admit that Danica is still hot as all living hell. I agree also with your top three favorites, but I think Dario Franchitti is going to pull this one out
Paulie: I’ll admit, I’d be more likely to watch Indy than Daytona. But it ain’t hard to get better than .02% chance. I know Danica and…. Danica. And that’s just cause she likes to get half naked and show off her non-bewbs. Are the Andretti’s still racing? If so, I pick one of them. Unless Schumacher’s driving IRL now. Is he? My two year old has made me watch that damned Cars movie every day for two weeks now so all I can think is, “Michael Schumacher wants to buy my tires! IEEE!*thunk*†“Peet Stop*thunk*â€
Like DVD reviews? Head over to The DVD Lounge where there are a lot of good people watching a lot of crap so you don’t have to. And for a person who has over 1300 DVDs and watches every movie imaginable, Travis really finds some things that even I have never heard of.
Popcorn Junkies is a place you really need to go check out as well because there are great people like Caroline, Ping, Michaelangelo, Kubryk, and more bringing you news and movie reviews at all hours of the night and day. Also be sure to check out Popcorn Junkies as a great feature on the best movies in history starts on Friday.
David Brasher has an awesome column that I have been reading for a long time. His “Great-ing Gimmick Of The Past†takes a look at some of the best and worst memories in wrestling history.
You want TV coverage and are too lazy to watch or TIVO? Head to Primetime Pulse for any and everything you could ever want to know about what you are missing.
The people over at The Nexus will simply blow your mind with the amount of stuff they discuss in the comic world and the really deep insight they put into everything they do.
Ok everyone we need your help. We are going to be incorporating a few new twists to PTP each week and they are going to involve you…the fans. Yes YOU! Thank you sir.
But please go here in the forums and give us your suggestions for a poll we plan on starting with next week. In next week’s column, the three of us are each going to give our nominations for the “Toughest Player in Sports History.†After we get the nominations together, we are going to have a poll in the forums and see who wins all. It can be any sport: basketball, football, baseball, hockey, cricket, racing, college, swimming, high school…I don’t care. If you have a suggestion, either e-mail one of us or post it in the forums with the player’s name, team, sport, and a small explanation as to why you think they deserve the title of “Toughest Player in Sports History.â€
Oh and we are going to have some trivia questions in upcoming weeks…and maybe some prizes if I can swing them. MAYBE PEOPLE!
So give us your nominations and one more thing. If someone would be willing to come kill the wannabe gangstas who moved in next door to me about 5 days ago? I’d really appreciate it. She weighs like 6 pounds and he is all of 4’11â€, so it’s not like it would be difficult. I just have to live here and don’t want a scandal on my hands.
Please?
I’ll take you to dinner.
