The SmarK 24/7 Rant for World Championship Wrestling – August 24 1985

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The SmarK 24/7 Rant for World Championship Wrestling – August 24 1985

– Your hosts are Tony and David

– Oh man, the Andersons strike again in the cold open, breaking the bones of another poor jobber.

– We start with Tully Blanchard showing off his brand new $10,000 watch to go along with his $500 US title belt.

– Manny Fernandez v. Jim Jeffers. Manny was floating pretty aimlessly at this point, wasn’t he? He starts working the arm and dropkicks Jeffers, and continues on with a wristlock on the mat. Small package gets two. He works a hammerlock on the mat and finishes with the Flying Burrito at 3:57. Not much going on here. 3/4*

– The Russians are up next, and they still want Flair’s belt. It’s neat that Nikita’s English improves a little bit with every promo, as Scott Simpson adds little nuances to the character and makes it more than just another generic Russian heavy.

– The Barbarian v. Lee Ramsey. Barbarian goes with the simple offense, headbutting Ramsey down and adding a gorilla press. Backbreaker and another gorilla press, and he tosses the jobber over to Paul Jones for some smacks. Back to the apron and he beats Lee to the floor again, and back in for a legdrop. Tony and David suddenly go off on a PSA about not doing any of this at home and learning from a proper wrestling school instead. God, I hope kids aren’t imitating shitty workers like Barbarian, or else they might bore each other to death. Powerslam and flying headbutt finish at 4:40. 1/2*

– Terry Taylor v. Mike Davis. Taylor quickly gets a Thesz Press for one, and again for one. Davis backs up and goes with a headlock, which is quickly reversed by Taylor. Taylor takes him down with a wristlock, but Davis claims a hairpull and the ref BELIEVES him. Never seen that happen. Davis goes back to the headlock, but Taylor rolls him over for two. Davis switches to a hammerlock and Taylor reverses, but Davis cries foul again and the ref again forces the break. Hey, if it works, good for him. Taylor gets a butterfly suplex for two and a hiptoss for two. Taylor hits the chinlock, but Davis makes the ropes and then takes him down with a headlock. Now, if I’m Taylor, I take advantage of the gullible ref and complain about hair-pulling. Taylor sadly is a goody two-shoes and fights out of the hold the old-fashioned way, with an atomic drop. And then Davis uses the hair to take him down and drops a leg, and they slug it out in the corner. Taylor comes back with a backdrop and stands on his head, and finishes with a backslide at 7:24. Totally watchable TV match. **1/4

– Manny Fernandez & Jimmy Valiant do a hyperactive promo about Paul Jones while we get a clip of Jones and his army of freaks destroying them on one of the other syndicated shows.

– Ole & Arn Anderson v. Brody Chase & Jason Walker. Arn beats on Walker to start, and they trade off on choking him out on the ropes. The arm, as per usual, is the target. Over to Brody, and they pound him extra hard as punishment for having a name like something out of a snowboarding video game. They switch off on the arm and Arn hammerlock slams him. Ole comes off the top with the knee on the arm to finish at 3:47. Textbook Andersons. *1/2

– Black Bart v. Ron Rossi. Bart headbutts the shoulder and pounds on the arm in the corner, then goes to an armbar. Tony notes that we should take the phone off the hook, because up next the Russians defend the six-man titles! Well, you can’t really do that these days, but it’s still solid advice. Legdrop finishes at 1:51. See, at least the Andersons work the arm for the whole match and then get a SUBMISSION from it. I don’t get guys who work the arm and then pin them with a legdrop. 1/4*

– The Andersons clarify their maiming of Denny Brown at the beginning of the program: It’s a Candygram to Dusty and Magnum. Aw, nothing says friendship like breaking some guy’s arm.

– World Six-Man titles: Ivan Koloff, Nikita Koloff & Khrusher Khruschev v. Jimmy Valiant, Starship Eagle & Ron Bass. Jimmy gets overpowered by Nikita, but the faces pinball him and force him to tag out, as it’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA. The faces clean house, but the Ruskies regroup and I’m disappointed that Google’s translation program has no Russian translation for “Smash,” thus ruining a perfectly good joke. Bass grabs a headlock on Khruschev as we take a break, and we return with Ivan getting taken down and headlocked. Bass gets the clawhold, but Nikita breaks it up and brings in Khrusher again. The faces trade off and try to find someone to match up with Nikita, and the lucky winner is Starship Eagle. Nikita misses a charge and gets backdropped, and it’s a big brawl again. Eagle gets all distracted and Nikita kills him dead with the Sickle at 6:30. They’re really scraping the bottom of the barrel with this Superstation Championship Series now. *

– The Sawyers pop in with words for the Midnight Express.

– Brett & Buzz Sawyer v. Randy Barber & George South. Brett takes Barber down to start and grabs a headlock, and they criss-cross into a Brett dropkick and flying headscissors. Buzz with the hiptoss and elbow on South, and he rubs the poor guy’s face in the mat to send a message to Jim Cornette. Geez, if you’re not man enough to beat the Midnights, don’t take it out on some poor jobber. Brett comes in with a legdrop off the top , and Buzz tosses him. Back in, South wisely tags out to Barber, who gets taken down right away. Powerslam and Brett finishes with a flying splash at 4:45. *1/2 Buzz always had that oddball charisma, but Brett Wayne Sawyer bores the crap out of me and I really wish they’d finish up their Crockett run soon and go away.

– More Russians, more words for Flair.

– Buddy Landell v. Gerald Findley. Gerald gets his usual surprise offense to start, but misses a dropkick and Buddy slugs him out of the ring, into the waiting shoes of JJ Dillon. Back in, Buddy stomps away on the arm as I have a minor quibble with the Retro Timeline pop-up: It has the Rock N Roll Express over Manny & Rude for the NWA tag titles listed for May 26, but that match didn’t actually happen, as Rude had already left for the WWF at that point. I mean, it’s been 20 years, I think it’s safe for them to admit that it was done in the editing room. Landell finishes with the figure-four at 2:26. 1/2*

– The Andersons & Blanchard have a group threat for Dusty Rhodes.

– The Rock N Roll Express v. Unnamed Jobbers. Gibson headlocks each jobber in turn and Ricky drops an elbow and goes to a chinlock. Gibson comes in and goes back to the headlock, and switches jobbers for the double elbows and double dropkick to finish at 2:07. Usual stuff from the champs. 3/4*

Next time: Black Bart v. Ron Bass for the National title! See you next time!