Whew…what a wild week of nothing. But still we bring you our smiling faces every single week so you will have something to read on Thursday. Or sometimes Friday. And every now and then on Saturday. I’d like you all to wish Paulie a happy anniversary and also send Matt your regards since he will soon be done with all the wedding shenanigans and caught up in honeymoon shenanigans.
As for CJ, well he was a bad monkey. He seems to enjoy thugs as role models and just doesn’t know when to shut his mouth. So for this week he will be known as: Corky Johansen.
This week we are going to be giving you each of our nominees for the toughest athlete in sports history. To come up with an accurate list would take a lot more time then a week and a helluva lot more choices then we came up with, but we don’t have or feel like taking that kind of time. If we did, we’d write a book. Hey, can you write a book with three authors? I’m writing my own book anyway.
Ok sorry…{in Dusty Rhodes’ voice}…please folks if you will…
1.) Paulie’s Picks
Paulie: The three toughest players in sports history… hmm… lessee here…I guess I have to define tough in order to really make this list. To me, tough is intimidating, tough is enduring, tough is playing through pain, tough is gon’ whip yo ass. So…in no particular order cause that’s up to YOU, the viewer to eventually decide…
Bill Laimbeer: I know people hate him. But the man was a beast and a badass. I used to think that mask of his ended up beings like a Cowboy Bob Orton thing. He was the centerpiece of what made the Detroit teams of the late 80’s the Bad Boys. Bill Laimbeer is the man who made me want to watch pro basketball. Even though I hated the Pistons. He was a man I wanted to watch. He defined toughness for me as a young Paulie. He makes my list.
Lance Armstrong: Blah blah blah, doping, cheating, blah. I don’t give a damn. I’d say pretty much anyone that can finish one of those bike endurance races is a tough sum bitch, but Ol’ One Nut Armstrong takes the testosterone over the rest because he did it better, for longer, and more impressively. I don’t even factor in the cancer in his toughness. To be at the top of a sport like endurance cycling for so long is toughness to me. Hell, put me on a bike and I’ll be lucky to make it to the end of the road. Lance makes my list.
The man of many H’s, Paul Levesque: A WRESTLER? But I thought this was a SPORTS column? Hyuk hyuk. Bite me. Is he a roid monkey? More than likely. Is he an asshole? Depends on who you ask. But the man, TWICE, tore the quadriceps OFF THE BONE and kept going. Off. The. Bone. Anyone else drops, grabs their knee and rolls around like a soccer player. Say what you want about the man, but he has heart, he will apparently play through the pain and he will whip yo ass. Paul “HHH†Levesque, you make my list.
Corky Johansen: Laimbeer I’m ok with. Armstrong rides friggin bike for a living. Other people have survived cancer too. And yeah, winning the Tour de France a few times after that is impressive, but it’s not an overly huge display of toughness. To make the list as a “tough†guy, you should at least look like you’re able to kick my ass. I don’t dispute that Triple H is a tough guy, but you couldn’t think of someone who’s, like, a real, athlete, and not a professional dancer?
Danny: Ok so I totally agree with Laimbeer although I fully believe that the tougher Piston in that era was Rick Mahorn. That guy still scares the shit out of me whenever I see him on TV.
Trips I will give you credit for because I saw the matches where he tore his quads and kept on going. You could just tell that something was wrong and he should have stopped but he kept on trucking through sometimes even for another ten to fifteen minutes. I frickin stub my toe and I want to take off of work the next day.
Armstrong? Sure he’s inspirational and all but I don’t really consider him tough. Unless you count the time spent with Sheryl Crow. I mean she did used to be known as “Simon” Crow. He also probably had to listen to her sing which then I give him the award for toughest player right now hands down.
2.) Danny’s Picks
Danny: My picks were a lot easier to make then I thought they would be
NFL Safety John Lynch: Here is a man currently going into his fifteenth year in the NFL and still hitting like he’s in his second or third. He peruses the field from the far out safety position with this easy demeanor. He doesn’t look like much at 6-2 and 220 pounds. He has a smile that says he is a nice guy and Lynch simply looks like he should probably be in a classroom teaching kids about English and History. But he’s a guardian. A captain on that field and I feel sorry for anyone on the opposing team that comes even close to him. I’ve watched him take down guys two times his size or seen him knock someone a guy 5 yards back all the while he barely flinched. He epitomizes strength and toughness yet he is vastly underrated.
Boston Celtic Larry Bird: Sure he was a big lanky white guy that weighed maybe eight pounds, but he was one tough som’ bitch back in the day. He didn’t play through injuries really until near the end of his career when his back was virtually giving out on him all together. But that doesn’t mean he wasn’t a tough ass. Bird knew how to read his opponents so well that he could stammer the greatest of the great. He was just an incredible player on both sides of the ball and in a close to fourteen year career; the man played every minute of every game like it was for the championship. It is because of Larry Bird that I feel we have players like Chris Paul, Steve Nash, and Brent Barry today.
Wrestler Kurt Angle: Ok, so I haven’t liked Kurt much since he jumped over to TNA, but that is merely a matter of preference. I also don’t condone his addiction to pain killers. But I do look at the career he has had and the things he has done. First off there was winning the Olympic trials in 1996 with two fractured cervical vertebras, two herniated discs, and four pulled muscles. Then moving on to capture the gold just a few months later. He then went on to have a professional wrestling career in the WWF/WWE in which he has pulled countless muscles, torn them from the bone, and the constant neck problems since originally breaking it back before the Olympics. The most amazing part of it all is that no matter when or how the injuries occurred, time off was not taken very often. He continued to work through the pain with no regard to his own health. And considering that wrestling (professional and amateur) is nothing but constant wear on the body; it makes his feats that much more admirable.
Paulie: The so many H’s looks down up your choice of Kurt Angle. I don’t care how many quads he’s torn getting out of bed in the morning. Hard to argue with Bird. In his time, he was indeed a tough sum bitch. Lynch all time though? Butkus, Ditka, Singletary, and Jack Tatum would like to have words with you I think.
Corky Johansen: What the hell, I’m the only one who didn’t put a wrestler on my damn list. I realize this is mainly a wrestling site, but come on, they’re glorified dancers for crying out loud. I don’t mind Lynch, or Bird. Bird was a different kind of tough and isn’t really thought of as tough. Willis Reed gets no love?
3.) CJ’s Picks
Corky Johansen: I’m not doing all time, because I’m too young to do that any sort of justice. So I’m just doing contemporary. I’m going to try and bounce around to different sports too, not just the top 3 or else I’d just give 3 hockey players. But, I ramble, here I go…actually, I’m gonna do four. One from each major sport. I don’t care; yell at me if you want.
Football. Full of tough guys. Or strong guys at least. But to make my list, you’ve got to have something burned into my psyche. Byron Leftwich accomplishes that. He had a broken friggin ankle, and was having his teammates carry him down the field as they drove for the win. Granted, he’s hurt all the time now and barely sees the field. But he’s always saying he’s fine and wants to play. He’s the player that won’t come off the field unless it’s on a stretcher.
Baseball is kind of a sport for wimps, but what I witnessed last year with my own two eyes for the majority of the season was astounding. Brad Radke, a pitcher, took his turn and pitched almost the full season with a torn labrum. That’s a shoulder muscle. That has already sidelined Twins’ pitcher Jesse Crain for this entire year, and Radke pitched through it all year and made a playoff start. That he pitched pretty well in. He’s got MAHBLES!
Basketball is kind of difficult, because the “tough†players now, would have been normal players in the long ago time, the game is just so much softer now. And I don’t wanna hear a damn person say D-Wade. He was wheelchaired off in tears with a dislocated shoulder. Boo f*cking hooo. I’ve seen guys get half their face turned to mush then skate off the ice. Winner for BBall, is the lil man who could, AI. He takes as much of a beating as anyone can take on a basketball court these days and he just keeps rolling. So what if he doesn’t like practice. He’s a tough sum bitch.
And of course, the sport of men. There are more ways to measure toughness in hockey than there are in the other sports combined. Will a player fight for a puck in the corner, will a player block a piece of frozen molten rubber that is flying at them at up to 100 mph, will a player defend a teammate and drop the gloves, even if he’s not the biggest guy in the fight, will a player camp in front of the net where you know you’re going to get cross checked in the kidneys, whacked with sticks, leaned against, pushed around all before a teammate fires another chunk of frozen rubber at you. Hockey is full of so many tough guys; I have to go back to my memory burned into psyche criteria. And my nod goes to Captain Canada, Ryan Smyth. As captain for the Oilers last year, he was on the ice as an opposing player took a run at Ales Hemsky and hit him with a borderline high knee, not only did Smyth skate over and attempt to square off the with opposing player who made the hit, he was also ready to fight the other opposing player who skated over there as well, and there stood Smyth with an opponent in each hand ready to throw down. Now, I watch enough Wild games to know that that happens to Derek Boogaard about once a week, but its usually because he’s leveled someone with a borderline hit, and the other team has to send the entire team over to have a chance against him, so that’s different, Smyth wins for me.
So my 4. Ryan Smyth, AI, Brad Radke, Byron Leftwich.
Sadly, I won’t go into NASCAR, or Lacrosse, or Curling. Although…I will throw out one more name. Well, not a name, but a person. That soccer dude that got “smashed…right in the face†So I get 5 nominees.
Danny: Ok I’ll give you Radke and Leftwich. Although his name is “Byron†not “Bryon†as you kept saying but I fixed for you. I’ll give you Smyth too because the guy simply amazes me with the way he will duke it up and throw down with anyone. Leftwich is a bad bastard the way he played on that broken ankle, but there are many of football players I’ve seen playing with injuries far worse before and still produce.
The thing with Radke and the season with a torn labrum really caught my eye though. I mean for God sakes the guy took an injury that would sideline a frickin office worker for at least two weeks before getting back behind a keyboard and he pitched with it. Kudos, although come on…did you HAVE to pick someone from Minnesota?
Soccer dude was tough yeah, but also stupid. Rule one in any sport…don’t put your face or testicles near the foot of an opposing player.
Now onto your great choice of Allen Iverson. Ok, I’m totally bullshitting you. AI??? Are you serious? The whiney little bitch who doesn’t want to practice because not only does he feel he’s good enough but he doesn’t want to break a nail. That is not showing toughness. Not wanting to practice is not showing how damn good you are, it’s being a pussy. Get your ass out there with the hundreds of other players for every team that practice every single day. You are not tough. Allen Iverson is 6 feet 165 pounds of gangsta wannabe baby. Can’t get along with a single soul and thinks he’s too good for practice. Ooooo what a tough ass bad boy! Have your stupid ass a seat in your baby blue.
Paulie: Byron Leftwich? You’re kidding, right Corky? He had one moment of toughness, IN COLLEGE. Since then he’s been pansy boy 101. Should probably be in the Pro Badminton league. Baseball players? Nope… none on the list. Iverson? Dude, we wanted tough, not thug. I haven’t seen an NBA player in the last 10 years that belongs on the list. Steve Nash might have made it if he wouldn’t have done that swan dive when Horry hip checked him.
4.) Toughest Sport To Play
Paulie: Toughest sport to play? This is hard. Do you go with mental toughness? Physical toughness? In boxing, your body is constantly being tenderized. In football you put your body at the most risk. Golf will tax the hell out of your psyche. But all in all I’d have to give the duke to Endurance Cycling. The hell that their bodies go through has to be tremendous and then they get a break, overnight. Not a week. Not a couple days, not a few months. A night. It’s got to take a tough sum bitch to be able to do that every day for a couple weeks straight. I don’t watch your sport, endurance cyclists, but my hat is certainly off to you.
Corky Johansen: I think Paulie is trying to score some biker chick, or Lance Armstrong, I’m not sure. All sports are tough in there own ways. Baseball you have to hit a small round object with a round stick. Basketball you have to through a ball into a hoop, Football you have to try and tackle/avoid being tackled by 250lb men running as fast as cheetahs, but in all of those sports you usually have good traction, only in Hockey are you attempting to do something ON ICE. Let’s see a baseball player try and get a hit on ice, or a running back make a cut, or a basketball player try a lay up. Football players wear more pads than they inject steroids. Hockey players have some pads, but not as much. I mentioned it in my part; almost everything hockey players do requires toughness. But the one thing that makes hockey a tough man sport more than the others, hockey has walls that the opposition is allowed to attempt to make you a part of. Baseball you can run into the wall by yourself, and AFL has padding on the walls, hockey has hard bare walls that you can be rammed into the second you forget to pay attention.
Danny: While I will agree that both hockey and bicycling are extremely difficult sports, I’m going to have to go with football. I know it may sound like a cop-out answer, but it’s true. Not only do you have to be tough as all hell and in great shape, but you have to have intelligence to play the game. You cannot be stupid when playing football, you just can’t. The playbook just gets bigger as you go up each level from pee-wee to high school to college and then to professional. If you don’t know what you’re supposed to be doing on each play, then you screw up your whole team. Not to mention that if you don’t have a big heart and mental/physical toughness then you might as well just keep your ass on the first time you get hit so it won’t happen again to you. Ya big girl.
5.) Most Pansy Sport To Play
Corky Johansen: I don’t know how to take this question…so, ummm. Soccer I think is filled with the most pansy players. As they seem to fail at being able to stand up against a slight breeze. But I know there are some dangerous situations in soccer, so I don’t want to give it the sentence of Pansiest Sport. So, what else is there…boxing, no…lacrosse, hell no. Bicycling? Oh, that could be a winner. But, I don’t think so. Some of them crashes get pretty rough. Don’t no one say NASCAR damn it. You go hit a wall at 140 mph see how you feel after that. Ummm, I think I’m gonna go with curling. I mean, unless you drop the stone on your foot, pretty safe sport there…unless you trip when you’re sweeping and knock your head on the ice. Damn, that would hurt. I’m gonna go with curling, but just know, it’s possible to injure yourself playing pretty much any sport.
Danny: “Don’t no one say NASCAR damn it.â€
That sentence right there is why it deserves to be nominated for this, but I did say “sport†of which I barely consider NASCAR to be. The pansiest sport by far has to be swimming. Now I am not saying that you don’t have to be in top shape in order to swim competitively and I’m also not saying that the sport is easy to partake in. All I’m saying is that any time there are a bunch of men purposely in speedos jumping in the water and swimming from one end to the other. And then what do they do after they get out of the pool? Ah yes, they hug the rest of the half-naked men in nuthuggers.
Paulie: Pansiest sport? Easy. Badminton. Say it’s not a sport? Talk to these guys. C’mon. Badminton? You don’t make a nursing home recreation and call it a pro sport.
Like DVD reviews? Then head over to The DVD Lounge where there are a lot of good people watching a lot of crap so you don’t have to. And for a person who has over 1300 DVDs and watches every movie imaginable, Travis really finds some things that even I have never heard of.
Popcorn Junkies is a place you really need to go check out as well because there are great people like Caroline, Ping, Michaelangelo, Kubryk, and more bringing you news and movie reviews at all hours of the night and day.
Every week on Monday nights, I venture over to the forums and watch Monday Night RAW with a bunch of people I’ve never met and discuss the show. Ok, so we rip on it most of the time. Mr. James Hatton does the same with his friends, but then he also gets together with some of them and records a podcast about any and everything called The Rabblecast.
Do me a favor and go check out Broken Dial because Greg Wind, SMS, and the whole crew over there do a damn fine job of telling you what to like and not like.
Well that is it for this week everyone and I am telling you now to go vote in our poll in the forums after reading this.
Go there and vote in our lil poll and we will let you know the results next week and even talk about them a little bit. Be sure to check out the rest of the forums after voting because have a regular lil family going on in there and it’s quite the nice place to spend your time.
Until next time folks…I urge you to say your prayers, eat your vitamins, and…hey, ya think Hulk Hogan ever looks at his daughter Brooke in a whole, “If you weren’t my daughter…DAMN!†kind of way? No? Ok me either…was just…sayin…LOOK A WALRUS!
