The SmackDown Report

Reviews, Shows, TV Shows

My, my. Winter has just started here and it’s quite the reality shock. Last few years, I don’t know about anywhere else in the world, but it’s gone from one extreme one day to the opposite extreme the next. It’s crazy. And on an awesome note, I’m finally catching up on all that class work. Go me! Anyways; SmackDown starts with a recap of the last few weeks for Edge. I think it might’ve been the pre-match video for Judgment Day, I’m assuming at least, course it seems to be the actual video until it begins recapping their match.

Edge’s music hits and the champion w/ crappy pyro show kicks us off. That pyro show was great the first time, but is horrible now. It’s over kill what used to be a good entrance, even if it is pretty. Edge says that the series of matches between Batista and Undertaker left them nowhere but injured with a door open for Edge. He gives us a long run down of beating the Undertaker (the match itself didn’t seem to last as long as Edge recapping it). Edge doesn’t care that he beat an injured challenger to retain the title. Theodore Long interrupts and congratulates him on his defense, but reminds Edge that he’ll be defending it at One Night Stand 3 against a winner of tonight’s match; Kane vs. Finlay vs. Mark Henry vs. Batista. Talk about a modern classic. The title match at ONS will be a Steel Cage Match! So, just how did any of these men earn their potential title shots? Random lottery?


Montel Vontavious Porter United States Championship Celebration is tonight!

Opening Contest: Brian Kendrick and Paul London vs. Dave Taylor and William Regal
D’n’D are at ringside w/ Cherry and old entrance. Taylor gets Kendrick in a headlock and gets a takedown. Taylor off the ropes with a shoulder but comes into a monkey flip by Kendrick. Uppercut by Taylor, Kendrick goes for a headscissors but gets thrown outside. Taylor throws Kendrick gut first on the top turnbuckle and follows with a fall away slam. Regal tagged in with elbows and knees to Kendrick. Taylor back in with uppercuts and Regal comes back in and kicks the leg of Kendrick and follows with an elbow drop. Kendrick gets Regal in the dreaded headlock but gets pushed off, backslide gets Kendrick a two count. Kendrick goes for the hot tag to London, but Regal kicks the leg. Taylor runs into the corner and gets hit with the Sliced Bread No. 2, and Regal and London are in. London gets a spinning heel kick on Regal for a one count, stopping the pinfall to attack Taylor. London goes up top but Domino pushes him off which leads to the surprising disqualification!
Winners: Brian Kendrick and Paul London

Wow, nice to see they’re serious about the referees not looking like jackasses anymore. Three team brawl continues afterwards, which hopefully means an elimination match for One Night Stand. Otherwise, the match was your expected goodness between these guys but not fantastic, and I am loving this new referee stuff. Four out of Ten.

Recap of Michaels being taken out. Oh, so relevant to SmackDown, and oh so dramatic. You’d think that it’d seem more respectful if they showed the actual footage of it? Without all the filters and bad direction shit; just what was shown at the PPV. Right?

Hornswoggle has stolen the belt off of Edge! Edge chases Hornswoggle and runs into Finlay! Edge wants his title back; Finlay gives it back to him and says that Edge can keep it for now. If I say anything more, I may jinx the chances of anything, but seeing Hornswoggle running with the belt was just right out of nowhere and fantastic to see.


Jillian Hall makes her way out. She’s going to perform Jillatronic, so of course of all people to interrupt her, it’s The Boogeyman. Great, what’s he going to bite off the poor bitch now? Hall runs out of the ring but gets sent back in by Michelle McCool. In a nice note: her microphone / ear piece is kept on the entire time. The entire thing looks like some screwed up porno movie, with Little Boogeyman stalking between her legs while Boogeyman drops worms on her head. For what this was, a way to keep Boogeyman on the show and continue the Mc / Hall feud, we could’ve seen a lot worse.

Theodore Long offers the GM Assistant position to Vickie Guerrero! Kristal Marshall is so happy that now he has an assistant, he can pay even more attention to her. Poor Kristal.


Second Contest: Matt Hardy vs. Mike Mizanin
Lock up and Hardy gets an arm drag. Hardy continues to work the arm with a hammerlock but Mizanin gets to the ropes. Mizanin with elbows to Hardy which disconnects another hammerlock, and Mizanin continues with a whiplash into the second rope for a two count. I think it was a two. Mizanin with elbows to Hardy and a foot choke in the corner before forcing Hardy’s head into the steel buckles. Russian leg sweep gets Mizanin a one count. Headlock by Mizanin but Hardy gets a scoop slam, but Mizanin keeps the hold applied! Nice. Mizanin leg drops Hardy into the bottom rope. Again, nice. Mizanin gets a two count. Mizanin with swinging clubs for a two count. This is going too long for a Mizanin match. Hardy off the ropes into an elbow by Mizanin, getting a two count. Mizanin with that clothesline in the corner for a two count. Mizanin off the ropes into a clothesline by Hardy. Hardy with a shoulder body toss and the clothesline bulldog combo gets a two count. Yodel elbow drop gets Hardy another two. Hardy goes for the Twist Of Fate but Mizanin turns it into a jackknife pinfall for almost a three count. Side Effect gets Hardy a two count! Hardy spears Mizanin into the corner and runs into a big boot by Mizanin. Twist Of Fate ends it.
Winner: Matt Hardy

Very good finish, but the match ran about two minutes too long. Five out of Ten.


So, like, Montel Vontavious Porter makes his way out, right? The entire thing just rings back to JBL’s United States Championship celebration ceremony. Porter says that we doubted him but he’s now beat Chris Benoit so we now have no choice but to believe. MVP says that the moment isn’t proper without Chris Benoit, and Benoit’s music hits. Benoit comes out, as always, dressed for action. Porter wants Benoit to shake his hand; just as I’m typing that he’ll do it in a few months, Benoit shakes it. Porter says that he doesn’t think a handshake is enough, and reminds him that he dominated him and beat him twice straight, so he thinks he should acknowledge the fact that Porter is SmackDown’s MVP and the future while Benoit is the past and wants his hand raised. Very nice promo by Porter here. Triple Germans on Porter after he swings at Benoit. Benoit has the ring to himself as Porter leaves. Again: very nice promo work by Porter here, probably the only time I’ve ever actually paid attention to him.

Recap of Cena defeating Khali. Complete with dramatic music. See, now, I don’t mind the music and dramatic direction here. Oh, why the hell am I even complaining?


Maryse welcomes us back to SmackDown and introduces Timbaland’s “Throw It On Me”. You’ve probably read every original comment to be made about this damned song already.

Tonight will be fatal for Batista, Finlay, and Henry. And One Night Stand will be Edge’s last stand as Champion, says Kane! Okay, we know Kane can do comedy, but who knew he could do horrible puns?


Third Contest: Chavo Guerrero vs. Jimmy Wang Yang
Lock up and the two travel the ring before Yang gets a arm drag on Guerrero. Guerrero with a snapmare but Yang follows with a hammerlock; I blinked and missed how he reversed that. Yang with a headlock, gets sent into the ropes and back with a shoulder for not even a one count. Guerrero with a headlock and Yang turns it into a one count. Yang goes up top but Guerrero dropkicks him and Yang falls to the bottom. Uppercut by Guerrero and Guerrero works the leg and gets in a surfboard variation on Yang. Chops by Yang but Guerrero with a drop toe hold and resumes working the leg. Guerrero gets a two count after an uppercut. Guerrero resumes going after the leg, but Yang gets to the ropes. Guerrero goes for a scoop slam but Yang turns it into a small package for a two count, so Guerrero uppercuts him down. Backslide gets Yang a two count. Heel kick to the back of Guerrero’s neck. Clotheslines by Yang, shoulder body toss, and a nice exchange which ends with Yang tripping Guerrero for a two count. Yang goes up top and misses the moonsault and lands on his knee (Ohhhh, nice .. it’s weakened, case you didn’t guess), so Guerrero stalks him and hits the Three Amigos! Guerrero signals for the Frog Splash but Yang blocks it, Guerrero goes for a powerbomb but Yang turns it into a hurricanrana for the three count!
Winner: Jimmy Wang Yang

Another nice match. What the hell is going on tonight? Six out of Ten.


Kristal Marshall tries to interview Batista but he’s too busy practicing his pacing, so keeps it simple and says the match won’t be fatal four him. Well, no one said he was witty.

Edge makes his way down to the commentary desk.


Main Event: Number One Contendership: Batista vs. Finlay vs. Mark Henry vs. Kane
Edge is a piranha, Henry is a silverback (which I’m pretty sure is some wild boar / pig), Batista is the Animal, Kane is a former burn victim, and Finlay’s friends with a midget. Henry attacks Kane to start; Finlay and Kane fight in the ring while Henry and Batista take it outside. Henry chokes Batista right in front of Edge, and Batista shoves Edge. Henry slams Batista face first into the announcer’s desk, which is the signal for commercials.


So, Henry is choking Batista in the middle of the ring while Kane and Finlay exit. Clothesline to Batista by Henry, while Finlay uses the steel steps against Kane. Powerslam gets Henry a pinfall attempt, broken by Finlay. Finlay gets a sleeper hold on Henry but Henry rams him into the corner and slams him down. Henry misses the elbow drop, and Kane attacks Finlay with rights. Big boot by Kane to Finlay, low dropkick to Henry, and Kane sends Batista into the corner. Sideslam to Batista by Kane, flying clothesline connects with Henry, and running clothesline in the corner to Finlay. Henry with a .. like, splash thing to Kane, and Batista with a top rope shoulder block to Henry for a two count. Henry with the splash to Batista and the pinfall attempt is broken by Kane. Kane and Henry stare down, they exchange shots and Henry comes off the better until Kane gets a comeback. Henry runs into a big boot by Kane and clothesline by Batista. Kane runs into a spinebuster by Batista and signals for the Batista Bomb, but Kane rolls outside.

Henry gets a World’s Strongest Slam on Batista for the two count, almost a three. Finlay hits Henry with the shillelagh twice, and then hits the weakened leg of Batista with it! Finlay knocks Kane off the apron and fights with him on the outside .. idiot. Hornswoggle gets sent into the ring but Batista spears Finlay and Hornswoggle runs. Spear to Kane and then spear to Henry! Batista Bomb to Finlay ends this.
Winner and Number One Contender: Batista

I oddly enjoyed this; they all got kept busy, wasn’t really a dull moment, and considering several of the men in this match you can’t really get much better than this. Four out of Ten.

The Inside Pulse
London and Kendrick defeat Regal and Taylor (Domino interference leads to DQ): 4/10
Matt Hardy defeats Mike Mizanin via pinfall: 5/10
Jimmy Wang Yang defeats Chavo Guerrero via pinfall: 6/10
Batista defeats Finlay, Mark Henry, and Kane (Batista pins Finlay): 4/10
SmackDown 25/05/07: 19/40

Hey, a good show. Some steady build up to what is so far a pretty weak One Night Stand card, and really no over all complaints. Although, I do have one minor complaint in that so far Edge seems to be getting booked to look like a threatened guy. I went on about it far too long last week, so I’ll just go back to the argument with one point: arrogant Edge works. Until next week, Laters guys!