In Hindsight: The Ultimate Fighter 5 – Episode 8

Quarterfinals Selection
Dana wants to make fights where the “top four” fighters – Joe, Nate, Gray and Matt – can advance to the semi-finals. Jens obviously doesn’t agree, and since three guys are on Team Penn, B.J. doesn’t argue about it. Seeing as B.J. and Jens aren’t going to agree on anything, Dana goes ahead, makes the fights himself and goes to tell the fighters.

But first, here’s the current “standings”:

So the fights are as follows:

• Joe Lauzon vs. Cole Miller
• Gray Maynard vs. Brandon Melendez
• Matt Wiman vs Manny Gamburyan
• Nate Diaz vs Corey Hill

Manny thinks that his match is the only decent matchup. Jens wanted Joe vs. Nate, but it’s pretty obvious that Dana wants to save that for either the semis or the finals. Nate thinks that none of Team Penn wanted to fight him or Corey. Noone ever thinks that it’s Sleazy D’s doing, do they?

Meanwhile, Team Penn realizes that the fights are all favourable for them.

The House
Lots of drinking going on now, and Marlon lets slip that he’s already asked to face Noah in the Finale. Marlon notes that he and Wayne “Butters” Weems didn’t tap in their fights, which apparently makes them more manly. Butters has that look which says “hey man, don’t drag me into this”. This leads to Alan and Noah preaching the virtues of tapping as opposed to, you know, getting arms broken and whatnot, and this leads to Noah and Marlon fighting with Alan as “ref”.

Noah: “I’m not getting kicked out of this house for this.”
Alan: “Don’t worry.”

Famous last words. You of course will only get kicked out after the fight airs and is used to promote this episode.

Impromptu Street Fight – Noah Thomas vs. “Mr. Indestructable” Marlon Sims
Marlon tells Noah to hit him first and instead Noah fakes a punch and takes Marlon down. Marlon tries punching, Noah slaps on guillotines and armbars, which Marlon escapes from each time. Marlon’s bleeding, backs off and states that he doesn’t want to get kicked out of the house. Considering that Marlon was the instigator, there’s a slim chance of that. But Noah takes this opportunity to kick Marlon in the head.

Cooler heads seemingly prevail, until Noah tries for a handshake. Given the previous cheapshot, it comes off as a wee bit insincere. Marlon seems to agree, as he starts throwing punches and knees and takes Noah down. Noah gets a guillotine which Marlon again escapes, and then slaps on an armbar, which Marlon escapes by picking Noah up and dropping him on his head – and ON THE CONCRETE – a couple of times. Noah is outraged by this “cheap” tactic, but hey, this is how you take down 300 guys at once folks.

Marlon now notes that he was a bit drunk, and Noah, who we see is bleeding from the back of the head, says he got “a scratch”. Now that the cheap shots are evened out, they shake hands and vow to meet in the finale. Unless Dana has something to say about it, of course.

Cole: “That was the most technical street fight I’ve ever seen in my entire life.”

Andy: “I think we’ve seen a good example of what happens when you mix alcohol with a campfire and a lot of crazy white people.”

Gray: “Funniest fight ever.”

Noah thinks that they’re gone, however, and sure enough, Dana pops in the next day and is embarrassed and disgusted about what happened. And once again, we get a f-bomb laden speech (count: 19) that’s a variation on the usual “do you wanna be a f***ing fighter?” speech. Marlon, Noah and Alan get booted. Noah gives a Paula Abdul-worthy confessional about agreeing with Dana but not saying that he agrees with Dana and it’s not about whether he agrees with Dana etc. Seriously, one long run-on sentence.

Noah apologizes. Well, at least he won’t be De Souza’s bitch anymore.

Oh hey, we have a sanctioned fight, don’t we?

Training
Jens notes that you’re not going to beat Joe in a pretty fight – it’s going to be nasty. Joe simply can’t wait to fight.

Weigh in
Both guys weigh in find. Dana thinks Cole is slightly better on the ground, while Joe is much better standing up. He predicts that the fight will go to the ground.

Quarterfinal Fight #1 – Joe “Not a Bitch” Lauzon (Penn, 13-3) vs. Cole Miller (Pulver, 11-2)
The referee is Steve Mazzagatti.

Round 1
Cole catches Joe with a kick and Joe goes for a takedown, which Cole turns into a read naked choke. Joe doesn’t panic and keeps twisting until he gets Cole in his half guard. Joe gets a leglock, Cole escapes. Another leglock, and Joe ends up on top. Cole trying for armbars, Joe trying to pound away, but Cole using his long legs to try and negate the ground and pount. Joe hits a slam and drives Cole right in front of B.J. Cole is still working for submissions, working for a triangle. Joe seems to have twisted Cole into a pretzel while in guard. Eventually Cole gives up his back in working for a kneebar, and gets some nice upkicks in. Both guys have to be exhausted at this point, but there’s 50 seconds to go. Jos is still on top, but Cole is doing a good job tying him up. Both guys get in a flurry to end the round.

I’d say 10-9 for Joe, but Cole was doing some nice work from the bottom – it’s a lot closer than what the NSAC judges would probably see it as.

Round 2
We get kicks exchanged and Joe takes Cole down again. I think Joe hits Cole low by accident, as we hear a “sorry about that” from Joe and an “I’m OK” pat from Cole. How cute. Joe stacks Cole up, but Cole sneaks in an armbar that Joe escapes. In half-guard, it’s a bit of a stalemate, but Joe manages to get side control. He hits Cole in the back of the head, drawing a warning from Mazzagatti. Joe then hits a north-south elbow to the back of the head which seems to knock Cole silly, resulting in a 1 point deduction on Joe. Cole is visibly dazed, but says he can continue. Bad move.

Cole isn’t the same as he was as before the elbow, and Joe knows it. He’s striking like a madman, takes Cole down and lays in some vicious blows. He’s got Cole’s back, and continues raining blows down. Cole traps an arm, but can’t do anything with it. Cole gets to his feet, but goes back down and Joe starts throwing knees. More ground and pound, but it’s obvious that Cole isn’t defending himself, and Mazzagatti stops the fight

Winner: Joe Lauzon (TKO -> Strikes, 3:57 R2)

It kind of sucks that Joe won partially because of the illegal blow, but there was a good chance that he would’ve taken it anyway. Still, it would’ve been interesting had there been a No Contest here – what do you do? A rematch? Regardless, Cole said he could continue, and well, that was that.

After the Fight
Cole knows that Joe didn’t hit him deliberately, Joe feels bad for winning that way, and Dana tells Cole that next time, if you’re hurt, don’t be a hero, since it’s not worth it. And Dana should know, given how much he pays his fighters.

Next week: Gray vs. Brandon – Brandon and Jens are at odds, and Gray gets help from Randy Couture.

Sir Linksalot: The Ultimate Fighter