So, Mathan’s on vacation. But I’m here. You are, too (because if you aren’t reading this it is like it doesn’t exist. Oh god…so depressed now). So, while it would no doubt be fascinating to all of you to read my thoughts on the current situation in Darfur for 3,000 plus words, I figured I’d just do his job instead.
Yeah, I know. It’ll be a disaster.
But I do not come without gifts. For your tolerance and patience, I bestow upon you, my partner in crime for the next two weeks, the Tim Stevens to my Mathan Erhardt (confused?), a face familiar to one and all…
BENJAMIN J. MORSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Take it away Ben.
Ahhh, thanks for keeping my seat for warm for me, pops. You didn’t put a dent in it, did you?
Seriously, it’s good to be back doing the job that, let’s face it, I was bored to do, for the best readers on the Internet. That may sound like PR speak—and if there’s one thing I’ve gotten good at over the last three years, it’s PR speak—but when I left this column to take my job at Wizard back in the halcyon days of 2004, I printed out the awesome column M did for me with all the reader responses and it’s something I keep in my apartment to this day for whenever I need a kick in the ass.
It’s also great to return to a collaboration with Tim “Hot Rod†Stevens that goes back over five years and has produced such hits at the 2003 College Voice April Fool’s issue and two seasons of making fun of “Smallville†(which certainly made things awkward when I actually had to interview Tom Welling—oh yeah, I should probably mention name dropping is something I plan on doing a lot now). I still remember fondly and with no small degree of terror those late nights/early mornings at Connecticut College as we were putting the newspaper to bed when Tim would totally lose his mind and threaten to burn me with his eyes. Good times.
But anyways, let’s get on with the show.
Wait a minute…two weeks?! But my contract specifically said–
Links
Visit our DC Boards, featuring a fury of posts about the multiverse and the megaverse.
Ben, do you have a self aggrandizing links to that magazine of yours to put here?
Actually, let me take the time to give a plug to Willard Comics, the home page for the mini comics produced by my friend, Wizard colleague and artistic genius Rickey Purdin. Check it out and it will most definitely be worth your while.
Oh yeah, and click on Wizard Universe as if my career depended on it (it doesn’t…I don’t think…if you have information that I don’t, please contact me!)
Well, that’s enough stalling. Let’s see if I’m man or mouse when it comes to this crazy game of question answering.
Legion is about to experience a profound sense of sorrow
What’s the story of Johnny Sorrow? I honestly only have just heard about him and he sounds like he could be interesting, which usually means he isn’t. So what’s the lowdown?
While I’m not quite sure I grasp your reasoning, that that which sounds interesting probably won’t be, I’ll answer your question anyway.
That’s why Tim’s an American hero, folks.
Through the wonders of retroactive continuity, Johnny Sorrow was a JSA and Seven Soldiers enemy back during their heyday of the 1940’s.
Oh goodie—one paragraph in and I get to make my first correction. Sorrow was actually an enemy of the JSA and the similarly retconned in Seven Shadows, a previously nonexistent Golden Age team, not the Seven Soldiers who to the best of my knowledge never took on Sorrow. The Shadows were seven guys with dope Steve Sadowski-designed costumes that proved completely inconsequential as their sole appearance—save for the Scarab, who survived and appeared both in some Vertigo books and in the very first arc of JSA as well as Sorrow’s intro arc—was as cadavers as Sorrow had just killed them prior to going up against the JSA in the story you’re about to describe.
His first actual in comic appearance came sometime around 2000 in JSA (following a passing reference in Starman). He was a silent film actor who, upon finding a bit of technology (some kind of teleportation device), decided to try his hand at crime. He faced off against the Justice Society but was seemingly killed when Sandy, the Golden Boy damaged the device.
However, all was not as it seemed. Sorrow was shunted off into another pocket dimension that housed the Lovecraftian nightmare the King of Tears. The King of Tears remade him and sent him back into the world with a mission of returning the favor and bringing the King to Earth. Before Sorrow got a chance to do that, though, he stopped at home to visit his wife. It was there he learned of the horrible downside of his newfound body and life; if anyone was to gaze upon his unmasked visage, he or she would die. Sadly, it took his wife’s death to show him this.
Driven more or less mad by this, he quickly set about kidnapping the man he blamed for his troubles, Sandy, and forced him to witness the “birth†of the King of Tears. The Justice Society, however, arrived in time and the Spectre absorbed and cried out the King’s essence. Flash took said essence for safe keeping.
Flash forward to the modern DCU. Sandy the Golden Boy is now just Sand and is the chairperson of the all-new JSA. Johnny Sorrow, apparently still very much alive and still very much obsessed with the Golden Boy, organizes his own Injustice Society and attempts, again, to bring forth the King. He is defeated once again.
In later appearances, Johnny would team up with Despero and return to a leadership role with the Injustice Society. In addition to the whole “face that kills thingâ€, Sorrow possesses some sort of energy powers, teleportation, levitation, and is usually intangible (except when removing his mask).
Oddly enough, Johnny Sorrow is interesting, despite sounding like he would be. He is large and theatrical. He is wholly concerned with just himself and his own pain. He is utterly obsessed with Sand (who is now Sandman, by the way) and consistently refers to the former sidekick as “Golden Boy†in a tone only a pederast could truly nail.
Could there really be any doubt that a man who dresses this well would not be interesting though?
“Please allow me to introduce myself, I’m a man of wealth and taste.â€
Ben, you ever feel the urge to put on a well tailored red suit and resurrected an ancient god?
Despite my choice of font color, red has never really been my shade. I prefer a cool powder blue leisure suit and I’d rather focus my energy on resurrecting funk, because now more than ever we need it in our hearts and in our shoes.
Ocareyinfluence has been stepping out with those other guys
I was going through my “Essential Handbook of the Marvel Universe Deluxe Edition Vol. 2” and came across Squadron Supreme. Who are Marvel’s exact copies of Justice League characters without getting sued. I’ve figured out who the most of the lineup represents but I still don’t know some. Who are Nuke, Ape X, Dr. Decibel, Foxfire, Lamprey, Quagmire, Redstone, Moonglow, Thermite, Haywire and Inertia supposed to be? Ok I figured out maybe half of them on my own, those are the ones I don’t know.
Well, you got most of the obvious ones, so that’s good. Sadly, with these guys, there isn’t necessarily a definitive answer (at least, not that I’m aware of). So I’ll just tell you who I’ve theorized each of these characters are representing.
Nuke– Nuclear powered hero. Seems to be a pretty obvious (and tragic) take on Firestorm.
Ape X– Super intelligent female ape. I always thought of her as Grodd with a sex change and a wheel chair.
Dr. Decibel– A normal guy who wields a weapon of sound. I’m thinking he’s Sonar, the Green Lantern villain (original edition).
Foxfire– Villain capable of weakening molecular bonds, causing rot. The closest I could think of for Foxfire is Star Sapphire because of Foxfire’s relationship with Green Lantern analogue Doctor Spectrum. I have no guesses besides her.
Lamprey– Another Institute of Evil member, this guy had the ability to drain and duplicate superpowers. He’s a pretty clear Parasite analogue.
Quagmire– This guy has the ability to tap into the Darkforce dimension and spew forth a black tar like substance and was an enemy of Doctor Spectrum’s. The Shadowlands would be the closest thing to Marvel’s Darkforce dimension so Quagmire is kind of like Obsidian or Ian Karkull. I’ll go Obsidian because of the Green Lantern connection and, at this time, Karkull was only a name from the 1940’s. So an evil Obsidian he is.
Redstone– A Native American who drew his power from contact with the Earth, his strength was nearly equal to Hyperion’s. No idea on this. He’s sort of Grundy-esque because of the super strength and connection to the earth, but he’s way too smart. He resembles Big Sir somewhat but again is too smart for that (and also, I think, came before Big Sir). He was sort of Hyperion’s opposite number so…Bizarro? Honestly, I have no good guess.
Moonglow– A witch who was bad, but somewhat sympathetic. I vote Enchantress.
Thermite– Half of this Redeemer can project heat, half can project cold. DC’s got nothing like him in one character, but I’m thinking he’s actually an amalgam of Captain Cold and Heatwave, especially given that it is Whizzer (the Squadron’s Flash) who takes him out once and for all.
Haywire– Capable of projecting extensive amounts of wire from his body, Haywire was a Redeemer posing as a Squadron Supreme member. I have wracked my brain and have absolutely zero idea where this guy came from.
Inertia– Haywire’s lady friend who had the ability to absorb and use kinetic energy. For some reason, I can’t get the Supreme Power version of her out of my head and thus keeping thinking she’s a Terra analogue. However, the Squadron Supreme version is not ringing any bells. She dresses kind of like Halo, though.
Hey, Ben, any chance you could fill in my blanks? Any you disagree on?
While most of your guesses make logical sense, I’ve got it on pretty good authority that the Institute of Evil folks and the Redeemers introduced in the landmark Squadron Supreme maxi-series were all original Mark Gruenwald creations who broke the Squadron gimmick and were not DC analogues. I believe the last true analog was Nuke, who you correctly tagged as the Firestorm fill-in, though I know some arguments have been made that Shape was intended to be a very different take on Elongated Man.
On a side note, the aforementioned 12-issue maxi-series by Gruenwald is one of my personal favorite stories of all time. It has elements that would later be borrowed by comics like Kingdom Come, Identity Crisis and others but Squadron Supreme did them all first in a truly groundbreaking story for the time period that holds up today. I heartily recommend tracking down the fairly easy-to-find softcover collection.
Believe it or not, Nuke’s walking on air
Was the Greatest American Hero ever released into comic book form? I love the idea of a very flawed superhero trying to adapt to life with super powers. What did you guys think of the series? (albeit, not about comics really, but c’mon, he was a superhero…and a damn good one at that.)
It is funny that you’d bring this up, since the series first season, better known as its best season, came out on DVD recently.
I remember being quite fond of the show when I was younger, even repetitively singing the song and/or adapting the lyrics to fit what I was doing. Oddly enough though, I couldn’t relate a single episode, or moment, really, to you if the world depended on it. I don’t think I’ll be buying it on DVD, but it might become part of my Netflix queue.
As for a comic series based on the TV show, I looked high and low but could find nothing. Anyone out there know of something I’m missing.
Ben, you like TV and you like comics. Would you support a Greatest American Hero comic?
Given that I was less than a year old when the show got cancelled, I’ve really got no frame of reference or affinity, grandpa.
I will of course always advocate for a Melrose Place comic as I’m firmly convinced it’s what the world needs. Let Judd Winick write it, put Adam Hughes on art, and watch the Eisners pile up.
You do realize that if you were less than a year old, I was only less than two years old, right sonny?
Now get off my lawn.
Shade’s no marine biologist, that’s for sure.
Read a copy of Face the Face from my local library. Who the heck is Orca?
Who the heck is Orca? Orca is awesomeness given human (well, human/whale) form.
Not good enough? Not buying my sarcasm?
Alright, fine. Orca is the by product of one of the worst series of Batman related issues I’ve ever read. You see, post-No Man’s Land, DC redefined the Bat-line. That’s how we got the excellence that was Rucka’s Detective Comics, Gotham Knights and its overarching themes of psychology, family, and one big 13 issue long mystery, and Larry Hama’s return to comics. It was that last one that proved problematic.
Hama was charged with writing Batman (the comic) and it was to be the superhero version of the character. Despite Scott McDaniel drawing, the results were not pretty.
The apex of his run came with issue #579, the first appearance of Orca!
Orca was, in reality, wheelchair bound Dr. Grace Balin. (Balin=Baleen. Get it? Ugh.) Balin, like Doctor Curt Connors before her, looked to the animal kingdom to heal her. She concocted a serum derived from orca whales that promised to let her walk again. However, again, much like Connors turning into a human lizard, Balin turned into a human killer whale. Sadly, unlike Connors, Balin’s transformation did not yield a cool character.
At the end of the storyline, Balin was forced (by gunshot wounds) to ingest the whole remainder of her serum leaving her permanently a human/whale hybrid. This is how she remained until she died because of Great White. The fans would’ve loved to see more of her, I’m sure. Don’t you agree, Doctor Balin?
Yeah, you’re probably right.
Ben, am I being too hard on Orca? Can you remember a worse run on Batman in recent memory than Hama’s?
First off, you can never be too hard on Orca.
As far as Batman goes, he’s been a pretty lucky guy over the last few years when it comes to creative teams. Whether it’s high profile combos like Jeph Loeb & Jim Lee or Grant Morrison & Andy Kubert, high quality duos like Paul Dini & friends, or even under the radar goodness from the likes of Ed Brubaker & Scott McDaniel, DC always seems to take care of the Dark Knight often times better than his big three compatriots.
That said, it hasn’t all been roses and sunshine.
I didn’t completely hate A.J. Lieberman & Al Barrionuevo on Gotham Knights, but it was an acquired taste to be sure.
Likewise, I didn’t hear people calling for the heads of David Lapham & Ramon Bachs when they did “City of Crime†on Detective Comics, but I didn’t see a lot of positive reviews either.
And then of course there’s “War Games.†If you, Tim “Damn you, Willingham†Stevens, think Hama’s run was worse than “War Games,†I’ll take your word for it.
Neil needs to know he’s no longer under any danger from Amazons
Quick question while I’m at it: I thought the old adage was that the Amazons lost their powers if man set foot on Paradise Island. But we’ve seen Superman and Batman on the island before (I saw a bit from Trinity and they are shown there in the future in Justice League of America #0), not to mention during the Supergirl arc of Superman/Batman, when most of the current heroes (female and male) are on the island to be introduced to Supergirl.
So, what up with that?
I was not able to find an in-comic explanation for this, but I do have a theory. To me, that statement is meant allegorically. In other words, it was a warning passed down from Amazon to Amazon to fear men because they will render you powerless. It was not that, literally, a man stepping onto Paradise Island would do it, but rather the idea of letting men into your life that would eventually strip you of your power.
Much like many scholars who believe in God read the Bible in a non-literal sense, I imagine most Amazons view this parable of sorts the same. However, I am sure there are some strict interpretations of it as well, just as there are those who take the Bible literally.
So, the adage is not prophecy, just a warning to remain separate from patriarchal society.
Any better ideas, Ben?
Yep: Crisis On Infinite Earths.
Pre-Crisis, the “men set foot on the island, Amazons lose their powers†rule was definitely in effect as I remember a New Teen Titans storyline where Changeling got beat up and Donna Troy brought him to Paradise Island so they could use the Purple Healing Ray but made a point that his feet could never touch the ground (she just lifted him from surface to surface).
Post-Crisis, in the early issues of George Perez’ re-imagining of Wonder Woman, Steve Trevor and later Hercules set foot on the island with no ill effects.
So I think it’s just one of those things like mad scientist Lex Luthor and Comet the Superhorse that got wiped out with the big story.
Your explanation works too though.
Aaron is a student of presidential history
How about a quick synopsis on the Luthor presidency? Seriously, what was his campaign platform? Who’d he run against?
For you Aaron? It’ll be our pleasure.
Lex Luthor was elected President on the United States in the year 2000 while running on a platform of technological progress, a restructuring of the economy, and sweeping improvements in health care. Oddly enough, he also claimed that he wanted to see metahumans more closely involved in the American government. The previous administration had become wildly unpopular due to their handling of Gotham City post Earthquake while Luthor’s star was still shining thanks to his role in the Final Night saga which ended up rather well for the Earth. With these factors in play, Luthor rolled the competition.
Luthor’s towering achievement while in office was steering the US through the horror that was Our Worlds at War (yes, that works both “in-world†and as commentary on the quality of that crossover). This would later be revealed to be a hollow victory as Luthor knew that invasion was coming in advance and did nothing to stop it.
His presidency would come crashing down eventually when he chose to press his advantage and discredit Superman. Blaming the Man of Steel, improbably, for a Kryptonite asteroid (which actually ended up housing Supergirl) plummeting to Earth, Luthor declared both Superman and Batman criminals and sent his own team of superheroes to bring them in. When that failed, he went whole hog, injecting himself with some sort of kryptonite steroid, deep kissing Amanda Waller, and attacking Superman personally while wearing a bright green battlesuit. It was not, shall we say, his best day.
But it was definitely top five. You seen Amanda Waller lately? Va-va-vooom!
Amanda Waller would like to remind you that the difference between you and her is that she makes this look good.
It is actually a bit of a shame as for most of his presidency, Luthor seemed to be a pretty damn good leader.
In the final analysis, Ben, Luthor’s presidency: Good for America or Bad for America?
I honestly think DC missed the boat by not making Amanda Waller the next Monica Lewinsky. That would have been good for America and the world.
Aaron keeps it on the Luthor tip.
Other than Jeff Pierce, were there any other prominent DCU characters who were in Lex Luthor’s cabinet? Who was his Vice President.
Yes, in fact, Lex’s cabinet was rather stacked with familiar faces. Amongst them were:
The Aforementioned Jefferson Pierce– Mr. Black Lightning himself was named Secretary of Education.
Sam Lane– That’s right, Lois’s father. Turns out he was a Major and thus a great candidate for Secretary of Defense. He served at the pleasure of President Lex until he died during Our Worlds at War.
Frank Rock– Better known as Sgt. Rock, Frank was the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
Catherine Grant– Making the transition from tabloid journalist/rumor monger to Press Secretary might be a hard track for some, but not so for Ms. Grant.
Amanda Waller– In addition to having the honor of receiving the President’s tongue in her wall when he lost his ever loving mind toward the end of his Presidency, Waller served as Secretary of Meta Human Affairs.
President Luthor’s Veep was also a familiar face. Pete Ross, (better known as Clark Kent’s childhood best friend and husband of Clark’s former girlfriend Lana Lang), shared the ticket with the bald one.
What’s your ideal DC derived cabinet look like, Mr. Morse?
Well, first off, there’s only one choice for President: Prez. Don’t believe me? Behold!
VP needs to be a guy who is competent enough to take over when Prez takes the inevitable sniper attack that’s been in the works since 1973, but also somebody used to following orders and standing off to the side looking pretty—paging John Stewart.
Secretary of Education should have been Granny Goodness. We need more discipline in our schools.
Speaking of the Fourth World, I’ve got to believe Mr. Miracle could have a spot somewhere in the mix—lord knows our current real world administration could use an escape artist on staff! Hi-yooooo!
Captain Atom should have been Secretary of Defense from the start. Read Invasion! if you don’t believe me (also because it rocks).
Do we have a Minister of Transportation? Is KITT from Knight Rider available? Wait, Tim, why are you giving me the “kill†sign…
Well, folks, that’s where this part ends. Come back next week, won’t you?
Be sure to either email Mathan your questions (mathan_e@hotmail.com) or post them on our thread. Where else will you have a chance to rub elbows with the likes of, well…me!
And remember when researching this week’s lyric: Tim doesn’t know any bands that debuted past 1986. See you all next week!
“The telex machine is kept so clean
As it types to a waiting world.
And mother feels so shocked,
Father’s world is rocked.â€
