The SmarK Rant for WWE Judgment Day 2007
– Live from St. Louis, MO
– Your hosts are pretty much everyone employed by the company.
– I’m really, REALLY tired as I’m writing this, and I apologize if the rant suffers for it, but I’m moving this weekend and probably won’t have another chance to do this one for a long time, so it’s this or nothing.
Ric Flair v. Carlito
Nice to at least see they’re using Carlito as a heel again. Flair is off and running with the chops to start, and he blocks a sunset flip and adds more chops. Carlito bails off a backdrop, and suckers Flair in for a cheapshot to the arm. Back in, Carlito goes to work on it and holds a hammerlock, but Flair is back with the chops again. Flair’s offensive output is really getting embarrassing, even by his own lowered standards these days. Yeah, Flair can take a pounding and knows when to make comebacks, but there’s just nothing else left in the tank. Calrito whips him into the corner, shoulder-first, for two, and wraps the arm around the post. Nice spot sees him dropkicking the arm into the post, which gets two. Physics says that shatters the bone in real life, but it looks cool so whatever. Baseball slide into the arm as Flair cowers in the corner, and that gets two. He goes to a top wristlock, but Flair starts chopping again, until Carlito goes back to the arm and bars it. Carlito drops an elbow on the arm and goes back to the armbar again, then pounds on Flair in the corner until he comes back with chops again. Carlito backdrops him out of the corner for two to end that rally, and goes back to the arm to keep him down. Standing armbar really cranks on Flair’s shoulder, and then Carlito goes with the direct route and simply stomps on the arm before locking the arm in on the mat again. And you guessed it, Flair chops out. He makes the comeback with chops and goes to his other offensive weapon — the chop block — but Carlito goes to the eyes to set up his finisher. Flair grabs the ropes to block it and stomps the leg to turn the tables on Carlito, and figure-four ends it clean.
(Ric Flair d. Carlito, figure-four — submission, 15:35, **1/2) I liked the story they were trying to tell, with Flair’s offense limited by the storyline of the arm, but Flair has just got nothing left, and he shouldn’t have gone over here. Still, a good opener.
Meanwhile, Shawn Michaels addresses the “rumors” of his injuries, but gets blindsided by Randy Orton again.
ECW World title: Vince McMahon, Shane McMahon & Umaga v. Bobby Lashley
Did we REALLY need a rematch of last month’s yawner? Shane v. Lashley as a feud might actually be fun because of Shane’s sense of goofy fun in the name of getting guys over, but the rest isn’t clicking in the least. Lashley throws Shane around and attacks Vince in the corner, but falls victim to the Shane O Mac Attack. Lashley fires back with an overhead suplex and slugs on Shane in the corner, then dodges a charging Umaga and powerslams Shane for the pin. Geez, the video package took longer than that.
(Bobby Lashley d. Vince McMahon, Shane McMahon & Umaga, powerslam — pin Shane, 1:16, DUD) Ah, but just to stretch out this insipid feud for another PPV, Vince declares that it was a non-title match, because Lashley didn’t pin Vince. At least by doing the ridiculously overdone “stacking the odds” thing, they’re giving fans a reason to empathize with Lashley instead of ignoring him like they’ve been doing, and that might get him over.
Meanwhile, Shawn Michaels is in no condition to perform.
CM Punk v. Elijah Burke
Punk’s ribs are taped in a way that would make DDP jealous. They slug it out to start and Punk grabs a headlock, but they trade shots in the corner. Burke goes to the ribs, which is a pretty obvious route to take, but Punk comes back with a straight kick to the back. Slam gets two. Burke goes back to the ribs again, but Punk gets an exploder for two. Punk throws high kicks and splashes him in the corner, but that hurts the ribs. Delayed vertical suplex gets two. Punk hits the chinlock and Burke quickly fights out of it, and they slug it out again. Punk gets a crossbody out of the corner for two. Burke goes back to the ribs again, pounding them in the corner, but runs into a Punk knee. Finally, he dumps Punk to take a break, but gets caught with a sunset flip for two. Punk takes him down with a headlock and they fight for a hiptoss. This turns into Punk going for the finish, but Burke grabs the ropes, so Punk dropkicks him out. He follows with a tope suicida (Tope sui-soda?), and that gets two back in the ring. Punk goes up, but Burke goes back to the ribs again and gets two. He hangs Punk on the ropes and kicks him in the ribs for two. Burke wisely goes to a bodyscissors and then follows with a backdrop suplex for two. Back to the bodyscissors as they start to lose the crowd to boredom. Punk slugs out of it, but Bruke cradles for two. Punk charges and hits boot, but Burke goes up too soon and Punk brings him down with a superplex. They slug it out and Punk makes the comeback with an enzuigiri for two. Kneelift in the corner, but Burke runs him into the other corner off that. Burke misses a charge and Punk goes for the G2S, but Burke counters with an STO for two. Elijah Express gets two. He goes for a Stroke, but Punk counters and Elijah Goes 2 Sleep.
(CM Punk d. Elijah Burke, Go 2 Sleep — pin, 16:50, ***) That gets 17 minutes? Nothing against either guy, but even I would have cut them off at 10:00. Especially for a show that hardly any of the audience watches. Luckily they had two things going for them to overcome being left out there to die: 1) It was a good match featuring an over babyface overcoming odds, and 2) Punk’s finisher is a hot one and they built up to it, giving the match a much-needed payoff.
Randy Orton v. Shawn Michaels
Orton wants the forfeit win, but Shawn is too brave to allow that to happen. Especially when he’s drunk. Drunk on JESUS, that is. Shawn does his concussed selling on the way to the ring, needing only to watch tapes of himself in the 80s after a night of partying to get it down pat. Orton hits him in the head, which seems like a pretty smart thing to do, then adds a DDT for two. I’m sure Chris Nowinski is LOVING this angle. Hey, remember when they did this exact same thing with Orton as the victim in 2005 and then totally forgot about it when he turned heel? Orton dead weights him up into position for the RKO, but Shawn collapses. So Orton puts him on the top rope and tries another one, but Shawn manages to shove him off and comes down with a flying elbow, which even at half-speed and with brain damage is still better than Jerry Sags’ version. Superkick looks to finish, but stomping the mad angries up the brain and Shawn collapses again in REALLY unconvincing fashion. Orton is more than happy to take that one.
(Randy Orton d. Shawn Michaels, ref stoppage, 4:32, 1/2*) Not really a match, just an angle. At this point I’m indifferent to their attempts at getting Orton over as anything more than a midcard heel, but I guess they’re just gonna keep trying it until it sticks. Rough year for DX thus far. Well, hopefully Shawn won’t lose his smile again, too, because then he might never recover.
RAW World tag titles: The Hardy Boyz v. The Cow Boyz
For whatever reason, Michael Cole and JBL are calling this one. Cade takes Matt down with a headlock to start and it’s a stalemate. They trade hammerlocks and show respect for one another, and Cade hiptosses Matt for two. Murdoch works the arm and Cade keeps on it, but Matt hits him in the face with an elbow and brings Jeff in. Flying axehandle gets one. Jeff misses a charge and Murdoch gives him a clean break, in the name of sportsmanship. They trade hammerlocks and Trevor hiptosses him, but allows him to recover. Matt comes in for the double-team and clotheslines Murdoch for two, then blocks a charge with an elbow to set up a Yodeling Elbow for two. Cade makes a blind tag and catches Matt with a clothesline for two. Dropkick gets two. They work Matt over in the corner and Murdoch goes for the pump splash, but it hits knee and it’s over to Jeff. Flying clothesline for Murdoch and Jeff pounds away in the corner, but Trevor drops him on the turnbuckles, but Jeff mule-kicks him in the corner for two. Whisper in the Wind gets two for Jeff, and it’s BONZO GONZO. Hardyz clean house and the challengers confer on the ramp, but decide to carry on. Back in, Murdoch gets dropkicked out again and Jeff follows with a pescado, but misses and falls down and goes boom. Back in, Murdoch gets two as Jeff is YOUR fruit-in-peril. Big shock there. I should note that Jeff is wearing his white hanky, which means mutual masturbation. I guess that’s fitting for a sportsmanship angle. Give and take and such. Murdoch counters a jawbreaker with a nasty kick to the face for two. Double-team from the challengers, and Murdoch gives Jeff a CANADIAN DESTROYER for two. I can’t believe they just casually ignored it and talked through that. Well, actually I can, but GEEZ. Cade misses an elbow and it’s hot tag Matt. Bulldog / clothesline gets two on Cade. Side Effect gets two. Matt tosses Murdoch, but walks into a spinebuster that gets two. Matt comes back with the Twist of Fate and Jeff finishes with the swanton.
(The Hardyz d. Cade & Murdoch, Jeff swanton — pin Cade, 15:05, ***1/4) Strictly by-the-numbers here, although this sportsmanship thing intrigues me because it’s one of those angles where we haven’t seen anything like it for a long while and I don’t know where it’s going.
Smackdown World title: Edge v. Batista
Batista overpowers Edge to start and puts him on top, using a little intimidation as well. Batista introduces him to the turnbuckles and pounds him in the corner, and an elbow gets two. Edge backs off and charges, and gets sent to the floor as a result. Edge sends him into the stairs, but Batista rams him into the apron and they head back in. Edge smoothly dropkicks the bad leg on the way back in, and clips him to take over. Batista charges and hits the post as a result. Batista tries to slug back, but Edge takes him down with an armbar. Batista fights up and pounds him with shoulders in the corner, but Edge knocks him off the ropes. He follows with a flying clothesline attempt, but Batista counters with his own clothesline for the double count. They slug it out and Batista gets a corner clothesline into a powerslam for two. Blind charge hits boot, but Batista catches him with a Bossman slam to recover, and gets two. Edge comes back with the Edge O Matic for two. Spear is countered by Batista with his own version, and that gets two. Edge tries to alley-oop him in the corner, but gets caught and powerslammed as a result. This sets up the Demon Bomb, but Edge escapes, so Batista gets a spinebuster. Batista hurts his leg again on the move, and Edge immediately rolls him up for the pin.
(Edge d. Batista, schoolboy — pin, 10:38, **) Batista showed flashes of getting better again here, but it was no Undertaker match. Interesting finish, however, with someone finally taking advantage when the opponent shows a weakness and getting the pin from it. That’s nice to see.
US title: Chris Benoit v. MVP
2 out of 3 falls here. Lockup battle to start and they take it to the floor, and back in for a bitchslap battle that ends with Benoit going for the crossface. MVP escapes and they start again, as Benoit takes him down with armdrags and locks in the crossface, but MVP makes the ropes. MVP takes him down with the headlock, but Benoit suplexes out of it. MVP shoots in for the leg and works for an armbar on the mat, but Benoit makes the ropes. MVP takes out the knee and gets two, and goes to work on the leg as a result. Benoit tries a chop, but MVP goes back to the leg, so Benoit punishes him with chops. He follows with the rolling germans, but hurts his own knee. So he tries the crossace, but MVP is too close to the ropes. Back to the leg again, but he misses a big boot in the corner and Benoit takes him down with the Sharpshooter. MVP makes the ropes again, but Benoit gets an enzuigiri. MVP keeps attacking the knee, but goes up and gets caught in electric chair position. The knee gives way, however, and MVP gets the Playmaker to win the first fall at 8:15.
Second fall sees Benoit taking him down and pounding away on the mat, but MVP trips him from the floor and attacks the knee again. Back in, that gets two. Benoit’s little selling stuff here is fantastic. MVP goes back to the leg, so Benoit kicks him in the face, but that only gets MVP going again. He hangs Benoit in the Tree of Woe and gets two. MVP goes to the kneebar, but Benoit fights out and makes the comeback. They reverse until MVP gets a horse-collar hold on the bad knee, but Benoit is too manly and makes the ropes. MVP throws short knees to stun Benoit and goes for the finish again, but Benoit counters into the crossface. MVP elbows the bad knee to escape, and rolls him up for two. Straight kick to the knee into another cradle finishes and finally gives him the title.
(MVP d. Chris Benoit, inside cradle — pin, 14:04, **) Never really got going like the previous ones did, although taken as the third part of the trilogy it was very effective, with MVP finally figuring out Benoit and countering his offense by taking out the knee, thus preventing Benoit from getting anything started. However, this didn’t exactly make for an exciting match or anything.
RAW World title: John Cena v. The Great Khali
This was probably not their first choice of main events to end the show with, but then who knows with this company. Cena tries fisticuffs to start and gets nowhere, only running into a boot for his troubles. Khali clotheslines him and slugs him to the floor. Into the stairs goes Cena, and back in Khali gets two. Slam and legdrop get two. Khali sends him into the corner and clotheslines him on the rebound, but misses a legdrop. Cena comes back with the neckbreaker for two, but runs into a spinkick that puts him on the floor again. Khali rams him into the table and they head back in, where Khali gets the Vulcan Nerve Pinch to set up Cena’s comeback spot. Cena shoulderblocks him into the ropes, but walks into another boot. Khali goes for the BITCHSLAP OF DEATH, but Cena blocks it and heads out of the ring again. He gets smart this time, hitting Khali in the knee with the stairs, and then goes up with a top rope legdrop that sets up the STFU to finish.
(John Cena d. Great Khali, STF — submission, 8:15, **) Man, no undefeated streak is safe from Cena. This was basic David v. Goliath stuff, and I had no beef with it, as Khali was at least moving in second gear for the whole match and it wasn’t long enough to suck. Not a classic or anything, but it was a minor miracle compared to how bad Khali’s other matches have been, and that’s enough for me.
The Pulse:
Although not as bad as it was looking on paper, this was basically a rehashed version of Backlash, which was in itself a rehashed version of Wrestlemania, and then they’re doing ANOTHER round of rematches at One Night Stand. If they’re gonna be running tri-brand PPVs from now on, they have to get rid of two “World” titles, because putting three World title matches on each show eats up a huge chunk of time and leaves most of the roster out in the cold. There’s really no reason to have branded belts if everyone mixes on every show now. As for this show, it was good enough not to feel terribly let down if you ordered it, but not good enough where I’d recommend buying the DVD or anything.
Mild recommendation to avoid.
