The SmackDown Report

I’m sick tonight (sore throat, blocked nose, head cold), and every day next week I have an assignment due, which is so not what I’m used to. Oh, I can’t wait for Saturday next week (actually, the Saturday after that’ll be better) so I can just resume cruising through this semester. Get this, I try to e-mail one of my teachers an essay, and it keeps bouncing back. So, knowing my luck, I’ll be out of marks because of it. I’m going to do something easier next semester. Finger Painting Diploma, maybe?

Tonight: The Cutting Edge with Batista.

Opening Contest: Montel Vontavious Porter and Mike Mizanin vs. Chris Benoit and Matt Hardy
MVP’s entrance fireworks are improved, now all they need to do is get rid of the smokey jumping castle. Also, it’s MVP, Benoit, Miz, and then Hardy in the entrances … weird. Benoit and Porter start. Lock up and the pair end up traveling around the ring, Benoit with knees to the gut. Porter with punches and kicks, Benoit with offence and Hardy is tagged in. Hardy gets some elbows for a pinfall attempt. Porter tags out to Mizanin, who comes in with offence but Hardy gets punches in the corner before sending Mizanin face first into the turnbuckle. Benoit in with a kick to the gut of Mizanin, backbreaker gets Benoit a two count. Snap suplex gets Benoit another pinfall attempt. Benoit attacks Porter on the apron, but Mizanin reacts nicely and attacks Benoit afterwards. Mizanin sends Benoit chest first into the corner for a two count. Mizanin with mounted punches, Mizanin gets a pinfall attempt and a loud Benoit chant starts up.

Mizanin with spears in the corner and neckbreaker in the middle of the ring, getting him a two count over Benoit. Mizanin goes for a suplex but Benoit turns it into one of his own. Hardy in with clotheslines but runs into an elbow by Mizanin, Hardy follows with a punch and gets a pancake (that’s what I’ve named it, anyways) in the corner. Yodel elbow drop to the neck of Mizanin, Side Effect connects and Hardy gets a two count broken by Porter. German by Benoit to Porter, Hardy clotheslines Mizanin outside the ring and we’re headed to commercials.

Commercials.

We’re back and Mizanin and Hardy are the legal men. Mizanin with clubs and a Russian leg sweep gets a two count. Hardy with rights to Mizanin, headlock (this far in a match?) but Mizanin sends Hardy into the corner. Hardy knocks Porter off the apron but gets clotheslined down by Mizanin shortly after, Porter getting a cheap kick to the head afterwards. Mizanin gets a two count. Porter tagged in with rights to Hardy, snapmare and kick to the back is followed with clubs. Mizanin back in with the jumping clothesline in the corner, Porter tagged back in for the running big boot to Hardy for a two count. Porter with a facelock on Hardy but Hardy fails to reverse it and Mizanin is back in with elbows and clubs to Hardy. Mizanin gets a two count. Hardy stages a tiny comeback but Mizanin gets him down and Porter comes in for an elbow drop to Hardy, getting a two count. Hardy suddenly goes for the Twist of Fate but Porter reverses it and sends Hardy into the corner, Porter runs into a high elbow and Hardy gets a bulldog. Tags to Benoit and Mizanin; Benoit with offence to Mizanin, sharpshooter fails to be connected but Benoit gets Mizanin in the Crossface and Mizanin taps out.
Winners: Chris Benoit and Matt Hardy

I’m seriously surprised that they had Mizanin block the sharpshooter. Other than that, a very enjoyable and good match, particularly with this hot crowd. Seven out of Ten. That’s around about three stars by SmackDown standards.

Still to come: Deuce and Domino defend against Regal and Taylor as well as London and Kendrick.

Hornswoggle is getting ready for his match tonight … Now, I bet they wished they’d brought in Little Boogeyman and Hornswoggle around the time of the shitty Junior’s Division.

Commercials.

Second Contest: Jillian Hall vs. Michelle McCool
Crowd are surprisingly into Mc. Lock up and Hall with a headlock, Mc turns it into a takedown but Hall uses a headscissors to reverse the headlock but Mc flips out of it. Nice. Hall works the arm but Mc gets a Russian leg sweep for a one count. Hall kicks Mc in the gut and follows with a snapmare, Mc gets a hair drag right afterwards and gets a bodyscissors on Hall and turns it into a two count. Hall sends Mc outside and sings, Mc goes to return to the ring but Hall attacks right away. Hall with a kick to the back for a brief pinfall attempt. Hall pulls the hair and chokes Mc at the ropes. Hall whips Mc into the corner and hits the handspring elbow for a pair of one count pinfalls. Hall with a backbreaker on Mc but Mc knees Hall away. The two exchange punches and Mc gets a back drop. Mc with an elbow to Hall, scoop slam is followed by a belly to belly for a two count. Mc goes for a ten count punch in the corner but Hall throws her off and follows with a knee to the head of Mc. Hall with a cartwheel leg drop for a pair of failed pinfalls. And another one. Massaro comes down the aisle and distracts Hall, who turns into a spinning backbreaker by Mc for the victory.
Winner: Michelle McCool

Wow; this was impressive for these two. Seriously, if these two continue putting on matches this quality (and I don’t think they’ve even reached their full potential for talent or chemistry) then I may need to abolish the SmackDown Diva rating system (which is how I’ll be judging this match, just so I don’t have people getting annoyed I give this match such high points). I’d love to see McCool vs. Victoria. Seven out of Ten. Note: my sickness may be affecting the ability to correctly judge matches, but upon second viewing this was still pretty good quality for nowadays divas.

Commercials.

Third Contest: Little Boogeyman w/ The Boogeyman vs. Hornswoggle
Hornswoggle makes his entrance from under the ring. Aw, cute. Hornswoggle throws his hat at Boogeyman, but Boogeyman drops his worms in there. And then puts it back on Hornswoggle. Hornswoggle throws a hissy fit at the referee. Boogeyman with throat shots, scoop slam follows. Big Boogeyman gives little Boogeyman some worms, Hornswoggle rolls up his sleeves only to have the worms thrown in his face. HORNSWOGGLE WITH THE GREEN MIST! Ha! Hornswoggle with right and kicks Boogeyman out of the ring. Finlay rolls out from under the ring and clotheslines little Boogeyman, prompting a fight between Big Boogey and Finlay. Hornswoggle with a Lou Thesz press to Boogeyman from the apron! Finlay hits little Boogeyman with the shillelagh. Frog Splash (Cole calls it Tadpole Splash. Oh, ha, ha.) by Hornswoggle finishes this!
Winner: Hornswoggle

Okay, for a match I was expecting to be horrible, this was incredibly cool in a fun crap and would’ve been nightmare inspiring without the energetic crowd. Seeing Hornswoggle use the green mist has made my day. Three out of Ten. This was probably one of the few times where the referee not being so serious should be allowed.

Mark Henry is the king of the jungle! Mark Henry fears no man or beast! Many say Kane is a monster? Well, Mark Henry calls him prey! And tonight! The world will see a monster is no match for a silverback! … And I was wrong last week, a Silverback is not a pig, it’s a Gorilla. With silver back hair, no less. Thanks, ML Kennedy!

Commercials.

RAW Rebound. I still haven’t watch RAW fully, yet, I only caught the mixed tag, but I have to say that the Saturday Night’s Main Event set features should be made into full time additions. Thanks to Orton and RVD on RAW, there’s a rematch between the two in a Stretcher Match.

Fourth Contest: Kane vs. Mark Henry
Lock up and Henry sends Kane into the corner. Kane with throat thrusts but Henry sends him back into the corner. Kane goes for a scoop slam but can’t lift Henry, but Henry can slam him! And he does, too. Henry runs into a boot by Kane, Henry steps outside and takes a breather. Another lock up and Henry forces Kane into the corner for offence. Henry goes for a whip but Kane sends Henry into the corner for a running clothesline. Kane grabs Henry by the throat but Henry pushes Kane away and goes outside again. Henry with a powerslam to Kane for a two count. Henry gets a running splash in the corner. Henry chokes Kane in the corner. Henry pushes Kane into the ropes and Kane comes back into a shot to the lower back. Henry with some more offence in the corner; Kane gets some offence in as well but runs into a clothesline by Henry. Henry misses the almighty splash and Kane gets a DDT, elbow drops follow and Kane gets a leg drop for a two count. Kane goes up top and comes off with a flying clothesline, Kane signals for a chokeslam but Henry drops right on his ass and rolls outside. Kane with a baseball slide to Henry, Kane jumps off the ring apron but Henry catches him! The two look to be hugging for a moment before it is revealed that Henry is, in fact, using the bear hug on Kane. Henry sends Kane into the steel post and rolls back in just before the ten count.
Winner: Mark Henry

Kane sits up just as the ten count is announced and Henry rolls outside quicker than I can remember seeing him move ever before, and this one is over. Yeah, this totally needs a rematch. One out of Ten. Not totally bad, but still pretty bad, so I cut some slack because it was sort of interesting.

Commercials.

Kristal Marshall is backstage with Edge. Edge says he can expect for the hard questions tonight in The Cutting Edge. Edge says that he isn’t scared of Batista and has won some matches. Does Edge have black in his hair now? I like.

Some random dude interviews Deuce and Domino about the draft, so Domino says they’re not going into the army. Deuce says that they won’t get split up, which is good for them. Deuce gets angry with Generic New Guy, and Domino pretty much reaffirms it by telling Deuce the interviewer is a nobody. So, who was that guy?

Commercials.

Fifth Contest: Tag Team Championship: Paul London and Brian Kendrick vs. William Regal and Dave Taylor vs. Deuce and Domino (Champions) w/ Cherry
Domino and Regal begin. Deuce attacks Regal from behind to start, but Domino gets taken down by an elbow from Regal who is very energetic tonight. Taylor tagged in with uppercuts, and London tags himself in and Domino leaves the ring. Lock up and London gets a headlock on Taylor, shoulder block knocks Taylor down and Regal is back in. Lock up and Regal with a headlock, London escapes it but Regal gets a drop toe hold. London goes for a monkey flip but Regal drops him down. Taylor and Kendrick in; Kendrick with a hammerlock and headlock takedown for a no count. Taylor with kicks to the gut and uppercut to Kendrick, Taylor with a headlock variation, Regal tagged in with an elbow to the head of Kendrick. Kendrick tackles Regal into the corner and Deuce gets tagged in. Headlock to Deuce by Kendrick, Kendrick off the ropes with a kick to the jaw. London tagged in with a stomp to the arm of Deuce, snapmare on Deuce for a one count. Domino in; hiptoss’ by London and Kendrick comes in with a snapmare and headlock with punches. Kendrick with a front facelock, Taylor tags himself in place of Domino. Taylor with a headbutt to the gut of Kendrick. Kendrick goes for the sunset but Taylor gets a closed fist to Kendrick while Regal distracts the referee (nice). Kendrick crossbodies himself and Taylor outside as we head to a commercial break.

Commercials.

We’re back and Kendrick has another headlock on, this time with Deuce being the headlock victim. Kendrick with kicks to the leg of Deuce, forearms and Deuce reverses an irish whip and Kendrick comes back with a crossbody for two. Kendrick with a facelock, Deuce sends him into the ropes and Kendrick skins the cat… well, he woud have if Domino didn’t kick him in the gut. Deuce covers Kendrick (and no one goes to break the pinfall) for a two count. Deuce with stomps and sends Kendrick into the turnbuckles before Domino is back in. Domino with stomps for a two count. Deuce with a cobra clutch on Kendrick but Kendrick turns it into a jawbreaker, and Taylor tags himself in. Taylor with uppercuts and Regal is in. Double team suplex to Kendrick for a few failed pinfalls by Regal. Regal with a high elbow to Kendrick before he sends him outside; Kendrick gets in just before the ten count with help by Regal’s double underarm suplex off of the apron. Taylor gets tagged in. Kendrick with offence but Taylor sends him back down. Taylor with a scoop slam and elbow drop, arm bar and headlock combination by Taylor. Regal in; Kendrick gets a backslide for a two, but Regal clotheslines him down afterwards. Kendrick with an enziguri, Regal tagged in with the nice half nelson suplex, and Deuce breaks the pinfall! Domino tagged in, misses the splash to Kendrick, and London is tagged in! London with all these nice kicks, flapjack to Domino (shit, this crowd is hot!). Atomic drop by London, standing moonsault and Regal breaks the three count. Kendrick with a crossbody to Regal and Taylor on the outside; London goes up top and knocks Deuce down, but Cherry trips him! London hits the canvas and Domino covers!
Winners and Still Champions: Deuce and Domino

Man; those last few minutes where hot. The rest of the match was good, too. I’d love to see a rematch. Seven out of Ten. Could’ve done much better given a few more minutes, maybe even pay per view quality. Well, certainly could’ve been WWE PPV quality.

Still to come: The Cutting Edge with Batista.

Commercials.

One Night Stand card hype.

Theodore Long is backstage with Kristal and Vickie; it’s Vickie’s damned fault for the Lumberjack Match at One Night Stand. Kristal is worried about being drafted and separated from Theodore, so Theodore says that he’d want to be drafted with her and he’s willing to lose his General Manager position in order to stay with him. Vickie suggests that they sneak off early and she’ll take care of the show … great acting from the set; Kristal and Vickie weren’t that good, though.

Commercials.

Edge waltzes on out with that stupid pyro show of his, with The Cutting Edge up next. Edge must have a sore throat or something. So, anyways, Batista makes his way on out (with the second pyro show since the commercials ended … No, I won’t get over it, I don’t see why Edge needs pyro. Matter of fact, Batista’s pyro show sucks too). Edge says that this isn’t physical and that this’ll be verbal. Edge says it’s a great pleasure and a lot of people thought he was crazy for doing it, but Batista doesn’t intimidate him. Edge reminds him that he won at Judgment Day and thinks that Batista may even be intimidated, but gets threatened when Batista removes his jacket. Batista says Edge stole the title from Undertaker; Edge gets pissy over being the World Heavy Weight Champion. Batista tells him to wait until One Night Stand. Edge is apparently sick of hearing about One Night Stand, and says he’s got no disadvantage in a Steel Cage Match, and thinks that Batista is intimidated of choking in another title match. Ohhhh. Edge with a patronizing slap, Batista with a patronizing slap back. Oh, it’s on now bitch. Edge with patronizing slaps to the arm of Batista. Batista with patronizing slaps to Edge’s arm. This is all playing out rather lame. Edge with finger pokes to the chest, Batista with harder finger pokes to Edge’s chest. Edge shoves Batista, so Batista knocks him down. Edge plays the role of the little bitch on the canvas for a few moments as Batista makes his exit … Climatic (… ish), but a much better offering than last month’s Judgment Day build up.

The Inside Pulse
Chris Benoit and Matt Hardy defeat Mike Mizanin and Montel Vontavious Porter (Mizanin submits to Benoit): 7/10
Michelle McCool defeats Jillian Hall via pinfall: 7/10
Hornswoggle defeats Little Bastard via pinfall: 3/10
Mark Henry defeats Kane via count out: 1/10
Deuce and Domino defeat Hooliganz and Blue Bloods (Domino pins Paul London after Cherry interference): 7/10
SmackDown 01/06/07: 25/50

Pretty good episode this week; the hot crowd certainly helped matters. I will forever love the idea of Hornswoggle doing the green mist. Not exactly good One Night Stand build up, but I haven’t really been paying too much attention to the card. I won’t be buying it, I might rent it when I rent Judgment Day. I’d have bought it for sure if Benoit/MVP 5 was on there, but screw it now. Anyways. As I’m sure I’ve made obvious by now, I really did enjoy this week’s offering. Until next week!

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