A Look on the Bright Side

Greetings everyone. Welcome back to your weekly installment of the Internet Wrestling Community’s only happy place, A Look on the Bright Side.

So, you all (those of you that have been around for more than a couple of months) know that I went on hiatus because of building a new house. Wanna see it? Of course you do. Here:

Yes, I love the house, now that it’s built and done. But my God, have I hated this thing over the past six months. And no, I’m never doing this again – I am not going through the pain of designing and building something, I am not spending days and days and days packing and unpacking boxes, I am not moving my kids anywhere else. This is the house I’m going to die in, come hell or high water. So there.

Now, in more historical matters: the very last episode of The Sopranos is coming this Sunday. This is my second favorite TV series ever (in case you care, Buffy is first – because even the worst season of Buffy (the fourth) was still very entertaining and had some truly momentous episodes (like “Hush”) while the worst season of The Sopranos (also the fourth) did nothing more than annoy me). And the big question is: what will happen to Tony? My answer: who f*cking knows? Jeezus H. Kee-rist in a handbasket – can’t anybody wait just 7 freaking days to find out the answer to one simple question?

But, if you insist on reading into everything in the show, I would theorize that the answer to this question can be found by analysing three statements by Phil Leotardo when discussing the New Jersey crew:

“Historically, Carmine always said the Sopranos are nothing more than a glorified crew.”

“Five f*cking families. And we got this other pigmy thing over in Jersey.”

“There’s no scraps in my scrapbook.” I have no clue what the HELL he is talking about here, and I love the fact that the other two at the table give each other a look that just screams out, “Umm, what?” I admire David Chase for being able to throw in scenes that he knows won’t be universally understood by his entire audience.

So – draw your own conclusions. And join me back here next week to talk this over.

YouTube Video of the Week

And going on my new found comics re-birth: holy hell, but this is funny:

Around the Pulse

I am definitely digging Kace Ever’s new column – just so long as he doesn’t start stealing all of the good points that I want to talk about. If so – it is on, like Donkey Kong.

Andy wasn’t too crazy about ONS. I thought it was a fairly entertaining show (if you couldn’t determine that from reading my live recap), but the top of the card was rather weak. I mean, we’re not talking WCW levels of bad here – the Edge/Batista steel cage match was decent, the high spots in the Vince(& Co.)/Lashley match were cool, and the Cena/Khali match was short enough so as to be inoffensive. It’s not like we had a Hogan/Piper main event or anything.

Iain, as always, will leave you knowing more than you did before you read his Answers column.

Vinny really does an excellent, concise job of critiqueing who’s been released by WWE recently, and why. His indictment of the way WWE Creative will fire a wrestler because *they* came up with a terrible gimmick (Vito, Paul Burchill, etc) is especially insightful.

You know who really does kick ass on this site, and just doesn’t get enough credit? The Comics Guys. Like Paul Beasley, for example. The new Buffy comic (written by Joss Whedon) has slightly stirred up my decade-long dormat comics fandom. I need to start giving these guys more props.

Another subject I don’t follow as much as I should: MMA. I don’t even know how the Inside Fights guys are handling all of the new-found media attention their little niche sport has gotten (as opposed to my little niche sports entertainment). But so long as they keep putting out excellent review like this one of UFC 70, I don’t think it matters.

My occasional writing partner Mathan brings the goods on his summer music preview. Go over there and read it. NOW.

And finally, Olya posits forth: “Aging is a bitch.” Sing it, sister.

The Week That Was

And now, we get to the meat of the column. The idea is fairly simple: I point out (at least) 5 things from each major show that should be getting more attention, but aren’t. (And occasionally, I just point out some absurdity just to tweak the rest of the IWC.) There’s way too much negativity infused into columnists who write about pro wrestling: this is just my little attempt to balance it out a bit.

Love the concept? Hate it? Think I missed something important from last week? See something this week that you think should be here? Email me by Tuesday evening.

And be sure to take part in the Insidepulse Forum for A Look on the Bright Side thread too.

Unfortunately, I forgot to TiVo Saturday Night’s Main Event. Oops. Somehow, you’ll live, I promise.

Monday Night Raw

1. Here’s what I want: an exploration into the pops that various champs/people get in WWE. And I want it done in the scientific method, with a concentration on the relative tone of each cheer. For example, the cheers for John Cena are at 16.5 mHtz (the average scream of a 13 year old girl), while those for Edge are at 8.0 mHtz (those of a typical 24 year old male that lives in his parent’s basement). (Yeah, making up those numbers, and even units of measure – cuz I feel like it. But I’d still love to see that kind of study.)

2. Candice? With Cryme Tyme? Really? Could they have picked a whiter girl to use here? (I mean, besides Jeff Hardy.)

3. I am enjoying Shad’s Sharipova-esque grunts and yells during each move. I especially liked the “BBRRTTTT!” before the forearm to Nitro.

4. Has anybody ever actually looked at the face on the girl in the RGX commercial? Is it even possible to tear your eyes away from the cleavage right in the middle of the screen?

5. Flair, Vince, and Torrie. What’s the over/under on the number of hours of plastic (and other) surgery on these three?

6. Wouldn’t it be cool if Vince actually *was* crazy, and they were just following him around backstage with a camera as he made matches? I’d pay good money to see Stephanie walk out on camera and explain why they can’t have 29 matches tonight in a 2 hour show.

7. Regarding Cade & Murdoch: Hey, they followed the rules the entire time – *during the match*. It wasn’t until after the match that they did anything heelish. They could easily pull off a tweener position with a simple “We beat them fair and square, and they still wouldn’t respect us” promo. No, I have no faith in WWE Creative to necessarily realize that.

8. Yes, Randy Orton is being pushed into a spot on the card that he arguably did not “deserve”. Whoop-dee-shit. Let’s try and figure out where he’s going from here. Will he ever be booked to beat Cena? After Umaga and Khali? Umm, no. Will he be booked to beat Edge? Hell no – Edge is obviously higher than him on the heel ladder. Could be booked to beat Lashley for the ECW title? Oh f*ck – please. So – not happening. His natural ceiling is..what, US title? Int’l title? Eh – whatever. So, IWC – stop having a f*cking collective heart attack over his rise on the card. It just isn’t going that far.

ECW on Sci Fi

1. Okay, Vince McMahon slowly rocking in a wheelchair might be the single greatest thing I’ve seen this year on WWE TV.

2. Now, see, here’s how to pull a Bright Side point out of nothing: seeing Balls Mahoney lift a chair over his head made me think of The Chair Swinging Freaks, which makes me want to go back and watch both The Rise and Fall of ECW, and my copy of the first One Night Stand (still to this day my single favorite-est PPV of all time). Okay, someone help me – what was the song they played during the Extreme Expose this week? I foresee many freak dances to that in the coming 12 months.

4. Hmm. Not sure how I haven’t pointed this out before. The nickname for Marcus Cor Von is “The Alpha Male.” If so, how can he possibly let someone else take over the leadership of the New Breed? I mean, by definition, doesn’t that break the very concept of what an Alpha Male is?

5. Striker decided to apply a single-leg Boston Crab on Punk which basically consisted of Punk’s left leg being lifted in an almost slightly uncomfortable spot. But yet Punk sold it like someone was trying to tear his leg off of his hipbone.

See ya next week, folks.

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