Pardon The Pulse

Well I just found out that Paris Hilton was let out of jail this morning. From 45 days to 23 to 3…now imagine if the stupid bitch had killed someone. Would a “deal” be able to be made like she supposedly reached yesterday in order to get out of prison early? Its shit like that which burns me up because she is a no talent, annoying, hideous beast of a man (yes, man) and she gets whatever she wants. I’m not jealous because if I was, I’d care what every other celebrity gets handed to them on a silver platter, but I don’t. It is the fact that this blonde bimbo broke the law…a sentence was handed down…and she STILL can find a way out? Bullshit.

One more note before pressing on, we here at PTP and all of Inside Pulse would like to extend our sincerest congratulations to Matt and the forums’ own Ellie for their upcoming wedding this weekend. May your lives be filled with love, happiness, and being bugged by all of us. Congratulations you two…I love you both dearly and couldn’t be happier for yall.

So if you please…

1.) Billy Donovan – Come on now really!

Paulie: Well, really, would YOU want to coach Orlando? After the dollar signs leave your eyes and everything really sinks in, you’ll be coaching the Orlando Magic. The Magic haven’t been worth a damn since Shaq left and a new coach isn’t changing that. Then Donovan probably sat back and thought, Rick Pitino sucked in the pros and hasn’t really been the same since. Coach K won’t go to the pros because he knows he’d suck at it and never be the same again. Coaching in college and coaching in the NBA are two totally different monsters. In college, the coach is the boss. He hand picks his players, it’s his way or the highway, and he’s holding all the cards. In the pros, you’re stuck with what you’ve got; you’re trying to coach guys playing on guaranteed contracts who could really give two shits about what you think most of the time. I think all of this finally dawned on Billy Donovan and he realized the mistake that he made. Of course, he should have thought of all that before he signed the contract.
He’s lucky Orlando is being understanding in all this and not making him coach out the contract, or suing the shit out of him.

Charles Joseph: I think the biggest reason he signed the contract was the pressure. He was focused on coaching Florida, then boom, he’s offered a big contract and is told he has a day to accept it or decline it and he didn’t really have time to think it over. I think he made the right choice. He’s a good college coach and like Paulie said, there is no guarantee he’ll be even a remotely good pro coach. I like the clause that he can’t coach in the NBA for 5 years. That’s fun.

Danny: Understandably he came to a decision and then changed his mind. Hey it happens. But I am also glad that he got the stipulation to not be able to coach in the NBA for 5 years. There was an article on with direct quotes from Donovan in conversations he had with his wife about how he wanted the challenge, this was his dream, he had been waiting for this, the money was more then right, and he even sat down with God and himself and going to the Magic was what he was supposed to do.

Apparently the new deal with Florida had actually “been done” for weeks but was never officially announced as more then the two sides agreeing to it. Orlando and Donovan both said they had no contact as of Wednesday and then by Friday he had taken the spot?? I think he had thought about this and had more time to think it over then is being said.

He said then his tears at saying goodbye to UF is what changed his mind back. I dunno…just glad the NBA put the stip on him. He’s not an ass or anything, but he needed some kind of punishment.

2.) Tank Johnson’s Suspension – Reasonable?

Danny: Ok first off let me say that this is a very reasonable suspension and much deserved. I honestly think he could have gotten ten games or maybe an entire season considering he had the arsenal of a small country in his home for God’s sakes. Sure he may have “learned a lot about himself in prison,” but so would Richard Simmons.

Now, as big a fan as I am of Goodell, there needs to be some guidelines drawn here. Johnson and Chris Henry have been arrested multiple times and gotten a half season suspension. Pacman Jones never got arrested, but was “involved” in over ten investigations and got a season long suspension. Still Ok by me. But now with all the shit going on with Michael Vick, it is being said that unless there is jail time for Vick, then there is likely to be NO suspension whatsoever. Are ya serious? The marijuana/jewelry water bottle at the airport, missing that meeting with Congress or whatever, and now the dog-fighting allegations…and no suspension at all? Come on now. There needs to be some rules or a list of guidelines or something before this goes any further.

Paulie: Yeah, that’s a pretty reasonable suspension, jail time and 8 games with no pay should be more than enough. Even though his jail time sounds more like it was peanut butter jelly roll time while visiting with all his friends.
But there definitely needs to be well defined guidelines for these suspensions. And as far as Vick goes, they’ve said they’ve got enough evidence to indict him on the dog fighting charges. An indictment should be worth at least half a season. But…Vick’s a “superstar” and thus probably viewed by the league office as untouchable unless there’s an actual conviction.

Charles Joseph: I hate Roger Goodell. I just had to get that off my chest.
He’s running the league like a chicken with his head cut off right now. He’s a total tool and will probably ruin the league as much as it can be ruined.
Johnson’s suspension is too stiff. He already served his time in jail and now he’s being punished again for something he already has been punished for. Bullshit double jeopardy jackasses.

3.) Johnnie Morton & Brock Lesnar’s MMA Debut

Charles Joseph: Johnnie Morton? Seriously? Johnnie Morton? He sucked at football. And he thought he could handle MMA?
Really? He thought that was a good idea? Dumbass. He was destroyed as well he should have been. Although he did look pretty good for the 15 seconds before they had to carry him off on a stretcher.

Lesnar did pretty good. But I think there was an amount of luck involved. If he gets all his opponents down early like that, I think he’ll be tough to beat as that is his specialty. Neither of them make me want to run out and buy an MMA PPV, but more power to them if they want to get there asses kicked.

Danny: Ok the fight with Morton was just damn funny. He came out flailing his arms like a small child and just was doing whatever he could to land a hit or two, and I’ll admit he did at that. But then when he got laid out, it was just one of those hits where you go…”OHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
After the fight, Morton’s trainer said, “How many people who would do what he did, stepping into the NFL of MMA and putting it all on the line?” Two months?
TWO MONTHS? That’s why his dumb ass got knocked out in
38 seconds. And then Morton got suspended for failing to take a piss test. Good luck in the future loser.

As for Lesnar, he looks as if he lost a lot of the mass he had back in WWE. He’s just not nearly as stocky or defined as I remember him. Well, the stint with the Vikings failed miserably, so I guess the next thing on his “Things To Try” list was the MMA. He looked impressive, I’ll give him that. But of course besides skill, there is a bit of luck involved with everything Chucklebutt. His style is wrestling and he got his opponent down and I’m gonna say that if you can get someone to tap out by simply being able to pound them in the head, then kudos. I see Lesnar having a semi-successful career here.

Paulie: Hopefully Morton learned his lesson that getting in the ring is not a joke. That was probably his last professional fight. Or at least it should be.

Lesnar looked pretty comfortable in there. You could definitely tell he’s off the juice. He looked pretty damned doughy and that torso sword tattoo was really a mistake. But he’s definitely got the skills and agility to be somewhat successful in MMA. He probably needs to expand a little past wrestling cause he’s not going to be able to take all his opponents down that quickly. That dude may have been an Olympic silver medalist in Judo, but that doesn’t help much when he’s off his feet.

4.) NBA Finals – Spurs/Cavs

Paulie: Oh yay and the 6th seal was broken and the rivers filled with the blood of the unwashed. Cleveland is playing for a championship. Holy hell. I really don’t think they’ll be able to take down playoff Spurs though. Yeah, Cleveland won both regular season games, but this is the finals. This is the playoff Spurs. The playoff Spurs ain’t nuttin to mess wit. Detroit let down their guard and let LeBron beat them. San Antonio won’t make that same mistake. If need be, they’ll have Horry go on and get old school on King James. Somehow I think LeBron would take it a little more maturely than Steve Nash though. I’m taking Spurs in 6.

Charles Joseph:King James has arrived. If the playoffs continue to follow the Hollywood script, Cleveland has to win. And I think they will. San Antonio is too worried about not getting their respect, and Cleveland, besides LeBron, can focus on the basketball games coming up. And LeBron doesn’t really need to focus on the games because he’s damn good enough to win without focusing.
Cleveland in 5. Suck on that muchachos.

Danny: The entire playoffs have been the most boring I can remember in a long time. Unless you live close enough to be a fan of Golden State or Utah, then you really just don’t care about them. The Pistons are assholes. The Spurs are quickly becoming the dullest team in NBA history. So the only thing I am curious to see now is if King James will be able to continue trying to live up to His Airness. I doubt I’ll watch much of the Finals, but I’ll flip it on from time to time just to see how LeBron is doing. But I have a weird feeling…Cavs in 6.

5.) Are The Yanks Washed Up?

Charles Joseph: God I hope so. They are completely worthless and unentertaining. They’re an old team and bringing in Roger Clemens “fatigued” groin isn’t going to help at all. They are to far back to make a come back right now. Their only chance is Boston falling. There are 3 or 4 teams in the central that are going to win 90 games this year and New York would have to win something like 70% of their games from here out to get to 90. That’s not going to happen. The playoffs will be much better with out them. I’m just eagerly anticipating the boss blowing his lid and firing everybody. I can’t wait.

Danny: I agree and just hope the sons of bitches are on a long and painful decline to the land of obscurity. So let’s see, the big news of the year was them signing Clemens to “save” them because of how much they were sucking ass.
The answer? Send him to the minors and then keep on pushing back his debut. Might as well wait until October because you’re not going to be there anyway. I hate how much discussion in baseball is about the Yankees and even if they continue to plummet; there’s still going to be hours and hours on TV about them.
BUT…they won’t be in the playoffs and that makes me happy.

I mean come on now Steinbrenner. Torre has given you every ounce of blood he has in him, and as much as I don’t like him…you’re being a dick Georgie. A four game losing streak and you’re talking about canning him? My God, you’d do anything to get some air time wouldn’t you. Uh-oh, Giambi is in another roids scandal. Everyone hates A-Rod. When’s the last time you actually heard Jeter’s name said positively? As CJ said, unless Boston completely flops and everyone else ends up dead, there will be no pinstripes anywhere near the World Series trophy. Now if only we could blow up the Atlanta Braves, this would be a great year.

Paulie: Damn Yanks and their king of the world attitude, trying to stay in the limelight despite sucking so much and being hated by the rest of everybody. Oh…and the baseball team too. Sadly, if they cut back on the attention the Yankees are getting the 24 hour news networks would have to give us 24/7 play by play of Paris Hilton’s prison stay. But…I digress. They’re probably relegated to playing the spoiler role the rest of the season.

Though I don’t think they’re gonna be battling the Royals for worst team in baseball.

PEE-YOMPS (pimps)

Enjoy DVDs, then head over to The DVD Lounge where there are a lot of good people watching a lot of crap so you don’t have to. And for a person who has over 1300 DVDs and watches every movie imaginable, Travis really finds some things that even I have never heard of.

Popcorn Junkies is a place you really need to go check out as well because there are great people like Caroline, Ping, Michaelangelo, Kubryk, and more bringing you news and movie reviews at all hours of the night and day.

Paul Beasley, better known as Beadle to a lot of us, has done a bang-up job in getting us ready for the upcoming WWE Draft with a bunch of polls and insight galore with every link you click on.

ML Kennedy does a lot of stuff for IP, but perhaps one of the greatest things he’s ever done is getting an interview with Mr. MonsterVision himself, Joe Bob Briggs in this week’s edition of CPO: 8 Questions With Joe Bob Briggs

My list of people to destroy has grown in recent weeks:
~ Fergie – for every song she has ever made especially the ones where she spells or takes LONG pauses in between each word.

~ Justin Timberlake – the word “girl” does not need to be said after every single lyric.

~ Carrie Underwood – go crawl back under your trailer where you belong.

~ Gwen Stefani – for leaving No Doubt and proving just how horrible you truly are.

~ Whoever sings that damn song that goes “to the right to the right to the right to the left to the left to the left now kick now kick no…” That is not a good song and wouldn’t make a good dance because if I ever saw people at a dance doing it, it would look like a room full of retards on meth.

Please everyone; feel free to take it upon yourself to help me shorten my list. My contacts are limited at the time and I can’t always find these people.

Send us comments via elektronick mail or “male” for Paulie, or by going here
in the forums

Congrats to the Ducks on their first ever Stanley Cup Championship. Have a good weekend everyone!

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