The Most Ridiculous Item of the Week – 6.8.07


Always seeming to be in the tabloids for some new shenanigans, singer George Michael has lashed out against the media, saying that the reason why he’s such a frequent target is because most men are jealous of his care-free lifestyle.

“I think at the end of it all I represent something profoundly different for society. I have grown up surrounded by people who think that sex, drugs and rock n’ roll is compatible with a working life while being married with children. During the 1980s, my generation and the one after me, found that was impossible. Me, I don’t want any children, I don’t want responsibility. I am gay, I smoke weed and I do exactly what I want in my life because of my talent. I represent an ideal which others have had to let go and they blame me for that. Especially men.”

Hold on. Let’s go back to that one line:

“I am gay, I smoke weed and I do exactly what I want in my life because of my talent.”

Really? You’re gay because of your talent? Well, color me oblivious on this one, George, because I thought being gay was something genetic (unless you’re a Christian conservative, in which case it’s moral depravity and weakness and the lack of being able to reject those nasty thoughts of being f*cked in the ass and slobbing knobs that Satan puts in your head). It’s good to know that if you weren’t able to sing that you’d actually be straight. Does this mean that every gay person out there is musically gifted, but most of them just haven’t discovered it yet? I’ll have to call up my gay uncle and tell him that he should pursue a career in music in order to finally be able to afford to move out of my grandparents’ house. Maybe he’ll give me a percentage of his profits. It’s only fair.

And the whole smoking weed and doing whatever you want because you’re talented is just a steaming pile of shit. I don’t have a family to support, and I can smoke weed or do whatever I want. Hell, if I wanted to I could by gay, too, but I’m about as attracted to men as Bambi is. But blaming men’s overall jealousy and disdain for your carefree lifestyle as the reason why the media is always covering your ass is just absurd. First of all, it goes to assume that there are no women in the media, and secondly, aren’t you forgetting a string of drug, alcohol and sexual depravity-related instances over the past several years?

Yeah, forget the fact that you were found slumped over, barely breathing, behind the wheel of an automobile while in traffic (twice). Forget the fact that you tried to suck off an undercover cop in park toilet. Forget that you got busted with drugs. The reason why you’re always in the news probably is because most married men in the media are jealous that you get to f*ck other men and smoke pot while they have to live normal adult lives that involve f*cking their wives and raising children.