The SmarK 24/7 Rant for World Championship Wrestling – September 7 1985

The SmarK 24/7 Rant for World Championship Wrestling – September 7 1985

– Uh, did we skip a week? If so, good, they need to pick up the pace and get to the Horsemen already.

– Hosted by Tony & David

– We start with Nikita & Ivan, who are confused by people telling them what to say in a free country. Ivan blames biased referees for Nikita’s failure to win the belt thus far.

– Buddy Landel v. Paul Garner. Buddy hiptosses Garner out of the corner and goes right to the chinlock, wasting no time in sucking. He dumps the jobber, allowing Dillon to politely brush him off while the ref is looking, and then give him a cheapshot when he’s not looking. Back in, Buddy goes back to that chinlock again. Garner fights out and whips Landel into the corner, but runs into an elbow and, you guessed it, it’s back to the chinlock. The poor guy appears to have bitten his tongue and blood starts oozing out of his mouth, so Buddy finishes him quick with the shitty elbow and figure-four. Yawn. 1/4*

– Jim Cornette complains about people asking for handouts and all the women who send dirty letters to the Midnights.

– The Midnight Express v. Ron Rossi & Nick Busick. Busick gets headlocked to start, then makes the mistake of tagging Rossi in. Geez, never tag the pasty white guy into the match, it’s just common sense! Cornette heaps on the abuse, calling Rossi “about as dangerous as a two-story outhouse”. I don’t even know what that means, but it sure sounds southern and insulting. Eaton drops the knee off the top and then lets the poor guy tag Busick in to hopefully give a challenge. Condrey works on the arm in the corner, and Eaton comes in with a hammerlock takedown and a rollup for two. Back over to Rossi. And of course they just maul him, as Condrey drops knees in the corner, and Eaton adds a missile dropkick. Condrey whips him into an Eaton neckbreaker clothesline, and that finishes at 4:37. *

– Nikita Koloff v. Mike Nichols. I don’t give this guy much chance. Koloff powers him down and goads Nichols into slugging at him, and boy that’s not a smart move. Koloff tosses him across the ring on a slam and rams him into the turnbuckle in rather awesome fashion, with Nichols doing a great flat back bump off it, and the Sickle ends it at 1:27. Fun little squash. *

– Magnum TA promises more pain and agony for Tully in the very near future.

– Tully Blanchard v. Jim Jeffers. Tully uses evasion before sneaking in with a cheap knee, and grabs a headlock, then fights off Jeffers’ own attempt at one. Tully takes him down with an armbar and drops elbows, then tosses Jeffers while getting a bit too worked up about Magnum’s presence at ringside. Back in, Tully elbows him down, totally focused on Magnum the whole way, taking out his anger on Jeffers in the corner. Magnum responds by telling Tully that he’s given him enough free beatings, and it’s not worth his time unless the title is on the line. Good answer. Tully keeps pounding on the jobber and finishes with the slingshot suplex at 5:09. Good acting from Blanchard here. 1/2*

– Tony tries to change the subject to Magnum’s previous title win, but Magnum just goes right on laying the badmouth on Tully, and we get a clip of Magnum getting some revenge by dressing as a security guard and laying Tully out. Man, they’re gonna need some kind of brutal match to settle this feud!

– Flair time, as he has the women in the audience yelling “Slick Ric” on command now. He warns Dusty that he doesn’t need help with Nikita, and if Dusty tries to interfere in his business, it won’t ease the tension in their relationship, it’ll just lead to bad things for him. And that’s called foreshadowing. Onto Buddy Landel: Flair has spent more money on spilled drinks than Buddy makes in a year. Nice burn! He’s the kiss stealing, wheeling dealing, and you know the rest. What’s causing all this? Ric Flair. Oh yeah.

– Ron Bass v. Kent Glover. Bass works on the arm and pounds away in the corner, then goes to a hammerlock and takes him down with a kneelift. Is it any wonder that this babyface turn for Bass went nowhere? Would YOU cheer for the guy? Bass drops an elbow for two and hits the chinlock. He rams Glover into the turnbuckles and finishes with the Iron Claw at 3:28.

– National tag team titles: The Andersons v. Buzz Sawyer & Terry Taylor. Why Taylor and not Brett Sawyer, I wonder? Buzz and Arn trade shots in the corner, but Buzz bites him to block a sunset flip. Arn can’t deal with that today, so he brings Ole in. Sawyer starts on the arm and Taylor comes in with an armdrag takedown. Back to Arn, and Taylor gives him more of the same. The faces double-team him and Buzz also holds an armbar and trades off with Taylor, who hiptosses Arn down for one. Sawyer stays on the arm, and trades with Taylor again, keeping Arn nicely off his game. Taylor holds him on the mat with the hammerlock, getting two off that, but Arn finally slugs out of it and traps him in the corner. And now it’s Ole’s turn to work on the arm, but Taylor kicks out of it and the faces start working on Ole’s arm. Sawyer dives across the ring with a headbutt to the shoulder and Taylor grinds into the shoulder on the ropes, but Ole makes it back to the corner and tags. Arn comes in and drops a knee on Taylor for two. Arn goes to an armbar and we take a break, returning with Arn still pounding on the arm. Taylor fights over to Buzz for the hot tag and he fires away on Arn, but misses a charge at Ole and rams him shoulder into the post. Well that’s gonna hurt him here. And of course the Andersons are on it like crazy, so Buzz bites Ole’s hand to keep him from applying an armbar. Whatever works, I guess. Back to Arn for the armbar, but Buzz gets a sunset flip for two. Ole gets the blind tag during that move and pounds on Buzz, but Buzz keeps biting until Ole slugs him down for two. Arn comes in and runs into a Sawyer forearm, but Ole cuts off the tag. He yanks on the arm and gets a vicious headbutt, but Sawyer falls into the tag to Taylor. It’s BONZO GONZO and the Andersons collide, with Sawyer still doing a good job of selling the injuries, but Ole tosses Taylor over the top for the DQ at 12:48. The Andersons add the diving kneedrop to Taylor’s arm to make their point, and a hilarious moment sees the ref trying to raise Taylor’s injured arm in victory while he’s clutching it in pain. **1/2

– 2 weeks from now: Gary Royal defends the Junior heavyweight title against Denny Brown! Oh man, how can I sleep knowing that’s upcoming? But more importantly, this would be the first title change in this endless Superstation Challenge series thing.

– Dusty Rhodes joins us to tell a rambling story about Studio 54. Yeah, OK, then.

– Denny Brown v. George South. Brown takes South down with a drop toehold and grabs a headlock, then takes him down and cradles for two. Back to the headlock, and he slams South and forearms him down, and back to the headlock again. South gets his own, but Brown dropkicks him and gets a flying forearm for two. South goes back to the headlock and grinds on it, but Brown hiptosses out of it and they criss-cross into another Brown dropkick. Oklahoma roll finishes at 6:16. Nothing too thrilling, but a solid TV match. **

– Jimmy Valiant v. Vern Deaton. We’re joined in progress after going to some football thing back in the day, and Jimmy slugs him down after a headlock. Elbow and elbow finishes.

– Tully Blanchard is back for his side of the story. Magnum’s threats are all EMPTY.

– Sam Houston, Starship Eagle & Italian Stallion v. Randy Barber, Larry Clark & Pablo Crenshaw. Truly a fearsome six-man unit. Stallion works on Barber’s arm to start and dropkicks him, then backdrops Larry Clark on his way in. Over to Houston for an elbow and a big boot, and Eagle slams him into the corner again. Pablo, who is freaky built for a jobber, gets dominated by the Stallion with a backbreaker and rollup for two. Stallion and Houston get a sloppy double backdrop on Pablo, and Houston works on Barber’s arm. Eagle holds the armbar and then slugs away on Crenshaw, before Houston finishes him with the bulldog at 3:50. Teamwork is obviously not the strong suit for the babyfaces. *1/4

– Black Bart has words for that daggum Ron Garvin and daggum Terry Taylor.

– The Rock N Roll Express v. The Rock N Roll RPMs. Hey, cool, I was always wondering if this match ever happened! Ricky takes them both down with a flying headscissors, and the RNR atomic drop them into each other. The RPMs bail and regroup. Back in, Tommy Lane pounds on Gibson in the corner, but Robert hiptosses both RPMs to take over again. Ricky comes in and takes Lane down with a hammerlock, but tries a Thesz Press on Mike Davis and gets dropped with a stungun as a result. Ricky Morton plays himself and they pound on him in the corner, and Davis gets a kneelift. Lane hits the chinlock, but it’s hot tag Gibson. He slugs on both guys and finishes Lane with a sunset flip at 4:01. Disappointing. *1/2

– Tony clarifies that there’s no show next week because of baseball, and we’re outta here.