The SmackDown Report

Sorry about the lateness of the report. We’ve had a serious storm in Newcastle (I believe the storm is mostly on Sydney / Central Coast now); there was flooding in the CBD, a cargo ship is stuck on the beach and right now might be a permanent addition for the next while with two others being saved by tugboats yesterday, it took my Mother a complete three hours to get home because of the traffic and blocked / flooded roads when it usually only takes twenty minutes, my Aunt’s boat has been wrecked because a tree fell on it and she’s without electricity. There’s been a few people missing and some have passed away, I think there’s seven or six so far? Was a pretty big storm, incase you haven’t figured out yet. Yesterday afternoon I tried to do SmackDown but the satellite reception was screwed up; for every four minutes it seemed like I only got about seven frames (I tried watching some of it, only caught a very slight moment of the opening segment, completely missed the Henry/Boogeyman match, and caught a momentary frame of Vickie Guerrero on first viewing – the replay was even worse), so I left my recorder on to see if the 1 AM showing was any better. Apparently the storm only got worse later on; I slept right through most of it thanks to the help of a sleep deprived assignment week, although that means there may be some stuff missing from my coverage of SmackDown. It was certainly an interesting way to end a busy week and didn’t leave me in any extra hurry to start, and then finish, SmackDown.

So, anyways, here’s the more than likely incomplete SmackDown Report!

Edge and his Cutting Edge starts us off. Edge says he might be wrestling tonight, maybe. Edge says he’s got a guest tonight who asked to be on The Cutting Edge … Mr. McMahon. So, Crazy Vince comes on out and begins pulling all sorts of facial expressions. One looks like constipation. Edge asks how Vince is doing, so Vince continues to look like he can’t poop before doing the ‘Valley of the Shadow of Death’ verse. Edge brings up the draft and says that SmackDown needs to be shaken up, and that RAW is Mr. McMahon Appreciation Night. Edge says he won’t disrespect McMahon because he’s in the ring thanks to McMahon, and says that no matter at what happened at One Night Stand, Edge thinks McMahon still has it all and that … “in the squared circle of life, Mr. McMahon, you are a champion”. Edge hands McMahon the belt. Okay. McMahon begins ranting and pulling facial expressions, and says that at Vengeance it will be Edge against Batista. Again. Oh, gee, yay. McMahon states that regardless of the draft, it’s Edge vs. Batista for the belt, and its do or die. Nice little touch in that McMahon’s got a weird ass walk on his way backstage.

Up next: Mark Henry vs. The Boogeyman.

Commercials.

Opening Contest: The Boogeyman w/ Little Boogeyman vs. Mark Henry
The idea of Henry defeating Kane via bear hug is really quite interesting. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a time where that move seemed like anything. Boogeyman with clubs but Henry quickly gets the upperhand with some lacking offense. Bearhug on Boogeyman, Henry lets go to kick Little Boogeyman. World’s Strongest Slam finishes this.
Winner: Mark Henry

I’ll give them some credit in that they didn’t drag the actual match out too long. Henry puts Little Boogeyman in the bear hug afterwards before nailing him with the World’s Strongest Slam as well. -Three out of Ten.

Vickie Guerrero is backstage and announces that tonight we will see Edge vs. Chris Benoit, as well as Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Batista.

Commercials.

Vickie, Kristal, and Theodore are backstage in their office. Long says it wasn’t a bad announcement for her first time. Vince McMahon walks in, gets on his knee in front of Vickie, and praises her. Long says he wants to talk to Vince in private, saying that there may be a problem. Vince says he knows the problem and points to Kristal and calls her the problem because she’s half his age, telling Long to keep his eyes off of her. Okay, so, he does this to Flair and Torrie on RAW, now to Long and Kristal. Interesting.

Second Contest: Chavo Guerrero, JAMIE NOBLE! and Daivari vs. Jimmy Wang Yang, Paul London, and Brian Kendrick
Nice to see Noble is still employed, and just like when I started doing Velocity, I think the capitals deserve a return in honor of this occasion. Yang and Noble start. Lock up and Yang gets the arm of Noble, Noble flips a few times and reverses it so Yang does the same to him to reverse it, so Noble knees him in the gut. Yang with an arm drag by Noble and London is tagged in, coming in with a stomp to Noble’s arm for a two count. Guerrero is tagged in and gets an uppercut to London. London flips over a back drop and gets a headscissors takedown, with Kendrick getting a blind tag. Kendrick whips Guerrero into the corner, London in with a monkey flip and Yang off the top rope with a crossbody. Nice little moment there. Daivari in but gets tripped by Yang, Yang with a pinfall for a two. Yang gets a high elbow to Daivari, misses the martial arts kick and gets clotheslined down by Daivari. Daivari tags out to Noble, who comes in with stomps. Noble with a scoop slam and leg drop to Yang for a two count. Yang reverses a backdrop and covers Noble but Guerrero breaks the pinfall attempt. Guerrero comes in; side suplex on Yang and Kendrick breaks the pinfall attempt. Daivari in and forces his knee into the spine of Yang, Yang gets up and dropkicks Daivari. Noble misses a knee and lands groin first on the middle rope. Yang tags out to Kendrick and Guerrero is in too. Kendrick with the dropkicks and elbows, shoulder body toss to Guerrero, nice heel kick to Daivari but Noble trips Kendrick. Yang springboards off London to Noble and Daivari on the outside. Guerrero sets Kendrick on the top rope but London gets Guerrero with a powerbomb while Kendrick hits the Sliced Bread No. 2 for the victory.
Winners: Jimmy Wang Yang, Paul London, and Brian Kendrick

Fun but with little to no substance. Surprising to see Noble or Daivari didn’t get pinned, actually. Four out of Ten.

Still to come: Batista vs. MVP, as well as Chris Benoit vs. Edge.

Commercials.

Third Contest: Edge vs. Chris Benoit
At Vengeance, it will be Batista’s final chance at the championship. Oh, nice, hope this means Batista is headed over to ECW though I’d rather see him on RAW if anywhere. Circling and lock up, Benoit quickly forces Edge into the corner. Another lock up and Benoit gets an arm drag on Edge. Lock up and Edge works the arm, Benoit reverses the hold but Edge gets to the ropes. Lock up and Edge goes behind Benoit but Benoit turns it into another arm drag. Edge kicks Benoit in the gut and ends up in the corner, but Benoit with the chops to Edge as well as some knees to the gut. Benoit with a snapmare and headlock follows; Benoit turns it into a half nelson pinfall for a two count. Benoit continues on the arm but Edge forces Benoit into the corner and takes a swing to the face which connects. Edge gets irish whipped into the opposite corner and Benoit follows with an elbow drop and cover however Edge’s feet are on the ropes. Another elbow drop and Benoit gets another failed pinfall. Benoit goes for the Crossface but Edge gets his feet to the ropes. Edge on the apron and Benoit goes for the German on the apron but Edge elbows him off and steps into the ring, Edge goes to send Benoit off the apron but Benoit gets a shoulder to the gut and flips Edge to the outside.

Commercials.

We’re back and Benoit gets a failed pinfall over Edge. Benoit with a headlock variation on Edge but Edge escapes by raking the eyes. Benoit with chops and forearms to Edge, sending him to the outside. Benoit gets a baseball slide to Edge and Benoit sends Edge back into the ring. Snap suplex gets Benoit a two count. Edge reverses an irish whip, sending Benoit into the corner. Edge sets Benoit on the top rope and goes for a top rope move but Benoit headbutts Edge off and goes for the Swandive Headbutt, but Edge rolls out of the way! Edge covers for a two count. Edge hooks Benoit’s arm on the rope but releases the hold for the five count and follows with a dropkick. Edge gets an arm bar on Edge but Benoit rolls over and knees Edge in the head. Benoit up into a big boot by Edge. Edge covers but Benoit kicks out. Edge resumes working on the arm; Benoit gets knees to the gut of Edge and hits an enziguri!

Benoit irish whips Edge, Edge back into an axe handle. Northern Lights Suplex gets Benoit a two count. Three Amigos by Benoit and Triple Germans follow! Benoit goes up top and goes for the Swandive Headbutt, and connects! Benoit covers but Edge kicks out just before the three count! Edge drops Benoit face first onto the top turnbuckle, Edge goes for the Spear but Benoit gets a drop toe hold and locks in the Crossface but Edge gets his arm on the bottom rope! Edge uses the tights to send Benoit shoulder first into the steel post. Spear out of nowhere ends this!
Winner: Edge

Not great but very good. Seven out of Ten. Pity these two couldn’t go much longer, but that’s the only complaint I have.

Still to come: Batista vs. MVP

Commercials.

Ashley Massaro is getting her hair combed backstage, Jillian Hall walks into shot and says that Ashley won’t ever look as good as her. And she doesn’t have nearly as much talent. Massaro still isn’t medically cleared and says that Hall’s voice is horrible. Massaro says that Jillian better hope she gets drafted, or she’ll end her career. Bitch slap by Hall follows and Massaro chases Hall off.

Matt Hardy is signing stuff backstage and Vince McMahon walks into frame spitting into a coffee cup. Hardy reminds McMahon about how he made him defend his title, McMahon acts like he doesn’t remember it. Hall and Massaro run into the shot and Massaro runs into McMahon, spilling his drink all over him. Hardy defends her, but McMahon isn’t that phase by it and reminds Hardy he has a match next. Hardy walks off and McMahon says that Massaro meant to do that. Massaro says she feels terrible and that it was an accident, but McMahon suspends her. McMahon makes her cry. Aww, poor Ashley Massaro spilling hot drink on her boss.

Commercials.

Fourth Contest: Deuce and Domino w/ Cherry vs. Matt Hardy
D and D double team Hardy. Domino goes to suplex Hardy to the outside but Hardy drops Domino throat first on the top rope. Deuce irish whips Hardy but Hardy ducks an attack and knocks Domino off the apron and into the guard rail. Hardy gets a small package on Deuce for a one count. Deuce with a knee to the injured gut of Hardy. Hardy with a crossbody, continues to sell the ribs, but covers Deuce for a pinfall attempt. Deuce kicks Hardy in the ribs and covers for a two count. Hardy goes for the Twist of Fate but Deuce escapes. Hardy with clotheslines and a scoop slam, leg drop off the second turnbuckle connects and gets Hardy a two count. Hardy goes for the Twist of Fate but Domino clotheslines Hardy and goes for the ribs. The pair work the ribs; Hardy grabs onto the ropes after an irish whip and flips Deuce onto the apron. Deuce with a headscissors on Hardy before Domino pancakes him back onto the canvas, getting the pair a two count each.

Commercials.

We’re back and Domino is going up top; Hardy sends Deuce into the ropes and Domino lands groin first on the top turnbuckle and gets sent to the outside of the ring. Swinging neckbreaker on Deuce gets Hardy a two count. Hardy with the Side Effect on Deuce for a two count. Hardy with the running clothesline bulldog combo for a two count on Deuce, broken by Domino. Hardy with punches to the champions, Hardy sends Deuce outside and gets a two count over Domino through a school boy. Twist of Fate on Domino! Deuce hits the running boot to Hardy for the three count.
Winners: Deuce and Domino

Those are some tag team champions, almost being beaten by a injured man. I wonder how they’d go against two injured wrestlers. Four out of Ten.

MVP says that he is everyone are not; a champion because he’s better. Porter says he’s better than everyone in every way conceivable.

Commercials.

Main Event: Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Batista
One of these guys had better get drafted for this to qualify as a logical main event for SmackDown considering Edge vs. Benoit was halfway during the card. Actually, who fancies the chances of MVP and Santino switching? That’d be nice and different despite no great upper midcard competition for Porter, but could keep the Porter / Benoit factor together. They could do Santino and Finlay, too! Anyways, onto the match.

Lock up and Batista forces Porter into the corner but gets counted off by the referee. Lock up and Batista pushes Porter down. Porter with a jab to Batista, and another which ticks Batista off, Porter hits a third and Batista goes for the clothesline but Porter ducks and Batista turns into a right. Batista gets Porter in the corner for spears and sends Porter into the ropes, but Porter rolls outside. Porter jumps up onto the apron and drops Batista throat first on the top rope before entering the ring and getting a shot to Batista’s leg. Porter kicks Batista’s leg but Batista gets a takedown on Porter (!!!) and slams Porter knee first on the canvas. Knee breaker on Porter by Batista. Batista hooks Porter’s leg on the second rope. Porter rakes the eyes and punches Batista into the corner. Porter signals for the running big boot but Batista gets a running clothesline.

Commercials.

Batista irish whips Porter into the corner and covers for a one count. Snapmare by Batista is followed by a boot to the face of Porter. Batista with a suplex to Porter for a two count. Batista gets Porter with a high elbow. Batista walks into a boot by Porter, who drags Batista face first into the second turnbuckle. Porter stomps on Batista but gets pulled off by the referee. Porter with the nice running big boot in the corner, Batista sells it well by going over the top rope. Porter pushes Batista back into the ring and covers for a two count. Mounted punches by Porter for another two count. Porter with hooks to Batista before he locks in a B grade cobra clutch, Batista turns it into an am drag. Porter gets a DDT on Batista for a two count, Batista gets to the ropes. Porter slingshots Batista into the bottom rope and covers for another two count. Porter rolls outside and drags Batista with him and elbows Batista in the throat and gets a running big boot to the head of Batista, another one follows which drops Batista onto the mats below. Batista on the apron with shoulders to the gut of Porter. Back in the ring, Batista with rights by Porter gets a drop toe hold and pulls on the face of Batista.

Porter with a headlock with knees to Batista, Porter comes off the ropes but gets caught with a shoulder body toss! Rights by Batista, clothesline to Porter. Batista sends Porter in the corner for a running clothesline, irish whip into the opposite corner but Porter gets a boot to the face of Batista! Porter runs at Batista but Batista gets a sidewalk slam on Porter for a two count. Spinebuster by Batista. Batista signals for the Batista Bomb, turns around and spears Edge who had slid into the ring! The referee rings the bell even though Edge never hit Batista? Hm.
Winner: Batista

Batista goes for the Batista Bomb afterwards but Edge escapes. The match was alright; certainly nowhere near the trash heap these two might have produced which makes it good in my books. These two could develop quite the match given the right circumstance (if Batista’s feeling it, and depending on how much quality rubs off on Porter). Four out of Ten.

The Inside Pulse
Mark Henry defeats The Boogeyman via pinfall: -3/10
Yang, London, and Kendrick defeat Guerrero, Noble, and Daivari (Kendrick pins Guerrero): 4/10
Edge defeats Chris Benoit via pinfall: 7/10
Deuce and Domino defeat Matt Hardy (Deuce pins Hardy): 4/10
Batista defeats Montel Vontavious Porter (Edge interference leads to DQ): 4/10
SmackDown 08/06/07: 16/50

Average week, this time around. Outside of the Edge and Benoit match there was nothing to care too much about, but I suppose it’s a note worthy show for being the last official show until the draft on RAW. Now that I finally brought myself to finish this, I’m ready for sleep. Until next week, guys!

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