Pulse Wrestling’s WWE Raw Report
Live from Wilkes-Barre, PA
We open with Mr. McMahon issuing a statement. He welcomes us to the Draft, as well as Mr. McMahon Appreciation Night. He then says that there will be candid statements from plenty of Superstars on how they feel about Mr. McMahon.
JR & King welcome us, and they introduce JBL & Cole along with Styles & Tazz. They also tell us that the winners of the matches tonight will earn a draft pick for their brand. And Cena’s music hits to start the first match.
John Cena vs. Edge – Draft Pick #1
Plenty of back and forth action, the crowd seems very into this. I’ve been to this arena, it’s not very big, and I am sure it is PACKED tonight. Cena hits the Throwback, and follows it with a series of shoulderblocks, then the ProtoBomb. Cena goes for the 5 Knuckle shuffle, Edge gets up, goes for a spear, but Cena dodges it, and Edge falls right to the floor. Cena follows and clears off the ECW announce table. Cena goes to FU Edge through the announce table, but Edge rakes his eyes, and slides back in the ring before the count out!
Winner via Count Out – Edge
A randomly generated graphic appears on the tron, and it shows the draft pick
SmackDown Draft Pick – The Great Khali
They show a clip from the McMahon DVD, when Vince Sr. told his son to go out and do the commentary for the show after he fired the normal announcer.
Jesse Ventura then says that WWE is a dictatorship, and all dictatorships fall.
Coach comes on and says that Vengeance will be the Night of Champions. All the titles within the WWE will be on the line. He also said that any former WWE or World Champion left on Raw after tonight will be eligible to face Cena at Vengeance.
CM Punk vs. Carlito – Draft Pick #2
Punk takes and early advantage. He comes off the 2nd rope with a double axe-handle, but Carlito drop kicks him on the way down. Carlito works on Punk’s ribs, as Styles & Tazz remind us of Punks rib injuries at the hands of the New Breed. Punk puts Carlito in the corner, hits a running knee, then goes to hit a running Bulldog, but Carlito slides out and hits the Backstabber. Punk rolls to the outside, Carlito finds him, gets him back in the ring, and goes for another Backstabber, but Punk reverses it, and gets Carlito up in the GTS for the pin.
Winner – CM Punk
ECW Draft Pick – The Boogeyman
Snoop Dogg is the next in Mr. McMahon Appreciation Night. He tells Vince that he is the greatest asshole in the world.
Another clip from the McMahon DVD.
Mick Foley comes out and wants to toss his name into the open WWE Title match that Coach announced earlier, as long as he is on Raw still. He then starts to talk about Mr. McMahon. Foley then starts to run down McMahon. He says that McMahon has power & money but no real friends. Foley then breaks out a list of people who were asked to take part in Appreciation night. Hulk Hogan, Triple H, Eric Bischoff, The Rock, Dick Embersol, Shawn Michaels, Trish Stratus, & Ted Turner all said no way to Appreciation night.
Balls Mahoney vs. Umaga – Draft Pick #3
Styles says that tonight competitors are also selected at random. Where’s Armando? Umaga with a kick to the throat, then the Samoan Spike, and this match is over.
Winner – Umaga
Raw Draft Pick – King Booker (w/ Queen Sharmell)
Steve-O says some nice things about Vince.
Bobby Lashley vs. Chris Benoit – Draft Pick #4
They go back and forth for a while. Lashley tries to put Benoit in the Torture Rack, but Benoit slides out and tries to put the Crossface on. Lashley powers out, but Benoit chops away on him. Lashley sets up for a suplex, but Benoit reverses it into a Crossface, but it is too close to the ropes, and Lashley gets a rope break. Lashley goes for a vertical suplex, but Benoit slides out of it, and goes for a Sharpshooter, but Lashley rolls out of it. Lashley goes for a Dominater, but Benoit slides through and give a Trifecta of Germans. Benoit locks on the Sharpshooter, but Lashley powers out and hits a power slam for the pin.
Winner – Bobby Lashley
ECW Draft Pick – Chris Benoit
Next on Mr. McMahon Appreciation Night is Donald Trump. He revisits WrestleMania.
Recap of Ashley getting suspended last week on SD.
Ashley is via satellite. She thanks him for creating the Diva Search. She then recaps all the times he humiliated other Divas, and shows us the footage of Trish barking like a dog and striping down to lingerie to keep her job. Ashley then says that she has 2 Divas there to bark like a dog for Mr. McMahon, and Fabulous Moolah & Mae Young come out! Very funny.
Superfly & Iron Sheik are next on Appreciation night. I don’t think anyone can understand what Sheik is saying. He does says ‘Kennedy McMahon’ a lot though.
Montel Vontavious Porter vs. Santino Marella – Draft Pick #5
MVP seems to be taking Santino lightly. Santino has some quick moves, but MVP tosses Santino to the corner, and this a big boot. This is followed by the Playmaker and the pin.
Winner – MVP
SmackDown Draft Pick – Torrie Wilson
Bret Hart is next on Appreciation Night, he says that the only way he can show his appreciation towards Vince is a fist upside the head.
The Miz vs. Snitsky – Draft Pick #6
Miz tries to put up a fight, but Snitsky sets him in the Tree of Woe and pummels him. Snitsky hits a Big Boot, and we are done.
Winner – Snitsky
Snitsky keeps beating on Miz, and the ref reverses the decision, and The Miz wins!
Winner – The Miz
SmackDown Draft Pick – Chris Masters
Bobby Heenan is next on Appreciation Night. He talks about the McMahon Walk. He says that they way he walks, he is either being chaffed badly, or he has the biggest set ever.
Rowdy Roddy Piper comes out on the stage for Appreciation Night. He introduces footage of some of Vince’s most embarrassing moments. Most of them were within the last year with the DX stuff.
Mark Cuban is next on Appreciation Night. He actually says a few nice things.
Candice Michelle vs. Kristal Marshell – Draft Pick #7
Candice dominates. She hits the Go Daddy Elbow Drop, and follows it with her version of the Tarantula. Kristal hits the ropes, right into a spinning heel kick and Candice gets the pin.
Winner – Candice Michelle
Raw Draft Pick – Bobby Lashley
Coach comes out and strips Lashley of the ECW Title on behalf of Vince McMahon. Lashley gives the belt over, but then says he will prove he a champion on Raw.
Bob Costas is next on Appreciation Night. He mentions how he didn’t get Gene Okerlund’s job, and the infamous interview on HBO.
Jeff Hardy vs. Elijah Burke vs. Batista – Draft Pick #8
Batista throws his weight around to start. He goes for a Demon Bomb but Jeff slides out. Jeff hits a Swanton, but Burke breaks up the count. Burke & Jeff tries to keep Batista out of it. Jeff goes for another Swanton, this time on Burke, but misses. Batista in, spinebusters all around, then Demon Bomb on Burke for the pin.
Winner – Batista
SmackDown Draft Pick – Ric Flair
Capt. Lou Albano is next on Appreciation Night, and he just rambles.
The announce corps recaps the first 8 picks.
Dusty Rhodes comes out on the stage for the next part of Appreciation Night. He says that you may hate what he does, but you have to respect him for what he built.
Up next is a 15 man battle royal for the final picks.
Next on Appreciation night is Gene Okerlund.
Battle Royal: Raw (Johnny Nitro, Kenny Dkystra, Randy Orton, Viscera, Eugene) vs. ECW (Marcus Cor Von, Tommy Dreamer, Matt Striker, The Sandman, Kevin Thorn) vs. SmackDown (Mark Henry, William Regal, Matt Hardy, Chris Masters, Chavo Guerrero)
Matt Hardy eliminates Matt Striker
Mark Henry eliminates The Sandman
Viscera eliminates William Regal
Mark Henry eliminates Chavo Guerrero (his own teammate)
Viscera eliminates Tommy Dreamer
Mark Henry eliminates Kevin Thorn
JR says that this isn’t a Team Battle Royal, but that doesn’t make sense. The winner gets the final 2 picks for their brand. Don’t expect too much recapping here, as Battle Royals are pretty tough to cover, so I’ll just cover eliminations.
In great Battle Royal moment, Mark Henry & Viscera turn around and just stare each other down.
Mark Henry eliminates Viscera
Eugene eliminates Kenny (his own teammate)
Randy Orton eliminates Eugene (his own teammate)
Matt Hardy eliminates Marcus Cor Von
Randy Orton eliminates Johnny Nitro (his own teammate)
Matt Hardy eliminates Chris Masters (his own teammate)
Randy Orton eliminates Mark Henry
Orton stalks Matt, but Matt dodges the RKO, hits a side effect. Orton back up, nails the C+. Orton charges Matt in the corner, but Matt gets a back elbow in, then hits an elbow to the back of Orton’s head, and calls for the Twist of Fate. Orton blocks in, lifts Matt over the ropes on the apron, and European uppercuts him off to eliminate him.
Randy Orton eliminates Matt Hardy
Winner – Randy Orton
Raw Draft Pick – Snitsky
Raw Draft Pick – Mr. Kennedy
Vince looks to be walked toward the ring.
Last on Appreciation Night is Stone Cold. He just recaps all the crap he did to Vince. Beer Truck, Bed pan, Cement in Corvette, Zamboni. That pretty much covers it.
They announce that John Cena will face King Booker, Bobby Lashley, Mick Foley & Randy Orton at Vengeance.
Mr. McMahon makes his way down to the ring. McMahon gets the mic, and he just drops the mic, gets out of the ring, and walks to the back. He walks through a sea of Superstars towards his limo. He gets outside, and he keeps looking over his shoulder. He finally gets to his limo, shuts the door, and it blows up. I really wish I was kidding. The limo is currently on fire.
Tags: Raw, WWE