JunkNewsEditorial! Irony, Your Time To Shine Is NOW!


Hi Irony. I know we don’t talk much anymore about wrestling, I was kind of put off by the death of Owen Hart by falling from a ceiling while portraying a goofball superhero, and while that was totally ironic and would have been hilarious if I didn’t give a shit, I gave a shit. You totally made up for it when Brock Lesnar and Bill Goldberg met in the biggest match of all time at Wrestlemania and got booed out of the building. That was funny. You also took a guy so proud of his skill that he called himself Mr. Wrestling and made him a retarded jobber. Awesome on you there.

Irony, your crowning achievement is here. On Friday Night Smackdown they are actually doing a 10 bell salute to Vince McMahon. He is presumed dead based on a really obvious stunt we’ve now had to watch twice. They are doing a Vince McMahon tribute show on ECW like he was Eddie Guerrero. I don’t want to see any more death in wrestling, but he is begging for it.

Irony, you have two days to kill Vince McMahon.

That might sound harsh. To anyone reading this who is crazy in some way, it is not your job to act on behalf of irony. I do not want to be going to jail because some f*cking idiot thought I was encouraging you to kill Vince McMahon. I do not want him to be murdered. If he is, then irony and probably the federal government is coming after me. I repeat in no unclear terms, DO NOT MURDER VINCE MCMAHON.

That being said, irony, you gotta get a pretzel caught in his throat. He is an old guy. He admits to having used lots and lots of steroids. A heart attack is not out of the question. He’s in seclusion, right? He trips, falls, no one finds him for a few hours and he bleeds to death. Maybe he’s crushed by a suicidal guy or girl, I dunno. What if he was killed by something with the initials WCW? Windy Core Weather? No, that’s awful.

Look, an accidental or natural causes death of Vince McMahon the day of Smackdown where it’s too late to change anything and his fake 10 bell salute plays with the angry crowd booing their heads off would be the funniest sad thing ever. You can not pass up a chance like this irony. They come along so few and far between.

I’ll feel awful if this does happen, but it needed to be said.