Alternate Reality by Vin Tastic


TNA is currently telling a fairly familiar pro wrestling story, but the way they’re working it is very confusing to me. I simply can’t understand how Christy Hemme and her new allies are the heels against the Voodoo Kin Mafia.

TODAY’S ISSUE: Hemme versus VKM

Christy Hemme burst onto the professional wrestling scene by winning the first true WWE Diva Search in 2004, securing herself a $250,000 contract in the process. She soon went on to wrestle one of the greatest female pro wrestlers ever, multi-time WWE Women’s Champion Trish Stratus, at WrestleMania 21, having been kayfabe trained by another former women’s champ, the infamous Lita. Hemme then feuded with yet another former champ and fantastic performer, Victoria.

After moving to SmackDown! she was involved in a feud against MNM, aligned with the latest incarnation of The Road Warriors, which added to her growing resume as a young performer learning from some of the all-time greats.

Hemme moved to TNA when her WWE tenure was up, as many WWE castoffs do. She played a variety of minor roles in the company until standing up and announcing that she wanted to wrestle, not just act as eye candy in backstage segments or the internet-only show TNA Global iMPACT!. You’d think with the lack of a women’s division in TNA, a spunky young lady who’s willing to learn would be a welcome addition to the roster. In the real world, Hemme has been trained by some of the best instructors a young performer could ever hope to learn from, namely, Fit Finlay, Dean Malenko, Ricky Steamboat, and Scott D’Amore.

But for expressing the desire to compete and stating that she felt there was more of a place for females in the industry, she was immediately mocked by Kip James of VKM. The former Ass Man called her a slut and insinuated that the only place for a woman in the world of pro wrestling is on her knees. Surprisingly, the crowd in Orlando’s iMPACT! Zone was right with Kip, and suddenly he was the cool face in the storyline while Hemme was portrayed as the whiny heel.

The insults continued, as James acted like a high school boy in heat, unable to take a woman seriously and constantly demeaning her very existence. Not only did he mock Hemme, but essentially all women in the process. How the writers have placed VKM in the face role in this feud is beyond me, unless the rumors are true and Vince Russo is indeed a disgusting, mouth-breathing, drooling troglodyte. Either that, or he’s completely insane. Either way…

When enough was enough, and Hemme became convinced that even the fair-minded Jim Cornette would do nothing to help her, she did what any strong woman would do – she fought back.

Obviously, she couldn’t physically stand up to the former New Age Outlaws, so she did what she could do. She asked two different teams to stand up for her and for all women, but neither the Heartbreakers nor Serotonin could get the job done. So Hemme found a new team to fight the VKM loudmouths, former 2-time WWE tag team champions Damaja and Doug Basham.

Hemme’s new team affected VKM in a significant way. They plowed through the former DX tandem during their iMPACT! debut, stomping Kip and B.G. mercilessly. Three nights later at Sacrifice, Basham and Damaja defeated Kip in a handicap match after taking B.G. out of the equation via an earlier attack. They continued beating on James until his new buddy Lance Hoyt made the save. Why a talented young stud like Hoyt would want to hang around the old James Gang degenerates is beyond me, but they’re about the worst choice for mentors a less-experience wrestler could ever find. Sure, VKM had a phenomenal run in the old WWF tag team ranks for years as the New Age Outlaws, but they haven’t been in the title hunt in a very long time, and their motives are questionable in mentoring the big young stud to say the least.

Kip’s disgusting, misogynistic, narrow, immature, dated attitude is fine for wrestling storyline purposes, provided he’s the sexist pig heel being thwarted by the righteous babyface woman and her new friends, looking to teach him a lesson. However, since VKM are clearly the faces in the feud, I’m completely lost.

This is a far cry from the anti-hero Steve Austin or the cool heel Rock, who fans couldn’t help but love, even when they were booked as villains. I can’t see anyone other than a backwards, out-of-touch hillbilly agreeing with Kip James’ take on women. There’s no good reason to cheer him for the absurd opinions he’s been trumpeting of late.

I admit I didn’t see the ppv last night, but from what I’ve read it seems that Lance Hoyt’s turn on VKM to Hemme’s side (and to her lips, for that matter) is being considered a heel turn for the big man from Texas, as opposed to him finally pulling his head out of his ass and realizing Hemme’s in the right, and Hoyt’s former pal Kip is completely out of line. If I’ve read it right, this is a sad indication that the storyline will continue to depict VKM as the cool dudes and Hemme as the evil, manipulative chick who just wants attention. If I’ve gotten it wrong, please e-mail me to let me know.

All Christy Hemme wants in this storyline is the opportunity to be taken seriously in a male-dominated environment, and she has every right to try to prove her mettle to the men surrounding her. Kip James doesn’t want her to get that opportunity, because he feels she’s beneath him. That my friends, is the definition of an insecure, arrogant, sexually immature and likely impotent heel. If only TNA writers saw it that way.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled reality.

p.s. – “Violence isn’t always evil. What’s evil is the infatuation with violence.” – Jim Morrison

Before you go, check out our Rasslin Roundtable for TNA’s Slammiversary. Compare our picks to PK’s live coverage, then look below for our staff scores.

IP Staff Roundtable Results for Slammiversary
NOTE: Due to the shuffling of the card and a few matches announced later than others, some staffers were unable to make predictions for all the matches. Also, I threw out the LAX v. Rhino/Senshi match since it changed, and I didn’t count the Abyss v. Tomko match because it was unannounced. This explains why all the picks don’t add up the same way.

David Brashear
TNA Slammiversary (17 Jun 07): 5-3
Total: 45-38

Vinny Truncellito
TNA Slammiversary (17 Jun 07): 5-3
Total: 111-69

Mark Allen
TNA Slammiversary (17 Jun 07): 4-4
Total: 10-6

Matthew Michaels
TNA Slammiversary (17 Jun 07): 4-4
Total: 59-53

Danny Cox
TNA Slammiversary (17 Jun 07): 4-4
Total: 59-56

Matt Reed
TNA Slammiversary (17 Jun 07): 4-3
Total: 4-3

TNA Slammiversary (17 Jun 07): 3-5
Total: 35-21

Master Sergeant, United States Air Force