Pardon The Pulse

Ai-chi-wa-wa it’s been a long week already and it’s only Wednesday. I just can’t seem to get through this week even though nothing really big or stressful is going on. It’s just dragging all sorts of ass and no sir, I don’t like it. You know what else I don’t like? Alexi Lalas having the audacity to compare David Beckham to the likes of Tiger Woods and Michael Jordan. Sure the guy is a great soccer player and I’m willing to bet that in other countries; the fans may consider him such a highly regarded athlete. But sir, he is no Tiger. He is no Jordan. Now go kick your balls.

And let it be known I’m a huge soccer fan and I played for years, so I’m not ragging on the sport. Lalas just pissed me off.

Anyway, things continue to be very slow in the sports world with the only major sport going on right now being baseball. Basketball and hockey are done for a good while. Football isn’t even in training camp yet, and the Arena League is almost sliding headfirst into the end of their season. Yet as I type this, there are only 45 days until the first preseason game of the NFL season which is the Hall Of Fame Game between the Pittsburgh Steelers and my New Orleans Saints. Ahhhh…the sweet sounds of pads popping and quarterbacks barking out calls…ok sorry sorry…please, will you just…

1.) NBA Finals – Dynasty? Snoozefest? Exciting?

Paulie: Man, that Spurs Dynasty is really sumthin. I mean, 4 titles in 9 years, that’s like, almost one every other year man. It’s Dynasty-tastic! Joan Collins has nothing on Tim Duncan and his Dynasty. Them Spurs sure put the old school NASTY in DyNASTY.

But really, it’s all Robert Horry. He should never retire. He’s a good luck charm to whatever team happens to be paying him. I can see 80 year old Robert Horry sitting down on the end of the bench for some team getting ready to pick up championship cock ring after filling up all his fingers and toes.

Charles Joseph: You damn dirty copy and paster. There is no way the spurs are a dynasty. 4 titles in 9 years are not worth being called a dynasty. 4 in 5 years maybe, 4 in 6 or 7 years isn’t really a dynasty. The series was boring; there was no drama what so ever. And I was terribly wrong. I had the feeling Cleveland would follow the Hollywood script, but they didn’t they got killed. And they looked like they didn’t even belong in the playoffs. Oh well, at least the Wolves are active picking up…Juwan Howard?……oh shit.

Danny: Far from a dynasty and far from being exciting. The Spurs are awesome but they are the most boring franchise in the history of all sports. I haven’t been interested in the NBA playoffs since before the conference finals. And then the Finals hit and you’d figure LeBron could throw some excitement into it right? All the talk about how this could put King James in the same company as His Royal Airness. I also thought that the Cavs would win it…or at least make it competitive. Well, throw that shit out.

And then there’s Parker, Duncan, Ginobli, Barry, Horry, Bowen and the rest of insomnia curers. They are just boring as all hell and as much as I like Robert Horry, one man alone can not get me to watch this team which cannot be compared with the Jordan-er Bulls. The Magic-era Lakers. The Bad Boys-era Pistons. And the Boston Celtics. You know which Celtics era I’m talking about so no explanation is needed. The team has all the talent in the world but they will never be enjoyable to watch whatsoever.

2.) Jason Giambi – Speak Up or be Suspended? Bonds next?

Danny: Giambi needs to make an agreement soon to talk to the FEDs about steroids or face discipline from the MLB. It’s gone this long so I really don’t see him taking the deal and speaking up or he would have done it already. He’s going to take whatever suspension they give him, sit it out, and then play ball again…no big deal. It would seem that if they get Giambi to talk or not, that they’ll go after the next person they suspect of steroids…and no matter how many people they go through, they’ll eventually get to Barry. Barry doesn’t even want to talk to his family. What makes you think he’s going to want to talk to the FEDs? Steroids are in baseball and always will be…there’s nothing any of us can do.

Paulie: If Giambi gets suspended for being on the juice BEFORE there were rules set forth by MLB specifically banning them, then Selig is going to be in so much shit with the Union that he won’t ever be able to get the stink off of him. If I was Giambi, I wouldn’t talk unless I was officially subpoenaed by a court of law. Granted, if he didn’t have prescriptions for those naughty naughty roids he was taking then it’s a whole nuther legal matter but it still has nothing to do with MLB.

I don’t think Selig will ever go directly after Bonds, though. There’s too much of a dark cloud surrounding Bonds right now. If Selig were to shine the gleaming light of steroidial justice on him right now it would do nothing but further tarnish any legitimacy the chase for the home run record has right now, and I really think he wants to believe deep down in his heart that a man really can become a better home run hitter in his 40’s.

Charles Joseph: There’s no way Giambi can be suspended. Unless Selig is taking ideas right off Goodell’s head and starts randomly suspending people. Giambi shouldn’t talk to Mitchell if only to show what a complete and utter disgrace this internal “investigation” is. This is worse than WWE fake investigation because that one is at least supposed to be fake. Giambi used steroids. That’s basically known because he’s basically admitted to it. Why isn’t there more of an uprising against him? Because he used steroids to basically fleece the Yanks out of MILLIONS of dollars, and that gets anyone a couple free passes. Baseball needs a boot in the ass and hopefully this Giambi abomination will kick congress into gear and they will launch a real f*cking investigation into steroid use in baseball, get all the names out and make sure everyone knows. It’ll be like pulling off a band-aid. One swift pull getting all the names out rather than slowly leaking one or two players at a time.

3.) Dale E. Jr. To Hendrick Motorsports

Charles Joseph: Hendrick might not lose a race next year. Gordon, Johnson, Junior and Mears. They had to cut ties with little Busch, but Junior should be more competitive week in week out than Busch was. And that’s what Junior was looking for, consistency. With DEI he really didn’t know what kind of car he was going to have week to week, but now with Hendrick he knows he’s going to have a good car under him every week. Restrictor Plates, COT, and road courses, Hendrick them all down pretty good. It will be really interesting to see how Junior’s fan’s react to Gordon now that they are teammates. The fans have always hated Jeff but now that they’re teammates that might change, not likely, but possible. I think Junior wins a title within 3 years.

Danny: For someone who doesn’t even watch NASCAR, I even know that Hendrick should not lose a damn thing next year. With the team they already had, adding Dale Jr. pretty much makes them a shoo-in for any and everything. I kind of compare Junior’s signing with them to that of Johnny Damon and Jason Giambi signing with the Yanks. Junior announced he was leaving Earnhardt wearing a t-shirt, all unshaven, and looking scraggly. When he announced he signed with Hendrick? He was shaven, wearing a sport coat, looking all sort of spiffy with a slight touch of his “edge” about him. Yet the entire article I read said how he wasn’t going to “stop being him!” Look around schmuck, ya already did. And now they are trying to get him back into his number 8 car since he lost it or something when he switched up. If he can’t get the #8 car and ends up in the #3 car…then all the shit he’s doing to get out of his daddy’s shadow is for naught.

Charles Joseph: He might not be able to drive the 8 car because DEI owns the number and would have to release the number in order of Junior to use it at HMS.

Paulie: I don’t think he’s going to be in the #3 car. Childress still owns that one, not Hendrick, if I remember correctly. More than likely Junior’s gonna be driving the #5 that Busch vacated. But they really should pony up the cash to get the rights to the #8. I’m sure it’ll be a lot cheaper than having to cover the costs of thousands of rednecks having to figure out how to make that 8 tattoo look like a 5. As for Junior’s situation? It’s put up or shut up time. If he can’t win a championship with Hendrick backing him then he will prove to be the SINGLE most over rated driver this side of Danica Patrick. Either way, though, he’ll never EVER be… Dick Trickle.

4.) WNBA – Thoughts? Will it continue to succeed?

Paulie: Succeed? The league is succeeding? Do they even average 1000 people attending a game? They just had one of their top “stars” retire out of the blue. It’s nice that they give the women a place to play after college. But you just have to wonder how long people are going to sink money into it. Do the young girls who these women are supposed to inspire even watch the games? Could they find the games on TV if the wanted to watch? I think it’s time to face it. In today’s market, if it’s not tennis, golf, beach volley ball, or a woman trying to play with the men then the public at large just doesn’t care much about women’s sports. Especially team sports.

Charles Joseph: Since Danny won’t let me talk about the NHL awards here like I wanted too…

I don’t care about the WNBA til she’s there.

Danny: Do you see ANYTHING about hockey in the title for this topic? No? Me either…ya big girl! And for the record, Candace Parker is not that hot. Hell, she’s not even that cute.

As for the WNBA, I have often wondered what happens with certain sports that I stop caring about them at a certain point. You see, I love football and basketball at a college level, and then love it at the NBA and NFL level. Baseball I love at a college level and kind of like it at the MLB level. I love women’s basketball at a college level, but I can’t stand it at a professional level. I think the WNBA is boring as all hell and I couldn’t care less to ever watch a single game. It’s just not enjoyable to me and no teams ever step up. It’s always the same teams every year even though the lottery/draft award the worst teams the best players. Hell, they still never get better. I love NCAA Women’s basketball and follow it from day one to the Final Four. I mean some of my favorite LSU players and others are in the WNBA now, but I still can’t bring myself to watch it.

And Paulie makes a point…why do their best players just randomly retire at such early ages for no reason? I’ll honestly be surprised if the WNBA lasts another five years.

5.) U.S. Open

Charles Joseph: I love seeing pro golfers suck. But it would have been nice to at least see some break par. It was a pretty exciting weekend, with Tiger trying to chase down Cabrera. Argentina has to be pretty stoked to have another major champion after 40 years. Or at least the 15 Argentineans that follow golf. Oh well, now we can sit back and forget about golf for a few weeks.

Danny: OH NOES!!!! Tiger didn’t win another tournament which means he is past his prime, over the hill, and washed up! You know it’s going to be said sooner or later, so might as well start up the talk now. Angel Cabrera went out there, smoked himself some cigarettes with his caddie, and whacked the shit out of the ball played a few excellent rounds of golf. Tiger made an enjoyable chase out of it, but couldn’t quite get there. Tiger hasn’t won the U.S. Open since 2002. Oh right, this was the U.S. Open which is supposed to be won by an American golfer yes? That last happened in 2003…get with the program boys!

Paulie: There were excellent rounds of golf this past weekend? When the winner is +5 I would say that it was a weekend of pretty damned crappy golf. But I think it was to be expected when the “light” rough was already up to their damned ankles on Thursday. I didn’t watch this weekend, did it end up around their knees? Golf this year, in general, has pretty much sucked. Makes me want to jump in the ol’ WABAC machine to watch me some Trevino and Rodriguez and Palmer and Watson and Norman… ok, maybe not Norman.

PEE-YOMPS (pimps)

Like watching movies at home but never know which ones to choose? Then head over to The DVD Lounge where there are a lot of good people watching a lot of crap so you don’t have to. And for a person who has over 1300 DVDs and watches every movie imaginable, Travis really finds some things that even I have never heard of.

Popcorn Junkies is a place you really need to go check out as well because there are great people like Caroline, Ping, Michaelangelo, Kubryk, and more bringing you news and movie reviews at all hours of the night and day.

Rob Blatt works damn hard all around the site and ever has himself a podcast called Kendo Sticks and Microphones. Be sure to check it out as this week’s episode is live and all about ECW.

The folks at Reality Dish have interviews and show recaps out the wazoo. You’ll be amazed at the amount of interviews with your favorite reality TV castoffs and stars.

And ML Kennedy’s column in Moodspins will blow your mind with trivia that you have no chance of getting right, but it’s fun to try anyway. So check out that and a lot of helpful tips in How To Make Decisions!

There isn’t much else to say except that I send out my deepest condolences to the McMahon family. For those of you who don’t watch wrestling, or have been in a coma cuz it’s been all over the news, Mr. Vincent Kennedy McMahon “died” a week ago in a limo explosion. Now as a wrestling fan, this is quite interesting for me because the TV shows have actually gotten better since his departure, so this may work out for the best.

Oh and I’m going to pimp the NFL Network for showing the NFL replays from the past season every Sunday. Four games from each week and I love them for it because it gives me my small fix since there is still a month and a half away. Oh and if Chuckles acts up again, I’m going to make him talk about the WNBA or deaths for the rest of the time we do PTP. And I mean every single week.

You know the drill folks, let us know what you think with some e-mails sent our way or by heading here in the forums. The forums do get more interesting every single day with some of the conversations we have in there, so come join us for sports or Lord knows what else.

Have a good week everyone and remember; if the dry cleaners lose your pants…you too can sue for $54 million dollars.

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