PULSE WRESTLING ANSWERS CONTINUES FROM THE SEMINAL PART ONE OF TWO WITH THE SOP KNOWN AS PART TWO OF TWO…
Zomig says:
Why not Funaki?
Chevy says:
Are you asking me or telling me?
Zomig says:
You can’t spell Funaki without fun. Or aki. HE’S MINE.
Chevy says:
Damn, I want him now
Zomig says:
Trade you him for two Hs
Chevy says:
I’ll take Robbie McAllister so he can go around pointing out his own name and doing absolutely nothing else. And no, I want all the Hs.
Zomig says:
Turn him into Hagrid
Chevy says:
I need them, I’m building a shelter. Hagrid should do MMA
Zomig says:
I’ll take one of the Majors
Chevy says:
He’d do quite well, I suspect, mainly since he’s 10 feet tall and has magic
Zomig says:
you can’t see me
Chevy says:
Which Major?
Zomig says:
Who cares?
Chevy says:
You can have Brett then
Zomig says:
Fine
Chevy says:
I’ll take the slightly less useless one from Deuce and Domino.
Zomig says:
Whozat?
Chevy says:
Not certain. We’ll say Deuce. Maybe pops will teach him how to jump
Zomig says:
I’ll have another Major
Chevy says:
I’ll take a minor – Shannon Moore. That’ll be his new gimmick too. Coal Miner. Gimmicks that are jobs! Oh how angry Shawn will be. Good job he’s on your show
Zomig says:
I’ll take Snitsky and make his new gimmick into Executive Vice Assistant of Charted Surveying of Yoyo Salesmen in Wyoming
Chevy says:
I’ll take Rory McAllister and make his gimmick that he has a major medical condition flare up in every match. Cancer. Heart attacks. Stroke. Massive incontinence. Gout. Leprocy.
Zomig says:
I’l have Taylor since I just remembered I got Regal earlier. Negrocity
Chevy says:
I suppose I’ll have Shad Gaspard then so he can wander around looking confused. Maybe once Robbie explains who he is, Shad will feel more comfortable?
Zomig says:
Does Robbie want to audition for the Spirit Squad or something?
Chevy says:
I suspect so. It would be a good fit, they got rid of Mitch.
Zomig says:
I’ll take Sylvan cos he’s got a dick. The people demand dicks
Chevy says:
And now you do too
Zomig says:
It’s why I have so many black guys
Chevy says:
Because black guys are dicks? Speaking of dicks, I’ll have domino
Zomig says:
Especially Shelton
Chevy says:
His gimmick will be he thinks he’s a REAL Domino
Zomig says:
I take Torrie, you get Ashley
Chevy says:
Damn you. I quit. No, actually, I’ve a gimmick for her. It’s that she get jizzed on by everyone who performs just before they go out. Then they kick her in the face severally. And set her on fire. I call it the Flaming Love Monkey
Zomig says:
Until she admits she killed Vince
Chevy says:
Mainly because it needs to be in the Gorilla position
Zomig says:
And that she did it for the Rock
Chevy says:
Didn’t we all
Zomig says:
Each and every one of Randy’s headlocks are for the Rock. So it as least one H
Chevy says:
Apart from that one. That one was for his proud poppa
Zomig says:
Well, that was fun
Chevy says:
Right then, shall we trade some stuff?
Zomig says:
What you wanna offer me?
Chevy says:
Would you accept CM Punk, Batista and Trevor Murdoch for MVP and Matt Hardy? 3 for 2 deal! Get yours now!
Zomig says:
No… other black people available include Booker or Lashley…
Chevy says:
I’m only interested in MVP because I heard he apologised publically for being black and promised not to steal anything
Zomig says:
AND a Muslim. I insult Muslims and the internet kicks me. Joincidence??
Chevy says:
Who’d you want from my squad?
Zomig says:
Benoit and London for Finlay, Foley, Elijah?
Chevy says:
No…. I am interested in Finlay and sort of in Elijah but am not keen to give up Benoit or London. However, I would consider Matt Hardy, Finlay and MVP for Benoit and CM Punk OR London, take your pick
Zomig says:
Afraid not. Neither Mattitude nor Pelicanescence are availble for trade.
Chevy says:
That’s a problem then…
Zomig says:
Yeah, for you…
Chevy says:
Who *is* available for trade? Not really, I’ll just have Viscera eat them
Zomig says:
Not the Hardys, MVP, Edge, Mysterio or Michaels…
Chevy says:
I’ll trade you Bob Holly for Jillian Hall
Zomig says:
No, the locker room resists sandbagman
Chevy says:
Ok, who do you want for Jillian? Give me options
Zomig says:
Murdoch?
Chevy says:
One person is not “options”
Zomig says:
it’s a start
Chevy says:
Keep talking, buster…
Zomig says:
Victoria?
Chevy says:
Murdoch is a maybe. Victoria is a no
Zomig says:
Headlocks?
Chevy says:
No, I want to keep the Headlocks
Zomig says:
Gary?
Chevy says:
Think I’ll let you have Chubby. Who do you want from my side then?
Zomig says:
Sure you wouldn’t rather have any two of Torrie, Melina or Kristal?
Chevy says:
You can’t have Trips, Benoit, Taker, Batista, Punk or London. Instead of Jillian?
Zomig says:
Yeah
Chevy says:
I’ll have Kristal and Melina
Zomig says:
And could I have Miz as well?
Chevy says:
No. Murdoch is a big man. He’s worth two hos
Zomig says:
Hmm. Think I’d rather keep Jillian to be honest.
Chevy says:
Okiedoke, Murdoch for Kristal and Melina then
Zomig says:
Her and Maria are the women I’ll keep around, the others could go. Sure
Chevy says:
Maria was on my list, mainly because she’s enthusiastic. Anyone else you fancy from my squad?
Zomig says:
How about that Umaga fellow?
Chevy says:
You can have Miz and a Scotsman for Kevin. Yes, I’m open to discussion about Umaga
Zomig says:
Could give you Snitsky and Stevie
Chevy says:
How’s about a straight swap for Kendrick?
Zomig says:
Nah
Chevy says:
Wang?
Zomig says:
He’s going to be doing things with Michaels and Maria. Kendrick, not Wang. And I’m holding onto my Wang.
Chevy says:
I may require two of your lower card guys for Umaga then… Let’s see… The Major Brothers?
Zomig says:
I think a one-for-one would be the way to go
Chevy says:
In that case, it’ll have to be either Finlay, Burke, Kendrick, Regal, Yang or Booker. Perhaps we might work out a 3 for 2 deal if not
Zomig says:
Nah, I don’t really want him anymore than those guys
Chevy says:
Didn’t think you would. How’s about Finlay and Fertig for Cade, Umaga and Miz or sommat? I’ll even toss in a Scotsman if that helps
Zomig says:
Nobody tosses a Scotsman. Except other Scotsmen
Chevy says:
Apart from another Scotsman. Yeah!
Zomig says:
Fucking Scotsmen. Woo!
Chevy says:
Ruined Scotland
Zomig says:
9
Chevy says:
GARY
Zomig says:
I believe we may have ended trading then
Chevy says:
Depends if you wanted the 4 for 2 deally
Zomig says:
I’ll keep Finlay, ta. Irishmen appreciate a good toss too
Chevy says:
You drive a hard bargain – Finlay for Gary and Umaga OR Flair. As in Umaga and Gary. Or Gary and Flair. Think about having Flair as Gary’s manager… that’s money, right there.
Zomig says:
Tempting…
Chevy says:
Make it happen then!
Zomig says:
But Flair’s mental… And could die next month or something…
Chevy says:
Finlay ain’t no spring chicken either
Zomig says:
And Gary could kill three people tomorrow… He’s springier than Flair!
Chevy says:
How’s about Umaga and Cade, or Umaga and someone else?
Zomig says:
You really hate Umaga! Ireland 1, Samoa 0
Chevy says:
Nope, I can just live without him and would quite like Finlay
Zomig says:
I’d like to go to the pub with both of them
Chevy says:
That could be entertaining. I’d take Miz too
Zomig says:
What about Finlay for Umaga and Nitro?
Chevy says:
Sorry, no can do – Nitro’s too far up my totem pole, I’d need someone else in there to sweeten the deal. Possibly two
Zomig says:
Just a random idea, I’ll keep Finlay
Chevy says:
I think we’ve probably traded then
Zomig says:
Yay! Bitches and bitchtits!
Chevy says:
Excellent news for all. So, what now? I think I should probably go to bed
Zomig says:
I was thinking of going to sleep
Chevy says:
Smart move. I’ll email you the spreadsheet.
Zomig says:
Are you coming onto me?
Chevy says:
No, I don’t partake of the Flaming Love Monkey
Zomig says:
Ecdub Ecdub Etc
Chevy says:
ROHROHROH
Zomig says:
Aaaaaaaaaaaaron Aaaaaaaaaaron
Chevy says:
I have no idea who this Aaaaaron is
Zomig says:
That ROH addict from IP
Chevy says:
Nah, IP sucks these days. Apart from Bambi Weevil’s efforts when she can be arsed to give 3 minutes of time to her “work”. Any article that isn’t as long as my cock doesn’t deserve to be printed.
Zomig says:
“I like cheese. Brie is a cheese. But it’s smelly. So in conclusion,
cheese.”
Chevy says:
Interesting juxtaposition of those last two bits…
Zomig says:
HILARIOUS spoiler for Vengeance on 411
Chevy says:
Doesn’t make you look gay at all. What’s the spoiler? Did they find more DNA?
Zomig says:
Douche and Dildo’s opponents
Chevy says:
Me and you?
Zomig says:
We’d do better!
Chevy says:
Uh oh. Let me guess. Eugene and Kane
Zomig says:
Nope. Way more absurd than that.
Chevy says:
Just saw. Snuka and Sarge? That’s just weird
Zomig says:
Coconuts and chins
Chevy says:
If Rick Martel is back there, they should totally use him
Zomig says:
To crank call Tito
Chevy says:
They should get Koko B Ware to team with Snuka. They work well, but Snuka’s always slightly wary
Zomig says:
Bet you Tito watches WM5 at home in his Strike Force trunks, crying
Chevy says:
I also bet he’s wearing them on his head but wearing the knee pads properly
Zomig says:
My old video tape always skipped during the Tito/Warlord match at WM7. So there
Chevy says:
There wasn’t a Tito/Warlord match at WM7
Zomig says:
Who was it then?
Chevy says:
There was Davey Boy vs Warlord and Mountie vs Tito
Zomig says:
That’s the one. Easy to muddle them up, clearly.
Chevy says:
Tito fought Barbarian at 6 and did a lovely flip thing. That was probably what you were thinking of
Zomig says:
Ohhh, yeah, Barbara
Chevy says:
Because, clearly, it’s easier to confuse Barbarian and Warlord than it
is to confuse Davey Boy Smith with Tito Santana.
Zomig says:
Flying Chimichanga
Chevy says:
Or The Warlord with Jacques Rougeau
Zomig says:
Well… Hmph
Chevy says:
Right then, bedtime for me.
Zomig says:
And me!
Chevy says:
Email coming right up
Zomig says:
This was fun
Chevy says:
For everyone. Except Shelton. Never Shelton
And, lo, it came to pass that the two rosters looked a little like thus:
CHEVYRAW – Ashley Massaro, BALLS, Batista the Dave, Bob, Candice Michelle Punk, Charlie Haas, Chav Guerrero, Chris Benoit, Chris Masters, Candice Michelle Punk, Deuce, Domino, Gary, Johnny Nitro, JTG, Kristal Marshall, Lance Garrison Cade, Marcus Cor Von, Mark Henry, Matt Striker, Melina Perez, Michelle McCool, Mickie James, Miz, Nunzio Guido, Paul Gurning London, Randy Headlock Orton, Robbie McAllister, Rory McAllister, Ric Flair, Sandman, Santito Marella, Shad Gaspard, Shannon Moore, Shelton Benjamin, Tommy Dreamer, Triple H, Umaga, Undertaker, Victoria, Viscera
ZOMIGDOWN – Bobby Cosby Lashley, Boogeyman, Brett Major, Brian Spanky Kendrick, Brian Major, Carlito, Chuck Palumbo, Daivari, Dave Taylor a.k.a. Pointless, Edge, Elijah Burke, Eugene, Finlay, Funaki, Gregory Shane Helms Hurricane, Jamie By Gawd Noble, Jeff Hardy, Jillian Hall,
Jim Duggan, Jimmy Cock Yang, Kane, Kennedy ROLFMAOUCH, Kenny Dykstra, Kevin, King Bookah, Maria Surname, Matt Hardy, Mick Fat Foley, Montel
Vontavious Porter, Rey Rey Mysterio, Shawn Jesus Christ Michaels, Snitsky, Stevie Richards, Super Crazy Fucker, Sylvan Grenier, Torrie Wilson, Trevor DICK Murdoch, Val Venis, Willy Regal Style
Who won?
You decide!
A white man shouldn’t play sports in the first place.
Supra Luchra:
“If you could use any wrestling theme tune as the first dance at your wedding, which would it be and why??”
Oh, there can be only one answer to this:
Ha-ha! Ain’t he great?
Let’s face it, if one can’t actually marry Jarrett then one must at least tweak one’s wedding into a tribute to the man. My blushing bride and I would both strut onto the dancefloor wearing cowboy hats with LEDs on them and wigs of long, blonde curly hair – even if the lady in
question happens to have long, blonde curly hair. It’s just the way it has to be done. It’s in the Bible. We would then both mount our horses and make them waltz with one another, all the while spelling words and laughing coldly at any double-letters they may contain. Kay, eee,
double n – ha-ha! – eee, dee, why! Oh, lol. Afterwards, or before, or whenever it happens, we would cut the wedding cake with a guitar. And
instead of tossing a bouquet, she would toss a replica of the WWF Intercontinental Title. And the bridesmaids would wear nWo 2000 shirts. And the minister would say “You may now kiss the slapnuts”. And the slapnuts jig ritual would need to be observed. And Chuck Norris would of course need to be banned from attending the reception.
I’ve taken this one far enough, methinks.
In other read-worthy reading material worth reading around here, have a gander at:
The
A review of the
Kyle David Paul
Mark Allen
Then there’s
and Scott Sawitz having a VS. If you count that, this, the tag team thing and the Roundtable, then I’ve been in a whopping four columns in one week. Haven’t done that in a long time. Perhaps I should rename myself Iain S. Oh, he’s still alive by the way. He’s just off somewhere thinking about KENTA and Doctor Who colliding.
Right, send in questions for next week and I shall probably see you then…
