Chris Benoit: Killing Immediate Family Members and Dropping Bibles


I’m a bit of a hypocrite. I don’t believe in God, at least the version of God we’re all told to believe in, unless it suits my purpose at the time. When things are going particularly bad I wonder why God won’t help me. When something amazing happens I mumble to myself, “Thank God.” When a loved one dies I like to think they’re looking down on me from Heaven. When a man smothers his 7 year old son to death I like to think he’s burning in Hell.

I’ve been watching professional wrestling since I was 7. That’s twenty years of being a fan. I know that everyone is saying that Chris Benoit is so special and one of the best wrestlers of all time, but he was never the complete package. From what I’ve seen on DVD I prefer Bryan Danielson’s in-ring style. I think Kurt Angle was just as good as Benoit in the ring but has MUCH better interview skills. Wrestlers are pretty similar to one another depending on the style they use, and as good as he was there are five or six Benoits waiting to get off the bus. I bet there are plenty of people who can look really intense and slap and kick his opponent hard.

Let’s also not forget this guy was never curing cancer. He was a professional wrestler. It can be fun to watch but wrestling well doesn’t make you a good or important person, and it certainly doesn’t make you a hero. If you’re an adult and you call Chris Benoit or any professional wrestler a hero of yours you need to wake up. Fathers are being forced to rape their daughters in Darfur. Professional wrestling isn’t that big a deal in the grand scheme of things and if you can’t see that STOP WATCHING WRESTLING.

So while he was very good at his job, he didn’t revolutionize the industry or anything. He’s not a hero for doing a good job. From what I learned from the tribute show last night he was a bit of a prick at work. Big stickler for the details, made his sons get dressed up like they’re going to church when they went to a show. He was also apparently emotionally cold but a true friend to a bunch of the guys backstage. Everyone seemed to respect him and he was one of the few who was really happy Stephanie McMahon married HHH, an important distinction when defining one’s life. He sobbed when his friend Eddie passed, and he was considered family by both the Guerrero family and the Hart family.

I wonder if he wished he could have killed them too.

My first reaction was on the message boards. I openly wondered if WWE was doing the right thing by having a tribute show for Benoit before they found out if he killed his wife and children. I also wrote that from what I knew about him I didn’t see how it was possible that he had done it so no one who read what I wrote would be offended. The very second the investigators released a statement saying Chris Benoit killed his wife and seven year old son Daniel any desire to protect the legacy of a good professional wrestler was swallowed up by pure hatred of a man who killed his wife and especially his 7 year old son.

Chris Benoit killed a person composed of half of Benoit’s DNA, a person who barely lived. All you Chris Benoit apologists just picture your father smothering you to death. It is the ultimate betrayal, the final and perhaps the first of Daniel’s life. He will never have a chance to make love, to mature, to get married or even do long division. Try to remember everything that has happened to you since you were 7. How much can you remember from ages 1 to 7? That’s not a life.

So Chris killed them both, sent some text messages, got all religious and dropped some bibles next to the bodies and then offed himself. Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m hearing on the news a lot of talk about roid rage. Whenever bibles enter the picture it’s time to consider that your ‘hero’ (because he put on tights and didn’t mind degenerating Kurt Angle’s spine with a billion German suplexes) is suffering from a major case of the crazies and not the roidies. If it was roid rage those bibles probably would have been ripped in half. Anabolic steroids contribute to the death of plenty of wrestlers and people in general. These three are all on Chris Benoit.

The saddest death in the three is Chris Benoit’s. He got to take the shortcut. In this day and age he probably could have gotten away with it with the help of a good legal team, but even then he would have to live with the murders for the rest of his life. The world never gets to see him suffer for depriving us of two lives, one so young and full of potential. I can’t believe I was arguing with people on a message board who were defending the sniveling coward. He gets to fade into the darkness instead of facing the truth.

At the end of today we will watch ECW, an ECW I was looking forward to with Chris Benoit in it. Yet now I’m so glad he’ll never wrestle on my television again. I’ll never have to hear him cut another shitty promo. I’ve watched and enjoyed Steve Austin after he had beaten Debra. I don’t mind that Booker T or MVP committed armed robbery. RVD can smoke all the weed he wants, and I don’t really mind that the Big Show exposed himself. They will pass on as wrestlers I enjoyed. Chris Benoit is now and will forever be a child killer. If you can still see him as a professional wrestler then I honestly pity you.

God, don’t let him get off that easy. Let there be a Hell. Make him pay for what he did. Let all parents who murder their young children be in a special Hell together where they watch their victims in paradise in Heaven as the flames devour them.

And also take care of Benoit’s other children. I don’t envy their next decade. Help them get over this.