Welcome To My Nightmare

More Summer Comic Blockbusters by YOU, my favorite people (except Daron, because he never comments on my column like he does for Jim Trebold, the lazy bastard–Daron I mean, not Jim). So turn down the lights, get some popcorn, TURN OFF THE DAMN CELLPHONES, and let’s watch some Summer Comic Blockbusters! Today’s double feature comes from the M&M boys, Michael and Marcus. First up is Michael, shhhhh…it’s starting!

First of all, ticked you got the GI Joe movie before I did (even had a
kick-ass cast in mind for it).

Sorry Mike, but if you didn’t have David Della Rocco for Shipwreck, it’s probably a good thing you didn’t go with the JOE. (Just kidding, except for Rocco as Shipwreck. That is UNBEATABLE.)

Now I know JLA, Avengers and the other big guns but I wanted to focus on a movie that I thought could be truly kick-ass. A film that’s based on one of the finest comics ever created:

STARMAN

Director: Given its source material and how it’d be presented, there’s only one man for the job: David Goyer.

PLOT: Following the opening arcs of James Robinson’s classic series, Jack Knight is the second son of Ted Knight, the former super-hero Starman. Jack, an irreverent, tattooed collectibles nut, has never wanted the family legacy, more than happy to let his brother David do it. But when David is cut down by assassins, Jack must take up the mantle and save Opal City from various forces, both criminal and mystical. Of course, the fact that Jack is not a hero by training or inclination, barely understands the mystic rod he wields and is a lousy fighter…he’s got a long road ahead of him.
CAST:

JACK KNIGHT: Milo Ventimiglia. As reluctant super-power sponge Peter on “Heroes” he showed he can handle the rigors of SFX stuff and still do a good acting job. He just needs a haircut and fake tattoos and bring back the bad seed element he had as Jess on “Gilmore Girls” to make it work.

TED KNIGHT: Rene Auberjonois. Rene has that nice experienced edge but also showcases how he can be tough when he needs to be. That can play as the former hero who still feels the guilt of the breakdowns he suffered due to his work with the atom bomb. He can also do his best leading his rookie son in the problems he faces.

DAVID KNIGHT: This would be a small role as David dies early but Scott Porter (“Friday Night Lights”) has the All-American looks of a hero born, which will make his fast death all the more shocking.

THE MIST: For the arch-enemy who sets things in motion, you need a veteran who can give a twisted performance, especially as the Mist is losing his faculties. I’ll go with the slightly offbeat choice of Bill Nighy, who was a bright part of the “Pirates” sequels. If he can exude evil under CGI tentacles, he can do it as a head in clouds.

THE SHADE: Robinson said Jonathan Pryce was a model for the character but he’s a bit old for it. But Rupert Everett is perfect with his slick charm, black hair and wicked manners that can bring this dark gentleman to life.

SADIE FALK: For the love interest who catches Jack’s eye, you can’t really go wrong with Rachel McAdams, who can imbue it with a fire that’ll help the role expand even broader.

KYLE and NASH: The Mist’s children, who join him in his quest to destroy the Knights are both intense and wicked individuals with their peculiar quirks. For Kyle, I pick Jamie Barber of “Battlestar Galactica” who always has that dark edge that he can play up here. For Nash, the Goth stutterer who tries to follow in her father’s footsteps, Michelle Ryan of the upcoming
“Bionic Woman” update somehow seems right in my mind.

I know, there’s also the O’Dares, but there are too many of those cops to cast. As I said, this may be an offbeat choice but it’s really hard to screw up such great source material.

Oh Michael, don’t kid yourself. It’s EASY to screw up great source material. Hollywood does it weekly. That said, I think if someone really GETS the material, as you obviously do, then it’s a slam-dunk box office money machine. Goyer as director, well, I guess I wouldn’t protest too much, but I can’t help but think of Blade 3. Blade 3 was bad. Bad like the kind of movie my local CW affiliate would run if the Cardinals game got rained out. I know, it was probably mostly Wesley Snipes’ fault, since he obviously phoned it in the entire time. But a good director would have kicked Snipes’ ass and beat about the head and shoulders with his Total Gym. Hmmm, maybe Chuck Norris should direct. As for your cast, Milo is terrific and I would have no problem with Milo as Jack. Rene as Ted is fine too. Lots of love for ol’ Odo around here. I don’t know that I ever really see Jamie Barber’s “dark edge” but he’s a decent enough actor, I’d take a chance on him. I think the only one of your choices I would seriously object to is the Shade. Rupert Everett…sucks. I have NEVER seen a role of his where I thought, “Wow, what a clever, cool character!” or “Such pathos! Everett was born to the role!” I think, “Who does that guy blow to get work? Even Costner is better than this.” Then I take the DVD back to Blockbuster and say it keeps cutting out at chapter 3, and trade it for something else. They never give me any trouble about it, because I’m much meaner than high school kids are capable of handling. That and because JOHNNY MOTHERFUCKING PRYCE usually rides with me. So what if he’s old, so the Shade. Hell, he’s already been the Shade in the creepiest Disney movie of all time, “Something Wicked This Way Comes.” And if James Robinson says he’s the Shade, who are we to argue? But I tell you what, if you don’t like Pryce and I don’t like Everett, how about a compromise? Ian McDiarmid, The Dark Lord of Opal City! Good job, Michael.

Intermission time! Everybody pee! NOOO, NOT HERE! Go the restrooms first…oh, too late? Yeah, I had the same problem at “Braveheart” and to this day every time someone yells “Freedom!” I tinkle a little bit. Try it the next time you’re in the men’s room at your local cineplex, mall food court or sporting event. Stand at the urinal and bellow, “FREEDOM!” and wait to hear if someone behind you says, “Aww, dammit!” It might be me. Say, I want some Junior Mints. OK, bladder’s empty, Junior Mints are in hand, ass numbness from the worn out theater seats has subsided, let’s roll the second feature! It’s a Movie by Marcus Production….dammit, what did I say about that damn cell phone?!? OFF, DAMN YOU!

Cloak And Dagger

Extremely Brief Synopsis – Teen Runaways are subjected to a series of new designer drugs which give them super powers. This movie focuses on their origin and efforts to spare others of their fate. The police want them arrested, Ecstasy wants them dissected, Father Delgado wants them seeking salvation, Crime lords want them killed, and Mr. Jip wants them for himself.

Director: David Fincher could deliver this film in his beautifully ugly manner.

Cast:

Dagger: Hayden Panettiere – She’s perfect for this role now, before Hollywood and/or Fame &^%$# her up beyond all recognition. Tandy Bowen is a young runaway from Shaker Heights who is used as a human guinea pig for new designer narcotics.

Cloak: Sticky Fingaz as Tyrone, “Cloak” will be a complete CGI effect voiced by a Sticky/Dennis Haysbert combined dub. In a slight origin tweak, Ty is a sympathetic gang member who tries to help Tandy out, and shares her fate because of it. Once transformed, Cloak remains mostly intangible and wraithlike, being ‘seen’ more as a shadow across surfaces than a 3 dimensional body.

Brigid O’Reily: Alison Doody as the vigilante cop who wants the druglords busted and the vigilantes stopped. Period.

Mr. Jip: Jude Law, with Henson animatronics/puppetry to bring to life all the grotesque grafts of the being obsessed with the duo.

Ecstasy: Eva Green with a minor role as the Foreign Interest wanting to sell the power granting compound to the highest bidder.

Father Delgado: Tom Sizemore as the conflicted Father figure for Dagger.

Crime lord figure replacing Silvermane for the purposes of our movie: Anthony Anderson was awesome in the Shield, and could be used to great effect here as well, allowing us to remove the crappy old man cyborg of Silvermane and give us an intelligent foe we can take more seriously. Street Crime and its ramifications are the basis for C&D adversaries, not Super Villains.

While I wouldn’t expect this film to be a 300 Million Spidey Franchise, with the proper budget and attention to the script, it could definitely hold its own. Most of the budget would go for Special effect shots (Cloak in particular is going to be pricey) as opposed to the ‘payoff’ of hiring an overpaid Tom Cruise.

Very well done Marcus. I confess that I don’t recall much of Cloak and Dagger beyond their cameo appearances in things like the Civil War or Runaways. But I do know one thing: Hayden Panettiere in that skin tight body stocking with the cross cut out of the middle makes me feel like en extremely dirty bastard. Well, more dirty than usual. Not that I have a problem with that. I don’t know if I’ve ever pictured Dennis Haysbert as the voice of Cloak, I’d be fine letting Sticky do it all and just tweak it in the sound editing department. I’m not real familiar to your supporting characters so I’ll bow to your wisdom. I love Tom Sizemore, but the poor guy has blown every chance he’s been given to clean his act up. Anthony Anderson is hilarious, and I’m a couple of seasons behind on The Shield, so I look forward to seeing him as a badass. And I agree that while it won’t be a Spidey-level success, your Cloak and Dagger could be bigger than Daredevil, Fantastic Four or Ghost Rider based on Fincher directing. If he could imbue this with some of his trademark suspense it could be a surprise hit, much like the first Blade was.

Sorry if you guys feel I skimped on the pics, but I’m just bushed this week. We’ll do one more round next week, and then some new stuff, including an interview with an independent creator who’s put out some excellent volumes of work that not nearly enough people know about. Keep an eye out for that. Until then, I’m off for another round of facial muscle therapy.

Welcome to my nightmare.