Pulse Wrestling’s WWE Raw Report
Live from Dallas, Tx
Tonight will feature comments from GRUT!.
Show opens with highlights from the WWE Title match at Vengeance.
Opening from P.Roach.
Mr. Kennedy comes out, and he is in his wrestling gear. He says that the fans pushed him to defend his MitB while he was hurt. He says that the fans cost him the WWE Championship. This brings out Cena. Cena says that the fans didn’t do anything to him, and he makes a bunch of jokes, ripping on Kennedy’s gimmick. This brings out his royalty, King Booker, with Queen Sharmell. Booker says that he beat him Cena well before, and he will do it again, and then challenges him for the title. Orton is next. Orton makes some valid points, saying that he has been on Raw longer then Booker & Kennedy, ended the career of RVD & HBK, and has never been given a one-on-one shot at Cena’s title. Cue Bobby Lashley’s music. God I hope he doesn’t talk. Crap, he has a mic. Says that Kennedy lost his MitB, and Booker & Orton both lost their titles. He then says that he never lost his title, and is the uncrowned Champion. William Regal comes out and says that Coach is on holiday, and that he is in charge tonight. We will find out who the #1 contender is, with all four in ‘Beat The Clock.’ The man who wins in their match the fastest tonight will face Cena at Great American Bash, and there will be a contract signing tonight.
Grut: Raw is beat the clock! I love this! Watching wrestling tonight feels in no way uncomfortable.
Randy Orton vs. Jeff Hardy – Beat the Clock #1 Contenders Match
GRUT: And two shining examples of a drug free lifestyle have the first match in the new WWE era.
This is a good back and forth match up to start.
GRUT: Orton with body scissors on Hardy. Never realized how gay that move looked until just now.
Jeff goes for a Twist of Fate, Orton reverses out of it, and nails a RKO for the pin.
Winner – Orton
Beat the Clock Time – 7:06.
Melina vs. Maria is next.
Candice Michelle comes out to show off her newly-won Woman’s Championship.
Melina vs. Maria
Melina trash talks a bit, and Maria leaps on her with a Lou Thiez. Melina takes over and dominates the match.
GRUT: Candice says, “If you want something you have to go for it.” So many quotables. She adds, “Fuck the police! Coming straight from the underground! A young…” and she goes on.
Maria takes over, and charges at Melina in the corner. Melina dodges Maria, and nails her standing leg drop finisher.
Winner – Melina
Melina gets in Candice’s face, and they brawl. Candice eventually gets the advantage on Melina
GRUT: Candice and Melina fight after the match. ROID RAGE! ROID RAGE!
Video package of HHH’s injury and surgery.
Dusty Rhodes is backstage with his son Cody & introduces him to Hacksaw. Orton enters and wonders why Dusty didn’t introduce him. Orton tells Cody that Cody can be just like him, and end up being better then his legendary dad. Dusty says that’s disrespectful, and Orton laughs, and slaps Dusty. Cody charges, but Dusty holds him back.
GRUT: Dusty is on screen with his son who is TERRIBLE at promos. I bet he’s great in the ring. Just TERRIBLE on camera. Puke inducingly bad.
Video package of the Umaga/Saninto. After, Santino checks on Maria, after the loss. Maria is fine, but is worried about Santino challenging Umaga. Santino says that he has to prove he’s a fluke.
Santino Marella (c) vs. Umaga – Intercontinental Championship
GRUT: Hey PK, what would you called Umaga if he spoke Hebrew?
PK: whats that?
GRUT: Jewmaga! LOL! LOLOLOL! LOTFLMAOATFAJ!
Santino tries to stand his ground, but Umaga quickly tosses him to the outside. They fight back in, and Santino has Umaga stunted, and goes to the top, but leaps off into a Samoan Drop, which he takes badly, and looks like he could have broken his arm. Umaga hits the Samoan Spike, and the match is over.
Winner and NEW Champion – Umaga
King Booker (w/ Queen Sharmell) vs. Val Venis – Beat the Clock #1 Contender’s Match
Squash. Booker wins, beating Orton’s time.
Winner – King Booker
Beat the Clock Time – 4:30
Kennedy talking to Super Crazy, who is his BtC opponent. Kennedy tries to talk him into laying down for him.
Mr. Kennedy vs. Super Crazy – Beat the Clock #1 Contender’s Match
Kennedy tries to do his mic thing, but Super Crazy’s music hits. In the ring, after the bell rings, Kennedy tells Crazy not to disrespects him again. Kennedy tries to do his “MISTERRR’ thing, but Crazy rolls him up for the pin.
Winner – Super Crazy
King Booker talks to Shelton Benjamin, Bobby Lashley’s opponent in Beat the Clock. He tells Shelton that if he can last long enough to eliminate Lashley, Shelton will get the first title match against Booker when he wins.
Todd with Dusty. Dusty wants Orton in the ring next week.
Carlito complaining about his upcoming match with Sandman to Jillian. Sandman comes in, and they exchange words, and Carlito spits in apple in his face. Sandman spits beer in Carlito’s face.
Carlito vs. The Sandman
They square off, and Sandman gets a small advantage. Carlito grabs Sandman’s cane, but the ref tries to take it away. Sandman grabs it and clocks Carlito with it and the ref tosses out the match.
Winner via DQ – Carlito
Bobby Lashley vs. Shelton Benjamin – Beat the Clock #1 Contenders Match
GRUT: Boy is Lashley unnaturally big. Good thing no one is looking for that kind of stuff in the media right now. Push him to the top Vince! He can’t cut a promo or wrestle well!
Lashley chases Shelton out of the ring quickly, and Shelton stalls out of the ring. Back in, Shelton reverses Lashley and hits a DDT. Shelton goes for a Dragon Whip, but Lashley catches it and puts him on his shoulders for a dominator. Shelton slips off, and kicks him in the back of the head for 2. Shelton leapfrogs to the top, and then leaps off, but right into a spear from Lashley, who wins the match and the #1 contendership.
Winner – Bobby Lashley
Beat the Clock Time – 4:03
Cena walks toward the ring for the contract signing.
William Regal comes down, and has the contract in his hand. He introduces Lashley, then Cena. Lashley signs the contract. Kennedy and Booker come down to contest it, and they get in the ring to fight. Lashley and Cena toss them back out of the ring. Cena then signs the contract, and turns around right into a spear from Lashley.
Tags: Raw, WWE